I wish I had handled my dad differently in his last years of life. I should have visited him more, for starters. But what really nags at me is that back in 2016, we got in an argument. He was sending me multiple messages on Facebook insulting my husband (who had just lost his job) - he just wouldn't let up. "he needs to get over himself and go flip burgers if that's what it takes." "you can't be arrogant when you're jobless." "you're going to end up on the streets if he doesn't get his act together." It wasn't just one offhand comment, it was constant, and no matter how many times I said, "I know, dad. He's putting in applications. He's trying. He's looking," he wouldn't stop. I think he finally said something to the effect of, "he's never taken care of business like he should," and absolutely infuriated me. So I blocked him. And I left him blocked all the way up until March of this year, when he died.
I wish I'd gotten over myself and unblocked him after I'd cooled off. I could have been messaging him all those years. He was always home because he was disabled, and spent much of his time alone in front of his computer (he didn't do much phone talking, never did, but he liked messaging especially at the end of his life when he was too tired to stay awake long enough to hold a conversation in one shot - messaging gave him flexibility to return to it once he was awake). What I wouldn't give to be able to go back to 2016 and tell myself, you'll regret this when he's gone. Get over it and unblock him. Talk to him, because he won't be around much longer. I lost out on so much being a stubborn j-----s.
