In Your Culture, Is Being On Time Important?

[Kitty 34]

I'm usually always early. If I have an appt at 10:00 I'm there at 9:45.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, now we are trying to use small third world developing countries to justify this?
Hahahaha!!!!

I consider those who are 'on their own time', and would keep others waiting well past a stated specific time to have a personality flaw.

 

[wgeo]

Okay, now we are trying to use small third world developing countries to justify this?
Hahahaha!!!!

I consider those who are 'on their own time', and would keep others waiting well past a stated specific time to have a personality flaw.

I don't think we're justifying anything? I thought the point of this thread was to discuss how different cultures viewed the issue. It is clear how you view the issue, and clear that you think your view is better then "small third world developing countries".

My point is that there are many countries - and people from those countries who now live in the US, who view things differently then we do, and that we aren't anymore right or wrong than they are. I'm not gonna judge someone as having a personality flaw simply because they're not on time as the culture that I was raised in taught me that it wasn't our place to judge other people.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I'm not sure it's a cultural thing. To me it's a respect thing.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Making excuses for being late are just that, excuses.

 

[AppleDumpling]

They would be dumbfounded to hear that their being late was considered rude to other people, it's just not something that would cross their mind.

LOL, has anyone ever told them?

If someone is always late, they clearly aren't even making an attempt to be on time. It tells me they either don't realize or don't care that their behavior may affect others around them.

I understand there are cultural differences, and I try to be tolerant. I guess because of where and how I was raised, it's hard to be tolerant of a culture that apparently lacks the concept of common courtesy.

 

[wgeo]

LOL, has anyone ever told them?

If someone is always late, they clearly aren't even making an attempt to be on time. It tells me they either don't realize or don't care that their behavior may affect others around them.

I understand there are cultural differences, and I try to be tolerant. I guess because of where and how I was raised, it's hard to be tolerant of a culture that apparently lacks the concept of common courtesy.

I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree. They don't see time as a "concept of common courtesy" and that's the underlying difference here. Most people on this thread see it as a simple black/white matter - you're rude if you're not on time because that is what our culture taught us growing up. It's how I was raised too, so I understand that. But if someone does not come at the issue with the idea that being late is rude it changes the entire scenario. If their culture does not base rudeness on a predefined arrival time then they will see things differently. But that is a concept that people here are not willing to wrap their minds around apparently.

I think the idea of cultural differences and how people deal with them is a fascinating topic, so this has been quite a fun conversation for me. I should have been a sociologist lol.

 

[LilyWDW]

For business events--you should be on time, or a few minutes early. However, for social events, it's actually pretty rude to be early, and people expect you to be a tad late. I know when I'm a hostess, I panic if I see a car showing up 10 minutes ahead of time, and while I know people may show up on time, the norm is 10-15 minutes late. For a lunch, "starting at noon" is really show up at 12:15, and we'll eat within a half hour of that. The only people who should actually be early or punctual to a social event are those so close to the host/hostess that they are helpers.

And see, if I am the hostess then I make sure to have things set up before the time on the invitation because that is the polite thing to do. I expect and would hope my guests have enough respect to not be late. If I say the event starts at 2:00 then I plan on the event to START at 2:00, not 2:15 or 2:30. So I am ready for guests to arrive by 1:45 or so.

 

[Skippy918]

I had a few friends who were always late to things. One was late to his own wedding. With another friend if we were meeting up, I actually had to tell him an earlier time cause I knew he would be late. He was still late! And it wasn't just 15 mins it was nearly an hour waiting for him.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree. They don't see time as a "concept of common courtesy" and that's the underlying difference here. Most people on this thread see it as a simple black/white matter - you're rude if you're not on time because that is what our culture taught us growing up. It's how I was raised too, so I understand that. But if someone does not come at the issue with the idea that being late is rude it changes the entire scenario. If their culture does not base rudeness on a predefined arrival time then they will see things differently. But that is a concept that people here are not willing to wrap their minds around apparently.

I do understand. I suppose it's true that they do not associate time with courtesy. It's all well and good if everyone at your church isn't bothered by their lateness and accepts them as they are, but surely there are other aspects of their lives, like a job, for example, where being on time might matter a lot more. Maybe you'd be doing them a favor by explaining what the cultural norm is in the US.

FWIW, if I moved to a new country, I would observe and talk to people to learn the local culture so that I could adapt to my new country.

 

[Superchikk]

To me, it doesn't matter if it's cultural... unless you live in the culture where it doesn't matter. I know that sounds weird, but let me explain.

There are cultures in which time doesn't matter. If you live there, you have to go with the flow. If you don't live there, it's just plain rude, disrespectful, and self-serving.

In America, especially in business, time does matter, and therefore, you should be punctual. I realize that life happens... there's a wreck on the interstate, the baby pukes on you on the way out the door, etc. But those things should be the exception, not the rule. And if you show up late to everything with some "reason" (excuse), then clearly the problem is your lack of planning ahead.

I am the oldest of seven kids. My dad traveled a lot for work. My mom had to get all seven of us places by herself the majority of the time. Do you know how many times we were late? I can probably count them on one hand. Mom planned... and then planned for the unexpected. It taught me a great lesson in preparation. Mom is still timely even though everyone has moved out on their own. When Mom says to arrive at 5pm, guess when everyone arrives? No later than 5pm. When she says we'll eat about 5:30, we're filling plates at 5:30. If you want to be late, fine. But we don't wait for you, and unless you called and something ridiculous happened to keep you from being on time, we certainly don't save a plate for you.

The problem I see with most of my peers (moms with elementary aged kids) is that they have no concept of how long things actually take. How many minutes does it actually take for you to get from point A to point B? It may take 7 minutes to drive there. But that doesn't include the amount of time it takes to get everyone in the car, run back in the house for something that was forgotten, get where you're going (with an extra few minutes to account for traffic), park, and get inside. People don't build that time into their trip, so they can't understand why in the world they're late. If it takes me 20 minutes to get from my door to the door of the gym for my son's class, I leave 30 minutes before it starts. I always build in a time cushion for traffic or unforseen circumstances. My kids are basically neurotic about being on time - they're worse than I am. They've seen their friends walk into classes, parties, and events late and could never imagine that being a habitual thing in their life.

My husband served in the USMC, and unless you're 15 minutes early, you're late. His family, although his Dad was career Army, cannot be anywhere on time. Ever. It's like time doesn't exist in their universe. He hates it. When we visit them, we are on our timetable, they're on theirs.

 

[wgeo]

FWIW - these people are my seniors by at least 30 years for the most part, have led extremely successful lives (and careers) and are quite enjoying their retirement. They've lived in America for almost as long as I've been alive, if not longer, and many were born here - perhaps to immigrant parents. I don't know and I don't care. I have no desire to tell them that they need to change anything about themselves to fit some pre-conceived notion of some American norm. I do not presume to be right and for them to be wrong. They make up about 20% of our large church, and their being late to the service is simply not an issue, we value them for many reasons (as we do all people), and one of those reasons is that they bring a different perspective to our group. Getting to know them has only enriched my life, and does it mean I need to slow down and go at their pace? Yep, and does it mean that when I have lunch at one of their houses its usually a 3 hour affair? yep, and I feel quite lucky to get to know them better.

 

[low-key]

I come from a culture of nomads, we do not believe in the concept of time

 

[Skippy918]

To me, it doesn't matter if it's cultural... unless you live in the culture where it doesn't matter. I know that sounds weird, but let me explain.

There are cultures in which time doesn't matter. If you live there, you have to go with the flow. If you don't live there, it's just plain rude, disrespectful, and self-serving.

In America, especially in business, time does matter, and therefore, you should be punctual. I realize that life happens... there's a wreck on the interstate, the baby pukes on you on the way out the door, etc. But those things should be the exception, not the rule. And if you show up late to everything with some "reason" (excuse), then clearly the problem is your lack of planning ahead.

I am the oldest of seven kids. My dad traveled a lot for work. My mom had to get all seven of us places by herself the majority of the time. Do you know how many times we were late? I can probably count them on one hand. Mom planned... and then planned for the unexpected. It taught me a great lesson in preparation. Mom is still timely even though everyone has moved out on their own. When Mom says to arrive at 5pm, guess when everyone arrives? No later than 5pm. When she says we'll eat about 5:30, we're filling plates at 5:30. If you want to be late, fine. But we don't wait for you, and unless you called and something ridiculous happened to keep you from being on time, we certainly don't save a plate for you.

The problem I see with most of my peers (moms with elementary aged kids) is that they have no concept of how long things actually take. How many minutes does it actually take for you to get from point A to point B? It may take 7 minutes to drive there. But that doesn't include the amount of time it takes to get everyone in the car, run back in the house for something that was forgotten, get where you're going (with an extra few minutes to account for traffic), park, and get inside. People don't build that time into their trip, so they can't understand why in the world they're late. If it takes me 20 minutes to get from my door to the door of the gym for my son's class, I leave 30 minutes before it starts. I always build in a time cushion for traffic or unforseen circumstances. My kids are basically neurotic about being on time - they're worse than I am. They've seen their friends walk into classes, parties, and events late and could never imagine that being a habitual thing in their life.

My husband served in the USMC, and unless you're 15 minutes early, you're late. His family, although his Dad was career Army, cannot be anywhere on time. Ever. It's like time doesn't exist in their universe. He hates it. When we visit them, we are on our timetable, they're on theirs.

Exactly. It's not hard to check google maps even if you know how to get there to get a travel estimate then add 10 mins to get in the car and find parking. Works every time for me.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Exactly!!! (to several above posts)

The assumption that somebody else's "time does not matter" is nothing short of disrespectful.
There is simply no reason or argument.
I would never ever make the assumption that somebody else's time was so worthless as to say that 'it does not matter'.

And, to those who would be late to surgery, a wedding, etc...
That is most def. a neurological personality flaw.

It would be very very telling to know which people here who can try to explain or justify this kind of lateness and disrespect are the ones who are the most often late.
Either late to a planned appointment or event... or late as the host of an event.
Which leaves other's hanging, in either case.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think some of us are talking about two different things. The fact that someone is late for parties or other casual get-togethers doesn't mean they're late for work, doctor appointments, church, etc. Those are very different situations.

For our casual, family parties the only person that gets on everyone's nerves is the one that shows up early & puts the whole event on a strict timetable. They rush the whole event, so they can get home early. Some people don't like being rushed through a party. Some people also don't care, if you eat without them. Those who host a party & want to eat the minute the party is supposed to start should feel free to do that. Most people would much rather you do that than complain about people being tardy.

I have a feeling I know the culture in question. We went to a party of a coworker from that culture. They met us with beer & water. We ate about an hour & a 1/2 later. We enjoyed the conversation in the meantime. Most people arrived after us, but we all enjoyed ourselves. What's the rush? Like a PP said, I never show up to a party starving, so I'm fine with waiting awhile.

PS: Anyone with obvious personality flaws shouldn't keep pointing out perceived personality flaws in others. It's laughable.

 

[North of Mouse]

I don't know if its culture or location based, but I am a punctual person and I really hate when things don't start on time. It is a huge pet peeve of mine.
When I have birthday parties for my kids which have specific start and end times so many people arrive late. If the invite says 2, you arrive at 2. Then when people come late, it delays the start of the party and then the kids have less time doing the activity.
Work meetings are the same, although many people have back to back meetings so I do give a 5 min grace period.

Yes, yes, & yes!!!! Cannot tolerate people being habitually late - occasionally, for a good reason, understandable - otherwise no!!!

When I have an activity (whatever), we start on the time stated, unless someone is late, and calls with a good reason. Even then, they can usually come and play catch up!

Cultural? I don't know, don't really care, but anyone should be respectful of others and be on time, or make their regrets in a timely fashion.
If people can be on time for work, Dr. appointments, school, etc. etc. there are no excuses for social lateness.

 

[quandrea]

I'm punctual. People who are not try my patience but I try to remember that not everyone is like me.

When entertaining I'm ready to go at start time. I expect that many people will arrive a little late. If people are more than thirty minutes late, I will go ahead with the meal/festivities. I won't hold everything up for one or two people.

I grew up with a father who was always late. It scarred me. He could be an hour and a half late picking me up from school, hours late for sporting events, late getting me to birthday parties. If I ever got upset, it was my fault that I wasn't more easygoing. Never his fault.

One of my favourite qualities about my husband is that he is punctual. I can count on him. It's wonderful. So different from how I grew up.

So I think being on time is a sign of respect. Lateness does show a certain amount of self absorption.

 

[Southernmiss]

Yes, arriving too early is as bothersome as arriving late.

My mom arrives early. I was mortified when d's texted me 'Your mother is already here!!!' For his engagement party at the future in laws an hour away. I had to immediately go apologize to future dil's mother.

For our casual family gatherings, I've been in the shower when she arrives and wonders why I'm not ready yet. Our parties start on time.

I've said I'm going to tell her the party starts an hour later than everyone else.

But to me some folks get too uptight about man-made concept.

 

[xjillianpaige]

I was raised to be on time. My track coach was a big believer in the idea that if you're early you're on time and if you're on time you're late. As I got older, I realized that nothing is ever on time. Social events never start on time, so I always show up 15-30 minutes after it's called for. We have one friend who we always tell to arrive 30 minutes before we want her to be there. because she's always incredibly late. Work meetings I'm always on time for and then I sit and wait for it to start. But for the actual work day, I'm always a few minutes late because I can play with my time worked. I always pull extra hours on the weekend and often during the week, so me showing up 10 minutes late is not the end of the world.

 

[sunshinemelody]

I saw a lot of posts stating that it's not a cultural thing, yet time and time again, people keep pointing out that it surely can be.

Because it can.

My family is Jamaican.

No one is ever on time for any social events. Ever. It is what it is and I'm a pretty punctual person (I'm at university classes 30 minutes before they start, so, I get the whole being on time thing). No one within a Caribbean sphere ever truly expects things to start on time, no matter how small the affair. Want something to start on "time"? Say that the party starts 2 hours before the actual time you want it to start then they'll start rolling in.