Adoption transparency measure passes hurdle in NYS Senate

[marcyleecorgan]

The compromise is what exists now. Registries that allow for an exchange of information when both sides want it.

I am against that last idea when it comes to medical info though. If your bio family has genetic issues, there must be a way to note these things without directly revealing Jane Doe in Nowhere USA and her choice. Not that Jane gets to withhold a genetic predisposition to cancer or heart disease to her bio kids as a byproduct of remaining anonymous.

 

[sam_gordon]

I am against that last idea when it comes to medical info though. If your bio family has genetic issues, there must be a way to note these things without directly revealing Jane Doe in Nowhere USA and her choice. Not that Jane gets to withhold a genetic predisposition to cancer or heart disease to her bio kids as a byproduct of remaining anonymous.

If there's a genetic predisposition, shouldn't that be available in the DNA test? Want to know if you have a heart disease "trait"? Do a DNA test.

Maybe science isn't there yet.

My .02 (and that's about all it's worth), no, the child should not be able to find the birth parents without the birth parents permission. Does that deny the child's "right"? Eh, maybe. But giving up information to find the parent's info denies the parent's right to privacy. I feel that right to privacy trumps the child's right to "know".

 

[mom2rtk]

I get the desire to fill in the blanks. I think it's great when adoption is open and the information is readily available at the right time. But somewhere along the line, the mother giving up the baby needs to have her wishes respected (as long as medical info is available).

How about just being grateful that she did something very hard and gave you life when so many others choose a different path?

 

[DisneyDebbie]

I’ve been a member of these boards for a long time. I’m not someone who takes things personally. I’m a healthy, well adjusted, middle-aged woman with a wonderful family. I enjoy debates.

I can’t even explain how OFFENSIVE it is to hear ‘just be grateful you were born’

 

[Hikergirl]

I’ve been a member of these boards for a long time. I’m not someone who takes things personally. I’m a healthy, well adjusted, middle-aged woman with a wonderful family. I enjoy debates.

I can’t even explain how OFFENSIVE it is to hear ‘just be grateful you were born’

Well since a woman has a choice to terminate a pregnancy, anyone who is born should be grateful their mother made that choice instead.

 

[Wishing on a star]

There are MANY offensive comments here.
Being grateful to one's birthmother just isn't one of them.

I won't even get started on gratefulness-vs-entitlement.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Ummm, it absolutely is controlling the biological child’s life. The choice to know where they came from, enlightening medical issues, the right to know other adult family members. ALL of that is controlling to another adult.

Not even close.
Not... even... close...

 

[mom2rtk]

I’ve been a member of these boards for a long time. I’m not someone who takes things personally. I’m a healthy, well adjusted, middle-aged woman with a wonderful family. I enjoy debates.

I can’t even explain how OFFENSIVE it is to hear ‘just be grateful you were born’

And knowing that women in a position of not being able to keep and raise the child they have conceived have an option to terminate, I can't imagine anyone not being grateful their birth mother chose to give birth instead.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

I am an adopted child now adult and I find this thread fascinating. It takes an incredible and admirable strength of character for an adopted person to respect the wish of the biological parent(s) not to be traced. At the end of the day, this debate is about respecting the wish(es) of others, and not putting oneself first.

 

[DopeyDame]

I’ve been a member of these boards for a long time. I’m not someone who takes things personally. I’m a healthy, well adjusted, middle-aged woman with a wonderful family. I enjoy debates.

I can’t even explain how OFFENSIVE it is to hear ‘just be grateful you were born’

And as an adoptive mom, I literally gasped when I read that post. I'm so sorry you had to read it. Know that a lot of us adoptive parents will shut that stuff down really quickly when we hear it in real life.
No, my kids aren't lucky just to have been born. No, my kids aren't lucky to have me as parents. (At least no luckier than my bio kids would have been.)
I expect them to be grateful for lots of things in life. Their existence isn't one of them.

 

[AlohaNow]

though I totally agree that with simple-and-cheap DNA testing, that desire for privacy is no longer possible

Agreed. With the available testing mechanisms that exist now, no one can hide anymore. DH found his bio father and half-siblings that way. The simple fact is that science and technology have already outpaced any law that man wishes to create.

And for anyone who has always known who their bio parents are to say to someone who has not had that info their entire lives that it's really not necessary for them to obtain that information, you need a lesson in compassion and understanding. Badly.

 

[Hikergirl]

Agreed. With the available testing mechanisms that exist now, no one can hide anymore. DH found his bio father and half-siblings that way. The simple fact is that science and technology have already outpaced any law that man wishes to create.

And for anyone who has always known who their bio parents are to say to someone who has not had that info their entire lives that it's really not necessary for them to obtain that information, you need a lesson in compassion and understanding. Badly.

There is a difference between finding out that information by happenstance, and being allowed access to what was once protected by the law.
How dare some have compassion for those people's rights and we don't support them being stripped away.
Maybe it's you that needs a lesson. Badly.

 

[DisneyDebbie]

And as an adoptive mom, I literally gasped when I read that post. I'm so sorry you had to read it. Know that a lot of us adoptive parents will shut that stuff down really quickly when we hear it in real life.
No, my kids aren't lucky just to have been born. No, my kids aren't lucky to have me as parents. (At least no luckier than my bio kids would have been.)
I expect them to be grateful for lots of things in life. Their existence isn't one of them.

Thank you

 

[Hikergirl]

This is in State where a teen can obtain medication and even have a surgical procedure without parental consent and their privacy will be protected.
They'll protect your identity if you abort your baby, but won't if you decide to give it up for adoption.
I personally find that objectionable, if it's about the rights of the mother than it doesn't matter if she had the baby and gave it up for adoption or whether she terminated it. Right to privacy is right to privacy.

 

[DisneyDebbie]

I am an adopted child now adult and I find this thread fascinating. It takes an incredible and admirable strength of character for an adopted person to respect the wish of the biological parent(s) not to be traced. At the end of the day, this debate is about respecting the wish(es) of others, and not putting oneself first.

I agree. Except- until DNA, it hasn’t taken any amount of strength on my part, it was forced. Now that science and laws are changing and adapting, it absolutely does command respect from the adoptees to make positive and healthy choices.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Agreed. With the available testing mechanisms that exist now, no one can hide anymore. DH found his bio father and half-siblings that way. The simple fact is that science and technology have already outpaced any law that man wishes to create.

And for anyone who has always known who their bio parents are to say to someone who has not had that info their entire lives that it's really not necessary for them to obtain that information, you need a lesson in compassion and understanding. Badly.

If someone decided they didn't want to be known shouldn't understanding and compassion be utilized there?

 

[Hikergirl]

If someone decided they didn't want to be known shouldn't understanding and compassion be utilized there?

Apparently some people don't believe that a person who puts their child up for adoption deserves understanding and compassion.

 

[LSUmiss]

I agree. Except- until DNA, it hasn’t taken any amount of strength on my part, it was forced. Now that science and laws are changing and adapting, it absolutely does command respect from the adoptees to make positive and healthy choices.

I agree but only moving forward. Whatever was supposed to be private info the law then should be honored. Imagine if mental health or substance abuse treatment records were suddenly legally considered unsealed.

 

[msjprincess]

If someone decided they didn't want to be known shouldn't understanding and compassion be utilized there?

Apparently that's a one way street.

 

[Snowysmom]

Back in the fifties when I was born and adopted, my birth mother did not really have any other option but to give birth. Yes, there were illegal ways to take care of it but those were dangerous. I don't feel like I have to be grateful that I was born. I have been very respectful of my birth mother by going through the adoption agency. They were going to contact her to see if she was open to talking with me but she had already passed by then. I have no intention of contacting one of the few members of the family left. When I found a half sister on my birth father's side through DNA testing, she got the same results I did. She knew she had a half sister. I reached out but was aware that she may not want to contact me. Thankfully she did and we had a wonderful conversation. With the DNA testing alot is coming out and people are connecting.