HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[princessmom29]

My 12 mo old goes to bed no later than 8pm, normally 715pm. She goes to bed in her crib. Before I got the crib last month, she went to bed in the packnplay in my room. Eventually she comes in bed with us, last night was 5am and she nursed and crashed back out. Some nights DH holds her when she is sleeping and we just bring her upstairs when we go to bed, but I personally like her to go to bed before us so we can have some quiet time.

I will say that we've sort of done this with is all 3 kids (oldest is 9) and my kids are all very adaptable sleepers. They can sleep in hotels,etc no problems. We have a general schedule for sleep but no concrete schedule, no "special' blankets,etc. I just grab whatever blanket is clean to cuddle up against DD when I'm rocking her (which I don't do everynight...just depends LOL.)

I do pat backs...and that I can bring and do anywhere...we reguarly camp and travel with 12 mo old DD and I think the fact that we do cosleep has made it easier to travel with her. She doesn't expect to be in her own room in her crib. My friends who had great sleepers at home didnt have good sleepers in hotels, etc because of this (baby was used to crib, fan, quiet,etc)

Plus, what works this week might night work next...it's all about being adaptable for us.

My D has always, form day 1 slept in her own bed. We lived away from friends and family for the first 3 years of her life and were frequently visitng in different places on weekends. I never had a problem getting her to sleep in new nad different places. She did just fine at mom's house, the inlaws, and in hotels from the time I got her sleep trained on. Befroe that I never noticed a difference in her habits between being home or somewhere else.

FWIW I still think that for most poeple co-sleeping is NOT a good idea. Some of you seem to have made it work for you, and that is great, but EVEYONE I know personally who has done it, without exception, has had a major problem getting the child out of their bed and into a bed of their own. They have all said that they will NEVER do it agian. I feel like leaving a baby to cry for hours in NOT a good idea, but that a little bit of fussing never hurt any child and it is important that babies learn to put themselves to sleep as early as possible. I think it means that everyone, infant included, sleeps better and is better rested. Yes, they will fuss and even cry a bit, but I don't get why that is such a horrible thing. I see it as necessary to do what isbest for the childby teaching them a valuble coping skill.

Again just my opinion, and YMMV. I just wanted to sum it all up as I see it.

 

[justhat]

I think it means that everyone, infant included, sleeps better and is better rested. Yes, they will fuss and even cry a bit, but I don't get why that is such a horrible thing. I see it as necessary to do what isbest for the childby teaching them a valuble coping skill.

Again just my opinion, and YMMV. I just wanted to sum it all up as I see it.

But the people saying they don't like CIO aren't saying that infants or parents shouldn't sleep, that they shouldn't learn to sleep on their own, develop coping skills, etc. Just that they accomplished those same goals as you without crying. And for me, if I can accomplish anything with my kids through either crying or no crying, I will choose the no crying option. I was okay with my son CIO occasionally because he had already been sleeping on his own for awhile, so I knew he was capable of it and there were no new factors introduced. But when he was a year and wasn't taking to it, rather than letting him cry, I went with a non-crying method. He NEVER coslept, absolutely hated sleeping with anyone as a baby/toddler. He was always in a bassinet or a crib, and I was able to keep him in his crib, get him back to sleeping all night on his own, and did it without crying. Though it was more time consuming and tiring for me than the times when he was younger and we let him do his 7 minutes of crying in his crib while I went about my normal business, I felt much better about it than I did when he was left to cry, even though I would check on him in intervals.

 

[justhat]

My 12 mo old goes to bed no later than 8pm, normally 715pm. She goes to bed in her crib. Before I got the crib last month, she went to bed in the packnplay in my room. Eventually she comes in bed with us, last night was 5am and she nursed and crashed back out. Some nights DH holds her when she is sleeping and we just bring her upstairs when we go to bed, but I personally like her to go to bed before us so we can have some quiet time.

I will say that we've sort of done this with is all 3 kids (oldest is 9) and my kids are all very adaptable sleepers. They can sleep in hotels,etc no problems. We have a general schedule for sleep but no concrete schedule, no "special' blankets,etc. I just grab whatever blanket is clean to cuddle up against DD when I'm rocking her (which I don't do everynight...just depends LOL.)

I do pat backs...and that I can bring and do anywhere...we reguarly camp and travel with 12 mo old DD and I think the fact that we do cosleep has made it easier to travel with her. She doesn't expect to be in her own room in her crib. My friends who had great sleepers at home didnt have good sleepers in hotels, etc because of this (baby was used to crib, fan, quiet,etc)

Plus, what works this week might night work next...it's all about being adaptable for us.

I know exactly what you mean. My 1st 2 kids would sleep anywhere, my 3rd, well, not so much. She'll only sleep in her own bed, but being the 3rd kid, that doesn't get to happen so much. We were out with friends yesterday from 9am-4pm and she napped maybe 20 minutes total. Needless to say she was miserable by the time we got home.

In her case though, I can't blame myself cause we haven't done anything differently with her than her siblings, and in fact, she spent the first 2 months of her life sleeping on my chest, not in her bed. And she's only 4 months old so not like she's had so much time to get attached to her bed! Big pain though, particularly since we'll be out of town for nearly a month between vacations and moving.


A friend of mine did cause the problem with her kids, however, so I totally see the point. Her kids could only fall asleep in their own rooms, pitch black with room darkening shades, sound machines and fans on. So first time they went on vacation they were all miserable!

 

[WantToGoNow]

When my ds9 was 6 months old and still waking up through the night, my pediatrician introduced me to Dr. Ferber's method. He told me that a 6 month old does not need to be fed through the night - by then they are usually eating baby food and between that and their milk (whether breastmilk for formula) is enough to hold them through the night. They get up for attention and if you give it, then it will continue. It took 3 nights and my son never got up through the night again - he still doesn't even get up to pee during the night.

I let me dd6 go longer - I knew she was the last baby and I let it go 11 months - but she only got up 1x each night - not all through the night. But I quickly found out why she waking - she would lose the pacifier and couldn't find it to put herself back to sleep. Got rid of the pacifier and she started sleeping through the night.

I just stopped babysitting a child who was a excellent napper - went down without a fuss, slept for 3 hours every day and never cried when she woke - she was here from 6 weeks old until 2.5. The sleeping habits were started as an infant and she knew what to except. Things at home are totally different - her mom said she will not go to sleep and her, her dh, their dd10 and dd2.5 all sleep in a full sized bed because they won't make them go to their own beds (because they can't stand to hear them cry). And then she complains because they don't get enough sleep. If you start bad habits, the bad habits will continue. It is up to you to decide what you want and make it happen. If there is nothing physically wrong with your baby, then a little crying is not going to hurt them. Oh, the pediatrician told me to turn off the baby monitor and throw it away - if you don't go running in the night, the baby will eventually go back to sleep.

 

[tiffjoy]

You are "parenting" your child to sleep?? Actually, you are using nursing as a pacifier, which puts your child to sleep.

We who have our children sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old or 6 months old are "parenting" our children as well. The simple fact that it only takes a couple of nights of not catering to a child's every whim at night shows that children are totally capable of sleeping on their own comfortably and happily from an early age.

Quote- "You are not a pacifier; you are a Mom. You are the sun, the moon, the earth, you are liquid love, you are warmth, you are security, you are comfort in the very deepest aspect of the meaning of comfort.... but you are not a pacifier!"

Which is to say, nursing is not a pacifier- it is all the things described above, as is natural and the intended use of a woman's br easts (can I say that word here? not sure...)

BTW, the term "parenting to sleep" was not a slam. It is the term used by attachment parents to quantify the different methods used to help a child sleep at night without doing CIO.

 

[rparmfamily]

Personally, I don't think I have to "teach" my baby to sleep on her own...that is something that comes when she is developmentally ready. She's 12mo now and just now sleeping on her own much better. Until a few weeks ago she slept with us nearly all night (minus the 730-11pm part where she'd be in the packnplay).

Letting your baby cry works for some of you but doesn't work in my house. Babies have needs and crying is their only way to express it. Be it scared of the dark, scared because they feel alone,etc those are all needs. I know I don't like to cry to sleep, so I'm not a fan of letting my babies do that either. I am not opposed to letting them complain for a few moments but actual crying will be tended to.

My big kids have no problems sleeping...I never did the bedtime battles with 3 yr olds not staying in beds,etc. so I guess it has worked for us.

 

[tiffjoy]

I was thinking about this post last night as I held my daughter and nursed her to sleep, and I realized it reminded me a lot of horse training (which I've done for about 15 years or so).

There are some trainers who believe in breaking a horse-you put on the saddle, hop on, and ride it out. It's a quick method, and it does work. I've ridden a lot of horses who were trained by the method, and they were good horses. My issue is that I have ridden a lot of horses trained by the method, and they were not always psychologically healthy as a result of the training. Also, I feel it's highly stressful for the horse.

Then, there are the natural horsemanship trainers, which is the method I believe in. You spend time with the horse on the ground, you "talk" in horse language, you get into the mind of the horse and relate to them on that level. Then, you slowly introduce the saddle, slowly get on, slowly work the relationship. It takes longer, sometimes weeks or months. But I believe it to be more effective and creates a trusting, attached relationship between horse and human.

Then, there are trainers in the middle. The may do some natural horsemanship, but not all.

It's this way with CIO vs non-CIO methods (attachment parenting).

I think that if anyone wants a really good resource on attachment parenting, check Dr Sears. He has a really good book The Baby Book that has a ton of info on sleeping. He also has info on transitioning children from nursing to sleep or co-sleeping to sleeping on their own. Again,similar to my analogy, I view this as a low-stress, natural way to parent a child to sleep (that is a Dr Sears term, not a slam against CIO parents).

I have tons of links on why CIO is not healthy, but I am not sure of the rules and if I can post the links here.

My sister is an attachment parent on her fourth child, ranging in age from 8 to newborn. Her two oldest sleep just fine on their own (8 and 3). Her second youngest is now sleeping happily in a pack-n-play in her room. Newest is co-sleeping. They have no sleep issues at all, and all transitioned to their own beds without tears. It really comes down to working out the method to transition kids and being committed to it.

My daughter has already transitioned so much on her own in 10 months that I have no fear of further transitions.

I believe that, bottom line, my husband and I are the adults. We are the ones who needed to adjust our lives to fit baby, and not our daughter. That's our belief. We fit our world and lives around her and her needs, and didn't expect her to behave certain ways because it was more convenient for us. Not doing CIO isn't always the easiest, but we believe it to be the healthiest route, especially as I nurse. I would never imagine denying her food in her first year. After one year old, then we can transition to no night-nursing but before then- babies do too much growing.

Quite frankly, nursing my daughter to sleep last night, I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to do it that way. It gives us such special bonding time and I know she will grow up and not need me this way far too soon.

 

[badblackpug]

My 12 mo old goes to bed no later than 8pm, normally 715pm. She goes to bed in her crib. Before I got the crib last month, she went to bed in the packnplay in my room. Eventually she comes in bed with us, last night was 5am and she nursed and crashed back out. Some nights DH holds her when she is sleeping and we just bring her upstairs when we go to bed, but I personally like her to go to bed before us so we can have some quiet time.

I will say that we've sort of done this with is all 3 kids (oldest is 9) and my kids are all very adaptable sleepers. They can sleep in hotels,etc no problems. We have a general schedule for sleep but no concrete schedule, no "special' blankets,etc. I just grab whatever blanket is clean to cuddle up against DD when I'm rocking her (which I don't do everynight...just depends LOL.)

I do pat backs...and that I can bring and do anywhere...we reguarly camp and travel with 12 mo old DD and I think the fact that we do cosleep has made it easier to travel with her. She doesn't expect to be in her own room in her crib. My friends who had great sleepers at home didnt have good sleepers in hotels, etc because of this (baby was used to crib, fan, quiet,etc)

Plus, what works this week might night work next...it's all about being adaptable for us.

My kids have all slept in their own beds from the day they came home. The 2 littlest have been sleeping through the night since way before they were 6m old. They both nap during the day and sleep through the night, and they sleep well and sleep well anywhere. Even in a stroller in WDW! In addition, I think because they are used to waking up and not having anyone right there to immediately attended to their needs/wants they don't wake up crying or fussing. My 7m old usually will just play in his crib for a while.

 

[rparmfamily]

My kids have all slept in their own beds from the day they came home. The 2 littlest have been sleeping through the night since way before they were 6m old. They both nap during the day and sleep through the night, and they sleep well and sleep well anywhere. Even in a stroller in WDW! In addition, I think because they are used to waking up and not having anyone right there to immediately attended to their needs/wants they don't wake up crying or fussing. My 7m old usually will just play in his crib for a while.

I'm glad it worked for you. (really!) But as a parent you also know all kids are different...my 1st slept thru the night at 12 weeks, and took two 3 hrs naps until she was 15 mo, and still took a 3-4 hr nap until she was over 3 yrs old. She ROCKED in the sleep department LOL. She also had a pacifier until she was 3 LOL. My 2nd, no way did he sleep and he also hated the binky LOL. My newest is a mix...she's not a horrible sleeper, she's getting better as she gets older, and she also took a pacifier until she was about 10 mo then lost interest. All kids are different and some of it is parenting but lots of it are just different personalities too.

Tiffjoy--I feel the same way about what you posted. I know, as the mother of 3, how fast the time goes. This time next year she will be running and not wanting to cuddle and nurse like she does now.

 

[princessmom29]

I was thinking about this post last night as I held my daughter and nursed her to sleep, and I realized it reminded me a lot of horse training (which I've done for about 15 years or so).

There are some trainers who believe in breaking a horse-you put on the saddle, hop on, and ride it out. It's a quick method, and it does work. I've ridden a lot of horses who were trained by the method, and they were good horses. My issue is that I have ridden a lot of horses trained by the method, and they were not always psychologically healthy as a result of the training. Also, I feel it's highly stressful for the horse.

Then, there are the natural horsemanship trainers, which is the method I believe in. You spend time with the horse on the ground, you "talk" in horse language, you get into the mind of the horse and relate to them on that level. Then, you slowly introduce the saddle, slowly get on, slowly work the relationship. It takes longer, sometimes weeks or months. But I believe it to be more effective and creates a trusting, attached relationship between horse and human.

Then, there are trainers in the middle. The may do some natural horsemanship, but not all.

It's this way with CIO vs non-CIO methods (attachment parenting).

I think that if anyone wants a really good resource on attachment parenting, check Dr Sears. He has a really good book The Baby Book that has a ton of info on sleeping. He also has info on transitioning children from nursing to sleep or co-sleeping to sleeping on their own. Again,similar to my analogy, I view this as a low-stress, natural way to parent a child to sleep (that is a Dr Sears term, not a slam against CIO parents).

I have tons of links on why CIO is not healthy, but I am not sure of the rules and if I can post the links here.

My sister is an attachment parent on her fourth child, ranging in age from 8 to newborn. Her two oldest sleep just fine on their own (8 and 3). Her second youngest is now sleeping happily in a pack-n-play in her room. Newest is co-sleeping. They have no sleep issues at all, and all transitioned to their own beds without tears. It really comes down to working out the method to transition kids and being committed to it.

My daughter has already transitioned so much on her own in 10 months that I have no fear of further transitions.

I believe that, bottom line, my husband and I are the adults. We are the ones who needed to adjust our lives to fit baby, and not our daughter. That's our belief. We fit our world and lives around her and her needs, and didn't expect her to behave certain ways because it was more convenient for us. Not doing CIO isn't always the easiest, but we believe it to be the healthiest route, especially as I nurse. I would never imagine denying her food in her first year. After one year old, then we can transition to no night-nursing but before then- babies do too much growing.

Quite frankly, nursing my daughter to sleep last night, I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to do it that way. It gives us such special bonding time and I know she will grow up and not need me this way far too soon.

But you are still training the horse to do what you want them to do. Either way you do it you are bending them to YOUR will. If they don't want to take a saddle you don't just give up and say "OK no saddle for you" You have to do the same with children at some point, and in some manner. That is all I am saying. Kids HAVE to learn that they will not always get what they want when they want. Even those who say they are not advocates of CIO are teaching that at some point and thier kids are expressing displeasure with not being allowed to do as they please, most lilely through crying. It is a natural part of life to learn boundaries. I don't see why that shouldn't apply to sleep as much as it does to everything else. We teach our children where the boundaries are with everything else, why not sleep?

You are NOT denying a child food by asking them to sleep on thier own, I mean really it is not likel everyone who puts a child down awake is starving them. By six months night nursing is nutritionally unnecessary, and it is NOT nutrition they are after, but comfort. My DD was fed just before bed, but layed down awake. Her nutritional needs were met, but I taught her that she did not need to seek comfort from food, she could find it in herself.

We can debate this for the next 5 years, but I don't think anyone's opinion will change, and ultimately, watever method works for you and makes you feel like a good mom is the one you will use. If we are truly honest with ourselves I think it is as much about how we feel about it and what is best for the child. When I think of all the parents and children I ahve know over the years, the different sleep methods that have used, and the outcomes they have had, teaching a a child to sleep independently in theri own bed from the start led to the best outcomes with the smallest amount of upset and trauma. It seems perfectly logical to me that it would be the best choice to make. Obviously, you feel differently, but to say that you would be denying a child nutrition by asking them to go to sleep without nursing is going a little far IMO.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Oh, the pediatrician told me to turn off the baby monitor and throw it away - if you don't go running in the night, the baby will eventually go back to sleep.

Except for the morning when you go in to find your baby woke up in the middle of then night with a raging fever and has now been crying in her own vomit for the last two hours. At least you all got your rest?
Co-sleeping is not a "bad habit" for those who chose it for their family.

 

[badblackpug]

I was thinking about this post last night as I held my daughter and nursed her to sleep, and I realized it reminded me a lot of horse training (which I've done for about 15 years or so).

There are some trainers who believe in breaking a horse-you put on the saddle, hop on, and ride it out. It's a quick method, and it does work. I've ridden a lot of horses who were trained by the method, and they were good horses. My issue is that I have ridden a lot of horses trained by the method, and they were not always psychologically healthy as a result of the training. Also, I feel it's highly stressful for the horse.

Then, there are the natural horsemanship trainers, which is the method I believe in. You spend time with the horse on the ground, you "talk" in horse language, you get into the mind of the horse and relate to them on that level. Then, you slowly introduce the saddle, slowly get on, slowly work the relationship. It takes longer, sometimes weeks or months. But I believe it to be more effective and creates a trusting, attached relationship between horse and human.

Then, there are trainers in the middle. The may do some natural horsemanship, but not all.

It's this way with CIO vs non-CIO methods (attachment parenting).

I think that if anyone wants a really good resource on attachment parenting, check Dr Sears. He has a really good book The Baby Book that has a ton of info on sleeping. He also has info on transitioning children from nursing to sleep or co-sleeping to sleeping on their own. Again,similar to my analogy, I view this as a low-stress, natural way to parent a child to sleep (that is a Dr Sears term, not a slam against CIO parents).

I have tons of links on why CIO is not healthy, but I am not sure of the rules and if I can post the links here.

My sister is an attachment parent on her fourth child, ranging in age from 8 to newborn. Her two oldest sleep just fine on their own (8 and 3). Her second youngest is now sleeping happily in a pack-n-play in her room. Newest is co-sleeping. They have no sleep issues at all, and all transitioned to their own beds without tears. It really comes down to working out the method to transition kids and being committed to it.

My daughter has already transitioned so much on her own in 10 months that I have no fear of further transitions.

I believe that, bottom line, my husband and I are the adults. We are the ones who needed to adjust our lives to fit baby, and not our daughter. That's our belief. We fit our world and lives around her and her needs, and didn't expect her to behave certain ways because it was more convenient for us. Not doing CIO isn't always the easiest, but we believe it to be the healthiest route, especially as I nurse. I would never imagine denying her food in her first year. After one year old, then we can transition to no night-nursing but before then- babies do too much growing.

Quite frankly, nursing my daughter to sleep last night, I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to do it that way. It gives us such special bonding time and I know she will grow up and not need me this way far too soon.

Right...here are some problems and why people take offense. You are suggesting that people that people who do not ascribe to your parenting methods are psychologically damaging their children. Pardon me...but HORSE HOCKEY! If this is the method that works for you, and makes you happy, and makes you feel good about yourself as a parent fine. That's great, keep it up. But to suggest that others who disagree are raising psychologically damaged children is quite insulting.

No one ever denied their child food. The fact of the matter is my 7 month old gets his nutrition during the day. He does not wake up in the night and need to eat. ...and believe me, at 18lbs, he is getting enough nutrition!

There are, literally, a million ways to bond with your child. Nursing your child to sleep and sleeping with them is not the end-all-be-all of child/parent bonding. Why wouldn't people want to do this? Because it doesn't work for them. It is not what is right for their family or child.

...and you think you should fit your life and world around her wants and needs...and you don't think she should behave a certain way because it's more convenient for you? Oh dear! I can't wait to hear from you when she is a toddler....or better yet, an adolescent! Wow are you in for it.....

 

[mjkacmom]

Except for the morning when you go in to find your baby woke up in the middle of then night with a raging fever and has now been crying in her own vomit for the last two hours. At least you all got your rest?
Co-sleeping is not a "bad habit" for those who chose it for their family.

I never used a monitor after #1, and I always woke when my babies were crying. BTW, the Ferber method requires that 15 minutes is the absolute max a child cries without comfort. I can't imagine a parents would let a baby cry all night. I think those who WANT to co-sleep should co-sleep. However, everyone I know who's kids slept in bed with them DIDN'T want them in there, and were desperate to get them to sleep in their own beds.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You know what I think is funny? All the CIO parents here claim that they have talked to oodles of parents over the years about sleep habits and they all had terrible experiences if they didn't CIO. Well, I have 5 kids and I barely ever remember talking about anyone's sleep habits over the years. Are you all planning some sort of research paper? I don't get it. How other people sleep is none of my business. I can't even imagine it being a conversation past "Does your baby sleep through the night?" Nobody has ever expressed any great desire to know about my sleep habits and I don't care about theirs. Unless someone is doing research I don't believe the posters who claim they have spoken to tons of parents who clain co-sleeping ruined their lives. JMHO.

 

[mjkacmom]

You know what I think is funny? All the CIO parents here claim that they have talked to oodles of parents over the years about sleep habits and they all had terrible experiences if they didn't CIO. Well, I have 5 kids and I barely ever remember talking about anyone's sleep habits over the years. Are you all planning some sort of research paper? I don't get it. How other people sleep is none of my business. I can't even imagine it being a conversation past "Does your baby sleep through the night?" Nobody has ever expressed any great desire to know about my sleep habits and I don't care about theirs. Unless someone is doing research I don't believe the posters who claim they have spoken to tons of parents who clain co-sleeping ruined their lives. JMHO.

I remember it being a frequent discussion at playgroups, which we had many. Also, I've been a member of private message boards for years, and getting babies to sleep through the night was a popular topic of discussion.

 

[jodifla]

You know what I think is funny? All the CIO parents here claim that they have talked to oodles of parents over the years about sleep habits and they all had terrible experiences if they didn't CIO. Well, I have 5 kids and I barely ever remember talking about anyone's sleep habits over the years. Are you all planning some sort of research paper? I don't get it. How other people sleep is none of my business. I can't even imagine it being a conversation past "Does your baby sleep through the night?" Nobody has ever expressed any great desire to know about my sleep habits and I don't care about theirs. Unless someone is doing research I don't believe the posters who claim they have spoken to tons of parents who clain co-sleeping ruined their lives. JMHO.

People who are having trouble AND who know your views probably aren't eager to share with you.

I didn't have kids for about 10 years after all my friends, I spent a lot of time with them though, and sleep was a huge issue for most of them.

 

[jodifla]

Except for the morning when you go in to find your baby woke up in the middle of then night with a raging fever and has now been crying in her own vomit for the last two hours. At least you all got your rest?
Co-sleeping is not a "bad habit" for those who chose it for their family.

Again, slams on the rest of us don't make your way right, or the only way to do things.

Monitors are often bad because you can hear every little thing. Our son was in the room next to ours, so we could hear him just fine, well, other than the night I was so exhausted I just slept through everything.

 

[tiffjoy]

But you are still training the horse to do what you want them to do. Either way you do it you are bending them to YOUR will. If they don't want to take a saddle you don't just give up and say "OK no saddle for you" You have to do the same with children at some point, and in some manner. That is all I am saying. Kids HAVE to learn that they will not always get what they want when they want. Even those who say they are not advocates of CIO are teaching that at some point and thier kids are expressing displeasure with not being allowed to do as they please, most lilely through crying. It is a natural part of life to learn boundaries. I don't see why that shouldn't apply to sleep as much as it does to everything else. We teach our children where the boundaries are with everything else, why not sleep?

You are NOT denying a child food by asking them to sleep on thier own, I mean really it is not likel everyone who puts a child down awake is starving them. By six months night nursing is nutritionally unnecessary, and it is NOT nutrition they are after, but comfort. My DD was fed just before bed, but layed down awake. Her nutritional needs were met, but I taught her that she did not need to seek comfort from food, she could find it in herself.

We can debate this for the next 5 years, but I don't think anyone's opinion will change, and ultimately, watever method works for you and makes you feel like a good mom is the one you will use. If we are truly honest with ourselves I think it is as much about how we feel about it and what is best for the child. When I think of all the parents and children I ahve know over the years, the different sleep methods that have used, and the outcomes they have had, teaching a a child to sleep independently in theri own bed from the start led to the best outcomes with the smallest amount of upset and trauma. It seems perfectly logical to me that it would be the best choice to make. Obviously, you feel differently, but to say that you would be denying a child nutrition by asking them to go to sleep without nursing is going a little far IMO.

You missed my point. Yes, we we all need to learn and grow and develop. It's HOW you work with your children that I was emphasizing.

I choose a less stressful approach to reach my goal, and I listen to my daughter's cues on when she is ready for each step. When I'm training a horse, I may spend weeks, going into months, doing ground training before I even bring out a bridle. Once I do, if the horse even flinches when I go to put it on, I back off, and we try again later. I don't push, and I don't force anything. It's the same way with my daughter- I don't push until she is ready developmentally to do something.

You do realize that we aren't talking about kids learning they can't get what they want, right? We're talking about teeny babies. They are not cognitively ready for so many things yet when they are that small. You need to let their brain develop. My daughter learns boundaries that are appropriate- and to me, that does not include nursing limitations.

Did you nurse or feed bottles? I ask because there is a distinct difference. Nursing is often for comfort, and that's completely natural. You obviosuly can't give a baby endless bottles, but breastmilk adjusts throughout the day, and babies cannot overfeed by nursing. That's why pacifiers were invented- why do you think babies like to suck on things? What do you think women did before pacifiers? Because sucking calms them down. I allow my daughter to nurse whenever she wants or needs to (and they are needs at that age, not wants- a baby cannot cognitively distinguish between needs and wants. It's all a need). Day or night. She is too little for me to try to limit her nursing as it can be detrimental to our nursing relationship.

The only other nursing mother who replies said that her babies slept through the night on their own. That's different. My daughter often sleeps through the night, and that's fine. But last night, for instance, she woke up twice and wanted to nurse. So we did. Until she is a year old, nursing is too important both for feeding and for comfort.

 

[rparmfamily]

My 12 mo old nursling doesn't sleep thru the night all the time yet, but for me, that's a developmental milestone rather than something I can force on her by not letting her nurse when she cries in the night.

DH and I actually love co-sleeping. I am working on getting DD into her crib more, because I worry more about her falling out and as she's getting bigger she is taking up more space in our queen bed (DH is 6'5") But we do both love it. It's a very special time for us.

And yes, parenting infants is much different from parenting (in my case) preteens, since my oldest is only 9.5.

I guess what I've gathered from mothering my 3 children is to trust my instincts...not that someone says my baby should sleep thru the night at 6 months or not "need" to nurse,etc. If my baby cries, I respond. I dunno...that's how I want to be treated I guess.

 

[ccgirl]

I was thinking about this post last night as I held my daughter and nursed her to sleep, and I realized it reminded me a lot of horse training (which I've done for about 15 years or so).

There are some trainers who believe in breaking a horse-you put on the saddle, hop on, and ride it out. It's a quick method, and it does work. I've ridden a lot of horses who were trained by the method, and they were good horses. My issue is that I have ridden a lot of horses trained by the method, and they were not always psychologically healthy as a result of the training. Also, I feel it's highly stressful for the horse.

Then, there are the natural horsemanship trainers, which is the method I believe in. You spend time with the horse on the ground, you "talk" in horse language, you get into the mind of the horse and relate to them on that level. Then, you slowly introduce the saddle, slowly get on, slowly work the relationship. It takes longer, sometimes weeks or months. But I believe it to be more effective and creates a trusting, attached relationship between horse and human.

Then, there are trainers in the middle. The may do some natural horsemanship, but not all.

It's this way with CIO vs non-CIO methods (attachment parenting).

I think that if anyone wants a really good resource on attachment parenting, check Dr Sears. He has a really good book The Baby Book that has a ton of info on sleeping. He also has info on transitioning children from nursing to sleep or co-sleeping to sleeping on their own. Again,similar to my analogy, I view this as a low-stress, natural way to parent a child to sleep (that is a Dr Sears term, not a slam against CIO parents).

I have tons of links on why CIO is not healthy, but I am not sure of the rules and if I can post the links here.

My sister is an attachment parent on her fourth child, ranging in age from 8 to newborn. Her two oldest sleep just fine on their own (8 and 3). Her second youngest is now sleeping happily in a pack-n-play in her room. Newest is co-sleeping. They have no sleep issues at all, and all transitioned to their own beds without tears. It really comes down to working out the method to transition kids and being committed to it.

My daughter has already transitioned so much on her own in 10 months that I have no fear of further transitions.

I believe that, bottom line, my husband and I are the adults. We are the ones who needed to adjust our lives to fit baby, and not our daughter. That's our belief. We fit our world and lives around her and her needs, and didn't expect her to behave certain ways because it was more convenient for us. Not doing CIO isn't always the easiest, but we believe it to be the healthiest route, especially as I nurse. I would never imagine denying her food in her first year. After one year old, then we can transition to no night-nursing but before then- babies do too much growing.

Quite frankly, nursing my daughter to sleep last night, I couldn't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to do it that way. It gives us such special bonding time and I know she will grow up and not need me this way far too soon.

I posted my thoughts and moved on. For some reason, I took offense to this post though. I did not nurse my DS to sleep because I physically couldn't. Your post implies that becasue of that we have no bonding??? Please....I hear, "I luz you mommy" all day long and get a million kisses. People are very surprised how gentle and loving he is. Absolutely no bonding issues there. Please know that nursing is not the only bonding method. Do not judge those that don't nurse for one way or another. It is a choice and will not harm the child if they are not nursed.

The other thing you said was that CIO was not healthy and you could point to a ton of links that say that. You also mention it is psychologically damaging. I could probably show you just as many articles where co-sleeping was found to be not healthy and psychologically damaging. People tend to find the info that supports their own belief.

Bottom line....as a mom we all do what is best for our children. I did CIO with both kids and I can assure you that neither is psychologically damaged or has bonding issues. Please don't judge me as I don't judge the methods you use to get your children to sleep.