Lilacs4Me
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2015
DD15 just finished the classroom portion of drivers training. She has her permit (can drive with DH or I in the car only, until she turns 16). I have not scheduled the driving portion of the class yet.
DD is very mature for her age - very responsible, good head on her shoulders, independent, clear-minded. So, imagine my surprise when she freaked out the first time she got behind the wheel. I had her drive in the neighborhood only, 20 MPH roads, to the grocery store. We didn't go on any main roads at all. She freaked herself out to the point where she cried when she parked at the store, and refused to drive us home.
OK, no big deal. I thought she did a great job for her first time behind the wheel, but I wasn't going to push her. She refused to drive for about a week, then yes we bribed her with money for a t-shirt that she wanted to buy at an upcoming concert. She drove to Target, about 2 miles away through side streets, and did great.
After that she did little trips here and there around the neighborhood, just to gain confidence and a little more experience. But I want her to start driving with her instructor, who will make her drive on the main roads in our urban Chicago suburb with crazy traffic and aggressive drivers, so DH and I took her WAAAAYYYY out west into the country and had her practice on some of the back roads so she could get the feel for a speed limit higher than 25 lol. She was willing to get on/off the freeway out there too, so we did it. She got a little scared, but did great and wanted to do it again. So I had her make a left, go down a road so we could turn around. As we approached an intersection (country road, nobody around, 45 mph) she got startled by a car approaching to her right. The car had a stop sign and was stopping - literally zero threat that it was going to hit us. But it scared DD and she swerved into the oncoming lane through the intersection and then jerked back into our lane and started to cry hysterically. I had her pull over immediately and let her go into the backseat, then talked her through it. She said she hated me, lol and would never drive again. I didn't take it personally
She drove again today, back on the little neighborhood streets, and is still freaking herself out. She keeps asking if the car behind us is going to hit her, or if the car coming toward us can see us...etc.etc...completely irrational concerns.
At this point, I feel like she just isn't ready to drive. What would you do if this was your kid? I am torn between just letting it go for a few months and trying again, or keeping her driving at least in the neighborhood so she doesn't psyche herself out more thinking it is terrifying and never wanting to do it again. She has 10 months before she turns 16 and is eligible for her license, so we do have some time on our side if we are to take a break for a while. I just don't want it to get to the point where she flat out refuses to drive at all. if you have been through this with teens already, do you think driving with the instructor would be better for her than driving with me?
ETA: as luck would have it, I think she is freaking out more because we have had three car incidents this summer, which I keep telling her is NOT normal! DS19 totaled his car in June when a deer ran out in front of him and hit his front end, then I was rear-ended on the freeway by a car two cars back hitting the one behind me pushing the car behind me into my car ($2200 worth of damage!) and DS19 drove over a tie-down strap with a metal winch at the end that looks like it broke off from a truck and it got stuck under the car and did some damage. DD was in the car for the rear-end accident and the strap incident and was witness to the havoc the totaled car has caused. She is thinking about all of the above every time she gets behind the wheel!
DD is very mature for her age - very responsible, good head on her shoulders, independent, clear-minded. So, imagine my surprise when she freaked out the first time she got behind the wheel. I had her drive in the neighborhood only, 20 MPH roads, to the grocery store. We didn't go on any main roads at all. She freaked herself out to the point where she cried when she parked at the store, and refused to drive us home.
OK, no big deal. I thought she did a great job for her first time behind the wheel, but I wasn't going to push her. She refused to drive for about a week, then yes we bribed her with money for a t-shirt that she wanted to buy at an upcoming concert. She drove to Target, about 2 miles away through side streets, and did great.
After that she did little trips here and there around the neighborhood, just to gain confidence and a little more experience. But I want her to start driving with her instructor, who will make her drive on the main roads in our urban Chicago suburb with crazy traffic and aggressive drivers, so DH and I took her WAAAAYYYY out west into the country and had her practice on some of the back roads so she could get the feel for a speed limit higher than 25 lol. She was willing to get on/off the freeway out there too, so we did it. She got a little scared, but did great and wanted to do it again. So I had her make a left, go down a road so we could turn around. As we approached an intersection (country road, nobody around, 45 mph) she got startled by a car approaching to her right. The car had a stop sign and was stopping - literally zero threat that it was going to hit us. But it scared DD and she swerved into the oncoming lane through the intersection and then jerked back into our lane and started to cry hysterically. I had her pull over immediately and let her go into the backseat, then talked her through it. She said she hated me, lol and would never drive again. I didn't take it personally
She drove again today, back on the little neighborhood streets, and is still freaking herself out. She keeps asking if the car behind us is going to hit her, or if the car coming toward us can see us...etc.etc...completely irrational concerns.
At this point, I feel like she just isn't ready to drive. What would you do if this was your kid? I am torn between just letting it go for a few months and trying again, or keeping her driving at least in the neighborhood so she doesn't psyche herself out more thinking it is terrifying and never wanting to do it again. She has 10 months before she turns 16 and is eligible for her license, so we do have some time on our side if we are to take a break for a while. I just don't want it to get to the point where she flat out refuses to drive at all. if you have been through this with teens already, do you think driving with the instructor would be better for her than driving with me?
ETA: as luck would have it, I think she is freaking out more because we have had three car incidents this summer, which I keep telling her is NOT normal! DS19 totaled his car in June when a deer ran out in front of him and hit his front end, then I was rear-ended on the freeway by a car two cars back hitting the one behind me pushing the car behind me into my car ($2200 worth of damage!) and DS19 drove over a tie-down strap with a metal winch at the end that looks like it broke off from a truck and it got stuck under the car and did some damage. DD was in the car for the rear-end accident and the strap incident and was witness to the havoc the totaled car has caused. She is thinking about all of the above every time she gets behind the wheel!
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