How can I nicely tell MIL I don't like her gift idea?

[danielocha30]

I understand what you are saying, but if it is going to cause some disagreement and unhappiness between spouses, it might not be worth it. I mean the DH might not really want it either.

What if MIL offered to get DH a puppy knowing he wanted a dog? Wife doesn't want the dog. Would you say that the MIL has to be allowed to get DH the present he wants to bring him enjoyment?

A puppy is a long term commitment, unlike the situation she is now. One night One event is not the end of the world.

 

[nkereina]

So it sounds like DH might enjoy it but would only want to go if OP goes with him, and OP is not willing to go? It sounds like a lot of stubbornness on both sides - I don't understand why OP won't suck it up and go with her husband, and I don't understand why DH wouldn't be willing to take a friend who might actually enjoy it.

Its asinine for a concert to cause an argument between spouses though. I have had to go to concerts with my DH that I didn't really want to go to (Kings of Leon... yawn!). He got the tickets as a gift. I told him that he could take a friend, but if he couldn't find a friend to go with him, I would go. We were both fine with that.

 

[Allison]

I understand what you are saying, but if it is going to cause some disagreement and unhappiness between spouses, it might not be worth it. I mean the DH might not really want it either.

What if MIL offered to get DH a puppy knowing he wanted a dog? Wife doesn't want the dog. Would you say that the MIL has to be allowed to get DH the present he wants to bring him enjoyment?

A few hours at a concert is different than a years long commitment.

It doesn't have to cause disagreement if a spouse recognizes this is a gift their spouse would enjoy and lets it go.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure DH still enjoys this band like he did in his youth. Plus, I’m afraid he will expect me to go with him and I just can’t do it. And I fear, that might cause numerous fights between DH & I between now & then. Since you asked my opinion, I feel it’s important to be honest with you.

^^^Say this, or something similar.

 

[wenrob]

Honestly then this a discussion to have with your dh not your MIL.

This. You should be able to say you’d rather not go and he’d have more fun going with a friend. I know my DH has gone to a couple shows with me he didn’t care for (didn’t realize it until we were AT the shows) and honestly it was a downer and took all the fun out of it. You can’t just explain you’d rather not?

 

[Hikergirl]

Yeah, I'm not so sure she's really going to see your DH as "the jerk" in this scenario.

I also don't think I'd be arguing w/ my DH for months over a concert.

Unless I just objected to the band for moral reasons or something similar, I'd probably just suck it up & go w/ my DH if I knew the band & concert was something he'd really enjoy... because, goodness knows, my DH has done stuff for & w/ me that probably wasn't necessarily his choice.

If I just really detested the band & absolutely refused to go, though, I'd tell my DH that he could either go alone or find a friend to go w/ him - but I wouldn't be grumpy or argumentative about it.

Ok the one exception other than moral reasons I think would be Pantera or a band in that genre. I don't think dh could handle that kind of concert at his age now like he did when he was younger, and there is no way I would be going with him LOL
But, he would just find someone else to go with if he wanted too, it wouldn't cause any issue with either of us.

 

[Turksmom]

She wouldn't see you as the jerk since you’re the one opposed? What concert?

I might suck it up and go. It doesn’t seem like something I would rock the boat over. People usually can’t dictate what others should gift them. But are you close enough to say “I really don’t enjoy concerts...” and suggest something everyone would agree on?

If not, you could support your husband, or he could respect that you really don’t want to go. I don’t know that I’d go so far as to have arguments throughout the year about it. Good luck.

Well, that's exactly it. I also don't find it worth arguing over, but he would. I'll admit to stubbornness on my side. I've seen and met this band before and I honestly don't think I can fake 2-3 hours of pleasantness.

 

[amberpi]

If it's not some weird power play by MIL, and DH would legitimately enjoy it; I'd let it play out. A good MIL and a good DH are a worth not having a disagreement and a night or 2 of painful Worldcup playoffs, I mean concerts. (I may or may not be still be traumatized by the amount of soccer I watched this summer...lol.)

 

[nkereina]

Ok the one exception other than moral reasons I think would be Pantera or a band in that genre. I don't think dh could handle that kind of concert at his age now like he did when he was younger, and there is no way I would be going with him LOL

I accompanied DH to a Slayer concert last summer. Not my cup of tea AT ALL, but I must say it was entertaining and fun to people watch! LOL!

 

[Wendy31]

Well, that's exactly it. I also don't find it worth arguing over, but he would. I'll admit to stubbornness on my side. I've seen and met this band before and I honestly don't think I can fake 2-3 hours of pleasantness.

Y'all don't have kids, do you?

Because having kids means all kinds of concerts & birthday parties & recitals & other social obligations, & you learn very quickly how to fake 2-3 hours of pleasantness. LOL!

 

[JaxDad]

Is it the Stones? They just announced a concert in our city. I saw them in 1981, and I thought they were old then! Mick Jagger is 75 now!

 

[Turksmom]

This. You should be able to say you’d rather not go and he’d have more fun going with a friend. I know my DH has gone to a couple shows with me he didn’t care for (didn’t realize it until we were AT the shows) and honestly it was a downer and took all the fun out of it. You can’t just explain you’d rather not?

Yes, this! Unfortunately, he has this weird idea that married couples are supposed to do these things together. He'll decide if I don't want to go, he won't either, but then he'll pout. I'd really prefer that he would go with a friend and have fun.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Just go to the stupid concert, tell him you have to pee, and go hit the food stands until it's over. Most venues around here have a quiet room for parents that drive their kids to concerts, maybe there's one you can hide out in?

 

[mamacatnv]

Buy some earplugs and suck it up. Its a couple of hours for goodness sakes.
If for some reason DH no longer has any interest, he can always sell the tickets

 

[nkereina]

Just go to the stupid concert, tell him you have to pee, and go hit the food stands until it's over. Most venues around here have a quiet room for parents that drive their kids to concerts, maybe there's one you can hide out in?

lol not a bad idea. Maybe compromise and say you'll go to the concert if you can go to dinner before it at a place of your choice!

 

[STLDisney_Freak]

And what band? Nickelback? Creed?

My interest has been piqued too.

 

[Turksmom]

Y'all don't have kids, do you?

Because having kids means all kinds of concerts & birthday parties & recitals & other social obligations, & you learn very quickly how to fake 2-3 hours of pleasantness. LOL!

We've been married over 20 years and have 4 kids (2 in college, 2 in middle school). It's just this one area of going out socially where he's difficult. I've learned how to work around most of it and I can fake more than 2-3 hours of pleasantness in most cases. Usually, I'll "go along to get along" and even enjoy doing things that wouldn't be my personal preference because it makes someone else happy. This particular event just surpasses my personal tolerance.

 

[Turksmom]

My interest has been piqued too.

Kiss. I was trying not to say because I will admit they're iconic and I don't want to offend anyone who is a fan, but I also don't want to create excess drama.

 

[Kae]

Still no Band name?

 

[Skippy918]

Yes, this! Unfortunately, he has this weird idea that married couples are supposed to do these things together. He'll decide if I don't want to go, he won't either, but then he'll pout. I'd really prefer that he would go with a friend and have fun.

I’ve gone to a few concerts and went with friends and left dh home with the kids. He has no interest in music at all. I don’t get why your dh wouldn’t want to take a friend who is into this band.