!3 year old DD beat up at school...WWYD?

[Kristi1357]

You are doing all the right things - pressing charges, going to the ER, etc. I hope your daughter is doing ok today. You could not pay me enough money to go back to school now - kids are so mean!

Do you mind sharing which school this was? I live in So. NH also.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

First off I am so sorry this happened to your DD. I think so far you are handling it better than I would.

I think your DH did the right thing. And I agree with the others you should check out the District Policy before your meeting. And I would press charges. And I would make sure that the other girls parents know exactly what is going on.

 

[denisenh]

Meeting went alright but I am not satisfied with the punishment. The girl is charged with 4 counts of simple assault. I was level headed throughout.
I will be speaking with a lawyer to find some direction. I really don't know what to do. I don't feel that this is right.

My DD is doing fine. I am glad that she went to the ER to be medically evaluated. (The triage nurse at the office told me that "they" would try to get her in "later" as they had no openings, then called me back with MD instructions to take her to the ER, now.) She went to school today. I had her bring her cell phone, for my security. lol. She said "The only thing worse than going to school today is NOT going to school today". I choke up.poor kid.

DH spent some time last night soaking the blood out of her clothes (it was her favorite shirt, a Christmas gift). My DD and DH did witness the janitor cleaning up the bloody mess in the hallway, but there was still dried puddles on the cement outdoors as of yesterday.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. It makes me feel less isolated but I am still stunned. I am going to see if I can get a police report right now.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Meeting went alright but I am not satisfied with the punishment. The girl is charged with 4 counts of simple assault. I was level headed throughout.
I will be speaking with a lawyer to find some direction. I really don't know what to do. I don't feel that this is right.

My DD is doing fine. I am glad that she went to the ER to be medically evaluated. (The triage nurse at the office told me that "they" would try to get her in "later" as they had no openings, then called me back with MD instructions to take her to the ER, now.) She went to school today. I had her bring her cell phone, for my security. lol. She said "The only thing worse than going to school today is NOT going to school today". I choke up.poor kid.

DH spent some time last night soaking the blood out of her clothes (it was her favorite shirt, a Christmas gift). My DD and DH did witness the janitor cleaning up the bloody mess in the hallway, but there was still dried puddles on the cement outdoors as of yesterday.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. It makes me feel less isolated but I am still stunned. I am going to see if I can get a police report right now.

Okay reading that just makes me sick. I can't image this happening to my DD.

So what is the school doing for punishment? Will she be suspended or expelled?

 

[tekmom]

Good Lord! I know what you're going through. My 13 year old son was being bullied last year and was thrown on the floor in tech class. Well....I freaked. I went to the school raising all kinds of you know what. The other kid was suspended but it certainly hasn't stopped him. He hasn't bothered my son anymore, but he is constantly getting detention and suspensions for other behaviors on other kids. But don't worry...he'll be promoted to 9th grade....good old social promotion for ya. Unfortunately...why would he stop being a thug? He's getting "street cred" The dean actually said to me that this other kid "doesn't have anyone that cares". BOO HOO. I do know he avoids me like the plague when he sees me coming. You are your daughters advocate. I'm glad you got the police involved. Best of luck to your daughter and your family.

 

[N.Bailey]

Does that mean this girl did not even get suspended?

I'm so sorry you're having to go thru all of this. Your poor daughter. I'd have probably choked up too when she said the only thing worse than going to school is not going.

Please keep us updated.

 

[CathrynRose]

This is so disgusting - how terrible!

My 14 y/o son and friends has issues with a table of GIRLS during lunch (apparently one day at lunch Mike & Ikes were being tossed around at their table, and one ended up on this table of Girls - and the girls flipped out)

The Thursday before MLK weekend, I asked him if he wanted to stay home. Although these girls are only verbal with the boys, theyre REALLY verbal - as far as "Im going to kill you" ?!?!? WTH? So, that Friday the only boy whom really is as verbal back, as my son - was going out of town.

So, he chose to go to school - and was fine (again, more verbal garbage) But he asks me 'what do I do if she hits me?" And I said 'hit her back" And he says - "but it's a girl"

Why are these (in general all) girls acting like this??? What the he77 is going on???

And (for the record) as far as *I* am concerned, girl or not - shes not acting like one - I'd hit her back if I was a boy.

 

[momof2inPA]

I wonder in small claims court what kind of damages your daughter might get. She would probably at least get a new shirt. Are the police charging the girl with simple assault? Does the girl seem at all surprised or upset by this?

 

[denisenh]

The girl that attacked my DD earned herself a ten day out of school suspension, along with being arrested. The police dept would not release a copy of the police report to us.

According to the school handbook, it looks like it was supposed to be 20 day suspension and maybe expulsion.
I went to the superintendents office to get clarification and was told that it is subject to interpretation and then only after completeing "the process" which includes us doing A, B, C etc. which the lady that interpreted said isn't explained anywhere.

DD ended up coming home sick today after being bothered by questions at school by other students like "Are you the girl that got beat up and didn't fight back?" And being told that she is "ugly" by a friend of the girl that assaulted her. etc.....

She is an honors student and was just the night before last showing me a magazine article about the 10 best colleges in the USA. I was helping her with trying modeling as a way to earn money for college as she wants to be a doctor and we don't have that kind of money for college. She went on an audition last week as well.
Now she is lost, sick, and eating chicken noodle soup with her head resting on her hand.

I don't know what to say or do. She has always tried to be strong.
My hopes for her and her future are fading fast and I am afraid about that.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Oh my gosh, that is horrible. Your poor DD, what is up with all this school violence?

 

[mom2of2]

Her self esteem is shot. I know all abou that since I was bullied as was my son for years! Finally I signed my DS up for Tae Kwon Do and he loved it. It built his self esteem up, gave him a sense of honor, integrity and perserverence and also had him hold his head up so that others could see that he wasn't someone to mess with. He never got bullied again and would stand for kids that did. He never had to use his skills either but I think knowing that he could protect himself if he needed to really helped him.
It's worth a shot to see if there is an academy around that would allow her to take a few lessons to see if it is something she would like to try prior to paying any tuition.

 

[CathrynRose]

DD ended up coming home sick today after being bothered by questions at school by other students like "Are you the girl that got beat up and didn't fight back?" And being told that she is "ugly" by a friend of the girl that assaulted her. etc.....

She is an honors student and was just the night before last showing me a magazine article about the 10 best colleges in the USA. I was helping her with trying modeling as a way to earn money for college as she wants to be a doctor and we don't have that kind of money for college. She went on an audition last week as well.
Now she is lost, sick, and eating chicken noodle soup with her head resting on her hand.

I don't know what to say or do. She has always tried to be strong.
My hopes for her and her future are fading fast and I am afraid about that.

This completely ticks me off. Im so angry and upset for you and your daughter.

Try and let her know this doesnt have to change her entire world. If that happens, it would be EXACTLY what that piece of poop girl, wanted.

Things will get better -

 

[SamIAm21]

I don't know what to say or do. She has always tried to be strong.
My hopes for her and her future are fading fast and I am afraid about that.

Now don't say this or the girl that beat up your daugther has won far more than inflicting the bumps and bruises your daughter already has. The kids will forget about this as soon as the next big "brou ha ha" starts up around school. I'd give it two days.

You need to back your daughter up and tell her what a great person she is and how her future is still extremely bright. This is a few bad days out of a wonderful future. Tell her that all this girl did was hurt her on the outside and not to let it hurt her on the inside too!

It is very telling that "the friend" called your daughter ugly. Is that "all she's got"??? It's obvious they have "self esteem" problems of their own. Don't let your daugther's self-esteem go out the window with theirs. I think a lot of TLC is in order.

I was bullied at my high school to the point where I had to leave to go to a private school in my junior year. It was awful and I wished I'd had someone to just "prop me up" for awhile til I found my ground again.

 

[mommaU4]

DD ended up coming home sick today after being bothered by questions at school by other students like "Are you the girl that got beat up and didn't fight back?" And being told that she is "ugly" by a friend of the girl that assaulted her. etc.....

She is an honors student and was just the night before last showing me a magazine article about the 10 best colleges in the USA. I was helping her with trying modeling as a way to earn money for college as she wants to be a doctor and we don't have that kind of money for college. She went on an audition last week as well.
Now she is lost, sick, and eating chicken noodle soup with her head resting on her hand.

I don't know what to say or do. She has always tried to be strong.
My hopes for her and her future are fading fast and I am afraid about that.

I'm sorry that she had to go through that today and it's only natural that she feel down in the dumps right now. You said she's always been strong. Well, right now you might have to find a way to be strong for her. Don't let her see you upset. Come here and let it out if you need to.


And don't let her fall into a depression over this which is what sometimes happens to kids who are bullied at school. Keep reminding her of her long term goals. One incident does not need to change all that for either of you. This too shall pass even though she may not realize that now. Maybe this week-end to cheer her up you can all go somewhere special even if it is just her favorite restaurant. Baby her for a little bit, she needs it, but be careful not to let her wallow in it.

Good luck to you both. Chin up. You can do this.

 

[tiff211]

That is so terrible. Thank goodness, your DD was not physically hurt any worse than she was. Seems like her pride was wounded though.

I commend you for your strength, because I would have wanted to go up to that school and stomp the heck of that girl. That whole mother bear thing.

DD got picked up for awhile in Jr high and she was threatened several times by a group of girls. Thank God, it never got physical but I did tell her if one of them hit her, to grab her bookbag, swing back like mad and try to knock the girl into next week. And if she got in trouble, I would have her back. Probably, not the best solution, but my dad taught me that's the only way to stop a bully and I still have that in my mind, I guess. Bullies target the weak, once they see you will stand up to them, they pick a new target.

 

[N.Bailey]

I remember reading this thread a while back. Maybe it can offer you some insight even though the situation isn't exactly the same. IMO, there is a lot of good advice in that thread!

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=914134&highlight=daughter+assaulted+school

Do as another poster here suggested. Come here and get your frustrations out, but be as strong as you can be for your daughter. She really needs that right now. Please let her know that this has nothing to do with her future too. That broke my heart when you said you see her future falling apart. One has NOTHING to do with the other and you need to believe that too!

 

[Glynis]

I've been wondering something ever since I first read this thread yesterday. Could the group of girls that attacked your daughter be part of a gang? I only say this because sometimes in order for someone to enter a gang, they have to perform certain tasks. When I was a teacher, I was approached by the heads of the 2 major gangs in our school and told that in order for a newbie to join their gangs they had to attack a teacher. The only reason they told me is that for some reason they liked me. I had gang members walking me to and from my car the entire year to protect me. Of course, I also told the police, campus security officer, principal, etc. Luckily, no teachers at our school were attacked.

Anyway, this sounds like it could possibly be gang related. I would ask about it anyway.

Give your daughter a hug from all of us, and let her know that just because this horrible thing happened to her, it doesn't change who she is. Bolster her self-esteem in any way that you can. Sometimes even just being there for her if she wants to talk can be the biggest help.

Hugs to your family!

 

[CathrynRose]

Bullies target the weak, once they see you will stand up to them, they pick a new target.

I agree with you 100%.

My oldest - now 14 - was having trouble with a boy a year older then him, when he was in 4th grade! Him and his friends would be playing football and this kid wouldnt leave him alone.

One day Matt (this was the bully's name) said something to them, and snagged the ball during a play. My son - lost it. Jumped on him and started going haywire! Then my son's friends (also tired of the harrassment) jumped on him too.... and then Matt's friends joined in. It was a brawl during 4th grade recess. That boy never bugged him again, ever.

This year Joey started freshman year and ended up in a class with this Matt kid. He told me after his first day - and I asked "Oh no... did he say something to you?" And my son laughed "Mom, he hasnt even LOOKED at me since 4th grade."

Fighting may not be the way to go - but never the less, it does seem to work.

 

[Poohgirl]

I just saw this, I was brought to tears! I am so sorry for your poor daughter and your family, how awful. You get delusioned that you live in a safe environment and when things like this hit so close to home reality smacks you. Children can be so cruel and uncaring. I hope your daughter's self esteem does not suffer, and she does realize she was singled out out of jealousy and envy. IMO The school needs to step up and do more to protect her, everything they can. I will keep you all in my prayers. Best of luck.

 

[LMC]

Since you filed a police report, will the police issue a restraining order against the girl? This would require the school to send the girl to another school since she can't be in close proximity to your DD. I would definately check out the option of the RO if the school system isn't doing anything. This would force them to do something!!