HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[Alexander]

Child #1 would not sleep unless he was in someone's arms.

Child #2 slept like a dream--on his belly. Yes, on his belly. I don't care what the experts say, he slept, and I slept. It worked.

 

[mjkacmom]

Babies don't wake up and cry every hour at night because they are hurt. They haven't yet learned how to soothe themselves back to sleep. It is NOT mean to teach a baby something they need to learn.
!

This is correct. In fact, EVERYONE wakes up during the night, with different sleep cycles. Some babies learn, on their own, how to get back to sleep. Some babies need to be taught. It's not pain, it's not hunger, it's habit. Tonight, I will wake several times, without knowing it, but my body knows how to go back to sleep. However, if my circumstances changes since I went to bed (ie - I wake up on the couch instead of my bed), I will wake totally. This is what happens when babies fall asleep drinking, being rocked, etc. During these natural waking phases, the circumstances have changed, so they cry (which is why it is best to put a baby down sleepy, but still awake).

 

[lilpooh108]

On top of what others have said, your LO might be going through a growth spurt--babies usually do at 6 months.

Also, have you checked her nap schedule? Sometimes you should rearrange the nap schedule to prolong longer sleeping. Some babies need MORE sleep during the day to sleep longer, some need less. Mine needed less long stretches of naps to help her sleep well at night (but more mini naps).

My DD also had/has reflux (really badly). Does your baby have any sign of discomfort? There's no such thing as true "colic." Colic is usually a sign of distress...does she burp/hiccup alot? Vomit? Raspy voice? There is a thing called silent reflux which disrupts sleep and may be the cause of nightwaking...hth...

 

[chloe770]

Thank you to everyone for your suggestion. I did go out and buy Dr. Ferber's book and plan on starting to read it tomorrow.
FYI - I will try CIO but would NEVER let DD get to the point were she was making herself sick.

Thank you. Geez, you'd think I was suggesting neglecting your baby.

A six month old CAN and SHOULD be able to self soothe back to sleep IF there is nothing else going on (illness, pain, extreme discomfort from some source).

I am going on the assumption that the OP is a good mother. I'm assuming that the baby is adequately (but not over) dressed, the room temp is where it should be, the baby is fed before bed, and has a dry diaper. If so, and that baby is STILL crying every hour (literally), it's because the baby KNOWS that the crying will bring mama straight into the room for "cuddling and comfort", which that baby does not NEED, but wants. A six month old baby needs uninterrupted, solid sleep. At least 11 hours per night. Look it up. It sounds to me like this baby is SLEEP DEPRIVED, since she is not able to sleep long stretches without waking, and this sleep deprivation is MUCH worse for a developing baby/child in the long run than a few moments here and there of crying and not getting a parental response.

OP, get educated on CIO and do it the RIGHT way. CIO does NOT mean "ignore your baby."

And yes, all kids are different. But, ALL people need to sleep. It's a requirement of our species. You are your child's teacher right now, and you have to help her learn to fall asleep on her own.

I am not trying to be harsh, but you can only put up with so much sleep deprivation yourself. Lack of sleep leads to stress, poor health, poor concentration, and can lead to accidents. If you have TRULY been up every hour of the night since your baby was born, your body and mind are going to start to break down very soon...

Thank you for the assumption. I Do do all of those things. And even tho your original comment did sound kinda harsh, I believe you are probably 100% right so no offense taken here.
Sleep deprived and all, I think the only thing that keeps me going right now is DD's big blue eyes and bright smile. You truely would never know she is a bad sleeper by spending time with her. She is such joy and the happiest baby ever. Despite this little hiccup, I am blessed to have both of my children. The sleep will come with time.

 

[Brancaneve]

I feel your pain! You have received A LOT of different advice. Do what feels right for you and your baby, and remind yourself, no matter how tired, that this will pass. She will sleep through the night! Good luck....

 

[aidtrismommy]

I second the white noise. Both my kids sleep with sound machines (rain setting). I would also think over the nap situation like PP said. Maybe the baby is sleepiing too much/not enough or whatever. My kids didn't sleep thru the night at 6 months. You are on the right track with the books. Whatever you choose, stick with it. It will work out.

 

[waltskids]

Both DD and DS rolled to their bellies early (12 weeks for DS, 11 weeks for DD) and we are convinced this is why they both began sleeping through the night at the exact same time as they rolled. We were prepared to use CIO if needed, as this was the method we felt most strongly about. Take everything on a discussion board lightly, as some advice is great and some is not, depending on your situation. Our doctor did say by 6 months babies should be able to sooth themselves to sleep without feeding but of course that is one opinion. Keep the nighttime routine consistent and know that this too shall pass. Good luck!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Have you tried adding a little cereal to the formula? A full tummy helps baby sleep a little better. Whenever DD and DS had trouble sleeping, we thickened up their formula and they started sleeping better. We found they weren't getting full enough and this really did help us.

Are you letting baby nap a lot during the day? Maybe baby hasn't got their nights/days straight yet? Maybe try not drawing the shades during the day and making the bedroom REALLY dark at night?

Teething tabs were a godsend to us for both babies. They would get the kids calmed down enough to rest. DS used one of those teething plushes - can't remember who makes them - but they are about 6"-7" tall and have teethers for the hands and feet. DD wouldn't go near them though.

Hang in there mom! You'll get it straightened out. Hopefully sooner than later.

ETA: DH was on 3rd shift when DS was born, so it was just me ALL day. DH would be at work at 11 p.m., home at 6 a.m. and sleep until 1 p.m. Then I got to nap for a bit, and then wake up in time to fix dinner and see DH off again.

One of the things that I did that seemed to help too, was that I'd let DS sleep from 7p-9p. Wake him up, feed, play, and then feed him again around 11p/12a. He'd sleep until 5 a.m. Slowly, he'd start sleeping longer and longer. May be worth trying.

 

[jodifla]

Thank you. Geez, you'd think I was suggesting neglecting your baby.

A six month old CAN and SHOULD be able to self soothe back to sleep IF there is nothing else going on (illness, pain, extreme discomfort from some source).

I am going on the assumption that the OP is a good mother. I'm assuming that the baby is adequately (but not over) dressed, the room temp is where it should be, the baby is fed before bed, and has a dry diaper. If so, and that baby is STILL crying every hour (literally), it's because the baby KNOWS that the crying will bring mama straight into the room for "cuddling and comfort", which that baby does not NEED, but wants. A six month old baby needs uninterrupted, solid sleep. At least 11 hours per night. Look it up. It sounds to me like this baby is SLEEP DEPRIVED, since she is not able to sleep long stretches without waking, and this sleep deprivation is MUCH worse for a developing baby/child in the long run than a few moments here and there of crying and not getting a parental response.

OP, get educated on CIO and do it the RIGHT way. CIO does NOT mean "ignore your baby."

And yes, all kids are different. But, ALL people need to sleep. It's a requirement of our species. You are your child's teacher right now, and you have to help her learn to fall asleep on her own.

I am not trying to be harsh, but you can only put up with so much sleep deprivation yourself. Lack of sleep leads to stress, poor health, poor concentration, and can lead to accidents. If you have TRULY been up every hour of the night since your baby was born, your body and mind are going to start to break down very soon...

Yes, this.

My son was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old (from 11 p.m. to about 5 or 6 a.m.)

We:

Put him to bed at 7 p.m., after a bottle, when he was tired, not drowsy
We got him up at 11 for another bottle, fed him quietly in his room, lights off.
If he woke up in the middle of the night, I'd go in to him, but not pick him up

At about five weeks old was when my husband had to leave abruptly because of an illness in his family. At that point, DS was waking about 1 or 2 a.m. and I'd go in to rub his back and talk to him.

When DH returned, I was very, very tired from the lack of uninterrupted sleep. DH was very tired from his journey and the stressful trip. Neither of us heard him cry that night....and he started sleeping through the night on his own after that.

Very young children CAN sleep through the night on their own, but if you have trained them to want/need company to get back to sleep, then they will want that.

 

[PebblesMom]

Ok so I'm gonna try the CIO method, but does it work at getting dd back to sleep? I have no problem at all getting to to sleep. I put her down awake give her a kiss and binky, then off I go. She is usually asleep within 5 minutes. It's keeping her asleep that's the problem.

With both of my boys I found that when the binky would fall out of their mouths after they fell into a deeper sleep they would wake up and cry wanting it back. I would try to have them take their thumbs instead, so that they could soothe themselves back to sleep and not need me to give them their binky back. They would still wake up briefly, but would not cry for me! My oldest only sucked his tumb at night until he was about 11 months and the baby now only does at night (I worried that I was going to create bad habits). Not sure if this is a problem for you, but something else to look at!

 

[cs037]

Again, CIO is not the only (or best for baby) method. I see alot of advice that has to do with bottles, where did the OP state she was formula feeding? If you are bottle feeding, I would say it is bad advice to suggest mixing the formula with cereal to keep baby full. The baby NEEDS the nutrition from breastmilk or formula, just as often as baby is hungry.

OP- if you are willing to do research on the "Ferber method" why not research Dr.Sears? He offers much more peaceful solutions for parents of infants than this crying stuff. Also, there is a book called "our babies, ourselves" that is very enlightening. It was written by an anthropologist, and offers a different view of the whole infant sleep thing.

There have been several studies that show that when a baby cries, for any reason, their hormone cortisol rises. Cortisol is your stress hormone, the fight or flight hormone.Repeated increase in cortisol can actually change a baby's brain chemistry.

We are mammals after all. A cry, of any kind, is to let the mother know that the baby needs something. If left untended to in the wild, young that cry out without being helped are at greater risk of predators. An infant NEEDS comfort, needs touch, needs to be near their caregiver(s).... why do you think infants in the neonatal hospitals that are held/ massaged/ touched more often grow faster and stronger?

It is a biological response to tend to your baby. That is why many mothers experience the rapid beating of their heart, the overwhelming urge to get to their baby. It is biological. We are born to care for our young. Only when that bond is disturbed either at birth or in the early attachment months after birth can this natural response be disturbed.

Only in the US and Western cultures do we try to force independence on an infant. It is sad that babies can't be babies and know that the adults around them can be trusted and will tend to their needs.

When a baby cries and cries and no one comes, they give up. People think, "oh, she needed to cry to fall asleep" - not so... the baby is quiet because their trust has been betrayed and they know no one will come when they are hungry, lonely or scared.

this is coming from a mother of two children, who (as infants) never kept me up all night. Not once. I am a well-rested new mom. I am glad my children have never been left in a room to cry themselves to sleep, and it makes me sad to think of any baby going through that.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Again, CIO is not the only (or best for baby) method. I see alot of advice that has to do with bottles, where did the OP state she was formula feeding? If you are bottle feeding, I would say it is bad advice to suggest mixing the formula with cereal to keep baby full. The baby NEEDS the nutrition from breastmilk or formula, just as often as baby is hungry

A) There is nothing wrong with BFing and supplementing with a bottle if it works for the baby.

B) Putting cereal in a bottle once a day so a new mom can get some rest causes no harm. At 6 months babies can start cereal anyway, why not add it to the bottle?

 

[mjkacmom]

Again, CIO is not the only (or best for baby) method. I see alot of advice that has to do with bottles, where did the OP state she was formula feeding? If you are bottle feeding, I would say it is bad advice to suggest mixing the formula with cereal to keep baby full. The baby NEEDS the nutrition from breastmilk or formula, just as often as baby is hungry.

OP- if you are willing to do research on the "Ferber method" why not research Dr.Sears? He offers much more peaceful solutions for parents of infants than this crying stuff. Also, there is a book called "our babies, ourselves" that is very enlightening. It was written by an anthropologist, and offers a different view of the whole infant sleep thing.

There have been several studies that show that when a baby cries, for any reason, their hormone cortisol rises. Cortisol is your stress hormone, the fight or flight hormone.Repeated increase in cortisol can actually change a baby's brain chemistry.

We are mammals after all. A cry, of any kind, is to let the mother know that the baby needs something. If left untended to in the wild, young that cry out without being helped are at greater risk of predators. An infant NEEDS comfort, needs touch, needs to be near their caregiver(s).... why do you think infants in the neonatal hospitals that are held/ massaged/ touched more often grow faster and stronger?

It is a biological response to tend to your baby. That is why many mothers experience the rapid beating of their heart, the overwhelming urge to get to their baby. It is biological. We are born to care for our young. Only when that bond is disturbed either at birth or in the early attachment months after birth can this natural response be disturbed.

Only in the US and Western cultures do we try to force independence on an infant. It is sad that babies can't be babies and know that the adults around them can be trusted and will tend to their needs.

When a baby cries and cries and no one comes, they give up. People think, "oh, she needed to cry to fall asleep" - not so... the baby is quiet because their trust has been betrayed and they know no one will come when they are hungry, lonely or scared.

this is coming from a mother of two children, who (as infants) never kept me up all night. Not once. I am a well-rested new mom. I am glad my children have never been left in a room to cry themselves to sleep, and it makes me sad to think of any baby going through that.

Who is to say that Sears is right, and Ferber wrong? They obviously have 2 different opinions on the matter. And yes, animals in the wild sleep with their young - they also lick them to clean them. I've never had an urge to do that! I guess we've evolved. I also never had an urge to bring a child into bed with me. Yes, I've done it, but wasn't thrilled about it.

 

[brergnat]

There have been several studies that show that when a baby cries, for any reason, their hormone cortisol rises. Cortisol is your stress hormone, the fight or flight hormone.Repeated increase in cortisol can actually change a baby's brain chemistry.

When a baby cries, the MOTHER's cortisol rises too. Repeated increase in cortisol can lead to SERIOUS health problems for the mother too...when a baby cries ALL NIGHT LONG, EVERY HOUR, and the MOTHER cannot sleep, her cortisol rises.

We are mammals after all. A cry, of any kind, is to let the mother know that the baby needs something. If left untended to in the wild, young that cry out without being helped are at greater risk of predators. An infant NEEDS comfort, needs touch, needs to be near their caregiver(s).... why do you think infants in the neonatal hospitals that are held/ massaged/ touched more often grow faster and stronger?

When a baby cries and cries and no one comes, they give up. People think, "oh, she needed to cry to fall asleep" - not so... the baby is quiet because their trust has been betrayed and they know no one will come when they are hungry, lonely or scared.

No one here is suggesting ignoring a newborn, or using CIO on a newborn. In the NICU, they do that to preemies because they SHOULD still be in the womb, and that constant touch mimics that environment. And, every newborn needs its mother. I agree with that. But, by 6 months old, a baby has already lost its "baby animal-like" instincts and reflexes, and has established enough of a bond with its caretakers to know that they can be trusted. At 6 months old, too, a baby is now capable of social interactions, to include manipulation to get what they WANT, but not necessarily what they NEED.

this is coming from a mother of two children, who (as infants) never kept me up all night. Not once. I am a well-rested new mom. I am glad my children have never been left in a room to cry themselves to sleep, and it makes me sad to think of any baby going through that.

Well, this just says it all. I'm sorry, but how can you even have such a strong opinion on this if you have NEVER experienced it for yourself? You are fortunate that you got babies who slept without keeping you up all night. Good for you for being a well rested new mom. It must have been nice. For the REST of us though, when you become SO sleep deprived, your mind and body start doing/thinking CRAZY things, and out of desperation, coming across a method written by a Doctor that WORKS is as close to finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow as we'll ever get.

 

[cs037]

So nice to get flamed just because I offered the OP a different opinion than everyone else on what could help her. I wasn't saying Sears was better than Ferber, just suggesting op research both sides before cio.

Also, my children never kept me up crying all night because I never forced them too by expecting them to sleep alone on my schedule.

 

[cydswipe]

First of all OP... to you....

Also to all of us moms. Mothering can be a difficult task.

I hope the sleeping issues are starting to get better. If not, I hope you are not at your wits end anymore.

If you choose to CIO or use Dr. Sears, or medicate yourself :rotfl2... any of it is OKAY. You are a good mom, your child is happy and healthy. What I do and what YOU do maybe totally different, but who cares?? Do what is BEST for YOU and CHILD.

I have 2 DD. My 1st was a horrible sleeper. Numerous attempts to CIO after year or so old.... AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL experience. To THIS DAY, she still isn't the most reliable sleeper. She is 10. Yes, 10 years old.

DD2 came along. I swore I wasn't going to having 2 kids sleeping awful. This little darling had to CIO. But it was MUCH easier and took LESS time since we started way earlier. It got to the point that if she was awake in the night, I scheduled a pediatrician appointment within the next couple of days. Usually ear infection. My point is, since she was such a great sleeper, I KNEW something wasn't quite right if she was up in the night.


If you haven't gotten any relief yet, can you have a neighbor, grandma, DH take the baby for a few hours so you can get a nap in. I feel strongly that lack of sleep leads to "issues" with mommy. Postpartum depression really affected me....

I wish "Mommy Care" was pushed more by DRS... it's hard to do it all while you're exhausted...

Take care and good luck!

 

[2BoysMom]

I had twin babies, so I prayed for a good way to help them become good sleepers. I SWEAR by The Happiest Baby on the Block. Swaddling, shoooshing noises, etc. My boys are 6 now and champion sleepers.

One, unusual thing I would like to mention. Even though both my boys were good sleepers, one of them would "wake up" almost every night scream-crying, and then when I went in there to rub his back and soothe him, he would fall back to sleep. This went on for about 3 years (God forgive me).

At the time, he was also quite speech delayed. Two ST's suggested that I get his adenoids checked. I sort-of ignored it, until one day he and I were playing a funny face game. When he opened his mouth really wide, I almost fell over in my chair b/c his tonsils were ENORMOUS. Almost closing his throat opening. I quickly took him to an ENT (who thought I was exaggerating), and SHE almost fell off her chair when she saw his tonsils.

We scheduled surgery right away, and she said his adenoids were just as big (ST's were right). I think my poor baby, when he was waking in the night, was not due to "night terrors" (which is what I was assuming) but b/c he couldn't breathe properly. As soon as we removed the tonsils and adenoids, he no longer woke in the night ever again, and had a huge explosion in speech.

I know your baby is only 6 months, but have the Dr. check his tonsils to see if they are appropriate. If everything is fine, I still swear by THBOTB, and always give it as a shower gift with a swaddling blanket.

 

[barnaby1]

6 month old babies (not to mention younger than that) are not meant to sleep through the night. They need to be fed and cuddled, just as much at nighttime as during the day.

I am sorry but this is nonsense. 6 month old babies do not need to be feed through the night (I am including the 10pm feed as a day time feed) and they most certainly do not need to be cuddled-this is exactly why babies keep waking up because cuddling is nice. However OP is exhausted and needs / wants to sort this out.

OP- couple of questions?
You don't say whether baby is already on solids. If not it may be that she is hungry as she is not getting enough food during the day.

Does she sleep in the cot in your room as that is a great way to not sleep as you hear and react to every little movement. Put her in her own room if not already.

When she does wake up at night do you give her breast/bottle? Again babies of 6 months do not need feeding overnight if they are getting all of their milk and food requirements in the daytime. And again because it is nice and comforting any baby will choose extra milk. Try offering water. That is boring and she will not bother waking up just for that.

You also don't mention if she previously slept well and has suddenly started waking (which you may be able to find a trigger for) or whether she has always slept badly.

Another book suggestion is the "contented baby book" by Gina Ford. She isn't everyones cup of tea but she talks good sense about many things to do with settling babies, day time management which provides good nightime routine. Essentially any book that offers practical help to get baby to sleep at night is good. Don't be fooled by any book which perpetuates the myth that babies should be awake at night.

Essentially hang in there Mum, mummies need sleep at night and so do babies so you do need to do something about it but be consistent, it takes around 3 nights to develop a good habit that will stick.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wish "Mommy Care" was pushed more by DRS... it's hard to do it all while you're exhausted...

Take care and good luck!

We once had this great pediatrician who insisted the couple bring the baby to the office on the way home from the hospital. He would tell the dad that his wife is tired, she is to go to bed if she wants, and for the next 48 hours, dad was either to do all of the night feedings if ff, and diaper changing, or bring the baby to mom if bf, and change the diapers. He said that a leading cause of PPD is lack of sleep, and how important it is for new moms to get enough.

 

[cs037]

I am sorry but this is nonsense. 6 month old babies do not need to be feed through the night (I am including the 10pm feed as a day time feed) and they most certainly do not need to be cuddled-this is exactly why babies keep waking up because cuddling is nice. However OP is exhausted and needs / wants to sort this out.

OP- couple of questions?
You don't say whether baby is already on solids. If not it may be that she is hungry as she is not getting enough food during the day.

Does she sleep in the cot in your room as that is a great way to not sleep as you hear and react to every little movement. Put her in her own room if not already.

When she does wake up at night do you give her breast/bottle? Again babies of 6 months do not need feeding overnight if they are getting all of their milk and food requirements in the daytime. And again because it is nice and comforting any baby will choose extra milk. Try offering water. That is boring and she will not bother waking up just for that.

You also don't mention if she previously slept well and has suddenly started waking (which you may be able to find a trigger for) or whether she has always slept badly.

Another book suggestion is the "contented baby book" by Gina Ford. She isn't everyones cup of tea but she talks good sense about many things to do with settling babies, day time management which provides good nightime routine. Essentially any book that offers practical help to get baby to sleep at night is good. Don't be fooled by any book which perpetuates the myth that babies should be awake at night.

Essentially hang in there Mum, mummies need sleep at night and so do babies so you do need to do something about it but be consistent, it takes around 3 nights to develop a good habit that will stick.

interesting that my "nonsense" was offered up with two cites for referencing, while most of the advice in this thread (including yours) was based on opinion or experience only. there is a huge amount of research based evidence promoting co-sleeping as the natural way for an infant to sleep through the night. This is current research, not 1950's dr.spock stuff.

I believe the op asked for advice on getting her baby to sleep so she can as well.... that is the advice I gave.

Also, neither of my references will say babies should be up screaming all night, simply that babies can/do/should be hungry more often.

Oh, and feeding a baby water? worst advice ever. Show me some research promoting that idea!