Is it rude to ask guests to attend/pay for a destination wedding?

Would you be irritated by being invited to attend a cruise wedding and having to pay your own way?


  • Total voters
    73
  • Poll closed .

Naomi Rohrbaugh

Distracted By Disney
Joined
Jan 29, 2016
We are considering a Disney Cruise wedding. One of our concerns is that our guests may be angry at us for requesting their presence at something costly and time consuming. We fully understand that many people may not be able to attend and have no ill will towards them. Would you be irritated at receiving an invitation that asked you to travel to a destination wedding and pay for your own trip?
 

lauracitawita

Mouseketeer
Joined
Jan 15, 2010
I would not at all. Some people will, but I don't think they have any reason to be.

You are saying you are getting married on a cruise...If you can make it, we would love to have you. If you can't make it, we understand and will miss you!

This is your wedding so you should do it the way you want!!!
 


  • ImDMous

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Dec 1, 2011
    Being invited and actually attending are two different things. A lot of times, the only way you know people are getting married is by getting an invitation if they are family you don't see often or friends that have relocated or something like that. Sending out invites in no way requires them to come. I would say "oh that looks like fun, good for them" and maybe send a gift in those cases. I don't think getting a wedding invitation is ever a cause for getting irritated or feeling obligated. If they want to come, great. If not, no big deal.

    We got married in Vegas and invited the normal possible wedding guests; co-workers, relatives, family friends, important people from our lives. We figured no one would come but it was nice to let them know. We actually had people who came besides our parents, people like an excuse to go on vacation. :)
     

    DLgal

    Registered
    Joined
    Feb 12, 2013
    With any wedding, regardless of location, the attendees decide if the outlay of money is worth it to them. Every wedding has a cost attached to it. I would expect VERY few people to come on a Disney cruise wedding simply due to the high cost to do so, but don't let that stop you. It isn't rude to invite people to a destination wedding. It is rude to make anyone feel like they HAVE to come, or get mad at those who do not.
     

    OpieDoodle

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Aug 22, 2018
    This was a huge factor in my wedding and why we actually decided against the destination wedding. We had a few key people we wanted there for the day that would not have been able to attend if they had to pay for travel. Some people just can't do it or don't want to travel. With destination weddings honestly you should invite everyone you'd like but remember the cost and who can really afford to go.

    My husband has a really good friend getting married that's stationed in Germany. We REALLY want to go to the wedding but unless we have a good year or more to plan and save we can't go just due to vacation time and money. My husband is supposed to be the best man just to give you an idea of the situation.
     
  • smiths02

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 13, 2009
    I don't think there is any problem with it unless it leaves out really close people. For instance, my mom could never afford a cruise, so if we invited her to our wedding that way, I could see that she would be offended because she would be left out.
    Anyone other than immediate family, I can't see being offended. I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for me to go to their destination wedding.
     
  • JustCallMeMommy

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 23, 2010
    I would think about the people you really want to be there and whether they can afford the trip. The normal expectation would be for each person to pay their travel, so that part shouldn't upset people. The ones who could be upset are the ones who may feel obligated to be there but who don't have a cruise in the budget or who don't have vacation time available. You can head that off by telling them in advance how much you want them there but that you understand if that isn't how they choose to spend their time/money.

    You can always do a reception when you get back for friends and family to celebrate with you.

    I really considered a Disney wedding back way back when, but decided against it when I considered who wouldn't be there.
     

    BadPinkTink

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 13, 2015
    I just always assumed the guests paid their own way for destination weddings. I wouldn't expect the bride and groom to pay. I wouldn't be upset about receiving the invitation, it's the bride and groom's wedding and their decision.
    I am probably weird, but I wouldn't expect with a destination wedding to get everything paid for. I would always assume I have to pay for things as flights, hotels, everything outside the wedding (wedding day).
    Im with both of you. I have been invited to 2 destination weddings, one was my sister and one was my friend. My sisters one was non negotiable, I was bridesmaid, lol, and it wasnt that far away. I live in Ireland and my sister got married in England. She invited friends and family from various parts of Ireland and other than the actual wedding and transport from the Church to the reception, everyone paid their own way. About 30 people travelled from Ireland, everyone arranged and paid for their own flights and hotels and transfers from the airport. My sister had put together a list of various hotels in the area but thats all she did.

    My English friend got married in Ghana, Africa. Her husband is from there, and they knew that her family and friends would travel to Ghana but her her husbands family would not be able to travel to England. I didnt go, as it was outside my budget, but my friend kinda knew that. I was invited, more to let me know the details and to share her big news than as an expectation that I would go. Again, if I had made it to Ghana, my friend would have helped me with information about flights, hotels etc but I would have been expected to pay my own way.
     

    Karin1984

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 5, 2012
    I think one thing you have to keep in mind is:
    - Do I have this wedding for me and my spouse-to-be to get married?
    - Do I have this wedding to throw a party for my loved ones? And get married as a bonus?

    Whatever the reason, if anyone asks, you can explain these two reasons. People can be disappointed when they can't come, but to expect everything to get paid for is about entitlement.
     

    XSeabiscuitX

    Duffy's Biggest Fan
    Joined
    Mar 3, 2012
    We are specifically having a DCL wedding to cut down the guest list and our own costs. I went with the three night cruise because I wanted to ask my friends and family to spend as little as possible. So far, we have had very few "no"s. Honestly, I thought this would get me out of my future in-laws attending because I've never seen anyone so opposed to spending money in my life. (Would literally rather leave a theme park and drive home for the day than pay for in park or fast food.) To my shock, they put their deposit down last week. So your guests may surprise you!
     

    mumsy1955

    DISNEY FAN
    Joined
    Feb 7, 2017
    Im with both of you. I have been invited to 2 destination weddings, one was my sister and one was my friend. My sisters one was non negotiable, I was bridesmaid, lol, and it wasnt that far away. I live in Ireland and my sister got married in England. She invited friends and family from various parts of Ireland and other than the actual wedding and transport from the Church to the reception, everyone paid their own way. About 30 people travelled from Ireland, everyone arranged and paid for their own flights and hotels and transfers from the airport. My sister had put together a list of various hotels in the area but thats all she did.

    My English friend got married in Ghana, Africa. Her husband is from there, and they knew that her family and friends would travel to Ghana but her her husbands family would not be able to travel to England. I didnt go, as it was outside my budget, but my friend kinda knew that. I was invited, more to let me know the details and to share her big news than as an expectation that I would go. Again, if I had made it to Ghana, my friend would have helped me with information about flights, hotels etc but I would have been expected to pay my own way.
    I would never expect a couple to pay for guests to go to their wedding ,can you imagine how much that would cost them! If I was invited to a destination wedding and couldn't afford it I would just tell them that I couldn't afford it
     

    OddDisneyFan

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jan 27, 2018
    I do agree that it's your wedding and it should be the way you want it to be, but ...

    We are specifically having a DCL wedding to cut down the guest list and our own costs.
    In my experience, this is the reason that many people do "destination" weddings--it's simply a way to defray much of the cost by essentially asking guests to pay for their own admission. While I don't necessarily consider it rude (unless you pressure or expect guests to attend), I wouldn't assume that guests are oblivious to why it's being done. You don't need a destination wedding to cut down the guest list and the cost, you just need to cut down the guest list and the cost.

    My wife and I had our wedding at a church to which we belonged (facility was free, minister and musicians were not), and had the reception there as well, and as I recall the price tag was somewhere around $4,000 for 100 people (all costs for ceremony + reception dinner, which was catered and excellent). There was no alcohol, which wasn't permitted in the church facility but also was not necessary for the event. We did have some guests from out of town, including some who traveled cross-country on flights, but they were here and gone in a couple days over the weekend for less than the cost of a cruise ticket. We covered all the costs of the event, which we only thought to be proper since we invited them to the event as our guests.
     
    Last edited:

    jaggies

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Feb 15, 2017
    No one has to pay their own way to a wedding. An invitation is just that, an invitation.

    Choosing to attend almost any wedding has some sort of cost attached to it. A wedding aboard a cruise ship might have a higher cost than other options, which may very well limit the number of guests who choose to attend, but I wouldn't feel offended that I received such an invitation, even if I decided not to attend.

    The instinct to make things easy and convenient for your guests is a good one, but remember that you don't owe them a wedding. It's your wedding, and if there's one day in your life where you can have it your way, it should be that one. No matter what you do, some people will complain; even if you try to acquiesce to every request you'll never be able to please everybody.
     

    OddDisneyFan

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jan 27, 2018
    No one has to pay their own way to a wedding. An invitation is just that, an invitation.

    Choosing to attend almost any wedding has some sort of cost attached to it. A wedding aboard a cruise ship might have a higher cost than other options, which may very well limit the number of guests who choose to attend, but I wouldn't feel offended that I received such an invitation, even if I decided not to attend.

    The instinct to make things easy and convenient for your guests is a good one, but remember that you don't owe them a wedding. It's your wedding, and if there's one day in your life where you can have it your way, it should be that one. No matter what you do, some people will complain; even if you try to acquiesce to every request you'll never be able to please everybody.
    I do agree that it's *your* wedding--specifically, it's not your *parents'* wedding, or your soon-to-be *in-laws'* wedding, or your *guests'* wedding, although the presence of those people is presumably significant to you if you plan to invite them. Thoughtfulness goes a long way toward ensuring success, and that includes practicing etiquette consistent with that of a good host or hostess.

    Attending a typical wedding has minimal cost for guests who are local to the wedding location. For a cruise or other destination wedding, it is unlikely that anyone will be local to the wedding location, so they will incur not only travel expenses, but the cost of the destination event (such as a cruise), and the extra time required to essentially vacation with you at the destination. That is a far greater commitment than that of a typical "at home" wedding.
     

    StargazingMaster

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jul 4, 2018
    I would be totally fine with that. Invitation is one thing, and accepting is another. I was invited once to a wedding in Slovenia, and I went there, and it was my choice. But I appreciated that they strongly emphasized that our presence was already a wedding gift. Well, I still bought something for a present but keeping in mind that I already had some expenses.
     




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