Kids quitting extracurricular activities

[rwdavis2]

Let them quit when they want. If the lose interest or don't like it then so what? My father and I had a disagreement about high school basketball. If I quit then he would sell my guitar. I played and pretty much shut him out until he died of a heart attack 5 years later. Are sports that important? I don't think so. Not ever.

 

[Skippy918]

My son quit piano a few months ago after taking lessons for a year. I was sad that he wanted to quit because me and his teacher felt that he had so much potential. He’s more than welcome to pick it back up if he desires.

 

[ashley0139]

Literally any sport at an elite or very high competitive level is going to have an impact on the body. There are a lot of pros to kids doing sports, but there are cons too.

 

[ols386]

Running is another one. My dad was a wildly successful track coach who also tells every runner he knows to find another, less impactful form of exercise once they're over 30.

I so agree with this. My dd in her 30s used to be a Track and Cross Country runner in HS, and continued running all through college, and after. She’ll have to choose something else, as she’s having issues that stem from those years of running.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Okay, I'm going to go against the grain here.

Sometimes kids quit sports because they feel like they aren't getting it or are getting left behind by their peers. Is that maybe what is going on? If it is something she loves to do, nothing is to be gained by giving up. She's old enough to vocalize to you why she doesn't want to do it anymore and "I just don't like it any more" won't give you your answers.

If a child is really unhappy or doesn't like the sport, sure, finish the season then let them drop it. If they loved the sport and all of a sudden don't, I'd be curious as to why.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Literally any sport at an elite or very high competitive level is going to have an impact on the body. There are a lot of pros to kids doing sports, but there are cons too.

Well you could say that about exercise in general.

 

[BrinkofSunshine]

I'm also on the side of letting her choose if she wants to quit or not. Maybe help her decide by guiding her through a pros and cons list; or perhaps discuss another activity to take up.

I was always allowed to quit activities, even when I was very little (ice skating, dance, piano and violin for me), but there are times I wish I had been pushed to stick some things out longer. But I'd never advocate for making a child miserable doing something they don't want to do.

 

[DLgal]

Let her quit. There doesn't even need to be "a good reason." Parents should never dictate what types of extracurricular activities a child is involved in. That should always be child led. Would you want someone deciding what hobbies or activities YOU have to do? No one likes being forced to do something (especially a sport) that they don't want to do. You lose all the positive benefits of sports if the participant isn't into it.

 

[sonnyjane]

Let her quit. There doesn't even need to be "a good reason." Parents should never dictate what types of extracurricular activities a child is involved in. That should always be child led. Would you want someone deciding what hobbies or activities YOU have to do? No one likes being forced to do something (especially a sport) that they don't want to do. You lose all the positive benefits of sports if the participant isn't into it.

Agree. I do think that it's ok for parents to mandate that their kids do AN activity - whether it's a sport, a musical instrument, theater, community service, an after-school job, etc. - just something that keeps you busy/out of trouble/active/productive, but they should be able to choose what that activity is as opposed to being told by their parents.

 

[DLgal]

Agree. I do think that it's ok for parents to mandate that their kids do AN activity - whether it's a sport, a musical instrument, theater, community service, an after-school job, etc. - just something that keeps you busy/out of trouble/active/productive, but they should be able to choose what that activity is as opposed to being told by their parents.

Eh. I don't agree. My kids don't do any activities. They are 12 and 14. They don't want to. I could make them. It would probably "be good for them", but they are autistic and anything we have suggested has been met with a vehement NO. My oldest did adaptive Tae Kwon Do for almost two years until he got to the point he was crying through every class because he has such bad anxiety and was worried that he wasn't doing everything "the right way." Quitting that class was necessary, obviously. He has no desire to do anything social or team oriented where other kids are involved. My other son can't handle anyone bumping into him and has absolutely no stamina, so sports of most kinds are a hard no. Due to sensory issues, music of any kind is out as well.

I take them swimming every day in the summer. They swim laps, and one is probably good enough to be on a team, but he doesn't want to. Doesn't want the pressure to perform a certain way and prefers the solitude of swimming by himself. We also cycle together....long 10-15 mile rides on weekends on nearby bike trails. So they are active, just not outside of our family circle.

But I guess I already know my kids aren't getting into trouble. I mean, they are always home or at school. When (if) they are ready to join some activities, we will gladly sign them up, but I have stopped asking because I don't want them to get the message that something is wrong with NOT wanting to do activities. I do plan to have my kids get after school jobs when they are old enough. In my opinion, that's a far bigger life skill than anything a sport will impart. I played a ton of sports as a kid/teen: baseball, gymnastics, soccer, softball, swimming. I also worked in high school and value the work experience above all the sports experiences, to be honest.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I would let her finish out the season, and then quit if she still wants to. My younger two dance, and if they wanted to quit, I would let them. BUT, I would make them choose a different sport in its place, since it's the only sport they do. So, I'd want them doing something physical. It wouldn't matter which sport, so long as they liked it and put a good effort into it.

 

[dotfurio]

YDD wanted to play violin for 2 years before we let her, and a few months after she started she hated it. I think part of it was her first teacher retired and we went through a couple different teachers who had different methods, and she was just over it. We made her keep it up for another couple months to make sure and finally just let her quit.

ODD did a lot of kid sports. We always made her stick with it until the end of the season except the season she wanted to do flag football and thought it was more fun collecting ladybugs on the field than chasing after the ball.

 

[sonnyjane]

Eh. I don't agree. My kids don't do any activities. They are 12 and 14. They don't want to. I could make them. It would probably "be good for them", but they are autistic and anything we have suggested has been met with a vehement NO. My oldest did adaptive Tae Kwon Do for almost two years until he got to the point he was crying through every class because he has such bad anxiety and was worried that he wasn't doing everything "the right way." Quitting that class was necessary, obviously. He has no desire to do anything social or team oriented where other kids are involved. My other son can't handle anyone bumping into him and has absolutely no stamina, so sports of most kinds are a hard no. Due to sensory issues, music of any kind is out as well.

I take them swimming every day in the summer. They swim laps, and one is probably good enough to be on a team, but he doesn't want to. Doesn't want the pressure to perform a certain way and prefers the solitude of swimming by himself. We also cycle together....long 10-15 mile rides on weekends on nearby bike trails. So they are active, just not outside of our family circle.

But I guess I already know my kids aren't getting into trouble. I mean, they are always home or at school. When (if) they are ready to join some activities, we will gladly sign them up, but I have stopped asking because I don't want them to get the message that something is wrong with NOT wanting to do activities. I do plan to have my kids get after school jobs when they are old enough. In my opinion, that's a far bigger life skill than anything a sport will impart. I played a ton of sports as a kid/teen: baseball, gymnastics, soccer, softball, swimming. I also worked in high school and value the work experience above all the sports experiences, to be honest.

I think you certainly have an extenuating circumstance there. If a child has crippling anxiety, I wouldn't force it. I guess I would just try to avoid having kids that come home and eat junk food and watch TV for 6 hours a night. Plenty of time to do that when you're an adult lol

 

[barkley]

Eh. I don't agree. My kids don't do any activities. They are 12 and 14. They don't want to. I could make them. It would probably "be good for them", but they are autistic and anything we have suggested has been met with a vehement NO. My oldest did adaptive Tae Kwon Do for almost two years until he got to the point he was crying through every class because he has such bad anxiety and was worried that he wasn't doing everything "the right way." Quitting that class was necessary, obviously. He has no desire to do anything social or team oriented where other kids are involved. My other son can't handle anyone bumping into him and has absolutely no stamina, so sports of most kinds are a hard no. Due to sensory issues, music of any kind is out as well.

I take them swimming every day in the summer. They swim laps, and one is probably good enough to be on a team, but he doesn't want to. Doesn't want the pressure to perform a certain way and prefers the solitude of swimming by himself. We also cycle together....long 10-15 mile rides on weekends on nearby bike trails. So they are active, just not outside of our family circle.

But I guess I already know my kids aren't getting into trouble. I mean, they are always home or at school. When (if) they are ready to join some activities, we will gladly sign them up, but I have stopped asking because I don't want them to get the message that something is wrong with NOT wanting to do activities. I do plan to have my kids get after school jobs when they are old enough. In my opinion, that's a far bigger life skill than anything a sport will impart. I played a ton of sports as a kid/teen: baseball, gymnastics, soccer, softball, swimming. I also worked in high school and value the work experience above all the sports experiences, to be honest.

I whole heartedly agree.

I have 2 kids-one on the spectrum, one neuro-typ. neither were ones who wanted to do extracurriculars as kids and we never forced it. I've honestly never seen where being/not being in extracurriculars has had any major impact on a person in later life (I learned all the team building and participation skills I needed in college and excelled professionally well beyond many of my peers who spent every waking moment of their childhoods on team sports). sure, if someone has an interest in something then training/practicing/performing or competing in it can lead to improving their skills but if someone has no interest in any extracurricular then I can't see what benefit comes of making them miserable forcing participation in it (and often makes their teacher, trainer, coach, teammates, fellow performers miserable as well).

with my 2 we also waited for them to initiate-with dd it came a year or so into college. she tried several things, found her niche and it has helped to determine her career path. it's nothing that would have been available to her as a child nor would any extracurricular activities available to children have benefited it. with ds (on the spectrum), he's in a college program designed for asd adults held at a local college. it's been through his own initiative that he's become involved with 2 separate clubs on campus-and not only attends but volunteers for their activities. I never would have thought it would do something like this, but again-it had to be on his own time with something he was comfortable with.

 

[sonnyjane]

I whole heartedly agree.

I have 2 kids-one on the spectrum, one neuro-typ. neither were ones who wanted to do extracurriculars as kids and we never forced it. I've honestly never seen where being/not being in extracurriculars has had any major impact on a person in later life (I learned all the team building and participation skills I needed in college

Unfortunately, the reality nowadays is that if you want to get INTO college, at least a competitive one, you need to have those extracurriculars.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Eh. I don't agree. My kids don't do any activities. They are 12 and 14. They don't want to. I could make them. It would probably "be good for them", but they are autistic and anything we have suggested has been met with a vehement NO. My oldest did adaptive Tae Kwon Do for almost two years until he got to the point he was crying through every class because he has such bad anxiety and was worried that he wasn't doing everything "the right way." Quitting that class was necessary, obviously. He has no desire to do anything social or team oriented where other kids are involved. My other son can't handle anyone bumping into him and has absolutely no stamina, so sports of most kinds are a hard no. Due to sensory issues, music of any kind is out as well.

I take them swimming every day in the summer. They swim laps, and one is probably good enough to be on a team, but he doesn't want to. Doesn't want the pressure to perform a certain way and prefers the solitude of swimming by himself. We also cycle together....long 10-15 mile rides on weekends on nearby bike trails. So they are active, just not outside of our family circle.

But I guess I already know my kids aren't getting into trouble. I mean, they are always home or at school. When (if) they are ready to join some activities, we will gladly sign them up, but I have stopped asking because I don't want them to get the message that something is wrong with NOT wanting to do activities. I do plan to have my kids get after school jobs when they are old enough. In my opinion, that's a far bigger life skill than anything a sport will impart. I played a ton of sports as a kid/teen: baseball, gymnastics, soccer, softball, swimming. I also worked in high school and value the work experience above all the sports experiences, to be honest.

Definitely extenuating circumstances here, but I also think your regular swim trips & bike rides "count" for doing an activity.

 

[mummabear]

I agree with most, finish the season you signed up for, then you can decide if you're going to do it again.

There is one exception to that. My son had a very bad season of ice hockey. He had loved hockey for many years, but that season was a mess. We had a horrible coach and an even worse assistant coach, several less-than-nice boys on the team that the coaches either encouraged or turned a blind eye to. No teamwork + no camaraderie = few wins. It was an awful, non-fun season. My son was ready to quit, but I thought he really still liked hockey so I strongly encouraged him to give it another try (new season = new team, new coach, new teammates.) He had a much better year and played for several more years after that before he end up quitting for good. In retrospect though, I wish I'd let him quit mid-season and just said "we'll try again next year." I made him stick it out becuase 'you finish what you start, you don't quit just because X-Y-Z' etc... but it was a bad situation. In retrospect, I wish I'd gotten him out of the situation. The years after were "better" but he never really regained his love of the game.

This ^

I believe they complete the commitment (term/season) then they can quit. I would however check the reason for them wanting to quit and make sure it wasn’t an issue that can be resolved (a nasty kid, bad coach etc)

 

[mummabear]

Let her quit. There doesn't even need to be "a good reason." Parents should never dictate what types of extracurricular activities a child is involved in. That should always be child led. Would you want someone deciding what hobbies or activities YOU have to do? No one likes being forced to do something (especially a sport) that they don't want to do. You lose all the positive benefits of sports if the participant isn't into it.

Yup-my middle DD has 0 interest in sport. Today at school on the way out of class they were handing out notices about a sports club and she just handed it right back.

She did gym for awhile. Has done ballet since she was 18 months old and loves hiking.

I think kids need a)to try out various activities (if they aren’t into sport then music or scouts or bird watching) and b)need some sort of regular physical activity (if not through sport then swimming, walking or biking)

 

[BLAZEY]

I would make her finish the season, and then ask her what sport she wants to try next. Swimming is the exception as it is a lifesaving skill (we also live on a island to boot). There is too much temptation in life today to be sedentary so I want to give her the opportunity to learn something new. I know my DD will never be a star athlete, but I want her to learn skills to have an active, healthly lifestyle.

 

[kenthanson]

My son quit both dance and piano this year, mid year. I wish he would have quit piano earlier in the year, fighting over practice every day was the worst. If he wants to quit something mid season he needs to go to the coach/teacher and tell them that he's quitting and why.