to invite or not to invite, that is the question! opinions on inviting ppl on a Disney trip?

[Princess2R]

I'm taking my toddler daughter to wdw & I could tell my mom wanted to meet us there/ get her own room/ take her own flights/ would agree to have days/ time apart.

I'm hesitant because
1- we just can't seem to get along even for an hour when hanging out in regular life
2- we are different kind of travelers and (see 1) we also haven't been able to get along travelling before.


I'm for it because:
I feel like I'd have a chance to ride rotr! it will be a while before my daughter is 40 inches & we only get to go every year.


Yes it's a selfish reason! Haha and she just wants to do anything involving my daughter. she'd be happy just having lunch with her daily (her words)

It's kinda a unique situation so any thoughts of traveling with family? I feel like it's all regrets from what i read lol

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

I'm taking my toddler daughter to wdw & I could tell my mom wanted to meet us there/ get her own room/ take her own flights/ would agree to have days/ time apart.

I'm hesitant because
1- we just can't seem to get along even for an hour when hanging out in regular life
2- we are different kind of travelers and (see 1) we also haven't been able to get along travelling before.


I'm for it because:
I feel like I'd have a chance to ride rotr! it will be a while before my daughter is 40 inches & we only get to go every year.


Yes it's a selfish reason! Haha and she just wants to do anything involving my daughter. she'd be happy just having lunch with her daily (her words)

It's kinda a unique situation so any thoughts of traveling with family? I feel like it's all regrets from what i read lol

I am sure that your daughter and her Grandmother would make some special memories, and, as you mentioned, it would give you the opportunity to ride some adult rides. Can you identify the ‘triggers’ in your relationship with your Mother? Perhaps you could agree that you enjoy the mornings with your daughter, meet your Mother at lunch times and let your daughter enjoy the afternoons with her Grandmother, while you tour solo. Maybe, you could alternate child care in the evenings. I hope that you find a solution.

 

[Princess2R]

I am sure that your daughter and her Grandmother would make some special memories, and, as you mentioned, it would give you the opportunity to ride some adult rides. Can you identify the ‘triggers’ in your relationship with your Mother? Perhaps you could agree that you enjoy the mornings with your daughter, meet your Mother at lunch times and let your daughter enjoy the afternoons with her Grandmother, while you tour solo. Maybe, you could alternate child care in the evenings. I hope that you find a solution.

I'm not even sure why we can't get along anymore! I feel like it really boomed once I became a parent. It's such minor things or she gets mad at me when I have a different way of thinking/ doing things.

i think it would be because we are different types of parents? Dismissal towards my values/ rejecting to "try" or understand from my perspective.

I'm actually looking forward to spending time with my daughter more than solo ride time! I love bonding with her over Disney .

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

I'm not even sure why we can't get along anymore

You are parent and child and you each know exactly which buttons to press, are less tolerant of each other because you love each other so much and know each other so well. And actually it’s a seismic shift from parent child to parent adult child, even when that ‘child’ is now a parent.

 

[RoseGold]

I wouldn't do it. WDW is so big and expensive and planned out and so much work that adding on a human who will just cause conflict isn't worth it for me. WDW is my thing, and ain't nobody going to bring me down or argue about what pretzel I want and what I want to ride.

BUT -- I guess I would say invite her if you maybe aren't worried about handing your kid over for a day? Maybe something like that would be a good solution? I can also see this working if you are somewhat close in distance and grandma could maybe come for a day or two?

 

[Princess2R]

I wouldn't do it. WDW is so big and expensive and planned out and so much work that adding on a human who will just cause conflict isn't worth it for me. WDW is my thing, and ain't nobody going to bring me down or argue about what pretzel I want and what I want to ride.

BUT -- I guess I would say invite her if you maybe aren't worried about handing your kid over for a day? Maybe something like that would be a good solution? I can also see this working if you are somewhat close in distance and grandma could maybe come for a day or two?

I would only have her watching my daughter alone if i got a BG for rotr! haha there is nothing else i really want to that my daughter cant!

I agree, WDW is too important to throw in conflict !

 

[RoseGold]

I had another idea. Grandma could take the kid the first couple days and go to Epcot and ride frozen. Then leave.

Then grandma gets a special couple days and it doesn’t really interfere with your special time.

 

[Rory607]

Does your mom acknowledge that you don’t always get along? If so, can you point blank say that you would like her to go, but are concerned about being together so much?

We’ve done Disney trips with three different sets of grandparents and it was different with each one. Everyone has their own expectations and you have to be upfront about what you have in mind. And listen to what your mom would like to do, as well. It’s not fair to only want your mom’s help for one ride and then give her no input on anything else.

 

[Princess2R]

Does your mom acknowledge that you don’t always get along? If so, can you point blank say that you would like her to go, but are concerned about being together so much?

We’ve done Disney trips with three different sets of grandparents and it was different with each one. Everyone has their own expectations and you have to be upfront about what you have in mind. And listen to what your mom would like to do, as well. It’s not fair to only want your mom’s help for one ride and then give her no input on anything else.

Yes! she is aware that we cant get along . That is why she would do her own flights/hotel room.

She also has no problem being on her own & has traveled many places solo, if it was just for the 1 ride or an hour lunch each day, i think it actually would be okay with her.
I am not looking for her "help" with my daughter or anything more than a possible hour for rotr.

I just *really* want to opportunity to possibly get on ROTR lol

I'm guessing an in park babysitting service for just 1 hour would not be profitable lol

 

[MICKIMINI]

We've done several in-law vacations in the early 2000's. I wouldn't do it, honestly. If you get triggered, you'll be miserable at a place you are supposed to happy at...and expect to have to do it again (we didn't). We get asked "Do you still own that Disney thing?" It's awkward...

We only travel with our son and DIL and actually meet them there (we live 3000 miles away). We gift them a studio and we get a 1 BR so everyone can keep their routine and be happy. We enjoy those trips immensely.

 

[Rory607]

Yes! she is aware that we cant get along . That is why she would do her own flights/hotel room.

She also has no problem being on her own & has traveled many places solo, if it was just for the 1 ride or an hour lunch each day, i think it actually would be okay with her.
I am not looking for her "help" with my daughter or anything more than a possible hour for rotr.

I just *really* want to opportunity to possibly get on ROTR lol

I'm guessing an in park babysitting service for just 1 hour would not be profitable lol

That’s a tough spot. If it were just that you wanted adult time to yourself you could get an in-room babysitter one night and do what you wanted. But that won’t work for ROTR. I guess if you think your mom would enjoy herself, go for it. Maybe have a tentative plan to meet for one meal each day. Or spend a few hours in the morning doing rides with your daughter and then split up. My mom would be offended, but it doesn’t sound like yours would. Who knows, maybe Disney would work it’s magic and you guys would get along

 

[LuvMyEAR]

Maybe... and it is a big maybe... investing some of your vacation time in WDW by embracing the opportunity to make some joyful shared memories might just help you and your mother reforge a healthier relationship for the future.

It sounds like you have some very realistic idea of why things have become strained between you. Can you talk honestly about ways to disrupt the behaviour pattern, for both of you? Set some kind of “Rules of Engagement” to follow when you are together? It is definitely not something to be pioneered on the ground in WDW, but if you have the luxury of seeing one another at home, you could practice and see if it works.

Something as simple as agreeing to use your company manners in one another’s presence, treating each other a guest, or a friend and equal, can go a long way.

I only offer these suggestions because sharing a WDW vacation with grandchildren and adult children can be so very special. I can understand your mother’s yearning to spend even some of the time with her granddaughter! I’d hate to see you or your mother miss out on something that could be wonderful. There will always be moments when vacations are less than perfect, but the kind of family friction you describe does not have to be a cause. Even the closest families need to be mindful and considerate.

We (My family) to do everything we can to contribute to one another’s comfort and enjoyment when we travel. It’s a shared mission, and I am happy to say it has been very successful. I have been lucky enough to be with our #1 DGS from his first WDW visit, at 8 months, and more grandchildren in subsequent years. We are collectively mourning the cancellation of our Nov 2020 trip right now and that same grandson is now 16.

Good luck and I wish you lots of Disney magic !

 

[luv2sewtjr]

I probably wouldn’t, to be honest. The circle of people I travel with is very small. And travel is one of those things where different family values, parenting styles, etc are really on display.
Good luck with your decision.

 

[Princess2R]

That’s a tough spot. If it were just that you wanted adult time to yourself you could get an in-room babysitter one night and do what you wanted. But that won’t work for ROTR. I guess if you think your mom would enjoy herself, go for it. Maybe have a tentative plan to meet for one meal each day. Or spend a few hours in the morning doing rides with your daughter and then split up. My mom would be offended, but it doesn’t sound like yours would. Who knows, maybe Disney would work it’s magic and you guys would get along

About 2 years ago I went with my mom and my (pregnant) sister and there was yelling and tears .....
disney did not work it’s magic lol

 

[Blondie58]

My life changed in a moment when my mother decided to leave myself and three siblings in 1966. She decided she no longer wanted to be a mother. We did not see her for eight years. However, my Grandma and Grandpa stepped in to help Dad raise the four of us all under the age of eight! To be a mother and "do it right" was a dream of mine. However, I was not able to have children. I hope there is a way you each find grace and compromise for the sake of your daughter and yourselves. Grandma's can be so special. I am sure others will say how difficult their mothers are and no way would they wish them along on a Disney experience. My thoughts are different and I do not expect anyone to take them for their own. Maybe the magic of Disney will build bridges.

 

[ramee]

My life changed in a moment when my mother decided to leave myself and three siblings in 1966. She decided she no longer wanted to be a mother. We did not see her for eight years. However, my Grandma and Grandpa stepped in to help Dad raise the four of us all under the age of eight! To be a mother and "do it right" was a dream of mine. However, I was not able to have children. I hope there is a way you each find grace and compromise for the sake of your daughter and yourselves. Grandma's can be so special. I am sure others will say how difficult their mothers are and no way would they wish them along on a Disney experience. My thoughts are different and I do not expect anyone to take them for their own. Maybe the magic of Disney will build bridges.

I’m sorry to hear about your situations. I can’t imagine. Glad your grandparents stepped in. And I would agree with your optimism about building bridges had OP not just posted that she went to Disney with her mom and sister 2 years ago and that it wasn’t magical. It’s a nice sentiment but she would know best.

OP, I like the suggestion of an in-room sitter for a couple hours one day. But if you set the expectations and you’re mom is OK with them, and will follow them, you could give it another go. You seem to know what you’d be in for.

 

[Blondie58]

I’m sorry to hear about your situations. I can’t imagine. Glad your grandparents stepped in. And I would agree with your optimism about building bridges had OP not just posted that she went to Disney with her mom and sister 2 years ago and that it wasn’t magical. It’s a nice sentiment but she would know best.

OP, I like the suggestion of an in-room sitter for a couple hours one day. But if you set the expectations and you’re mom is OK with them, and will follow them, you could give it another go. You seem to know what you’d be in for.

Yes, my grandparents were the best as was my Dad. To take in four young children when you are in your mid-60s is the measure of unconditional love. I apologize that I had not read the post that all had gone to WDW two years ago and were at throats with screaming and crying. YIKES!! You are correct they know themselves better than I and do not sound compatible enough to travel together. I was looking at the glass half full but sometimes no matter what you do the glass is half empty and situations are not repairable/workable.

 

[Gingerfun1]

So if you and your mom can't get along for more than an hour - what kind of position does that put your daughter in? She gets to watch her mom and grandmother argue? Feel the tension? That doesn't sound like a great time for anyone.

Personally, I don't think Disney is the place to "fix" relationships. Be it parent-child, spouses, whatever. There's too much going on, planning, excitement, expectations - all those extras can strain the best of relationships. Getting special time with a grandchild is privilege - one that involves having a respectful relationship with the parent(s). If I were in your position, I wouldn't do it. I would focus on having a great parent-child trip and leave it at that.

 

[Miffy]

If your mother is aware that she and you don't get along, why does she want to come? Is she looking forward to sparring with you? Does she want to cause trouble/unhappiness? Or is she just unrealistic? None of those questions has a happy answer.

The only compromise I can easily see is this: Your mother takes a vacation to WDW and her next-to-last or last day (if she's leaving on a late flight, for example) and your first day overlap. That way you have minimal exposure to each other (just the one day) and you'll get to have the rest of your trip without her. Definitely do NOT do this if the overlapping day(s) are at the end of your trip. It's hard enough to leave WDW without throwing in an extra misery.

But, really, my answer is absolutely not. You want to enjoy this trip with your daughter. I mean, you want to enjoy this trip, period. Your mother's presence won't add to the enjoyment and will probably detract from it.

Of course, if you and your mother could somehow iron out your differences ahead of time, that would be best. That's me, being unrealistic!

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I don’t do Disney with other people. We do Disney a certain way and its not the kind of vacation I will compromise on. It’s hard enough for me to compromise with the kids! Lol

Can you do an in room sitter in the morning? Maybe they can take your daughter to the pool or park. Or have a sitter go into the park with you for a half day? Yea you’d have to pay for half the day but it may be worth it. You can ride other rides and maybe have a solo lunch. I’ve heard of this service but don’t know the specifics.