A rock and a hard place (a missing school question)

[TosaTrio]

Our DD missed her first week of a new preschool (4k) due to WDW. She was fine. However, we waited until week 3 in kindergarten to make sure she was comfortable and made friends right away. We didn't want her to feel left out.

 

[englishteacha]

Call the superintendent's office. They might be able to help. Our district doesn't have a finalized calendar yet but they likely have a draft that can help you plan.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Can't believe the importance that most of you are putting on the first couple days of K. - almost like you'd be missing college. Come on people, I've had three go through it in different states and the first few days are nothing to get in a tizzy about. And no, PP, you will not lose your place in a public school because you don't go the first few days. Where did you get that? Under these particular circumstances, this child being with his dad and family would be much more important. If you reread her post, she has said acclimating in the past after his dad's absence has been hard, and she's supposed to ignore his mental anguish to not miss a couple first days of K?? OP, I'd listen to my own instinct and knowledge of my family issues and trust me, it would be a very hard hearted teacher and principal that would not be understanding. And, as I said before, here the children are graduated into the first week of K a few at a time. Do you think the ones going in the last of the week are at a disadvantage? No, they are not - it's a gradual getting settled time. Relax, no worries, enjoy, and thank your DH for me

"Where did I get that?" That's how it works in our district when the classes
are over-crowded. Kindergarten registration starts in February. Lots of people register their kids, fully intending to bring them to school in August. But things happen, plans change. People move to other districts. They suddenly decide to hold their kids back another year. A spot they were waiting for in a private school becomes available. They don't always notify the district, they simply don't show up on the first day. The teachers and administrators have no way of knowing who is planning to show up after the first few days, so everyone without an excused absence runs the risk of being cut from the class list. Those kids do not lose their spots in the district. They still have to be placed somewhere if and when they do show up. They just may not be placed at their neighborhood schools. Our district added two classes for the no-shows and overflows. One was at a nice campus. The other was at a campus in an undesirable neighborhood. It happens. It happened this past fall. Now some of those parents are scrambling to get their kids back to their home schools for 1st grade. If they showed up on the first day, they wouldn't be having this problem. That's "where I got that."

 

[dragonfly08]

I agree with the posters who suggested that you call the school. While it may not be posted, I'd be very surprised if the school calendar wasn't set yet, at least tentatively (which would give you a ballpark start date). our 2012-2013 calendar has been posted for a while. Never mind the fact that school always starts here the day after Labor Day.

A lot depends on both your school district policy and your kid. My younger DD is in K this year and would NOT have done well coming in to a class where the kids already had a few days under their belts meeting each other, learning the rules and routines, getting assigned spaces at the table and jobs in the classroom, etc. Plus there's the added burden on the teacher of rearranging things for a child she didn't know whether or not to expect. My older DD would have done ok, but she went to K at the same school she'd already done 2 years of preschool at so she knew all the rules, teachers, and other kids. There was zero learning curve, plus I knew everyone there so well I could/would have been able to discuss it with the teacher in advance, have her plan for DD to return, and get any make up work (and yes, in her K class there was stuff they took home that first week!). As for district policy, since DD#2 was registered, enrollment was official as of the first day so those would have counted as unexcused absences (and in my state there's a recent crackdown on absences and tardiness...parents are actually being sent to court over it). I know family time is important, especially if dad was deployed and is now back, but there are other ways to facilitate that. Do weekend activities, or if you really want a trip just delay it a few weeks.

 

[rt2dz]

Whatever you decide, it will work out. You will manage it either way. Take in all the info and go with your gut. However, since you asked...

In our district, if your child doesn't show the first week of school, and you don't notify the school, they will be un-enrolled. When you show up, you just have to go through the hassle of re-enrolling them. It's not that big of a deal. Even lesser if you call the school and let them know. They will get marked absent. But, hey, it's kindergarten--it's not going to fail them. The worst that will happen (in our district) is you might have to go to court if you keep missing school (excused or not) and defend why your child is missing so much. I hardly think your reason will cause you any problems. And that is only if the district doesn't buy your reasoning.

Now, how that will be on your child... My guess is that your kiddo is a little slow to transition. Dad is way more familiar than school because it is kindergarten. I think if you could avoid missing the first week, it would be a good idea. The first week here, especially for kindergarten, is about getting to know school routine. For kindergarten, that also means school tours (nurses office, attendance office, etc), practicing lining up, learning the cafeteria, and all those things that cannot be made up if absent. The things that will make the first few months go smoother. I'm sure your kiddo will learn it and I'm sure he'll make friends regardless. It's just about how much more difficult it will be.

I'm not saying to not go, but consider these things. I know how tough it is to plan in advance. Our district doesn't even start to look at the next calendar until beginning of March. They then post several options for parents and staff to look at and comment on, with the final calendar voted on and posted in May. If you look at a few from several years though, you can generally have an idea of what will happen at least as far as start and end dates, winter break and spring break. These may vary a little, but usually not much.

 

[Allison]

Can't believe the importance that most of you are putting on the first couple days of K. - almost like you'd be missing college. Come on people, I've had three go through it in different states and the first few days are nothing to get in a tizzy about. And no, PP, you will not lose your place in a public school because you don't go the first few days. Where did you get that? Under these particular circumstances, this child being with his dad and family would be much more important. If you reread her post, she has said acclimating in the past after his dad's absence has been hard, and she's supposed to ignore his mental anguish to not miss a couple first days of K?? OP, I'd listen to my own instinct and knowledge of my family issues and trust me, it would be a very hard hearted teacher and principal that would not be understanding. And, as I said before, here the children are graduated into the first week of K a few at a time. Do you think the ones going in the last of the week are at a disadvantage? No, they are not - it's a gradual getting settled time. Relax, no worries, enjoy, and thank your DH for me

You do realize you could give your advice to the op without insulting other posters opinions?

Also, public schools do not operate under the same rules, so to imply other people are wrong because it isn't your experience would be a mistake.

 

[North of Mouse]

You do realize you could give your advice to the op without insulting other posters opinions?

Also, public schools do not operate under the same rules, so to imply other people are wrong because it isn't your experience would be a mistake.

Do you also realize you could give advice to the OP without insulting other posters opinions?? I have other things to do than try to understand why the first couple days of K are such a big deal to some people. I also gave my opinion, and it seems from reading these posts that there are others on here that feel the same way. To quote you, "to imply other people are wrong because it isn't your experience would be a mistake.!!

 

[Allison]

Do you also realize you could give advice to the OP without insulting other posters opinions?? I have other things to do than try to understand why the first couple days of K are such a big deal to some people. I also gave my opinion, and it seems from reading these posts that there are others on here that feel the same way. To quote you, "to imply other people are wrong because it isn't your experience would be a mistake.!!

I pointed out not all schools are the same as did others. That is correcting factual information. That is different than implying others are overreacting or acting like kindergarten is college or in a tizzy.

 

[tinkerpea]

AS a forces parent I think that spending time with daddy is way more important then missing the 1st wk or so of school! I know that my boys are 6,6,9 but on previous deployment's have been as young as twins 2-oldest 5 on my husbands first deployment my son started a new school the day before he went away, we decided to let him go to school so daddy could take him, on my husbands return we had to move( end of our posting) we decided that due to the move and the fact DH had just got home that our son would not start school on time but we would go on holiday, best choice I've ever made we had all missed each other so much that the tension that I thought would happen never did!

So now because I know that we all miss DH terribly when he is away we all but 1 time have taken them away,& out of school for the 1st wk when DH comes home for 2 reasons, (1) we ALL need something to look forward to on DH return including DH, it really helps us to focus and talk about what we will do on the holiday we are going to have & I think having the holiday a wk or after just is not the same! (2) they need to get used to daddy doing things for/with them and this is always easier in a different surrounding then in our home,getting the boys used to daddy putting them to bed telling them what to do instead of me feels alot easier on us all since we are all doing something thats out of out normal day to day routine,

you have to think about the Dad here also,he hasn't been used to being a family for those months he has only had to think about him self so being in a changed enviroment works for all of us.

I think it's different for our family's then others when it comes to the norm for school, our children will always for as long as DH is in the forces have to change schools throughout their childhood, it's something they will have to get used to & so to start now to me doesn't seem a terrible thing! Our boys schools have always been very understanding & accommodating when it comes to holidays taken in school time, and starting at different times............
























As a family we have now moved house 4 times in the boys lives they have always started school a few wks after the start of term, only once have they all started when they should have,it's never had a bad effect on them! They have just excepted it gone to school and settled in just fine

 

[momH2the4th]

I think family time is so much more important than the first few days of Kindergarten. My DH works out of town and is only home on the weekends. I know how this has effected my DS and we have only been doing this for 3 months. I can't imagine what it would be like to have DH away for months at a time. The relationship between a child and parent is so important, especially the early years of bonding and building that relationship. Much more important than the first few days of Kindergarten. Of course this is just my opinion, but as a mom of 4 and an elementary teacher, I say go for the trip. Whenever your DS begins school will be his 1st day of school and it will be a special one for him with his mom and dad taking him. Will he have any idea that he is missing the official 1st day of school? Not unless you tell him. More than likely the teacher will assign him a "special buddy" to help him throughout his first few days to get used to the routine, and a special friendship will start at that time. Again these are only my opinions, you have to do what you believe is best for your family. Good luck with your decision!

 

[Aliceacc]

Many thanks to you and your husband for all your sacrifices on our behalf.

I'm in the camp of "call the district."

My school hasn't yet put out next year's calendar since it's still being worked on. But they DO know when school starts; that's not one of the pieces still waiting to be put together.

I teach high school, not Kindergarten, so this is from a mom's perspective. Those first few days in a new school are when the friendships form. They're when the routines are set up for everything from how to buy lunch to what to do when you need to go to the bathroom. They're when the kids are expected to make mistakes. A week later, "the new kid" is walking into an established routine and established cliques. If there's any possible way to work things so your son doesn't miss those first few days, I think you should explore them.

 

[connie1042]

He is 5. Family is more important than the first few days of kindergarten. Believe me, it is not going to change his academic standing! Here is my story. This was many years ago. My daughter had a wish trip. My sons were in high school and middle school. I went to conference for the oldest one and one of his teachers said. You really should not take him out of school.. I said you know what, we have know idea what the future holds for his sister. I think family is more important at this point. She was not happy, but I really did not care. Well we went, he had no problem catching up, graduated in the top of his class, president of his college class, very successful in his job. Believe me those 5 days did not make any difference. By the way, his sister is now fine married and a teacher. We lost our middle son in a car accident in 1991, that trip was our last "Family" vacation. Years from now, you will wonder why you even let it come into play. Enjoy your trip. Tell your husband thanks for his service. My husband is retired after 23 years in the Navy. Family time is worth it's weight in gold!

 

[North of Mouse]

Many thanks to you and your husband for all your sacrifices on our behalf.

I'm in the camp of "call the district."

My school hasn't yet put out next year's calendar since it's still being worked on. But they DO know when school starts; that's not one of the pieces still waiting to be put together.

I teach high school, not Kindergarten, so this is from a mom's perspective. Those first few days in a new school are when the friendships form. They're when the routines are set up for everything from how to buy lunch to what to do when you need to go to the bathroom. They're when the kids are expected to make mistakes. A week later, "the new kid" is walking into an established routine and established cliques. If there's any possible way to work things so your son doesn't miss those first few days, I think you should explore them.

OK, you teach high school (first clue). I've always been a SAHM and volunteered a lot with the little ones, have had three go through that and trust me the first week of K is not the last week that they're expected to make mistakes. This is a gradual process, and for the most part (with the exceptions that children may have been close before - neighbors, etc - ) cliques are not formed the first week. In fact, the first couple weeks are a zoo The teachers and assistants are very understanding. I agree with the majority that family time is far more important than the first few days of school and it is time that can never be reclaimed. This is a special circumstance and not like one poster said missing so much you have to go to court. It is more common than you might think. I have a very good friend that has worked in the school office here (2nd largest district in our state, not podunk corners) for many years and no one is penalized or turned away for checking in late. Also, from my own observation, no child has suffered any issues from checking in later at that age because not one child "gets it" from what they learn at first. OP, listening to some of the other posters here that have experienced first - hand the family time that was so important to them under your circumstances, I would surely not worry about a few days of missed K school - as someone pointed out, he will not even know it unless you tell him. Have a great time with your united family

 

[mjkacmom]

I think any other time except the first couple of days of kindergarten can be easily missed. I just can't imagine missing the first day of kindergarten, and I'm not even that sentimental! New outfit, pictures, teary parents... It's a milestone moment in your child's life.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I don't know about your district but mine we are waiting on our grade if it is good we will start the 2ed week of August if not we will start the last week of August

 

[North of Mouse]

I think any other time except the first couple of days of kindergarten can be easily missed. I just can't imagine missing the first day of kindergarten, and I'm not even that sentimental! New outfit, pictures, teary parents... It's a milestone moment in your child's life.

Yes, I agree to a point, but MORE important than having some one on one family time with a dad that's been deployed for all summer? Also, you could still have that magical moment for the first day he's there - pictures, etc. because it would still be "his" first day of K. In fact, in my case, it was sort of funny. I invisioned what you said, and did take pictures, special outfit, etc. but my daughter and sons were so excited we were lucky to have a hug and goodbye kiss and WE were the ones to leave with tears and bawl after we got in the car We had talked it up so much they were more than ready, no adjustment problem for them, and being a SAHM no daycares, but lots of friends otherwise.

 

[rt2dz]

OK, you teach high school (first clue). I've always been a SAHM and volunteered a lot with the little ones, have had three go through that and trust me the first week of K is not the last week that they're expected to make mistakes. This is a gradual process, and for the most part (with the exceptions that children may have been close before - neighbors, etc - ) cliques are not formed the first week. In fact, the first couple weeks are a zoo The teachers and assistants are very understanding. I agree with the majority that family time is far more important than the first few days of school and it is time that can never be reclaimed. This is a special circumstance and not like one poster said missing so much you have to go to court. It is more common than you might think. I have a very good friend that has worked in the school office here (2nd largest district in our state, not podunk corners) for many years and no one is penalized or turned away for checking in late. Also, from my own observation, no child has suffered any issues from checking in later at that age because not one child "gets it" from what they learn at first. OP, listening to some of the other posters here that have experienced first - hand the family time that was so important to them under your circumstances, I would surely not worry about a few days of missed K school - as someone pointed out, he will not even know it unless you tell him. Have a great time with your united family

Just to clarify for you since you are obviously not reading clearly... I did not say she would have to go to court if she did not send her child to school the first week. I said in our district (also the 2nd largest in the state--and one of the most populated states in the country), you *could* have to go to court to defend *every* absence in the school year *if* a child missed more than x amount of days. I also said, I highly doubted that would be something they would hold against her. I've known people who had to defend their child's every absence when their kids were *sick* with doctors notes and hospital visits. They did not go to jail or pay fines, but because of the state laws, they did have to appear to show there was a good reason their child was absent.

I'm also not saying to not pull her child out. Heck, I don't hesitate at all to pull my kids out. BUT, I did say there are consequences. As I tell my kids, *every* action we take has some consequence. It's up to each person to weight the pros and cons and make an educated decision. Only a fool wouldn't look at all the angles of an issue. Personally, I would never miss the first week of kindergarten--any other year, but not kindergarten. It's too much learning of the rules and routine. In our school, that's all they do the first week of kinder. It's a definite disadvantage to miss that first week. They don't even allow volunteers up at the school that week because they are so busy teaching routine and rules to kinder. It's a big deal to come up for birthdays to have lunch with your kids and pass out a birthday treat on kids birthdays, but I can't do that for DS#3 because his birthday is always the first week of school.

If the OP pulls her kid out, great! It's something that is good for the family, but don't do it if it will cause *her* child more problems than good the trip will give him. Each kid is different, and *only* the OP will know what is best.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Wow...what a lot of thoughts. A couple of points. First, I agree to call your school district. Ask first the start date. Ask if kindergarteners go on a staggered start plan, ask what happens if you are out of town the first week. Take all that information and use it to HELP make a decision.

Couple of things I happen to know
-The first two week of school are CRAZY as far an enrollment goes. You have kids come from other districts that start later dates and have not even enrolled till the first day they show up! This is especially true in schools that start before labor day.

-Classes get changed a lot that first week or two. Teachers make last minute changes, classes end up too large or two small and kids are shifted.

-It has been often suggested that it is EASIER for a child to come into an established class rather than part of a whole group. The teacher often looks out a little more for the new kid or ask a child or two to do this.


While I would normally not suggest missing the first few days of school...I do not think it will set your child up for a year of failure!


What I would do.....If your child will attend a neighborhood school where he is guaranteed a place, I simply would wait till you return and enroll him then. If there is any question about his place in a school, I would reconsider the plan.

 

[lunalibre]

OP, you didn't say what state you were in. State attendance laws vary widely.

In your case, I would start out by visiting the elementary school your 5 year old will be attending. Talk to the principal and explain the whole situation. I can guarantee the office staff will have a good idea of when school will start next year, and they'll be able to tell you what accommodations they can make for your situation.

In Texas, if your child will be absent for 5 days or more, you may be forced to de-enroll and re-enroll your child. Stupid? Yes, but it's state law. This is where talking to the principal can help. I know my child's school would understand the situation and want to do everything possible to help your child go on that vacation. We have what's called "kindergarten roundup" (don't know if this happens in other states). There are specified days and times to show up at the elementary school, you go through the enrollment process, you get to meet the current kindergarten teachers, visit their classrooms, meet the principal/vice principal/librarian/school nurse/etc. If your school has an event like that, I would definitely attend and make it a point to talk to the staff. I am sure your situation has come up before and they'll know how to handle it.

Good luck with whatever you decide! We appreciate your husband's service and what all you do as his family to support him from home.

 

[Angel Ariel]

OP - how solid is your DH's return date from deployment? How far past that return date are you looking to go on this cruise? If he is scheduled to return very close to the date you're looking to go on the cruise, I would rethink the dates you're planning on the cruise just because of that. I don't know if you've experienced a deployment before (you mentioned extended travel, but not other deployments), but IME the return date we were given early on (esp. as far out as you are now) were definitely subject to change. DH never returned exactly when he was "supposed" to according to the info he was given before he left. If it were me, I wouldn't plan/book a trip like you're talking about close to his return date this far in advance because so much can change even in that 3 months.

Regarding the school aspect...I personally wouldn't be OK with my child missing their first day of school ever - mostly for the reasons previously mentioned in the thread. That said - if it's something you absolutely need to do, I would contact the district and see if they can give you the needed calendar information or at least tell you when it will be made public.