How much influence did you have on your child’s college choice?

[lifesavacation]

Do you see this as more of a collective decision between parents and child or should the choice be solely made by the child?

 

[Breezy_Carol]

My kids ultimately made their own choices but with our input. Also, I think it depends on who is paying. Thankfully, there was no drama in our family. The kids made choices that we were pleased with.

 

[sam_gordon]

Do you see this as more of a collective decision between parents and child or should the choice be solely made by the child?

IMO, if the parents are "donating" to the cause, they have some say. BUT, the child should have the most input I'd say 60/40 at "worst", 75/25 at "best". Parents can say "we'll give you $x, you're responsible for anything else".

 

[disykat]

I see it as collective in terms of financial input, but the final decision is the students.

I had money to offer, but it had conditions so I let them know what they were. (We had enough to cover full tuition/board at a state school, which they could take wherever they wanted. We made it clear that we would withdraw the offer if they were looking at more than federal student loan debt because we simply wouldn't be party to that. They also had to show us their grade reports.) They both chose to take our money and had quite a few options that fit the criteria we were willing to support. Both chose different schools than we would have picked for them, both in-state schools, but were ultimately right for them. (We thought for sure older son would want smaller, more rural and younger would want to go to the city, but we were wrong!)

We only gave money for undergrad, so by graduate school, or if they were choosing not to get financial support anymore, they could do whatever they wanted

 

[Christine]

There wasn't much drama at my house. My kids aren't geniuses so out-of-state Ivy League schools weren't even on radar. I was paying the full ride so private colleges were out if they didn't get us to the cost of a state public school. Within the state, they could apply wherever they wanted to and I helped them to research where their likely best chances were.

 

[soccerdad72]

We tried to make our search with our oldest son (who starts this fall) a collaborative effort. My son was looking for a specific major (mechanical engineering), so it did eliminate some choices that he had thought of (no engineering school). So he got it down to 6 or 7 choices, we didn't get a chance to see one of them and he chose not to apply to one as well, so I think he had 5 that he applied to. We're fortunate that we are able to afford whatever school that he wanted, so finances didn't necessarily come into play, although he did get some scholarship money so that obviously helped.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

If I'm paying, I get veto power but that's it. They will know the budget and can go wherever as long as it's within that range. If they want to go somewhere more expensive, that's fine as long as they can cover the difference otherwise the veto will come into play.

 

[Floridaman999]

We offered advice when they seemed interested but we ultimately let them decide their college choices on their own.

 

[EscalatorKid]

My Mom made it clear that I was to go to Community College first and then transfer wherever I felt would be appropriate, and she really steered me local as opposed to spending insane amounts of money for dorming out of state or out of area when I could commute and save a whole lot. I also graduated debt free, and some of my friends who chose to dorm are paying off student loans for the next twenty or thirty or more years.

However, I live in WNY, where there are several big SUNY schools (and more than a few small, SUNY-affiliated Community Colleges), including University at Buffalo, Buffalo State College, and further out, Brockport and Fredonia. I narrowed it down based on major (Education), program specifics, and then transfer agreements between the Community schools and the Universities. It never occurred to me to go out of state for something I could get closer to home much cheaper. (I spent maybe $35K total for an Associate's, Bachelor's, and a Master's, with tuition, fees, books, and transportation included.)

However, the kid has to decide what is best for them and their own education, and they need to evaluate their choices thoroughly.

 

[cabanafrau]

We talked about their plans with them, but they made their decisions. Youngest selected 2 years of community college and then onto her chosen university. I wasn't in favor of her plan, her major or her final university. She's done it her way despite my thoughts. She's done great but has found the transition to the university trickier socially without that communal living experience of the dorms. I had pointed that out to her as a potential drawback to her plan. It's working out fine and she's insistent that her career will be more solid because she graduates from this particular university.

 

[dish rag]

Do you see this as more of a collective decision between parents and child or should the choice be solely made by the child?

For me to pay they had to choose from any of most of our state schools. Other than that they would have had to pay the difference. The state of Florida has some very good state schools.

 

[lifesavacation]

We provided very little input with our oldest three. We supported their right to make the decision and kept what we thought to ourselves.

Our dd (15) is a high school sophomore and ready to verbally commit to a college. My husband and I and her coaches think it's too early to make a decision. Finances don't come into play because the school has offered her a full scholarship. The coach has given her only a day to decide, which is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on her. Initially, she wanted to keep her choice a secret from us and we'd find out when she signed her NLI in September. I was fine with this at first, but I'm really not happy with how this school is going about recruiting her. Lots of red flags. She's in way over her head (heck I feel like I'm in over my head too, thus the question) and now I'm questioning at what level we intervene. She's also got several other good colleges that were going to meet with her at the end of the month at her next tournament. I think the hard part is that the school is everything she wants, but again, she's only a sophomore and still has time to make thoughtful decisions. Any advice?

 

[Hikergirl]

We offer our advice, mostly financial since we are paying but it is their decision. They know they get X amount from us and anything else is solely their responsibility.
My dd opted to start at the local CC and transfer to a State U for her BS. By doing that she can pay for grad school without loans.
My oldest ds started at the CC but decided it isn't for him so he's looking at a 2 year program at a State U. He is more eager to get out there working than to spend years in a classroom.
My youngest has no idea what he is doing but I'm going to encourage him to do dual enrollment for the CC his senior year of HS.

 

[indimom]

We discussed the financial risks and benefits, but our daughter made her own choice. We were willing to offer a set dollar amount per year, but the rest was on her to figure out. She's always been a saver and tight with her money, so she made a sound choice (in my opinion).

 

[dish rag]

We provided very little input with our oldest three. We supported their right to make the decision and kept what we thought to ourselves.

Our dd (15) is a high school sophomore and ready to verbally commit to a college. My husband and I and her coaches think it's too early to make a decision. Finances don't come into play because the school has offered her a full scholarship. The coach has given her only a day to decide, which is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on her. Initially, she wanted to keep her choice a secret from us and we'd find out when she signed her NLI in September. I was fine with this at first, but I'm really not happy with how this school is going about recruiting her. Lots of red flags. She's in way over her head (heck I feel like I'm in over my head too, thus the question) and now I'm questioning at what level we intervene. She's also got several other good colleges that were going to meet with her at the end of the month at her next tournament. I think the hard part is that the school is everything she wants, but again, she's only a sophomore and still has time to make thoughtful decisions. Any advice?

I would say to wait. But a verbal really means nothing. Remember this from experience. You cannot trust a university coaching staff.

 

[barkley]

really the only influence w/dd was b/c she wasn't sure of a major she started talking about community college vs. the equally distanced (both REALLY close by) university b/c of what she saw as the cost savings. i suggested that she consider applying at the university just to see what they might offer in the way of scholarships and financial aid vs. the community college. ended up the money offered first year alone more than made up the cost difference and continued to each following year.

w/ds it was steering him TO the community college b/c he is asd and has learning disabilities-the supports at our community college far outweigh those at the university. we are having him take a mix of traditional and on-line classes b/c if he is capable of doing a 4 year degree the on-line coursework may work better for him.

both kids were open to our input.

 

[DisneyHardin]

When I went to college 23 years ago, I knew that I didn't have a college fund of any kind, so I knew to only look at things that were more reasonably priced. I applied to 3 private colleges and 2 state school. I went to the state school because I got a full tuition scholarship and my mom was able to pay room and board out of pocket, so I didn't need any loans. I made this decision entirely on my own.

When my half sister was headed to college 6 years later, she did have a college fund that her paternal grandmother started for her. She REALLY wanted to go to Penn State (and could go on in-state tuition because her dad lived in PA), but had also applied to a private college here in KY because it was our Mom's Alma Matter. She ended up getting offered a full scholarship (tuition and room and board) to the KY college. She wanted to turn it down and still go to Penn State. Mom and her Dad basically made the decision for her and made her to go the KY school. She was REALLY mad at the time, but after she got there, she realized the much smaller Liberal Arts School was definitely a better fit for her than a huge public university.

 

[Patience]

We told our daughter that we would pay for the cost for four years at a public university in our state, minus the scholarships she earned. We wouldn't have cared if she went to a private college or out of state but she would have had to figure out the difference in cost. We also told her that we would help out with grad school but not pay for it entirely. She chose a public university in our state, finished in 4 years, and went on to a masters program. She graduated from undergrad in May, 2016 and from her masters program in May, 2018. I am happy to report that she found a position immediately and is now working as a speech-language pathologist. She loves her job! We have another daughter who is younger and we will offer her the same thing.

 

[wenrob]

We provided very little input with our oldest three. We supported their right to make the decision and kept what we thought to ourselves.

Our dd (15) is a high school sophomore and ready to verbally commit to a college. My husband and I and her coaches think it's too early to make a decision. Finances don't come into play because the school has offered her a full scholarship. The coach has given her only a day to decide, which is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on her. Initially, she wanted to keep her choice a secret from us and we'd find out when she signed her NLI in September. I was fine with this at first, but I'm really not happy with how this school is going about recruiting her. Lots of red flags. She's in way over her head (heck I feel like I'm in over my head too, thus the question) and now I'm questioning at what level we intervene. She's also got several other good colleges that were going to meet with her at the end of the month at her next tournament. I think the hard part is that the school is everything she wants, but again, she's only a sophomore and still has time to make thoughtful decisions. Any advice?

At 15, I think you have every right to intervene. If it’s not sitting right you need to pay attention to your instincts. I’d personally be very wary of someone who would only give a kid one day to decide.

As for my DD she was woo’d pretty hard and absolutely had stars in her eyes when it came to her college of choice. She earned quite a bit in scholarships/grants but the cost was still crazy high. I told her what we could afford and that we could not risk putting ourselves into debt to co-sign loans of that magnitude. (this school pushed pretty hard for that) I told her it was her decision to make but I’d hate to see her coming out of school having to pay back the equivalent of a small mortgage when she could get the same (as it turns out, better) education here. I’ll have the same straight forward conversation with the next two.

 

[_19disnA]

Some h.s. students may not be able to separate the "sales pitch" from reality when it comes to colleges. Parents should be involved to help them navigate the process even if it does not involve the complexity of sports recruiting (which is a whole other discussion). Going to a more prestigious college does not guarantee a better job upon graduation regardless of what the college might say. Unless money is no object, the cost of a college education NEEDS to be part of the thought process when narrowing down the potential list. Parents and their child should visit any college they are seriously considering to help determine if it is a good fit.