In Your Culture, Is Being On Time Important?

[TipsyTraveler]

I used to bartend private parties and the agency I worked with always reiterated "No more than ten minutes early or one minute late." I thought that was a pretty good goal.

Professionally or regarding appointments, I don't feel it's acceptable to be late at all. Meeting friends at a restaurant, I give and take about a ten minute grace period before I consider one late. For a family or friends gathering in the home, I generally don't start noticing someone's absence until 15-20 minutes past the start time.

I used to be one of those people who was early/on time for everything and expected others to be the same way, but I finally had to make a concerted effort to relax those expectations because I spent too much time waiting on other people and getting irritated in the process.

 

[HarperLeigh]

The latest you should ever be is 5 minutes early.

 

[wgeo]

I think it is both cultural and regional. When we lived up north if a dinner party started at 6 most people showed up very close to 6 and we would be eating by 6:30 ish. In FL, if it starts at 6, most people are there between 6 and 6:30 and you're lucky if the meal starts by 7:30 but 8 would be common. We've had to seriously adjust our expectations down here, and just get used to everything moving at a slower more relaxed pace.

Also - we belong to a pretty diverse church, and every single week there is one culture that consistently shows up late, like many people walking in to church 15 minutes late. These are amazing people, dressed in fancy dresses, and suits and ties in the FL heat - there is no doubt that they have much respect for church, they're just not there when it starts. These are the same people that are the last to leave at the end because they spend so much time talking to everyone. it's not a respect issue, it's just a different way of looking at time.

My husband believes that if you are not 10 minutes early then you are late, so like I said he's trying really hard to adjust.

 

[powellrj]

My Dad was also a if you are not 10 minutes early you are late. so I am always early. The problem is I no longer drive so I have to depend on DH to drive me places. Its awful. I am so embarrassed being late. I have tried everything. Telling him it starts at noon when it really starts at 1. I will tell him to get in the shower first and we are still waiting on him.

He is so bad I had outpatient surgery last week and he was late picking me up. Not only was he late picking me up, he was suppose to stay at the hospital and left me there and then was late picking me up.

 

[pearlieq]

I was raised to believe that punctuality is imperative and respectful and that tardiness is a sign of disrespect and poor self-management. You show up no later than 5 minutes early for a job interview/job/meeting or scheduled event, within 5 minutes of the stated start time for a small party, and within 15 minutes of the stated start time for a large event. It's a bit of a tightrope because you can NEVER be early for party but also cannot be more than 5-15 minutes late depending on the size.

I realize this is just a cultural norm. Other cultures have completely different systems and understandings of time that are no more right or wrong than mine.

It's funny when they clash, though. Once DH wanted to be nice to new employee of his and agreed to come to his son's birthday party. We were told it started at 3:00pm. WASPs that we are, we arrived at 3:10pm. It was 3:30 before anyone even came to the party room and they seemed genuinely shocked that we were there. Around 4ish, a couple of family members trickled in and started setting things up. The 3:00pm party still hadn't started at 5:00pm when we had to leave.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am with you Rasta....
Being late... delayed... on 'one's own time'... That is like one of the ULTIMATE in self-absorbed rudeness to me.
It really is. One of my pet peeves, actually.

I can remember, years ago, going to one family member's cook-out that went exactly as you described. It was awful.

And, if dining is involved, it is way way worse than that.
I am one who sometimes has less than stellar blood sugar and issues with hypo-glycemia.
I would have had to have eaten a large, and late, breakfast to be able to go until well after 1:30 in the afternnoon to eat 'lunch'.
At this point, it might be way worse than rudeness to keep hungry guests waiting... It might have become a personal/health issue.
You don't have people over for a meal, and then just do not offer anything to eat for hours.
Wow...

2forme's comment above just leaves me...

 

[usnuzuloose]

I don't see it as a cultural issue, it is the right thing to do. Now things can happen. And if they do it may not be that persons fault. They could have been held up in traffic issues or even an accident. But if you are late because you can't be on time, that is a bad issue.

 

[wgeo]

I disagree, and think this is exactly why it is cultural. In some cultures - there is absolutely no excuse for being late, and it is a sign of disrespect. BUT there are many cultures that completely disagree, that's not how they see time, not how they deal with time. For them, showing respect is done in completely different ways, and it can go so far as to be considered disrespectful if you showed up "on time". To me, that is a quintessential cultural difference.

That's the fun part about living in different parts of the US (to me at least) is that I've gotten to experience the different ways people look at things, and begun to realize that just because I think something is normal and right, doesn't mean everyone else will think the same.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think it's personality. If we have a family get together at 1:00, my oldest sister shows up at 12:30. Within 10 minutes, she's complaining that it's time to eat & everyone is late. In her mind, anyone that shows up at 1:00 is late. One of my sisters & I are habitually late. I don't plan to be late. I always start getting ready on time, but somehow I'm always late. My sister is usually later than I. My other sisters usually show up at the appointed time. For us, culture, age &/or location have nothing to do with it. We were all raised the same. We just have different personalities.

 

[hereyago]

He is so bad I had outpatient surgery last week and he was late picking me up. Not only was he late picking me up, he was suppose to stay at the hospital and left me there and then was late picking me up.

I am sorry, I would have been hella ticked to word it mildly. I hope your surgery recovery is fast.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I also do not agree with using the word 'cultural' to try to justify things that are just wrong, or rude.
As the last example shows, this 'on my own time', habitual lateness even affected a serious medical appointment.
We are not talking about a reasonable window 'social lateness'.

Lacking any respect for other peoples time (or hunger, or whatever) is rude and disrespectful.
And, to me, there is no way that this kind disrespect should ever be accepted and justified by the word 'culture'.

I am born and raised in the 'slower culture' of the South.
And, even as such, I would consider it very rude and disrespectful and inappropriate to keep anyone waiting for the lengths of time that are being discussed here.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Also - we belong to a pretty diverse church, and every single week there is one culture that consistently shows up late, like many people walking in to church 15 minutes late. These are amazing people, dressed in fancy dresses, and suits and ties in the FL heat - there is no doubt that they have much respect for church, they're just not there when it starts. These are the same people that are the last to leave at the end because they spend so much time talking to everyone. it's not a respect issue, it's just a different way of looking at time.

See, to me, that's rude. I don't think people who habitually arrive late to a church service are being respectful. And the minister/priest and the rest of the congregation are okay with this? IMO, walking in when someone is in the middle of addressing a group is inconsiderate to both the speaker and the other people in attendance. It's disruptive to the service. Especially at a religious function which many people hold sacred.

I don't think it has anything to do with living a more relaxed lifestyle; that's a separate issue. If everyone else manages to get there on time, why can't they? If they know it takes them longer to get ready for church because they have a slower pace, then they should get up earlier and allow for the extra time they need.

 

[gotomu212]

I think you are talking about two different things. For appointments you should always be on time.

However for social events the start time has never been the "food time" in my family or social circle. We don't expect to walk in the door and immediately start eating. We expect a 30-60 minute social visit/catch up time before sitting down to eat. So in the OP example I don't consider that late and I never show up somewhere already starving.

For events with sign ups I expect "2:00 start" to mean that's when they start checking people in and registering everyone and the actual activities will start once everyone is checked in.

 

[wgeo]

See, to me, that's rude. I don't think people who habitually arrive late to a church service are being respectful. And the minister/priest and the rest of the congregation are okay with this? IMO, walking in when someone is in the middle of addressing a group is inconsiderate to both the speaker and the other people in attendance. It's disruptive to the service. Especially at a religious function which many people hold sacred.

I don't think it has anything to do with living a more relaxed lifestyle; that's a separate issue. If everyone else manages to get there on time, why can't they? If they know it takes them longer to get ready for church because they have a slower pace, then they should get up earlier and allow for the extra time they need.

Well, the pastor has gotten used to it. These same people will come to Bible Study and have serious notes written out about their thoughts because they pre-read the Bible sections. So it has nothing to do with them taking their religion seriously. They would be dumbfounded to hear that their being late was considered rude to other people, it's just not something that would cross their mind. Again, in my opinion this is a case of people being brought up one way and assuming that it means that that way is the correct way. I'm of the personal opinion that things are relative.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I am like early all the time. I think I am allergic to late.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I think you are talking about two different things. For appointments you should always be on time.

However for social events the start time has never been the "food time" in my family or social circle. We don't expect to walk in the door and immediately start eating. We expect a 30-60 minute social visit/catch up time before sitting down to eat. So in the OP example I don't consider that late and I never show up somewhere already starving.

For events with sign ups I expect "2:00 start" to mean that's when they start checking people in and registering everyone and the actual activities will start once everyone is checked in.

I agree. I think it depends on the situation. For a casual party, arriving "fashionably late" isn't bad. But I also think in the OP, making guests wait almost 3 hours is unreasonable. In my circles, if a meal is being served, it's usually within an hour of the designated start time, and there are also usually snacks, appetizers and drinks available right away. And if I'm the host, I won't inconvenience my guests who are there, to wait for late arrivals.

For things like scheduled appointments, meetings, classes, ceremonies, church services, concerts, plays, movies, etc., you should be on time. It goes back to "things I learned in kindergarten". In my school, if you were tardy once in a while, it was excused, but if it happened too frequently, they sent you to the principal, called your parents, or made you stay for detention.

 

[rastahomie]

It's definitely cultural. An entire town can't be collectively just rude, lol.

Like I said, this problem is magnified tenfold in places in the Caribbean and Latin America. Bankers in Costa Rica will take your deposit slip, walk towards the general area of where deposit slips go, talk to their co-workers, maybe go over some business with their supervisor, get some coffee, and get back to you with your receipt at some point during the work day. Real-estate agents in the USVI will show up at 4:00 to 2:00 showings. Drivers in Jamaica will, when seeing their friend walking down the road, pull over and have a conversation with them, traffic be damned.

In other cultures, being obsessive about time is considered rude.

I expected this to come up when I traveled abroad. I didn't expect it to come up when I crossed the Linear Swamp from Illinois into Missouri, lol. I thought, generally, that all Americans understood and appreciated punctuality.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm pretty on time. I was raised like that (my parents were OCD on time people. However, for casual get together, like BBQ's, if it starts at 2, you will be helping set up, so I only go on time if I'm close with them. Snacks get put out, and the grill will get lit after another hour or so. Coming within an hour of the start time isn't considered late.

 

[tasha99]

For business events--you should be on time, or a few minutes early. However, for social events, it's actually pretty rude to be early, and people expect you to be a tad late. I know when I'm a hostess, I panic if I see a car showing up 10 minutes ahead of time, and while I know people may show up on time, the norm is 10-15 minutes late. For a lunch, "starting at noon" is really show up at 12:15, and we'll eat within a half hour of that. The only people who should actually be early or punctual to a social event are those so close to the host/hostess that they are helpers.

 

[trivan]

The saying I go by: if your early, your on time. If your on time your late, if your late your (fill in your own statement). My daughters coach puts "your benched".

its also on almost every 10 things that require zero talent list.