HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[PebblesMom]

Please do not give her water at 6 months.
www.babycenter.com/408_when-can-my-baby-drink-water_1368488.bc

 

[chloe770]

Wow! I truely did not mean to stir up such a heated debate.

I am sorry but this is nonsense. 6 month old babies do not need to be feed through the night (I am including the 10pm feed as a day time feed) and they most certainly do not need to be cuddled-this is exactly why babies keep waking up because cuddling is nice. However OP is exhausted and needs / wants to sort this out.

OP- couple of questions?
You don't say whether baby is already on solids. If not it may be that she is hungry as she is not getting enough food during the day.

Yes. She has been eating solid foods for a while now. 4 tlbs fruit, 4 tlbs veggies, 6 tbls cereal per day and about 25 ozs of formula
Does she sleep in the cot in your room as that is a great way to not sleep as you hear and react to every little movement. Put her in her own room if not already.
She sleeps in her own room.
When she does wake up at night do you give her breast/bottle? Again babies of 6 months do not need feeding overnight if they are getting all of their milk and food requirements in the daytime. And again because it is nice and comforting any baby will choose extra milk. Try offering water. That is boring and she will not bother waking up just for that.
No, I do not feed her. I give her the binkie and walk out.

You also don't mention if she previously slept well and has suddenly started waking (which you may be able to find a trigger for) or whether she has always slept badly.
She has never slept great but was going until 2:30 before waking before.

Another book suggestion is the "contented baby book" by Gina Ford. She isn't everyones cup of tea but she talks good sense about many things to do with settling babies, day time management which provides good nightime routine. Essentially any book that offers practical help to get baby to sleep at night is good. Don't be fooled by any book which perpetuates the myth that babies should be awake at night.

Essentially hang in there Mum, mummies need sleep at night and so do babies so you do need to do something about it but be consistent, it takes around 3 nights to develop a good habit that will stick.

Just so everyone knows, DD is not actually crying. It's more like a moaning or complaining. I let her just moan last night and most of the time she feel back to sleep with in a few minutes. Once she actually started to cry and I went into her room, gave her the binkie and left. I actually got to sleep straight from 11:30 until 2:45. Yeah 4 me !

DD can roll from her back to her stomache and stomache to her back in both directions. I do put her down on her back but if I go into her room and she is on her stomache I leave her there. I figure that is were she wants to be. Now if she has rolled all the way down to the bottom of her crib ( which she will do) I do move her back up and place her on her back.

To the PP who commented about getting rid of the binkie for the thumb...I have thought about that. What holds me back is my 7 yo niece who still sucks her thumb. You can't take away her thumb but I can have her trade her binkie for a trip to Disney just like I did with DS.

As far as the books are concerned, I did also look for Dr. Sears book. The book store did not have it. And, honestly, I'm not one to sit down and read a book like that cover to cover. That is why I posted here. To hear others experiences and get suggestions. If my situation does not improve on DIS advice, then I will make time to do more research and read those books properly.

I do thank all of you for your different ideas and opinions. Every child is different. I will have to figure out what works for mine.

 

[mjkacmom]

To the PP who commented about getting rid of the binkie for the thumb...I have thought about that. What holds me back is my 7 yo niece who still sucks her thumb. You can't take away her thumb but I can have her trade her binkie for a trip to Disney just like I did with DS.
.

You say "the binkie." Does that mean there is only one in the crib? My kids had at least 6, to better the odds that they'd find one in the middle of the night. Binkies are way easier to get rid of than thumbs. Really, 24 hours of complaining, and you're done.

 

[jodifla]

interesting that my "nonsense" was offered up with two cites for referencing, while most of the advice in this thread (including yours) was based on opinion or experience only. there is a huge amount of research based evidence promoting co-sleeping as the natural way for an infant to sleep through the night. This is current research, not 1950's dr.spock stuff.

I believe the op asked for advice on getting her baby to sleep so she can as well.... that is the advice I gave.

Also, neither of my references will say babies should be up screaming all night, simply that babies can/do/should be hungry more often.

Oh, and feeding a baby water? worst advice ever. Show me some research promoting that idea!

Co-sleeping has its own set of issues. Not everyone is cut out for it.

And I lost count of how many threads moms have started when they are trying to move their kid OUT of their bed so they can get some sleep.

Not to mention the safety issue. I'm a very heavy sleeper, and wouldn't be comfortable with a child in my bed. We did try a basinette for about two nights, but my husband could sleep a wink. Our son was a very noisy sleeper.

 

[chloe770]

You say "the binkie." Does that mean there is only one in the crib? My kids had at least 6, to better the odds that they'd find one in the middle of the night. Binkies are way easier to get rid of than thumbs. Really, 24 hours of complaining, and you're done.

I laughed when I read this. She has 2 in her crib now. I just changed sizes and need to buy/boil more. 6 sounds like the right number.

 

[jodifla]

I am sorry but this is nonsense. 6 month old babies do not need to be feed through the night (I am including the 10pm feed as a day time feed) and they most certainly do not need to be cuddled-this is exactly why babies keep waking up because cuddling is nice. However OP is exhausted and needs / wants to sort this out.

OP- couple of questions?
You don't say whether baby is already on solids. If not it may be that she is hungry as she is not getting enough food during the day.

Does she sleep in the cot in your room as that is a great way to not sleep as you hear and react to every little movement. Put her in her own room if not already.

When she does wake up at night do you give her breast/bottle? Again babies of 6 months do not need feeding overnight if they are getting all of their milk and food requirements in the daytime. And again because it is nice and comforting any baby will choose extra milk. Try offering water. That is boring and she will not bother waking up just for that.

You also don't mention if she previously slept well and has suddenly started waking (which you may be able to find a trigger for) or whether she has always slept badly.

Another book suggestion is the "contented baby book" by Gina Ford. She isn't everyones cup of tea but she talks good sense about many things to do with settling babies, day time management which provides good nightime routine. Essentially any book that offers practical help to get baby to sleep at night is good. Don't be fooled by any book which perpetuates the myth that babies should be awake at night.

Essentially hang in there Mum, mummies need sleep at night and so do babies so you do need to do something about it but be consistent, it takes around 3 nights to develop a good habit that will stick.

We used this book, and found her advice to be spot on!!! We by far had the child who was easiest to put to sleep. When he was about 18 months old, we could just say, "bedtime" and he would just trundle back to his room. Babysitters loved us!

 

[cheshireqt]

We used CIO with both DS and DD, after making sure all was well and if it was outside of normal infant eating time. It worked, DS slept through night at 8weeks (eliminating the midnight feeding at 5 weeks and the 3 AM feeding at 8 weeks), DD did not eliminate midnight feeding until 8 weeks and 3 AM at about 12 weeks (she was a bigger baby and probably just did not eat enough to fill her up. After they were regular sleep though the nighters when they woke and cried I knew something else was going on, such as teething. Used oragel and some baby motrin, held, comforted, put on a lullaby CD then back into the crib. Since your DD is about this age and is showing similar needs maybe that would work for you?
SIL chose to bring her kids to bed with her. The first one did not get out of their bed until a few years after #2 arrived so was about 7 before he finally moved out of the Master Bdrm. youngest is 8 and still sleeps with them, even when visiting us and has cousins to room with. I think this has been a major factor in some marital issues for them. Flame me if you want, this is the truth!

 

[brergnat]

SIL chose to bring her kids to bed with her. The first one did not get out of their bed until a few years after #2 arrived so was about 7 before he finally moved out of the Master Bdrm. youngest is 8 and still sleeps with them, even when visiting us and has cousins to room with. I think this has been a major factor in some marital issues for them. Flame me if you want, this is the truth!

Not to turn this into a co-sleeping thread, but ITA with this! I can't imagine how co-sleeping does NOT mess with a marriage. I mean, seriously. DH and I use "our" bed to do "our thing". We even lock the door so our kids can't barge in...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We used CIO with both DS and DD, after making sure all was well and if it was outside of normal infant eating time. It worked, DS slept through night at 8weeks (eliminating the midnight feeding at 5 weeks and the 3 AM feeding at 8 weeks), DD did not eliminate midnight feeding until 8 weeks and 3 AM at about 12 weeks (she was a bigger baby and probably just did not eat enough to fill her up. After they were regular sleep though the nighters when they woke and cried I knew something else was going on, such as teething. Used oragel and some baby motrin, held, comforted, put on a lullaby CD then back into the crib. Since your DD is about this age and is showing similar needs maybe that would work for you?
SIL chose to bring her kids to bed with her. The first one did not get out of their bed until a few years after #2 arrived so was about 7 before he finally moved out of the Master Bdrm. youngest is 8 and still sleeps with them, even when visiting us and has cousins to room with. I think this has been a major factor in some marital issues for them. Flame me if you want, this is the truth!

I am guessing that you did not breastfeed (not that it matters if you do or don't) because not feeding a 5 week old for that long would not be healthy. BF babies on average eat every 2 hours although some go longer. Breastmilk is processed much differently than formula. I am not saying anyone should do either- so not debating that- just stating facts. I am glad it worked for you but my ped would not have agreed with your feeding schedule. I also can't imagine letting a 5 week old CIO.
Also- bringing your child to bed with you does not mean they will sleep with you until college. All of my children co-slept with us. They are all good sleepers and don't need to all sleep with us. If the child is still in the bed at 8 years old that is because the parent wants it. Not because the child can't sleep in their own bed. I am sorry they are having marital problems but I think the parent doesn't want the kid out of the bed. JMHO.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not to turn this into a co-sleeping thread, but ITA with this! I can't imagine how co-sleeping does NOT mess with a marriage. I mean, seriously. DH and I use "our" bed to do "our thing". We even lock the door so our kids can't barge in...

Well, we have 5 kids and we co-sleep. Sooooo......it isn't messing with us. Don't you have any other rooms in your house?

 

[DrMomof3]

Sending lots of hugs!!!!
My eldest was a so-so sleeper. He would sleep through the night sometimes and wake up for 2-3 hours other times. He's 6 and is still a so-so sleeper.
My middle child was the perfect baby. Sleep well day and night. I thought we'd figured out this sleeping thing. So we decided to have child #3....
My youngest is a nightmare sleeper. He was a preemie and was breastfeed. He was up every hour for 6 months. And I work full-time (went back to work at 8 weeks). Exhausted doesn't begin to describe it. I started working hard on his sleeping at 6 months. It sucked. If we tried CIO, he'd cry until he vomited (still does). He's a bit better now but I still have never had a week where he slept through the night every single night. And he's 2!

Sleep issues suck. Each child is different. Do what you have to do to make your life better. There is no right answer. And you aren't alone!!!

Amanda

 

[cheshireqt]

I am guessing that you did not breastfeed (not that it matters if you do or don't) because not feeding a 5 week old for that long would not be healthy. BF babies on average eat every 2 hours although some go longer. Breastmilk is processed much differently than formula. I am not saying anyone should do either- so not debating that- just stating facts. I am glad it worked for you but my ped would not have agreed with your feeding schedule. I also can't imagine letting a 5 week old CIO.
Also- bringing your child to bed with you does not mean they will sleep with you until college. All of my children co-slept with us. They are all good sleepers and don't need to all sleep with us. If the child is still in the bed at 8 years old that is because the parent wants it. Not because the child can't sleep in their own bed. I am sorry they are having marital problems but I think the parent doesn't want the kid out of the bed. JMHO.

Funny. I did breastfeed until 4 months with both children. Our Ped recommended every 3 hrs (unless premie) for the first 4 weeks, then drop one night-time feeding if possible between 4-6 weeks by waiting until baby wakes instead of waking baby up for feeding. You are right about the difference though, once we switched to formula both slept longer in the morning. I am sure that different peds recommend different things though. We got conflicting advice on something as simple as DD's broken pinkie toe this week!!!
The 8 yr old still sleeps in SIL/BIL bed b/c he CRIES is he doesn't get to. Even at 8 yrs of age they will not use CIO! I am sure for those who use co-sleep method there comes a point where bedtime stories and tucking into their own bed are the rule, SIL and BIL are an extreme case, I hope.
It still seems that in the case of OP it is teething issues. Oragel, comfort, baby motrin!

 

[Alexander]

All of this advice good or bad may or may not work. Every child is different. The one thing that remains the same for every single child in the world is that they grow up too fast. These exhausting nights are going to be gone before you know it (I know it doesn't seem possible now) and you are seriously going to miss your children being little and all that comes with it (good and bad).

If you choose to co-sleep, good for you! You won't likely go to college with your child, so enjoy this time!

If your child needs to be held to sleep, enjoy it, before long they'll be too big for your lap.

If your child needs to suck their thumb or a pacifier, let them. I promise they won't when they go off to college.

Artist: Dean Billy
Song: Let Them Be Little

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

Let them be little.

 

[mjkacmom]

These exhausting nights are going to be gone before you know it (I know it doesn't seem possible now) and you are seriously going to miss your children being little and all that comes with it (good and bad).

.[/I]

My oldest is almost 14, and I don't miss night time crying in the least. I think the worst part about becoming a parent, for me, was sleep deprivation. I'm so glad we're over that part! My friend/neighbor just had a baby, and see looks exhausted.

 

[brergnat]

My oldest is almost 14, and I don't miss night time crying in the least. I think the worst part about becoming a parent, for me, was sleep deprivation. I'm so glad we're over that part! My friend/neighbor just had a baby, and see looks exhausted.

Here here! My kids are 4 and almost 6 now. I can't WAIT for them to get even older. They are SO much more fun as "people" than as "babies or toddlers".

Sorry, but some people are just NOT baby people. Me and DH fit into that category. We wanted to have KIDS, but they aren't born that way.

SO glad to be done with feedings every 3 hours, nighttime waking (although, it still happens when they get sick and throw up at 1am...), diapers, etc. I was NOT a happy mommy when my kids were babies. I need my sleep, desperately. I love that I can sleep all night now. Wouldn't have another baby now if someone gave me a million dollars to do so.

And, I didn't get upset when my kids started preschool, or kindergarten. Some moms get SO depressed about that, but I just felt proud!

 

[Alexander]

Here here! My kids are 4 and almost 6 now. I can't WAIT for them to get even older. They are SO much more fun as "people" than as "babies or toddlers".

Sorry, but some people are just NOT baby people. Me and DH fit into that category. We wanted to have KIDS, but they aren't born that way.

SO glad to be done with feedings every 3 hours, nighttime waking (although, it still happens when they get sick and throw up at 1am...), diapers, etc. I was NOT a happy mommy when my kids were babies. I need my sleep, desperately. I love that I can sleep all night now. Wouldn't have another baby now if someone gave me a million dollars to do so.

And, I didn't get upset when my kids started preschool, or kindergarten. Some moms get SO depressed about that, but I just felt proud!

Hmm--and when they hit puberty and are crying that they don't want to grow up, they want to be your little boy/girl again. Talk to me then.

 

[mjkacmom]

Hmm--and when they hit puberty and are crying that they don't want to grow up, they want to be your little boy/girl again. Talk to me then.

I wanted to freeze them when they ranged from 5 - 11. That was perfect! Dd13 spends all of her time with her friends, but I'm proud of her, and look forward to when she is an adult, and we can actually be friends!

 

[princessmom29]

Forgive me if I repeat anyone as I didn't read every reply. My DD was a difficult babay to say the least. I won't go into it all, but she had multiple issues and didn't sleep more than 45 min at a time the first 3 months of her life. I was like you by 6 months, at the end of my rope. I was up 3-4 times a night on a good night and working a 50 hour week. My mom finally told me that I HAD to let her figure out how to put herself to sleep. She was so sick for so long I was usedto doing whatever it took to get a few minutes sleep out of her. I finally started putting her down awake every time i put her down. Initally I had to stand there patting her. I eased into getting her to sleep without me touching her, just standing there. Then I had to just be in the room. eventually I could just put her down and leave.There was definitely a lot of crying for mommy in the night, but i would get up and walk in , tell her it was ok, and go back to bed. repeat every 5 min as needed until she slept. Do not take her out of the crib under any circumstances or it will sabotage the whole thing. She will know if she cries long enough you will pick her up, and will cry until you get her out. It probably took a week before she got the idea. By the time she was a year there was no debate. I would tell her it was bedtime and put her in bed. Case closed. It has been that way ever since except if she is sick.

 

[MarriedToAPrince]

Please don't CIO without researching alternatives. 6 month old babies (not to mention younger than that) are not meant to sleep through the night. They need to be fed and cuddled, just as much at nighttime as during the day. Babies hold less food, digest faster, and thusly need nourishment more often than adults. Infants are not meant to be left alone to sleep. CIO is not without negative results for the baby. Yes, even though many babies have been put through the CIO system, and made it out "just fine" doesn't mean that it is okay.

I have done quite a bit of research on this, please feel free to PM me if you would like links or a book list on alternatives of "crying it out".... good luck!

(Oh, and before I get flamed- I am not out to judge other parents, just offering my advice about what works for my family. I have a child who co-slept and never had a problem transitioning her to her own bed. She also never had a bedtime issue- no refusing to go to sleep, no monsters, no afraid of dark, etc)

I have to agree with this. I personally don't believe in CIO. Check out Dr. Sears site. I think you will find ideas and suggestions that aren't as harsh as CIO.

That being sad....6 months is still very young to try and sleep through the night.

 

[MamaOdie]

I haven't read through all the comments so I may be repeating what someone else said already. I've had two kids who both slept pretty well but I learned the hard way with my first child that you CANNOT run into the room the minute they start crying. Otherwise, it would be at least 30 minute long attempt to get her back to sleep.

Once I got exhausted enough, I finally decided to just let her cry for a couple of minutes to see if she would go back to sleep. I was really surprised when in most cases, she would be back to sleep within 5-10 minutes. Before anyone flames me, I never let her cry more than 10 minutes before I went in so I don't consider that "crying it out".

If you MUST go in, keep the lights off (or very low) and don't talk. It sounds cruel but sometimes avoiding eye contact too helps. Otherwise, babies get excited and think it's playtime even if it is 3 a.m. When they realize there is nothing fun going on, they'll settle down and go back to sleep.

I have a 9 month old now and she's been sleeping through the night since about 4 months.