Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[msmama]

My son (almost 8) has been using restrooms by himself for a couple of years now. It all started when the line for the ladies room was too long and he had to go NOW. Honestly, it was so easy I wondered why I didn't do it sooner.

A few things that I have learned along the way - if he thinks he might be in the bathroom a little longer than usual, he needs to tell me (nothing like waiting for 10 minutes outside the bathroom unexpectedly - also, I've never seen a man who's been uncomfortable with me going up to the door of the mens room and yelling in to make sure he's okay). We have a place to meet outside the restrooms if he comes out before me. If he goes outside and doesn't see our meeting place, go back inside and make sure there's not another exit (to my knowledge this has never been a problem, but we've discussed it just in case). He does use stalls instead of urinals and I'm pretty sure he's better at washing his hands in public restrooms then he is at home!

Last trip my son was in the bathroom FOREVER!! I was starting to get concerned when he finally came out looking so worried. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he was in there so long looking for his sunglasses which he must have lost. They were on top of his head.

 

[brockash]

So when my wife and I go in January, we will have our new son. He will be turning 8 while we are there. We are trying to figure things out with our new configuration.

The one place that we are still trying to figure out is bathrooms. We live near a very small city, so allowing him to go into the men's room on his own is....usually okay (truth is I worry the whole time and keep an eye on my watch). Disney is a much larger scale than anything he is used to, let alone much larger than our local grocery store.

Ladies, if you are there on your own with a young male child, how do you potty him? What age do you stop taking him into the ladies room with you? Are there any bathrooms that have two or three exits? He would not willingly go into a multi-stall ladies room unless I pushed the issue.

Suggestions, hints, tips?

If I had an 8 year old on my own at Disney I'd take him in with me. I just don't think it's a big deal. I have a son and 2 daughters and I just don't get why ppl. can get so worked up about a boy in the women's bathroom. There are stalls and he's a kid. It's just not a big deal in my eyes, especially compared to the safety of a child.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

My son (almost 8) has been using restrooms by himself for a couple of years now. It all started when the line for the ladies room was too long and he had to go NOW. Honestly, it was so easy I wondered why I didn't do it sooner.

A few things that I have learned along the way - if he thinks he might be in the bathroom a little longer than usual, he needs to tell me (nothing like waiting for 10 minutes outside the bathroom unexpectedly - also, I've never seen a man who's been uncomfortable with me going up to the door of the mens room and yelling in to make sure he's okay). We have a place to meet outside the restrooms if he comes out before me. If he goes outside and doesn't see our meeting place, go back inside and make sure there's not another exit (to my knowledge this has never been a problem, but we've discussed it just in case). He does use stalls instead of urinals and I'm pretty sure he's better at washing his hands in public restrooms then he is at home!

I called into the bathroom many times, while my son was in there.

We had a panic word that he could say, which would have brought me into the restroom immediately. We used a word that could have meant that he was fine, but we knew that it was his special word if he wasn't. Something like "perfect" or "Tiger - riffic."

 

[pigletgirl]

If I ever have a son, I'd probably feel differently about this, but at 8, I think he would be old enough to potty on his own.

 

[alliecat523]

Personally I think 8 is old enough to go in alone. But if you're more comfortable bringing him into the ladies room, I don't see an issue with that either. Everyone is in a stall with the door shut. It's not like he's seeing anything!

 

[mjkacmom]

Both of my boys started going into the correct restroom around 5/6, depending on the location (deserted highway rest stop, a lot older). I would guess that since there have been zero incidents of assaults on boys in the men's rooms at WDW, boys of any age are safe.

Young girls should not have to feel uneasy with boys in ladies rooms, and as for running out of toilet paper or not washing hands, don't these kids go to school? What do they do there if out of toilet paper? Who makes sure they wash their hands?

I don't like using the large restrooms meant for those with disabilities (the fact that they are not noted on park maps, but just the maps for the disabled, leads me to believe that they are not intended to be family restrooms.

 

[Gracie09]

If I had an 8 year old on my own at Disney I'd take him in with me. I just don't think it's a big deal. I have a son and 2 daughters and I just don't get why ppl. can get so worked up about a boy in the women's bathroom. There are stalls and he's a kid. It's just not a big deal in my eyes, especially compared to the safety of a child.

The stalls have gaps. I have looked up and seen an eyeball staring at me (it was a boy). There are preteen and teen girls in there that are uncomfortable with coming out of the restroom to face boys their own age in with them. I have seen women strip their shirts off and dry them under the blowers after a rainstorm or a ride on splash mountain. The safety issue is a red herring. Your child is much more likely to be abused or abducted at school, in a friends house, with a scout or religious leader, with a relative or neighbor. If they can use the rest room at school and wash and dry their hands, why is disney different. If you are concerned have them use hand sanitizer after.

 

[snowman]

What is so scary about men's rooms? Seriously. Especially at Disney where every man in there is a child's father, grandfather, uncle, cousin etc. where if a child was distressed or asked for help someone would help. If a child was in danger I know my husband would be right there protecting him whether he knew the kid or not. And I will bet dollars to donuts 99% of the men out there would do the same. You don't get the when can I send my daughter in to the ladies room alone questions. We just do it. My daughters are six. When they are out with their father and have to go they go into the ladies room and he waits outside and reminds them to wash their hands. It's the same routine at the mall, Costco or Disney. If you teach boys that men are scary and not to be trusted what does he think he will become when he grows up - scary and not to be trusted

We have male friends who do worry about sending their daughters into the ladies room on their own. And unfortunately our society tends to have more male perpetrators of sex crimes than female perpetrators. While I can concede your point about Disney, the bathrooms at the airport are an even scarier place.

I called into the bathroom many times, while my son was in there.

We had a panic word that he could say, which would have brought me into the restroom immediately. We used a word that could have meant that he was fine, but we knew that it was his special word if he wasn't. Something like "perfect" or "Tiger - riffic."

I love the idea of a safe word. I will definitely use that with him.

I appreciate all of the responses, even the ones that suggest that I chill out.
I hate the idea of taking him into the ladies room with us because I do feel it's inappropriate and disrespectful to both him and the females in their bathroom. Since there will be two adults maybe stationing one of us at either exit on dual exit bathrooms wouldn't be a bad idea.

Thanks gang!!

 

[Gracie09]

We have male friends who do worry about sending their daughters into the ladies room on their own. And unfortunately our society tends to have more male perpetrators of sex crimes than female perpetrators. While I can concede your point about Disney, the bathrooms at the airport are an even scarier place.


I love the idea of a safe word. I will definitely use that with him.

I appreciate all of the responses, even the ones that suggest that I chill out.
I hate the idea of taking him into the ladies room with us because I do feel it's inappropriate and disrespectful to both him and the females in their bathroom. Since there will be two adults maybe stationing one of us at either exit on dual exit bathrooms wouldn't be a bad idea.

Thanks gang!!

The number of cases reported are less for female perpetrators. Not necessarily the number of actual cases. Males are less likely to report abuse by females.

but even the bathrooms at airports. They are busy. You have to have a ticket to get past the gate. Most men are someones father, uncle, son, nephew, grandfather. If a kid asked for help or yelled help, I would bet money that at least one of the men in their would help him.

 

[brockash]

The stalls have gaps. I have looked up and seen an eyeball staring at me (it was a boy). There are preteen and teen girls in there that are uncomfortable with coming out of the restroom to face boys their own age in with them. I have seen women strip their shirts off and dry them under the blowers after a rainstorm or a ride on splash mountain. The safety issue is a red herring. Your child is much more likely to be abused or abducted at school, in a friends house, with a scout or religious leader, with a relative or neighbor. If they can use the rest room at school and wash and dry their hands, why is disney different. If you are concerned have them use hand sanitizer after.

I just don't think it's a big deal. I don't want to raise my son or daughters to be so uncomfortable around using a bathroom stall around the opposite gender - why does it matter?

 

[Gracie09]

I just don't think it's a big deal. I don't want to raise my son or daughters to be so uncomfortable around using a bathroom stall around the opposite gender - why does it matter?

To a grown woman it might not be a big deal, but to a young teen who is dealing with all the things teenage girls (and boys) deal with it could be an issue. Their right to feel comfortable in their own gender appropriate restroom shouldn't be infringed upon by a boy who is capable of using his appropriate gender restroom but mommy won't let him. What do people think happens on field trips or at school? The boys go in the boys room and the girls go in the girls room. Again, what is so scary about a men's room?

 

[Stacy's a freak]

At 8 years old, the boy should know that there are bad people out there and to be leery of strangers. Bad things can happen anywhere and Disney is no exception. If the 8 year old boy understands how to use the bathroom on his own, make sure there is TP, use the stall and not necessarily the urinal where others can see him, and do not talk to strangers, then all should be fine. Educate your boy to be aware of his surroundings and to do his thing and get out of there and back to your meeting place. Knowing that his parents are waiting for him and not far away should help him feel more comfortable if that is the concern If the parents are a little nervous, then you need to prepare him as best you can and give him a little independence at a time

 

[Hikergirl]

By 8 my kids were using the bathroom alone. If its an issue of being separated, by that age they should be taught what to do if that happens regardless of whether its from leaving the wrong exit in the bathroom or just walking down main street.
If you are uncomfortable letting a child that old in a restroom by themself please seek out a companion restroom instead of bringing your child into the opposite gender one.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I just don't think it's a big deal. I don't want to raise my son or daughters to be so uncomfortable around using a bathroom stall around the opposite gender - why does it matter?

Like Gracie said, she has looked up and seen a boy staring into the stall. The same thing has happened to me.

Sorry, but no one should see me with my pants down except my husband and my doctor. And same applies to any woman. Or man for that matter.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

What is so scary about men's rooms? Seriously. Especially at Disney where every man in there is a child's father, grandfather, uncle, cousin etc. where if a child was distressed or asked for help someone would help.

This simply isn't true. Anyone with about $100 can walk into a WDW park. WDW actively bans sex offenders and trespasses them if they come onto the property. Reports I've seen state they hand out warnings to about 150 people a year. Less than 3 years ago a man was arrested at AK for putting his cell phone under a bathroom stall and taking a picture of an 8-year old boy going to the bathroom.

Each parent has a comfort threshold for sending a young child alone into a bathroom. If I can closely monitor the situation in a small store, restaurant or other place we are familiar with, I will let him go. In WDW, no way. Not at 8. Someday, when he can advocate for himself, of course. But my DS has an anxiety disorder and an expressive language disorder. If he were alone and someone approached him in an inappropriate way, he, at this point in time, would not be able to advocate for himself. IMHO, this needs to be a personal decisions within a family and, hopefully, people will be understanding and have some tolerance that not all children develop on the same trajectory and can hit certain milestones at the same time.

 

[brockash]

Like Gracie said, she has looked up and seen a boy staring into the stall. The same thing has happened to me.

Sorry, but no one should see me with my pants down except my husband and my doctor. And same applies to any woman. Or man for that matter.

Staring...through a crack...well guess what an 8 year old girl could do the same thing. Again, I don't feel that my entitlement of wanting a completely private restroom experience in a public restroom with multiple stalls and many ppl. outweighs the safety an 8 year old boy. -Acting as though the 8 year old boy is somehow a threat to you is insane in my opinion. Like I said I have a son and 2 daughters and I fully intend to raise them not fearing 8 year old boys peeping through cracks in a public restroom.

 

[Hikergirl]

Staring...through a crack...well guess what an 8 year old girl could do the same thing. Again, I don't feel that my entitlement of wanting a completely private restroom experience in a public restroom with multiple stalls and many ppl. outweighs the safety an 8 year old boy. -Acting as though the 8 year old boy is somehow a threat to you is insane in my opinion. Like I said I have a son and 2 daughters and I fully intend to raise them not fearing 8 year old boys peeping through cracks in a public restroom.

So if your daughter told you she felt uncomfortable with a boy staring at her through the cracks would you tell her too bad his safety (or really his mother's fear) is more important than how she feels when she uses the restroom for her own gender, where boys over a certain age shouldn't be in there staring through the cracks?
Its not about fear, its about being comfortable using your own gender's restroom and yes my daughters feelings are more important than the feelings of some paranoid mother who thinks all men are pedophiles and makes her 8 year old son come in the woman's restroom.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

if I see a child looking thru the opening in stall I will be loud enough so that parent knows I do not like that and this would be true for girl or boy. and if I see you washing your hands I will let you know in person. yes your child has the right to be there but you must still be in control of them that is part of being a parent. the way to stop this to keep your child with you. if you are worried about them being by themselves in the bathroom keep them in stall with you. yes things can happen in the women's room also. if you have a special needs child use the companion restrooms.

 

[piccolopat]

Out of curiosity, for those who think that 8 is too young for a boy to go to the men's room alone, when do you think they will be too old to use the ladies' room?

 

[Gracie09]

This simply isn't true. Anyone with about $100 can walk into a WDW park. WDW actively bans sex offenders and trespasses them if they come onto the property. Reports I've seen state they hand out warnings to about 150 people a year. Less than 3 years ago a man was arrested at AK for putting his cell phone under a bathroom stall and taking a picture of an 8-year old boy going to the bathroom.

Each parent has a comfort threshold for sending a young child alone into a bathroom. If I can closely monitor the situation in a small store, restaurant or other place we are familiar with, I will let him go. In WDW, no way. Not at 8. Someday, when he can advocate for himself, of course. But my DS has an anxiety disorder and an expressive language disorder. If he were alone and someone approached him in an inappropriate way, he, at this point in time, would not be able to advocate for himself. IMHO, this needs to be a personal decisions within a family and, hopefully, people will be understanding and have some tolerance that not all children develop on the same trajectory and can hit certain milestones at the same time.

The odds of a stranger in a busy bathroom at Disney World molesting or kidnapping a child without anyone coming in or otherwise noticing are astronomical. Why would a molester pay to go to a place where they are on camera from the moment they enter to the moment they leave, surrounded by security (uniform and otherwise) as well as families with men who are willing to assist if needed, when they can go to their local park and have more opportunities for free. Besides, the vase majority of molesters molest children they know and groom for the position. So you should worry about the people you know not the people you don't. Besides, notice the similarity in all the cases at Disney - they were all caught.