Your gay lifestyle... what's it like?

[MrVisible]

It occurs to me, after a few of us made some remarks in another thread about how boring we are, that one of the things that stands between us and societal understanding is the fact that people just don't know what being gay is like. They talk about the gay lifestyle, but do they really know what that means?

Of course, everybody's lifestyle is different, but at least we can give an overview of sorts.

I'll start. Hmm... Nick and I have been together for almost five years. We live in a little house in a city in a desert, just the two of us and two dogs. One German Shepherd, who's getting on in years, and one pit bull, who's the cuddliest pit bull in the world.

Nick recently gave me the opportunity to return to school. He brings in enough at his job at a foster care agency to almost support us, seeing as our house is tiny and our expenses low. I go to school full-time and work part-time as a dispatcher.

This summer, I was supposed to be taking summer classes, but that didn't work out as planned, so I have the summer off. I'm using it to learn to paint, and to write a novel. I hope.

For fun, we tend to, well, um... shop. We wander through Sam's Club and Target and the malls, buying very little but laughing quite a bit. We both share a fascination with office supplies, so we tend towards those sections of the stores. Oh, and we're gadget freaks.

My mother lives here in town, so we visit with her quite a bit. She's brilliant, and funny, and loves Nick a lot, so we have a great time when we get together. Recently we repainted her living room for her as a birthday present.

On Saturday nights, we get together with a couple of friends and play board games. Except recently, the group has convinced me to start up another Dungeons and Dragons campaign, so we're doing that.

And that's life right now. It's comfortable, challenging, and happy.

And I love Nick more than I ever thought I'd ever love anyone. More than I ever knew people could love each other. And for some reason, he loves me too.

So what's your lifestyle like?

 

[Viki]

It occurs to me, after a few of us made some remarks in another thread about how boring we are, that one of the things that stands between us and societal understanding is the fact that people just don't know what being gay is like. They talk about the gay lifestyle, but do they really know what that means?

Of course, everybody's lifestyle is different, but at least we can give an overview of sorts.

I'll start. Hmm... Nick and I have been together for almost five years. We live in a little house in a city in a desert, just the two of us and two dogs. One German Shepherd, who's getting on in years, and one pit bull, who's the cuddliest pit bull in the world.

Nick recently gave me the opportunity to return to school. He brings in enough at his job at a foster care agency to almost support us, seeing as our house is tiny and our expenses low. I go to school full-time and work part-time as a dispatcher.

This summer, I was supposed to be taking summer classes, but that didn't work out as planned, so I have the summer off. I'm using it to learn to paint, and to write a novel. I hope.

For fun, we tend to, well, um... shop. We wander through Sam's Club and Target and the malls, buying very little but laughing quite a bit. We both share a fascination with office supplies, so we tend towards those sections of the stores. Oh, and we're gadget freaks.

My mother lives here in town, so we visit with her quite a bit. She's brilliant, and funny, and loves Nick a lot, so we have a great time when we get together. Recently we repainted her living room for her as a birthday present.

On Saturday nights, we get together with a couple of friends and play board games. Except recently, the group has convinced me to start up another Dungeons and Dragons campaign, so we're doing that.

And that's life right now. It's comfortable, challenging, and happy.

And I love Nick more than I ever thought I'd ever love anyone. More than I ever knew people could love each other. And for some reason, he loves me too.

So what's your lifestyle like?

Oh, amen! Gwen and I have been together 20 years this month and we've raised two developmentally challenged African-American children that no one else, including many, many respectable heterosexuals, wanted to give a chance. Guess what? In the home we've made they've thrived. A doctor stood by our daughter's bedside when she was 5 months old and unable to wake and prounouced her a vegetable. Gwen and I took her home, surrounded her with all sorts of stimuation and helped transform her into a human being who is about to turn 18 and who is enough of a human being to argue with ME on a regular basis.

Gwen never had a choice about being partnered with a woman - it was that or celibacy. I had a choice. So what?

I am also far from Godless. I am an ordained minister who really gets what Jesus was up to. It was radical. We try to live it out.

I have also earned a masters degree in developmental genetics and am ABD in biochemistry so please don't think you could ever win an discussion with me about genetics, nature and nuture. Whoever you were you were right to bow out before you were shamed. Sure, there isn't one gay gene. Instead, dear friend, there are many! And many environments too that shape us. And it's all beyond your ability to calculate.

Finally, the truth is God delights in all of it.

 

[donald...really]

Oh, how fun. I certainly won't win any prizes for my writing style, but I can at least share a little about my "homosexual lifestyle".

Scott and I have been together 11 years this July 28. Luckily we live in the great state of Massachusetts and we were legally married last year on the 10th anniversary of the day that we met. Yes, WE are the threat to traditional marriage that everyone is talking about!

I knew Scott and I were meant for each other as soon as I met him, but it took me about 10 months to know that I loved him. What I didn't realize is that I would love him more each day we spend together. He truly is one of the most caring, funny, honest, wonderful people I have ever met, and I am so lucky he is letting me share a life with him. On Thanksgiving we tell each other what we are thankful for. My list has one item on it: "I am thankful that I wake up each morning and get to spend another day with you in my life."

How is this for a wild and crazy "lifestyle": we get up during the week at 5:15am and are out of the house at 6:30 for our two hour commute into the city. We don't get home from work until 6:30pm (I am a graphic designer and Scott is a university administrator). We cook dinner, take our pugs Fester and Weasley for a walk at the local dog walking farm (if they weren't in doggy day care that day), come home from the walk, get ready for bed, and are in bed by 9:30. We haven't had television for close to two years now because we don't have time to watch it. On Saturday I work in a home for severly mentally challenged adults as a massage therapist, where I massage the residents. And on Sunday we host the Newburyport Pug Club (see the website link in my signature) which we started a few years ago. And when we aren't working or hosting a dozen or two pugs in our back yard, we are doing laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing the car, etc. etc. etc.

We have never been to Gay Days at Disney World, haven't been to a gay bar in ages, haven't been to a gay pride parade in about 10 years, have never been on a gay cruise. I really can't think of the last time we did anything "gay". We are the least "gay" gay people I know.

Anyway, that's our story. Sorry to have bored you all with my wild and crazy "gay lifestyle".

 

[OrlandoMike]

My partner and I have been together over 10 years now.

We get up, feed the cats, fish, fill the bird feeder, feed the fish in the pond outside and go to work.

When we get home we either cook dinner, or go out for a nice meal and some shopping. On our days off we pay bills, do yard work, laundry, house work, and visit with friends.

Bored yet?

Ya I know, no Disco's. No orgys. No "agenda". Ah if only our lives were exciting as the other side makes us out to be! But to be honest, when we get done with work, maintaining the house, and visiting with friends, who has time to change the world!

PS we also live in Florida, the one and only state where we cant even adopt a child, and in our state there are thousands of children waiting for a home, go figure!

By the way, I have a 28 year old cousin who just moved into the area, she leaves the house nightly at 11 to go out "dancing" and doesn't return till 3:00 the next afternoon! Yet my "lifestyle" is the one under a microscope! Go figure!

Pretty sure if the "moral majority" group met us, they would be pretty bored with our lifestyle!

Mike

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Gosh, another boring couple here. We've been together for nearly 11 years. We are both employed in the social service (private not for profit, not public funding) sector. One for hospice one in the training and gerontology field.

We own our own home. Have one car that needs to last at least one more year! It's still getting over thirty miles to the gallon (will be ten next year!) but really is looking pretty scruffy.

We grow culinary herbs, roses and plumeria, have APs for WDW, don't care for US/IOA, are sometimes seen at Seaworld, and never at BG.

Her Mom lives nearby. We visit her every Sunday and do odd chores for her that she no longer can. We actually moved in with her to take care of her post op cardiac and post op tkr.

Our house is little, but a two story and we have a pool. It's where we spend much of our time. We grill on the lanai, swim and float in the pool and have been known to have a refreshing drink or two.

We have relatives in Jax who come to visit, but not often enough. Relatives also visit (but not often enough!) from California, Arizona, Ohio, New York, New Jersey and other areas of Florida.

We love seafood, but prefer that it come from the cold waters of the north east.

We are both degreed professionals.

Hmmmm... what else...

Oh, yes. We are so unoriginal in appearance we have both been mistaken for nuns. It's our private little giggle.

We don't have many friends outside the family as we really keep our home space incredibly private.

We are not hugely political (anymore) but will don a logo shirt from time to time, are members of HRC, stop in at Gay Days in WDW if there is time (but we don't wear red because it's too darn hot in June).

No pets.

We love to walk, ride bikes, read, surf the 'net...

Are you asleep yet? LOL!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

OH! Nearly forgot!

We are addicted to browsing office supply stores and Home Depots! LOLOL!

Hey, it's a great way to spend a rainy afternoon!

 

[SandraVB79]

What?? No orgies, wild parties, ....?????

Just kidding! As if your life style would be different from mine. The only difference I have noticed once in a while, is that many times gay couples have more money to spend than hetero couples. Don't know what the deal is (would like to find out about it, though, maybe it's not a gay-exclusive thing!)

 

[MrVisible]

What?? No orgies, wild parties, ....?????

Just kidding! As if your life style would be different from mine. The only difference I have noticed once in a while, is that many times gay couples have more money to spend than hetero couples. Don't know what the deal is (would like to find out about it, though, maybe it's not a gay-exclusive thing!)

Maybe that's your experience, but don't make the mistake of believing that it's the norm. We aren't, as a social class, any better off than anyone else. Personally, I have... um... fourteen dollars to last me until next Tuesday. And that's a bit better than last week.

It's common to believe that gay people are better off than straight people, and it's used as a basis for a lot of anti-gay resentment. Here's some statistics from an interesting article in The Village Voice:

# Gays, lesbians, and bisexuals do not earn more than heterosexuals, or live in more affluent households.

# Gay men earn 13 to 32 percent less than similarly qualified straight men (depending on the study).

# Though lesbians and bisexual women have incomes comparable to straight women—earning 21 percent less than men—lesbian couples earn significantly less than heterosexual ones.

The second one hits home pretty hard for me. I had a great job a few years back, doing IT work for a hospital. One morning my boyfriend dropped me off at work, and I gave him a quick kiss goodbye. My boss saw us. Three weeks later, I was laid off, for entirely unrelated reasons of course.

That's the least of it. There's no official count, but there are estimates that nearly half of the homeless people under 18 are gay or lesbian.

The wealthy gay people are the ones people notice, just like people notice rich straight people. But trust me, there are plenty of gay people just struggling to get by, or just not getting by at all.

 

[wallyb]

Paul and I live in Boston...right in the city.
We have another (tiny) home in Maine - right on a lake.
My whole family lives on that lake as well.

We’re mostly home bodies, but we do go to a few nice restaurants and the theater from time to time.

I’m a designer and Paul works for the state.

We got "officially/ legally" married a year ago (hope I did'nt get that wrong and it was actually 2 years ago -
I'm so bad with that stuff - any way, no matter that was just the state recognized one). Our REAL anniversary -
when we first met and started to live together is this spring - will be 25 years.
We met in college and just seemed to fit.

We love to go to Vegas for the pageantry, restaurants and shows.
We love to go to WDW for the pageantry, restaurants and shows (and rides).
I paint as a hobby for myself and friends.
Paul reads books at breakneck speed.
We have an English Bull Terrier named Stella that we indulge every whim.
We spoil my 2 nephews as much as possible.
And oddly - we don’t have a lot of gay friends - and I’m not sure why but most of our friends are straight.

 

[LauraAnn630]

PS we also live in Florida, the one and only state where we cant even adopt a child, and in our state there are thousands of children waiting for a home, go figure!

This is REALLY upsetting to find out about! It makes me mad! There are so many children that need good families and guidence. Its ok for people to give them up? But its not ok for a decent human beings to raise them? None of its ok in my book!!

My 9 yr old just asked me the other day what gay meant. I told him the truth. I said some men decide to live the rest of there lives with another man. Sometimes a women will decide to live the rest of her life with another girl.

I went on to say...it dosent matter as long as you are happy. I dont care if you decide to share your life with a black or white person. If you find love, happiness, honesty and respect with another human being then you are lucky!! So many people get divorced these days.

Funny, this is not how I was raised. Id like to think Im breaking the chain of ignorance in my family!

 

[Nisa]

OK, I'll add to the mix. My partner & I have been together for 10 years this December. Before that we were best friends from the moment we met when I got a job at the same company she worked for. Unfortunately I was married and it took me a while to realize that I didn't have to live a life of abuse and a life that "everyone" expected. Two years after I got divorced I "made my move" on her and the rest is history. We live in NC; just bought a new house (our second), I work for the state and she's an accountant. We have a dog, cat, several fish and most importantly a 13 year old son, who is into soccer, lacrosse, football, hockey and recently got certified to scuba dive. He and my partner both have an amazing sense of humor and our house is usually filled with laughter from someone telling a joke or trying to "get" the other. We get up at 5 and are gone to work by 6:30. Home from work around 5, cook dinner, go to any sport activity that is currently in, clean up, pick up dog poop, homework, watch TV and then to bed. Most of our friends are straight but we have met some gay people lately. We don't go to gay bars (or any bars), no gay parades, no gays days, nothing. We do go to Disney every year and LOVE it! We eat and ride rides and eat some more. That's about it....pretty boring but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[Saxton]

Another boring **** here! I head up an IT department (yes, I’m a geek) and since I work in a very conservative environment I look like any other business professional wearing a suit and going to the office - I would blend in to any crowd. I own a small brick ranch style house in the suburbs. Yesterday was a pretty typical day - I got up at 5:45am, exercised, showered and went to work. I left the office at around 6:00, went to BJs (that’s were I can get lost!!), took out the garbage, worked in my garden for a while and watched the Yankees. Pretty exciting! I rarely go out to the bars and if I do it will be for happy hour with a few friends. I spend a lot of time taking care of my house, tending my garden, reading and listening to music. I also travel quite a bit. I love good food and good wine, in fact, some friends of mine own a winery and I help them out a bit when I can. My parents are elderly so I try to spend time with them and usually have dinner with them on Sunday. Oh, and I go to church every week & I’ve never gone to any gay parade.

The media tends to focus on those with outrageous behavior so that’s what most people think of. However, I think the majority of us live quiet, contented lives and we are the norm - we are the invisible homosexuals!

 

[Saxton]

Funny, this is not how I was raised. Id like to think Im breaking the chain of ignorance in my family!

Good for you!! Hopefully, with more people like you the next generation will make the world a better place.

 

[BigTiggerGuy]

Well, while we are not big party boys or anything but I like to think that Paul and I still have a fun social life(I'm a YOUNG 35 and he is 32). July 4th will be our 8 year anniversary. We live in a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath townhouse just outside of Atlantic City with our two cats. We both work in the casinos(me-HR and Paul in Marketing). Our friends are a good mix of gay and straight. Actually, tonight we are having 3 of our gay friends over for a dinner party(filet mignon and martinis on the back deck!)
We like to spend our money on vacations(not the most pratical thing, I know, but we work very hard and taking trips makes us happy ) When I'm not working I usually can be found at the gym, the beach or hanging out with my friends. Sorry, I don't go out and party until 4am or do any kind of drugs. We are just two regular guys going about our lives and trying our hardest to be "good" people........although I have a tendency to be all about ME! (I've always been an attention hog and luckily Paul would rather fade into the background!)
Anyway, that's us in an oversized martini glass.............

 

[mickeyfan2]

We both share a fascination with office supplies, so we tend towards those sections of the stores.

DH makes fun of me when he finds me in the office supplies. I love to look at the Staples and Office Max back to school sales. He says my other dream job (Disney is first) is to be an supply cabinet person. I could spend the entire day deciding about office supplies.

 

[mickeyfan2]

That's the least of it. There's no official count, but there are estimates that nearly half of the homeless people under 18 are gay or lesbian.

I have heard this too. It is so sad and probably a result of their parents not accepting them.


This is just a question, no offense ment. Is the word gay only a term for homosexual men? Also where did the term straight come from for us heterosexuals? I tend to not like that word, but it could just be me.

 

[RickinNYC]

Wow, you folks really are pretty boring! LOL! Just like Joe and I.

We've been together for more than 15 years and not a night goes by that we don't give each other a hug and kiss goodnight followed by a sleep "I love you." He's my absolute best friend and one of the most caring, loving, outgoing people I know, bar none.

We live in Forest Hills, Queens with Bill, the dog from Hell. He's not really evil, just a bit grumpy from time to time. He's been a part of our life for more than 10 years and we pray every day for at least 10 more. He's already starting to get a bit creaky in the knees when we take him for his evening constitutional. And yeah, we do focus our lack of children on Bill. No, that doesn't mean we dress him up in clothes or put bows in his hair. I think he'd kill us in our sleep if we ever did that. We just smother him with affection and buy him more cookies and toys than he knows what to do with.

Joe and I met through another friend many years ago when we both happened to be at the same bar. I thought he was a nice guy, but I had just gotten out of a relationship the year prior and didn't want to commit myself to anyone, nor did I want to date. I just wanted to concentrate on my career.

Joe, however, told me that when he saw me, he knew I was the one. He said he immediately saw my eyes and thought, "emeralds." When we first met, we went to the movies, out to dinner, met friends for drinks but I wouldn't give him a kiss. I knew he liked me and I didn't want to mislead him by sending mixed signals. But one night I just knew it in my heart that I couldn't fight it any longer and after nine (yes NINE) dates, I finally kissed him. More than 15 years later, we're both reaching 40 and we still hold hands and haven't run out of conversation at the dinner table. To this day, when it's quiet, he still looks at me and very quietly says "emeralds" and it makes me melt.

Joe spent 16 years at the same publishing house, working in contracts in their legal department. He did well, but never felt rewarded by what he was doing. He had always wanted to be an English teacher but never made the effort to make the career switch. I'm proud to say that he finally has and is teaching 7th grade English at a local junior high. He has a BA and Master's in English, is certified to teach in NY state and is currently getting his second Master's in Education.

I have a BA in psychology and sociology, with a minor in childhood and behavioral development. Somehow I also minored in play writing but have yet to figure out how I managed that. In any case, I spent 12 years as a national account manager in sales and marketing, doing a lot of travelling for work and chasing the almight commission. I did well financially but never really loved what I was doing.

Five years ago in September, 2001, I did a huge amount of soul searching and did a career switch. I worked for a non-profit in food rescue, managing more than 1,500 volunteers. I now work for another non-profit that provides direct service to homeless men and women in New York City. At the time I was hired, they did not have a volunteer program to speak of, so they brought me on to create a deparment. Today, we have more than 200 very active volunteers of all ages and backgrounds. I have the best job in the world, surrounded by enthusiastic and energetic people who want to make a difference in the lives of others.

Joe and I spend our time reading, watching movies from Netflix. I have a bizaare fascination with all things horror in terms of books and movies. Joe loves the classics as well as contemporary authors the likes of John Irving. I call his books "wuss books" while he calls my movies "screaming girl movies." We both love Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel and rue the day they cancelled both.

Joe comes from New Jersey and was raised with his twin sister and older brother by a single mom on welfare. Unfortunately, both his parents died when they were young. His life had its hardships, with government cheese, donated clothes and free lunches. Yet, he's one of the happiest people I know and have the pleasure of being with.

I was raised in San Diego, Boston, Yokosuka (Japan) and Jacksonville, FL by a Naval officer anesthesiologist father and Japanese stay at home mother. I have an older brother and younger brother and all three of us are completely different. But we get along well. My parents were strict in raising us and made sure we appreciated God and went to church every Sunday and every Holy Day of Obligation. I was an altar server for years as well as a lector at our church when I was older. I want to go back to church, I miss it. But I can't right now because it makes me too angry to this day.

Joe was on the track team growing up, I swam and played baseball. I was in the Boy Scouts. Joe desperately wanted to join but his family couldn't afford the uniform. He was the first to go away to college in his entire family and was a fraternity boy in college. I was in student government, an orientation leader, student activities board, an RA and more.

We are surrounded by great friends, most of whom are happily partnered or married heterosexual couples. I do have one close friend who's gay, as does Joe. But that's about it.

I do go out with my best buddy from time to time for happy hour drinks but otherwise I head straight home for dinner. Joe is a horrible cook, while I've been known to be pretty good so I have to make sure he gets something to eat.

I'm incredibly neat while Joe crosses over into the "Holy Mother how can you live like this?" territory. I straighten up our home every single night before I go to bed. I have to or I get antsy. Joe can sleep surrounded by every item of clothing he owns lying on the floor and around him. Joe walks Bill for the most part while I cook. We share all other chores about the apartment.

A good day is spending it with Joe, doing nothing much. Maybe going to Target so I can stock up on cleaning supplies, or heading down to Barnes and Noble. We both get a little wierd if we don't have a stock of books on hand to select from so the pile never gets too low.

Our home is filled with lots of laughter, dog hair and a lot more love.

 

[Viki]

We love Buffy, Angel and (nonslasher) horror films!!!

 

[wallyb]

THIS - right here - is the BEST Gay Pride Parade I've ever seen!


It makes me happy to see so many "Normal" gay human beings.
"Hey look over here! - We're not freaks!"

Thanks Mr V for starting it!

 

[PghLybrt]

I hate to break this chain ........but I guess my girl and I are the ones your mother warned you about!!

We have been together now almost 11 years and we have worked together at my company for most of them. I own a swimming pool company so we literally work our behinds off all summer (Last night I got home at 1030 and I started at 7am) but its all worth it because it gives us the freedom to be able to travel during the winter months and we do so extensively. We never miss our yearly pilgrimage to Disney. This past year we have been spending a lot of time in San Diego and we have some really good friends out there. We love Olivia (which is the lesbian vacations) they are an absolutely wonderful time. The only time where you are totally surrounded by people like yourself and totally at ease. We do like to party , we are the ones out at the bars till 3 am. I love to entertain and every year we have at least one big blowout (caterer, band, ect ect ...the kind of parties the neighbors hate) We live in a small town and a very conservative one at that so its fun to see the reactions to my girlfriends Mohawk or my ink and piercings or even us kissing for that matter.
Now we are not always gallivanting around and partying. We bought and renovated a 100 year old house ( my mother was appalled by my color choices). My girl is an artist so she spends much of her time in her studio and I really love putting together videos of our home movies. I recently just put a promo together of our last drag king show to run in the bar to promote the next one ( and yes we do that too). We love to spoil our nephews but have no inclination of ever wanting children ourselves. I enjoy being able to give them back to their parents. Even so we have 3 godchildren so our friends must think we are responsible enough to handle them!