"Dress Coded"

[soccerdad72]

Kids learn pretty quickly which teachers are more strict about dress code than others. My older son goes to a Catholic high school and their dress code includes no facial hair. On days when he's lazy in the morning and doesn't shave, he knows to avoid going by the school office (where there is a secretary who likes to bust kids for dress code) and not to piss off a certain teacher who will only generally give dress code violations when he's in a bad mood.

 

[Hikergirl]

I am 5'11" and ALLLLL legs. Dress code enforcement like this is stupid. Nothing was ever long enough for me as a child, even pants
All of the shorts made to be knee length on other girls were mid thigh for me, and my arms are long (I have Marfans Syndrome, physically characterized by extra long limbs) so my fingertips were always past the shorts or skirt. It gave me a huge complex. I still try to shrink myself now at 36.

They aren't stupid, they apply to 99.9% of the students. I mean things aren't going to apply to 100% of the population all the time, there will always be outliers.

Here girls are not allowed to wear tank tops- my daughter always said if her shoulders were to much of a distraction for boys then perhaps the boys that it bothered should be homeschooled because they obviously should not be allowed out in public if a girls shoulders caused them to lose control.

Are the boys allowed to wear them?
If yes, then I would agree that is sexist.

 

[Floridaman999]

Boy, dress code enforcement really does suck.

 

[china mom]

I am on the fence about dress codes in general as I do see them as applied with a bit of inequality but at the same time, I can see where there has to be some sort of limit set so that math class doesn't look like the club.

I should clarify though. "When she said I don't want to be Dress Coded" she does not mean she doesn't want to be found in violation, she is referring to the act of being checked. She might also have an unreasonable fear of being singled out if she is accidentally non compliant but that is not a reasonable fear for her since she always wears shorts on the longer side.

What makes my daughter uncomfortable is the whole issue of being checked every other day. She is a rule follower and would never wear clothes that did not conform to the dress code plus she is a bit of a prude and would not wear short shorts anyway. She just does not like the dress code check part.

Having a male teacher stop every girl in shorts at the door and look at their legs while checking the length of their shorts does come off a little creepy to me.

 

[monsterkitty]

So schools shouldn't have dress codes? Does your employer have a dress code?

We have the no sagging, short-shorts/skirts, spaghetti straps, inappropriate or violent messages on shirts rules. First hour teachers do a check but often kids will have a hoodie on over their spaghetti straps or other inappropriate shirt. Later in the day the students removes the hoodie and then gets "dress coded". Male teachers will ask the female teachers to talk to female students who are not in dress code for obvious reasons. So that makes me the "mean" teacher in my area of the school because I'm the only female teacher around. We talk to just as many boys as girls. There were some boys "dress coded" for the Nuggets basketball tanks because the arm holes were ridiculously low.

My favorite is when we call a parent about their child's attire for the day and the parent gets mad. However, when the parent shows up with a different outfit for their child, they yell, "That is not what I sent you to school wearing. Where did you get that outfit?" My niece was famous for stashing clothes she wasn't allowed to have and then changing before she went to school.

We are lenient about the dress code and will only dress code those who are blatantly out of code.

 

[Floridaman999]

I really hated it when my female boss looked at my bare legs to make sure I was in compliance with the dress code at work. She was creepy.

 

[Hikergirl]

Yes I have seen it. Shorter khaki shorts for boys are in right now and they are allowed to stay. Girls are checked much more frequently, and “coded” more than boys in my experience. YMMV. I grew up in FL and girls couldn’t wear any tanks tops at all, but boys did all of the time, and we were actually given the excuse that girls shoulders can be very distracting to boys.

Well then I would agree that the bolded is sexist.
I have 2 ds's, their shorts, even the shorter styles they have are still longer than their fingertips and it is easily noticeable, which is why I would assume they don't draw attention like the shorts that are "iffy" on girls.
And yes I have a dd, and when she was younger it was not all that easy to find in between lengths, they were either short (not booty but short) or Bermuda. They were always "iffy" because she didn't want the long ones. I'm sure at times we pushed the limit on what was allowed.
I've been through the whole tween/teen "it's not fair" but in reality it is, as long as the rules are applied to both genders.
And I am not saying that there are schools where they don't, I'm just saying you (general you) can't put a blanket statement about dress codes in general being sexist against women.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

Here girls are not allowed to wear tank tops- my daughter always said if her shoulders were to much of a distraction for boys then perhaps the boys that it bothered should be homeschooled because they obviously should not be allowed out in public if a girls shoulders caused them to lose control.

I have sons. I absolutely despise the thought process behind this. It is doing our sons a disservice by implying that they are not able to control themselves and that someone other than themselves (in this case the girls) should be responsible for ensuring they aren't driven to distraction.

My oldest is 16. I have told him many times that if something a girl is wearing is so distracting to him that he can't control himself, HE needs to leave the area and get himself under control. He and only he is responsible for his actions.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Enforcement of a dress code is tough to be consistent with. I teach at an elementary school and two things on ours are no tank tops and no leggings as pants without a long shirt or dress over them. When a kindergartner wears leggings without a long shirt, no one even notices, but when a 5th grader does it, it’s generally more obvious that they need a little more coverage and so we are definitely inconsistent with having kids change here.

 

[Anchored]

They aren't stupid, they apply to 99.9% of the students. I mean things aren't going to apply to 100% of the population all the time, there will always be outliers.



Are the boys allowed to wear them?
If yes, then I would agree that is sexist.

I didn't say the rule was stupid. I said enforcement like this is stupid, i.e. lining girls up and checking for a few millimeters of fingertips beneath the hem
It is stupid. If you can generally see that they are close to okay, and it is not flagrant, there is no need for this. It's just a power trip

 

[kerry1379]

Most jobs have a dress code. Why do people get up in arms about schools having a dress code? Granted, I think it should basically come down to what is appropriate or not vs. specific rules if there is not a uniform. But, unfortunately, it seems there always seems to be those that either don't grasp what is appropriate or don't care so we end up getting specific rules. (Not directed at the OP or anyone specific-to society in general.) As to why the rules seem sexist-I think we need to take that up with clothing designers. I rarely see boy's clothing that is specifically designed to emphasis their body. Where as so much of female clothing does-even some of the clothing for young girls. But yes, if boys are wearing inappropriate clothes, then they need to be called out too. It's just that the majority of boy clothing styles, that I have seen, aren't inappropriate for school. (The sagging pants trend would be the exception. Is that still around? That was around when I was in high school 20 years ago!)

I do think that if the teacher can't tell that the shorts are too short (aka inappropriate) just by a passing glance at them-then they are probably fine and the calling students out in the middle of class to formally check is unnecessary.

 

[rlk]

I wish they would do away with these type of dress codes. I worked closely with the Parent Coordinator at the middle school my children attended, so was in the office many times to see some girls come in after being singled out for breaking the dress code. What I witnessed was a bias against curvier girls. Ten girls would walk past wearing pretty much identical outfits, which were leggings and t-shirt. Only the student that was on the curvier side would get sent to the office. The whole situation was awful; the student would be humiliated and forced to change into baggy sweatpants.

 

[Christine]

I have sons. I absolutely despise the thought process behind this. It is doing our sons a disservice by implying that they are not able to control themselves and that someone other than themselves (in this case the girls) should be responsible for ensuring they aren't driven to distraction.

My oldest is 16. I have told him many times that if something a girl is wearing is so distracting to him that he can't control himself, HE needs to leave the area and get himself under control. He and only he is responsible for his actions.

I agree with you (I have a son and daughter, both adults now). These same dress codes have been around for a LONG time. I never thought of them as being about helping to control the distractions for boys. I thought they were really about decorum in a school setting. I realize that decorum has become much more relaxed over the past 30 years. When I was in elementary school in the 1960s, girls *had* to wear dresses. By the time I was in high school (early 80s), the only time a girl or boy could wear shorts to school was on field day. It's not that it was a sexual thing for either gender, it was just about have a basic level of a quasi-uniform for going to school, even it was jeans and a sleeved-shirt.

I still think that's what dress codes are supposed to be about but with the advent of much more sexualized clothing at younger ages (booty shorts for 10 year olds for example), I guess it has sort of become that way. Once you allow clothing in (shorts) it's a slippery slope I guess. Not saying I'm against shorts because I know it's standard in hot climates.

 

[china mom]

So schools shouldn't have dress codes? Does your employer have a dress code?

Yes, schools should have dress codes. I wear a uniform at work and we have a five page document about how the uniform is to be exactly worn so I have the ultimate dress code .

My concern is not having a dress code nor is it with enforcing a dress code. I think that homeroom might be a better place to catch violations and I think that a student who appears to be wearing short shorts can/should be discretely pulled aside and "fingertip" checked (if that is the rule). But to have one teacher, in the middle of the day, make each shorts wearing girl pause in the doorway and be checked does not seem an appropriate way to enforce the dress code.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

Most jobs have a dress code. Why do people get up in arms about schools having a dress code? Granted, I think it should basically come down to what is appropriate or not vs. specific rules if there is not a uniform. But, unfortunately, it seems there always seems to be those that either don't grasp what is appropriate or don't care so we end up getting specific rules. (Not directed at the OP or anyone specific-to society in general.) As to why the rules seem sexist-I think we need to take that up with clothing designers. I rarely see boy's clothing that is specifically designed to emphasis their body. Where as so much of female clothing does-even some of the clothing for young girls. But yes, if boys are wearing inappropriate clothes, then they need to be called out too. It's just that the majority of boy clothing styles, that I have seen, aren't inappropriate for school. (The sagging pants trend would be the exception. Is that still around? That was around when I was in high school 20 years ago!)

I do think that if the teacher can't tell that the shorts are too short (aka inappropriate) just by a passing glance at them-then they are probably fine and the calling students out in the middle of class to formally check is unnecessary.

The difference is, a. work dress codes cover both men's and women's attire, and b. most places of employment are not lining the female employees up in front of the entire staff every morning and checking the hems of their skirts.

I have no issue with dress codes for schools, my problem is when they apply only to girls. A previous poster asked about boys shorts being too short. In our school, it's well known that the shorts rules don't apply to the boys. It's even been asked and confirmed during meet the teacher nights. Girls aren't allowed to wear certain types of shorts, boys are fine.

Dress codes need to be gender neutral - "all shorts must have a 4in inseam, if there is a question about the length of a child's shorts parents will be contacted." "No tank tops allowed" things of that nature, and they need to be enforced for the boys as well as the girls.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So for those saying it's sexist are you saying that if a boy comes in in booty shorts he wouldn't be dress coded?

The entire concept of many dress code is sexist because it points girls out as sexual objects and boys are uncontrollable hormone machines.

While some banned clothes are a distraction regardless of gender (shirts with obscenities, shirts with confederate flags, shirts with guns, etc.), for the most part the dress code is about preventing clothes that the administration thinks would distract people attracted to girls.

 

[kerry1379]

The difference is, a. work dress codes cover both men's and women's attire, and b. most places of employment are not lining the female employees up in front of the entire staff every morning and checking the hems of their skirts.

I have no issue with dress codes for schools, my problem is when they apply only to girls. A previous poster asked about boys shorts being too short. In our school, it's well known that the shorts rules don't apply to the boys. It's even been asked and confirmed during meet the teacher nights. Girls aren't allowed to wear certain types of shorts, boys are fine.

Dress codes need to be gender neutral - "all shorts must have a 4in inseam, if there is a question about the length of a child's shorts parents will be contacted." "No tank tops allowed" things of that nature, and they need to be enforced for the boys as well as the girls.

I totally agree with you. Though I think even if the dress codes are written in a gender neutral way (and they should be), it would still be obvious that it is primarily the girls that get called out on infractions. And I don't think that is the schools being sexist (at least I hope not). I think that is because of the clothing styles available to girls vs. boys. I mean-I don't think I have ever seen shorts even available in the boys clothing department at Kohl's that wouldn't be at least a 7 in inseam. Bu it is hard to find the longer length inseam in the girl's shorts.

Ultimately I wish we could get back to whether something is appropriate or not. Like PP have said, different clothes look differently on different people.

 

[china mom]

So for those saying it's sexist are you saying that if a boy comes in in booty shorts he wouldn't be dress coded?

I'm saying that only the girls are being checked - and each and every one in shorts, even those who are wearing shorts down to their knees. All this while the boys are allowed to walk into class without being checked.

(before anyone calls me out on it, DD did say she wasn't sure if any boys were checked so i am making an assumption here)

 

[kimblebee]

LOL, you are pretty naive if you think teen girls aren't distracted by teen boys.

I didn’t say that, though, did I?

Can you state one rule that you know of that specifically addresses that?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I didn’t say that, though, did I?

Can you state one rule that you know of that specifically addresses that?

In the defense of my children's school district, here is their rule on shirts:

2. Shirts/tops without sleeves are not permitted included but not limited to
tank tops (of any shoulder width), mesh tops, spaghetti straps, halter/crop
tops, muscle shirts, tube-tops, low-cut/exposing or see through blouses.

Note that they include tank tops of any shoulder width, as well as "muscle shirts". However, I don't know how much this was policed and if it were policed equally between genders. I'm actually kind of surprised it was this wide-ranging.