!3 year old DD beat up at school...WWYD?

[PlutoPony]

for your daughter (and you too!)
Very good move by your husband to immediately press charges! As for the meeting tomorrow, most schools have a written code of conduct / discipline which spells out specifically what behavior is not acceptable and the consequences. Does your school have one? We get one sent home at the beginning of each school year and it stays here at home, but you have to send back a page signed by the student and parent agreeing to the code. If your school has one of these familiarize yourself with it - that's a starting point for what the school should do. IF you don't feel the discipline plan will keep your daughter safe then pursue that line of thought rather than being concerned about punishing the bully... the school may not be able to tell you much about the other kid and consequences because of privacy laws.
GOOD LUCK and my thoughts are with you !

 

[CEDmom]

I'm so sorry this has happened to your DD. I don't think your request is unreasonable. There definitely has to be accountability for this and the rest of the school needs to know this type of incident won't be tolerated. I'm glad your DD didn't suffer any serious physical injuries and that she seems to be holding up ok. My only advice would be to keep a careful eye on her emotional state and keep open the possibility she may need to talk to someone about what happened. Good luck and please let us know how things are going.

 

[slo]

I have no answers for your questions, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened and many many hugs to your DD

 

[EthansMom]

I'm so sorry for your daughter! What a terrible thing to have happen.

I agree with other posters. Don't let the school officials let this girl off lightly -- she ASSAULTED your daughter! Also, make certain to follow through with the criminal charges. Make sure to take photos of any physical injuries and the blood on your daughter's clothing in case you need to bolster a criminal or civil case later. You might want to consider a civil case against the girl and her parents for medical bills and pain & suffering.

May God bless your daughter and keep her safe.

 

[lucyanna girl]

Hugs to you both, my DD is 14 and I'm not sure that it isn't worse at this age than at 3, a three year old would shake it off quicker.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Good grief. Are you in a bad school system? Or does this stuff go on all the time?

 

[TKERBELL]

to you and your DD - Your DH did the right thing - and then the medical paper trail - This child ASSUALTED your DD - that is breaking the law no matter what age - and because she is a minor her parents will have to deal with part of the consequences as well. My DH & I are raising my 14 cousin because of this type of incident - only she was the one that assualted another girl - I admit this because when I went to court to get her - DH & I, as her legal guardians, are responsible for her restitution, her anger management and therapy bills as well as any lawyer costs - trust me she still feels it everyday - and I am sure this girls parents will not want to endure this but they WILL have to -

It is so sad what has happened to our girls these days - seems there is more physical violence between girls than boys anymore, when I was a teenager - yes there were girls that would threaten to "kick my/your a$$" but never in my life would I have imagined the level that violence has taken with girls these days!! Very very sad.....

Sidenote - I also have 3 DS's of my own in addition to tthe 14 year old girl.....

 

[Feralpeg]

First, I'm so sorry that you DD had to go through such a horrible thing. You might consider some type of self-defense training for your DD. Hopefully, she will never need it in the future, but it might make her feel better.

 

[DisneyMomOK]

111111111

 

[Barb D]

Good grief. Are you in a bad school system? Or does this stuff go on all the time?

My DS14 was physically bullied in an excellent school last year. He's very tall for his age; I'm guessing the other kid thought he would prove his manhood by attacking the big kid. Anyway, the boy was suspended for 5 days. We took pictures of the bruises in case it happened again, just so we'd have documentation. (That, and the doctor's report.) Fortunately the kid had sense knocked into him and nothing more happened.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would find (online, in a parent handbook or forms, or from the district office) and read the school district's policy for handling physical assault before meeting with any school or district officials. I would make sure to have more than one copy of that policy to have at that meeting as well. I would insist that the full weight of the written, stated policy be enforced. These are not issues that should be left up to interpretation by the individual school. These are policies that have been adopted, voted on, and passed by the school board.

I might also ask for the meeting to be transcribed. That way there is no question in the future about what was talked about, who said what or what was agreed upon.

This is excellent advice. You should have received a handbook at registration, if not check it out online. If they tell you that they will have to give the same punishment to your dd, remind them that she is the one that was assaulted--she did not start the fight. The other girl will probably not be expelled, but should be given a long term suspension for this and hopefully will get some counseling as well.

Good luck in your meeting. Remain calm and stick to the facts, try to keep emotions out of it (know this is hard). Make a list of any questions/concerns you have before you go in so you can refer to it and be sure that everything gets covered.

 

[LBAK]

Definitely press charges and don't let the school change your mind. I would also get a restraining order against the girl. My pryers go out to you, it's a hard time.

 

[Free4Life11]

Maybe your daughter could take a self-defense class. I believe your daughter has the right to defend herself without worrying what harm it may cause on her attacker.

 

[Jeanny]

OHMIGOD, your poor baby.... absolutely NO ONE deserves to be assaulted by a bully... take it from someone who was bullyied.

ITA Don't let the school administration talk you into anything you're not comfortable with. PRESS CHARGES against that brat. maybe they'll expel her from your school, not just suspend her. Expelling her may send a message to other bullys!

The town of Medway (here in Massachusetts) is having Rachel Simmons, a national expert come to their schools next Monday (1/23) to meet with the students AND parents about bullyies. I don't know if this link will work or not, but I'll try http://www.medwaytoday.com/ I'd love to get her to come to my college and speak with my kids, because it goes on at this level too!!!!

Hugs to your daughter, let us know what happens tomorrow.

 

[klmall]

Great advice given above! I have worked in schools for many years, mostly in middle schools and any decent school system will have published disciplinary policies in print and online.

Walk in prepared knowing what should be done by policy but in a calm, determined manner. See what their position is and then act accordingly. Unless they are willing to knowingly risk lawsuits and public scorn they will do what they should. Your problem may be in delays due to investigating the extent of the problem (how many girls involved etc.) and carrying out any procedures required internally (paperwork etc.) by the school system.

I know that if you were in our school system we'd be bending in 50 directions at once to do what should be done for all parties involved and sad to say, trying to keep the lawyers out and hardest of all, protecting the rights of the victim and the offender!

I feel terrible for your daughter and hope that your schools have programs in place to discourage and prevent bullying. If not, guidance counselors can set up groups to work with students at risk etc. And remember, while you need to have resolution in this matter, your daughter will still be going to school with the friends etc. of the girl who attacked her.

P.S. I would definitely press charges against the attacker and seek the advice of a lawyer in this situation. And yes, these things do happen sometimes in even the best schools. I work in a school system that is consistently rated in the top 20 in this country and it happens now and then.

My thoughts and wishes for the best!

 

[tmt martins]

Kids will be kids and will fight because they WANT TO .It's up to us adults to let them know this is wrong.
Good to press charges, good to take to school admin,and great to go to ER to make sure she's OK.
This also reaffirms with her that it was not OK for these bullies to do this and you will do what is necessary to support& protect her when she is not at your side.This might be the biggest to heal the feeling of helplessness .
My DD was bullied by a classmate ( private school mid-city) a couple years ago .I told her to defend herself but try to walk away.Thats when the teasing started and hurt worse.I went to school (DW takes care of most of this stuff)and told them to take care of it or I would .I also contacted the other parents (small >20 kids) and they just brushed it off saying they were going through a divorce and thats why it's happening.Well OK but this is still not acceptable.
School finally stepped in and told them not to come back if things didn't change .We haven't seen them since.
School and life at that age is hard enough they should not have to worry about being safe in a supervised location.

Good luck .

 

[Lil_Tink]

That is not right...I mean our school has fights but each person has a fair chance....The only bad one was when a girl sent a boy to the hospital, which is suprising because she is the sweetist girl ever...


I am so sorry... That is just not right. I mean, fights the other person is supposed to have a chance..Here...People would probly jump it..Its probly jealousy..I mean you daughter I assume is beautiful and smart and this girl is probly struggling and not the prettiest..That is just sick I cannot get over that, I mean its just wrong...

 

[drakethib]

My DD was shoved face first against a brick hallway wall at school today, and then punched several times while a group of kids cheered the fight on... until DD was able to get away, leaving a trail of blood behind.
She is thin and was physically unable to defend herself and it was a surprise attack. She does not know the girl that attacked her and other than being shoved in the hall by her last week in school has had no other contact.
DH picked DD up at school and he did press charges against the girl.
DD is an honors student and is very pretty. I don't know what to do.
Does DD have any rights?

This kind of stuff really angers me.

While I know at times kids will be kids, fighting should not be tolerated at school.

Hopefully, the child who started the fight will be expelled.

 

[catherine]

No advice to offer. I just want to send my very best wishes to you and your DD!

 

[KelNottAt]

I don't have anything to add. The earlier posters gave excellent advice. My thoughts and prayers are with you and DD today. Please keep us posted on what the school does to the attacker.