whose responsibility to but a crib???

[apple1]

Hi everyone
(english my second language, sorry for my mistakes)

My husband and I had family problems with his mom.
And I still have mixed fillings about what happend and who is wright?

Please tell me who is wright?

Here is the story.
Me and my husband have sweet baby girl she is almost year old (and she is big baby , bigger then 96% her age group)
Grandparents invited us to visit them. We did it often before baby born.
They live 3h 30 min from us. we go there each 2 month or so (before we had a baby)
So now we would like to continue go there so grand parent would see how baby is growing and spend time with her

When we came we noticed that they made big upgrade for their house. Good wood floors, new furniture and many more.
But they did nothing to make their house baby friendly.

No protection on outlets. We had to tell them and they went to buy it.
No 1 book for kid, no 1 toy.
and NO CRIB.
I have to say that baby doesn't like to sleep in pack n play. She refused to do it many months ago.

So when we arrived in their house we were alredy tired from the trip.
Then in the evening we didn't know how to make baby to fall a sleep.
mother in law (MIL) gave me 2 blankets to put on the floor so baby can sleep on it. baby refused to sleep on that blankets on the floor.
I tryed to sleep with her on big bed. It also didn't work. baby so used to sleep in her crib so she just coudn't calm down and try to sleep next to me.

Finally after sleepless hours about 2pm baby layer next to me and fall a sleep.
And ALL NIGHT each 1 hour she kept waking uo and crying!
(She alway sleep through whole night without any cries)
So I didnt' sleep that night and my baby girl also didn't.
My husband saw all of that turture and wanted to drive back home in the middle of the night.

In the morning he told me , We have to pack and leave that house.
I suggested. If we will do that your mom will be unhappy and very offended.
So may be you can tell her options?
We can not stay here because baby need to take naps in the day time and good sleep at night and it could be possible only in CRIB. otherwise we have to drive back home.
She go so mad, she stood up from the table hissed at us --> Ok I see you gave me an ultimatum- Buy Crib or we will leave.
And she left to buy it.
My husband wanted to pack and run out the door from her.
I stopped it and said do not need to make that situation even worse.

After she came home. and baby could finally have good sleep in new crib. They started argue. (husband and his mom)
She said that it is our responsibilities as parents to but a crib FOR GRANDPARENT HOUSE. Or take pack n play with us (which we many times explained to her that baby doesn't sleep on it)
She siad it is not responsibility of grandparent to provide crib for baby in their house.

WHAT DO you think about it?

 

[TheIncredibles!]

If you want your baby to sleep in a crib then offer to buy a crib for YOUR BABY.

 

[zurgswife]

Don't think it is officially any one parties responsibility but most grandparents typically purchase so to make things easier.

That being said if it was going to make things horrible with your MIL and you want to continue to visit with out constant guilt trips I'd repay her for the crib or maybe even pay half.

 

[sam_gordon]

Hi everyone
(english my second language, sorry for my mistakes)

My husband and I had family problems with his mom.
And I still have mixed fillings about what happend and who is wright?

Please tell me who is wright?

Here is the story.
Me and my husband have sweet baby girl she is almost year old (and she is big baby , bigger then 96% her age group)
Grandparents invited us to visit them. We did it often before baby born.
They live 3h 30 min from us. we go there each 2 month or so (before we had a baby)
So now we would like to continue go there so grand parent would see how baby is growing and spend time with her

When we came we noticed that they made big upgrade for their house. Good wood floors, new furniture and many more.
But they did nothing to make their house baby friendly.

No protection on outlets. We had to tell them and they went to buy it.
No 1 book for kid, no 1 toy.
and NO CRIB.
I have to say that baby doesn't like to sleep in pack n play. She refused to do it many months ago.

So when we arrived in their house we were alredy tired from the trip.
Then in the evening we didn't know how to make baby to fall a sleep.
mother in law (MIL) gave me 2 blankets to put on the floor so baby can sleep on it. baby refused to sleep on that blankets on the floor.
I tryed to sleep with her on big bed. It also didn't work. baby so used to sleep in her crib so she just coudn't calm down and try to sleep next to me.

Finally after sleepless hours about 2pm baby layer next to me and fall a sleep.
And ALL NIGHT each 1 hour she kept waking uo and crying!
(She alway sleep through whole night without any cries)
So I didnt' sleep that night and my baby girl also didn't.
My husband saw all of that turture and wanted to drive back home in the middle of the night.

In the morning he told me , We have to pack and leave that house.
I suggested. If we will do that your mom will be unhappy and very offended.
So may be you can tell her options?
We can not stay here because baby need to take naps in the day time and good sleep at night and it could be possible only in CRIB. otherwise we have to drive back home.
She go so mad, she stood up from the table hissed at us --> Ok I see you gave me an ultimatum- Buy Crib or we will leave.
And she left to buy it.
My husband wanted to pack and run out the door from her.
I stopped it and said do not need to make that situation even worse.

After she came home. and baby could finally have good sleep in new crib. They started argue. (husband and his mom)
She said that it is our responsibilities as parents to but a crib FOR GRANDPARENT HOUSE. Or take pack n play with us (which we many times explained to her that baby doesn't sleep on it)
She siad it is not responsibility of grandparent to provide crib for baby in their house.

WHAT DO you think about it?

Here's what *I* think... the PARENTS (you and DH) are responsible for making sure there are appropriate sleeping arrangements for your child. You can do that by contacting his parents ahead of time and saying "we must have a crib, can you get one?" It's possible they can rent or borrow one.

If they don't have some way to provide a crib, it's your responsibility if you feel it's needed.

I will say I am surprised your DD MUST have a crib or she won't sleep.

 

[jdb in AZ]

Hi everyone
(english my second language, sorry for my mistakes)

My husband and I had family problems with his mom.
And I still have mixed fillings about what happend and who is wright?

Please tell me who is wright?

Here is the story.
Me and my husband have sweet baby girl she is almost year old (and she is big baby , bigger then 96% her age group)
Grandparents invited us to visit them. We did it often before baby born.
They live 3h 30 min from us. we go there each 2 month or so (before we had a baby)
So now we would like to continue go there so grand parent would see how baby is growing and spend time with her

When we came we noticed that they made big upgrade for their house. Good wood floors, new furniture and many more.
But they did nothing to make their house baby friendly.

No protection on outlets. We had to tell them and they went to buy it.
No 1 book for kid, no 1 toy.
and NO CRIB.
I have to say that baby doesn't like to sleep in pack n play. She refused to do it many months ago.

So when we arrived in their house we were alredy tired from the trip.
Then in the evening we didn't know how to make baby to fall a sleep.
mother in law (MIL) gave me 2 blankets to put on the floor so baby can sleep on it. baby refused to sleep on that blankets on the floor.
I tryed to sleep with her on big bed. It also didn't work. baby so used to sleep in her crib so she just coudn't calm down and try to sleep next to me.

Finally after sleepless hours about 2pm baby layer next to me and fall a sleep.
And ALL NIGHT each 1 hour she kept waking uo and crying!
(She alway sleep through whole night without any cries)
So I didnt' sleep that night and my baby girl also didn't.
My husband saw all of that turture and wanted to drive back home in the middle of the night.

In the morning he told me , We have to pack and leave that house.
I suggested. If we will do that your mom will be unhappy and very offended.
So may be you can tell her options?
We can not stay here because baby need to take naps in the day time and good sleep at night and it could be possible only in CRIB. otherwise we have to drive back home.
She go so mad, she stood up from the table hissed at us --> Ok I see you gave me an ultimatum- Buy Crib or we will leave.
And she left to buy it.
My husband wanted to pack and run out the door from her.
I stopped it and said do not need to make that situation even worse.

After she came home. and baby could finally have good sleep in new crib. They started argue. (husband and his mom)
She said that it is our responsibilities as parents to but a crib FOR GRANDPARENT HOUSE. Or take pack n play with us (which we many times explained to her that baby doesn't sleep on it)
She siad it is not responsibility of grandparent to provide crib for baby in their house.

WHAT DO you think about it?

Sad situation. Is your daughter their own grand child? My parents and in-laws both purchased cribs for visiting grand children, but our kids weren't the only ones who used them.

 

[ericstac]

If she wants you to stay she should provide the beds. Its not your responsibility to buy your own bed and mattress is it? You are a guest.

Now if you asked her to watch your baby on the weekends etc then I would say at that point you should get a crib and toys and leave them at her house..

 

[Ceila]

Interesting first post. Welcome to the Dis!

Your child, your responsibility to provide what she needs.

That being said, every set of grandparents is different. My parents did buy a crib, a highchair, outlet covers, and toys for our kids. My in-laws did not buy anything for us to use in their home. While we were very grateful that my parents did, we never expected grandparents to provide those things.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

It is definitely your responsibility- or better yet stop being so difficult about where your child sleeps. Do you not plan on taking any vacations at all the whole time your child or any future children are sleeping in cribs? It's just not feasible to have a full size crib every time you are away from home.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

When we visited, traveled, etc...we brought the portable crib.

I would never expect anyone to provide that except me.

Why didn't you come prepared?

 

[Buckalew11]

My mom had 7 grandkids w/o purchasing a crib. I'm thinking if any of us had thought our babies needed a crib she would have told us to buy one, lol.

Mom did buy a pack and play and all 7 kids slept in there for naps and nighttime too. I've never heard of anyone having this issue and I do a lot of grandmom's hair and hear grandbaby stories (good and bad) all the time.

Good luck and good for you for trying to keep peace. It is important--especially over little things.

 

[sam_gordon]

If she wants you to stay she should provide the beds. Its not your responsibility to buy your own bed and mattress is it? You are a guest.

Now if you asked her to watch your baby on the weekends etc then I would say at that point you should get a crib and toys and leave them at her house..

IMO, it's the responsibility of the hosts to provide a PLACE to sleep. That could be a bed, a couch, a sleeping bag, or just a blanket.

 

[gwynne]

When we visited, traveled, etc...we brought the portable crib.

I would never expect anyone to provide that except me.

Why didn't you come prepared?

Agree. I think part of being prepared is getting baby accustomed to sleeping in the pack and play. Lots of easygoing positivity really helps.

I brought our kids home to the US from overseas when they were infants and babies. They slept in a borrowed playpen. They had the few toys and books I brought, it was fine. When they were a bit older, grandma's pots and a big plastic spoon were great toys. It's pretty easy to make do.

 

[barkley]

I never expected people to have their home baby proofed for us to visit-I just kept an eye on my child. as for sleeping-we brought a traveling crib when we could, and if not would arrange (on our dollar) a rental crib. neither grandparents really kept any toys/books for our kids at their home, so just like when we traveled to hotels and such we brought the items along with us.

 

[apple1]

You can do that by contacting his parents ahead of time and saying "we must have a crib, can you get one?" It's possible they can rent or borrow one.

I had a conversation with MIL about where baby will seep when we will come.
And I explained about issue baby doesn't sleep in pack n play (that we have in our house) It wouldn't be problem to take it with us if there would be chance for her to sleep in it. She refused to sleep in it since she turn 5 or 6 months.

I said would be nice if you would have crib there.
She answered --> I don't want to have crib because I dont know where will I keep it between baby visits. I don't want it take place in my house. i need something like pack n play or air matress.

She asked me - Do you think baby can sleep in baby-air mattress?
I said- i don't know We never tryed it.
So she said she will but that air mattress and we can try it for her sleep.

When we put that air matress in place baby didn't want to be in it and it was high level for her. She wanted to go down from it on the floor.
And on the box in instructions said it is for babies 3 years old +

MIL said she could easily remove that matress to the closet and it will not be on her way.
She refused to buy baby crib.

 

[abdmom]

It's not the grandparents' responsibility to provide any baby items. If your baby requires special baby items - toys, crib, baby food, baby shampoo, baby bath, books, diapers, wipes, it's your responsibility to take them with you when you travel. If you are staying in a hotel, it's your responsibility to find out what the hotel will provide, and if you're lucky a hotel might provide a crib.

Cribs are expensive, take up lots of room and are difficult to set up. Why didn't you and your husband just go out and buy one instead of expecting your mother-in-law to? If you were my daughter-in-law, I would be extremely annoyed (and that's the nice way of saying how I would feel).

Babies are difficult to travel with. Is this the first trip you have been on?

 

[apple1]

My parents and in-laws both purchased cribs for visiting grand children, but our kids weren't the only ones who used them.

well I am pregnant now with my second baby and in 2 months will be my due date. So we have to buy another crib for our house to newborn.

too many cribs to buy no?
And if we visit them often why they don't want to make baby friendly house?

 

[sam_gordon]

I had a conversation with MIL about where baby will seep when we will come.
And I explained about issue baby doesn't sleep in pack n play (that we have in our house) It wouldn't be problem to take it with us if there would be chance for her to sleep in it. She refused to sleep in it since she turn 5 or 6 months.

I said would be nice if you would have crib there.
She answered --> I don't want to have crib because I dont know where will I keep it between baby visits. I don't want it take place in my house. i need something like pack n play or air matress.

She asked me - Do you think baby can sleep in baby-air mattress?
I said- i don't know We never tryed it.
So she said she will but that air mattress and we can try it for her sleep.

When we put that air matress in place baby didn't want to be in it and it was high level for her. She wanted to go down from it on the floor.
And on the box in instructions said it is for babies 3 years old +

MIL said she could easily remove that matress to the closet and it will not be on her way.
She refused to buy baby crib.

With the added information, without a doubt, it's your responsibility to arrange for a crib. She told you she wasn't going to provide one, along with her reasons. If it's that important for you to have a crib, arrange to rent one or bring one with you.

But I agree with the others you're in for a tough time traveling if you don't let your DD get used to "other" ways of sleeping.

 

[gwynne]

I had a conversation with MIL about where baby will seep when we will come.
And I explained about issue baby doesn't sleep in pack n play (that we have in our house) It wouldn't be problem to take it with us if there would be chance for her to sleep in it. She refused to sleep in it since she turn 5 or 6 months.

I said would be nice if you would have crib there.
She answered --> I don't want to have crib because I dont know where will I keep it between baby visits. I don't want it take place in my house. i need something like pack n play or air matress.

She asked me - Do you think baby can sleep in baby-air mattress?
I said- i don't know We never tryed it.
So she said she will but that air mattress and we can try it for her sleep.

When we put that air matress in place baby didn't want to be in it and it was high level for her. She wanted to go down from it on the floor.
And on the box in instructions said it is for babies 3 years old +

MIL said she could easily remove that matress to the closet and it will not be on her way.
She refused to buy baby crib.

I can tell you feel it's her job to purchase a crib. It's not. This is going to really hurt your relationship, and it's unnecessary. Now is a good time to start working on (slowly) getting baby accustomed to sleeping in a pack and play. Lots of positivity helps.
You won't be able to insist on a crib everywhere you go, it's just not possible.

If you are absolutely convinced it has to be a crib, rent one.

 

[Hoodie]

Your baby, you buy the crib. Why should she have to buy a crib and set it up when it's unused the majority of the time.

 

[Hoodie]

well I am pregnant now with my second baby and in 2 months will be my due date. So we have to buy another crib for our house to newborn.

too many cribs to buy no?
And if we visit them often why they don't want to make baby friendly house?

Again - not their responsibility. We visit my grandparents often. I go through the house every time I'm there and "baby-proof" the house as much as possible. Remove breakables, etc. Then before we leave we put everything back.