When did your dream die and why

[1GoldenSun]

It's not too late for anyone.

I just turned 51 and have about another year left before I'll have my PhD. It will have taken me about six and a half years, but it'll be worth it (I hope!).

I opted not to get my PhD in counseling psychology because I was drowning in school loans at age 24. I still think about going back and finishing so I can practice, but the expense still scares me. And I’m about to turn 45, so it feels unlikely that I’ll take the leap.

You know most PhD programs are funded, right? They pay your tuition (or at least the vast majority of it) and you work for the university for a small salary, usually as an instructor or a researcher. You also get health insurance. The salary is very small, though, as it's geared toward young people with roommates and low expenses, so it would be difficult if you have a mortgage and a family. Also, all programs are different--some better and some worse, so the benefits you receive could vary. I couldn't afford grad school if it weren't for my husband's income, even though it actually earns me money rather than costing me.

 

[Planogirl]

I had a career dream until I discovered how limited and expensive the education for it was. I was not likely to be accepted to begin with and then had no way to pay anyway.

Everything after that just became me settling for things.

 

[Snowysmom]

My dreams went south after my mother passed away. She was sick my senior year of high school and passed away one week after I graduated. I went to college in the fall to be a teacher but really didn't feel like I could continue. I went home, did some college courses, worked full time. My family was not at all supportive and I had to rely on a good friend of my mother's and my aunt and uncle to get by emotionally. The good news is I met my DH at college even though we didn't start dating until a year and a half later. Also, I did get eventually my 2 year degree in accounting. Is accounting my dream job? No way. But it pays for travel and I like the people I work with. I am very happy both my kids have their dream jobs and are happy with their lives.

 

[vacationer1954]

I have found it’s best to not paddle but to go with the current.

When I was young, there always was a current. I've reached a point where it's still air and still seas, with no current to take me to any dry land.

 

[Cogswel_Cogs]

I keep writing so it hasn't died yet. Though it is on life support.

 

[luvsJack]

I wouldn’t say I had a dream that died. There were things I thought I wanted to do but for one reason or another I knew I has to make a choice. One, for instance, would have required me to quit work at time that I just didn’t see making that particular choice. So I changed courses.

I don’t regret any of those choices though.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

it seems to me, that being an illustrater you could still maybe dabble a little bit in the field ?

I get sweaty palms just thinking of showing some boss my work, yeek. No thanks. I *do* draw for pleasure now, and am mostly content.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

When I went to college, I thought I wanted to be a biologist. I was a forest ranger's daughter and loved biology until I had to spend hours each week in a basement lab. I HATED the lab. Then I took a genetics class where the professor went on and on about fruit flies. I bombed the first test on Punnett Squares so badly that the teacher didn't even put a grade on it. Instead he wrote, "Egads, See me!" That ended my biology dreams.

Then I thought about being an English major, but all that reading and paper writing got in the way of my party schedule, so I majored in Business Management instead. I worked for 6 soulless years for a bank. Then I went back to grad school and got an MA in English Lit and my teaching certificate.

Now I have the opportunity to do a 1.5 year Certificate Program in School Administration. Then I could be a principal. My school's Title II funds would reimburse me for the whole cost. I am on the fence about it though. I'm 53, so only have about 12-15 more years to work, and the course work will be brutal on top of my current teaching load. I just don't know if I have it in me anymore.

 

[low-key]

This is a depressing thread, low-key! But I had a depressing week, so...

The man I chose to marry killed the dream for me. I think he was scared and miserable inside himself and like all bullies he was a coward, so since he didn't have the courage to dream I wasn't allowed to either. As anyone who has survived any kind of abusive relationship will tell you, you get so beat down that you no longer believe you have any value. Then the cycle of abuse continues more easily for the abuser. He used my dreams against me until I learned not to hope for anything, and definitely not to share those hopes because that just gave him ammunition. The kids and I are still learning every day how to value ourselves and have dreams and hope for the future. My ex-husband definitely killed my hopes for my chosen career. I wanted to work so badly and he fought me on it at every turn, and now it's too late because I can't afford to start out at a low wage now that I have 2 kids to take care of. But maybe someday.

But that all is depressing so I'll say that the only dream he didn't kill was my dream to someday foster or adopt. I wanted a large family and he used that against me, I ended up with only 2 kids and I paid dearly for them in ways that I won't talk about here. He never loved his kids, he actually told me that, they were just bargaining chips for him and I'm probably going to hell for being selfish enough to bring them into that life. I'll never forgive myself for it. But secretly I always hoped that someday I could be a foster mom and have lots of kids and that dream hasn't died yet! It's only deferred, since I imagine I'll have to find myself a steady relationship or another husband first, I've heard it's difficult for single people to foster. I'd really like to foster special needs kids, particularly kids diagnosed with autism or cognitive/developmental delays since I work with them and know better than most how to care for them. My son has Asperger's so I have experience with how to manage the home life of kids with ASD too. It's going to be difficult to achieve but it's not dead yet!

But I bet you never thought you were this strong, your a true survivor

 

[Jennasis]

Never give up hope. I'm living the dream. Blood, sweat and tears but I'm doing it.

 

[STLDisney_Freak]

I always wanted to work with animals and be a vet tech. Job doesn't pay much but it would be okay with me because I would be doing something I love.

That dream died when I could not locate a school in our area with evening school hours for the program. I have a job that I've had for 20 years now and I just for the life of me cannot let go of the security of the job as I have a husband, two children, mortgage, and a ton of other bills so I let go of the dream.

Instead now I am finishing up my bachelors degree in business administration. My employer pays for the tuition so much a year so I don't have any debt from of it. It isn't my first choice of study, but I will at least have an education.

 

[Scifidiner]

January 9th, 1999. The Day Horizons in Epcot closed.

 

[amberpi]

My ex did a serious number on me and afterwards I thought that the idea of love and romantic dreams had been beaten out of me. Then I started dating, but nothing that interesting. Then BAM I met my husband and those dreams were revived; in fact, it was exactly a year ago today he first told me he loved me. The dream of finishing writing a book lives on, but who knows if it'll ever happen.

 

[soccerdad72]

I dreamed of playing center field for the Dodgers - then I quit playing baseball sophomore year of high school, so I figured the dream was dead then.

 

[1GoldenSun]

The dream of finishing writing a book lives on, but who knows if it'll ever happen.

Register for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). You write a 50,000 word (about the length of The Great Gatsby--not very long) novel in the 30 days of November. It forces you to write every day because if you skip too often you'll never complete 50,000 words in 30 days. The point is not to write well but just to WRITE. So many would-be writers get too caught up in every sentence, every word, being perfect, and never get anywhere. For NaNoWriMo, you're not even supposed to think about content or quality, just on getting a story out. You can fix it up later.

I wrote the world's worst novel one November a few years ago. I never did get around to editing it, though.

 

[RangerPooh]

I was in a car accident at age 21 that damaged my back. At age 23 and countless Chiro, PT, and core strengthening low impact aerobics my back was still sore and no improvements made. It was then that I had to say goodbye to a possible career in fire (as well as my backup plan in parks/forest law enforcement).

 

[Stephenhaven]

My dream is to run a business, but due to lack of finance, I could not continue with my dream. It almost died, but then I came to know about factoring invoices services that can help me in getting finance and run my business. There are various entrepreneurs like me, who could not continue with their dreams but because of low or no finance.