In Your Culture, Is Being On Time Important?

[rastahomie]

I apparently live in the land where time is meaningless.

Yesterday was the monthly Texas Hold 'Em tournament at the Eagles club. According to the flier, the tournament was to begin at 2:00 p.m. I was there early to sign up; apparently there was no point to that. At 2:25, people were still standing around and talking, ordering their beers, and so on. I think the first hand was dealt at 2:40.

Looking back, I probably shouldn't have been surprised. Around here, time means nothing. Here's how every single family event I've been to in this town has panned out:

1. Invitation says "be here at noon, hostess is serving grilled burgers and weenies."
2. People start showing up around 12:30.
3. At about 1:00, hostess and her husband start talking about firing up the grill.
4. 1:15 hostess and her husband are still talking about it.
5. 1:30 hostess' husband fires up the grill.
6. 2:00 hostess' daughter is asked to pray. Her prayer consists of two Our Fathers, three Hail Marys, and the Nicene Creed, and that's before she actually invokes her deity to bless the meal.
7. 2:20 now that she's prayed, everyone talks about getting a burger or weenie. But no one wants to be rude and be the first in line, so the burgers and weenies just sit there.
8. 2:45 Now that Rastahomie has gone nearly three hours without lunch, he finally gets a plate.

I was raised that being even a minute late, especially to a family event, is rude beyond all measure. What's more, the hostess has the food ready at that time.

And if something was scheduled to start at 2:00, that means, you know, it starts at 2:00.

I supposed I should be grateful. I hear that in some cultures, it's even worse. A friend of mine grew up in the Caribbean, and he told me that if you and your friend Bob make plans to smoke a spliff on Ganja Beach at 2:00, he might stagger in at around 4:00 - and it's perfectly acceptable and it's expected.

Is this how it is in your culture?

 

[Skippy918]

I don't know if its culture or location based, but I am a punctual person and I really hate when things don't start on time. It is a huge pet peeve of mine.
When I have birthday parties for my kids which have specific start and end times so many people arrive late. If the invite says 2, you arrive at 2. Then when people come late, it delays the start of the party and then the kids have less time doing the activity.
Work meetings are the same, although many people have back to back meetings so I do give a 5 min grace period.

 

[Skippy918]

We have a thing today for one of the organizations we are involved in and it starts at 12. Is it going to be one of those things where people start arriving at 12 and the event doesn't get started on time or do we arrive a few mins late so we're not bored waiting around for it to start.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I'm not sure it's a cultural thing. To me it's a respect thing.

 

[Southernmiss]

I like on time.

Dh used to like on time, but he got tired of waiting on things that did not start on time, so now he's late, too.

And dd15 is naturally late. I tell her we're leaving at xxx she begins her final preparations at xxx. And we leave 5 or 10 minutes later. Usually it's to something for her, so I figure she'll get consequences there for being late.

Drives me crazy.

 

[Meriweather]

I don't think it is cultural.....maybe regional, maybe generational.
I am always on time and expect others to be, but they usually aren't
My kids' friends are never on time for anything. They don't like planning either

 

[emmybee]

I am the only punctual one in my family. I describe it as a neurosis bred by my dad. I am frequently the first person to arrive at family functions, and it's only now that I am able to make myself leave my house at the start time w/out having a mini-freak out about it. But with everything else, I am well ahead on time. At my previous job, I was known for showing up ridiculously early, but in my head, parking was such a mess, I'd rather show up an hour early and relax. As long as I am on time, I don't mind if stuff doesn't start on time. Of course, I don't have a super-regimented schedule, so....

 

[ronandannette]

My "culture" certainly does hold to strictly defined timelines and it's a bit of a stretch for me because I'm always running late.

Examples:

• If I'm invited to an event at someone's home I would never think of arriving early. I arrive at or just slightly (5-10) minutes after the stated time.
• If we invite people over for a casual gathering we say "come anytime after X:00". We do not expect anybody to arrive early.
• If a meal is involved I give a specific time and expect the guests to adhere. I am prepared to have it on the table within 20 minutes of arrival, allowing for a brief "cocktail time".
• If we're meeting friends at a restaurant or event, we try to be there just slightly early so we can greet them as they arrive. It's very irksome to be standing waiting for the rest of your party so we try never to be "those people".
• For meetings or professional appointments of any kind I arrive as close to the dot as possible and am irritated by anyone who doesn't do the same. Case-in-point is the ubiquitous waits we all have at medical appointments - I'm annoyed by the time I finally get in if I've been waiting for 1/2 an hour or so.
• At my work we come and go with a lot of flexibility BUT management or client meetings MUST be attended on-time. It's basically a promotion-killer to be viewed as somebody who is unreliable or can't manage time properly.

 

[Bilberry]

In Florida, around where I live most of the time, being late is common and expected. It isn't something I enjoy but have come to an agreement with it. I joke that when calling repair services, it is important for me to not only request the time but also the month. If Monday is given as the day they are coming, specify which Monday of which month.

I had some practice with that as my brother in law has historically been a serial late arriver. He is apparently a little better with arrival times but for what ever reason time doesn't seem to register with him. If we are having an event at 12:00 we tell my brother in law it is happening at 11:00. He shows up on time that way, most of the time.

My mom's side of the family is the opposite. Being early, often times hours early is the norm.

So I guess in answer to the question, time of arrival depends on who I talk with and where I'm at.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Is this how it is in your culture?

Hard to say - MY culture (as in my personal take) I'm a "be there 5 minutes early" person. Almost every event I've attended in my societal culture (the rest of the world around me) gets started pretty much on time. But not always.

If it's a BBQ/dinner situation, the sit down time may be 30-60 minutes after the "start" time on the invite. But it's usually specified that way:
Please join us XX DATE at 4:00 for EVENT
Dinner served at 5:00

Other things, like award ceremonies, typically start about 5-10 minutes after the "start" time indicated on the invitation. That bugs me.

 

[HarperLeigh]

I grew up in a German enclave. What do you think?

 

[lorimay]

I am an on-time person and take pride in that.

When my kids were younger (90's early 2000's),
they would be invited to a birthday party and twice I remember getting to the party and being the first one which wasn't bad. One time the mother hosting the party had a towel on her head and had just gotten out of the shower. She looked at me like I had 2 heads. I showed up at the time on the invitation said, and she's looking at me like I'm crazy.... Bizarre.
Another time, they weren't set up at all, the husband said "Oh, Jane is at the store". Lesson learned, I was never on time to a birthday party again if it was in someones home. If it was at a Chucky Cheese where there's a 2 hour limit I arrived on time.

 

[RedAngie]

For family gatherings, it's very lax. It's usually something like "come around 4-ish." Which means the meal will probably be around 5 pm or later.

For friends, if a specific time is stated, it's acceptable to be about 15 to 20 minutes late without a call or text.

 

[dclpluto]

The latest you should ever be is 5 minutes early.

 

[kimblebee]

I haaaaate being late to anything.

When I'm going somewhere with my daughter and husband I give them plenty of warning before the time we need to leave but they always decide two minutes before we're due to leave to start shaving and showering.

If I could drive, I'd leave them at home a time or two..

 

[hereyago]

I grew up in a military family, so I am a stickler for being on time, plus being late it messes up my mojo,lol.

 

[dish rag]

I don't think it is cultural.....maybe regional, maybe generational.
I am always on time and expect others to be, but they usually aren't
My kids' friends are never on time for anything. They don't like planning either

It's very cultural. If you show up to a Puerto Rican wedding on time you'll be about 3 hrs early. You could be the only one there.

 

[MochaDrinker]

The latest you should ever be is 5 minutes early.

Agreed

 

[design_mom]

I agree that I'm not sure if it's culturally based or personality based.

I like to be on time and I'm often the one parked down the block because I arrived early. I'm sitting in the car waiting for an acceptable time to go in. My dad was a stickler for being on time when I was young. (Funny thing is, now that he's retired, he's *often* late. Drives me crazy.)

For DH's family, his sister is always late and doesn't seem to care. I find it very annoying especially if we're waiting on her to eat.

My son's coach says "Early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable." Meaning that when practice starts you need to be there and ready to work -- not parking your car, filling your water bottle, putting on your gear, etc. I like that.

 

[2forMe]

If I was invited to lunch that said arrive at 12, I would not expect to eat right at 12.
I also would be expecting to eat much later than 1-130