Parenting parents is so hard!

[disykat]

It's exhausting, isn't it? ((pea-n-me))

 

[maxaroni]

My heart goes out to everyone who is dealing with this. It is so darn hard to see our parents age and accept that this is now our turn to parent them.

My issue will be a bit different. When my parents retired (age 55), they moved to a 55+ community 2 miles from us. It was right before DS26 was born, so my DS growing up years, they were close. They moved from a distance of 2 hrs from us, as well as sold my dads business. While it was wonderful having them near us, we also said how much “easier” it would be than having the family home to deal with, as well as my dads business. My mom always said she’d rely on the attorneys, accountants, etc. However, she was relieved she didn’t have that burden on her.

My mom was 69 when diagnosed with her first stroke. I say diagnosed as looking back, the episodes she was having were TIA’s that her doctor explained away, without testing. Hindsight is 20/20. At any rate, she had a blocked artery in her brain that was inoperable. It led to a whole host of other health issues that ended with kidney failure. She passed away after 9 years of suffering.

We didn’t know how my dad would take it, as they had been together since they were 15. He was as prepared as anyone can be and completely devastated. However, he got out and about and started traveling again (alone...35 day cruises to remote places). My parents were world travelers so was glad to see this. I always worried, of course, but he is independent and not much I could do. He was my moms caregiver and was even doing her dualists at home. He deserved to have his life and do what he wanted.

One hard part is that I am an only child, as are/were my parents (and DS) so not a lot of support. My grandma (moms mom) was an only child as well, so I saw all that my mom dealt with during her last years. Grandma had Alzheimer’s and my mom had to put her in a home, so know of the heartache on that end. My dad was a wonderful support system to mom, but a lot of it was on my moms shoulder.

2 years ago, my dad decided to drive to Florida for vacation. He was driving to various places from home that were a distance, but this was a bit more and of course, I am a worry wart. He had wanted to see The Villages as he had heard so much about it and the 9 years my mom was sick, they couldn’t go anywhere. So, again felt glad he was getting out of the house. To our surprise, he loved it so much, he came home and told us he had spoken to a realtor. A few weeks later, he took us out to dinner and said he was buying a house. He is now 83 and loving it. However, no family down there, he went not knowing a soul. He’s also an introvert and non social, so, of course, I was flipping out. I didn’t argue with him but made my voice heard and he decided it was what he wanted. He just drove up here and did a cemetery loop of NY, PA & North Jersey. I can see him aging but he is a capable driver and does have a Subaru with “eyesight”, so that does help a bit.

I know my years are numbered with with him and hate that he lives so far away. The added burden on my shoulders is the distance between us.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It's exhausting, isn't it? ((pea-n-me))

That it is disykat! I’m glad you started this thread. I was considering doing one, too. A little support group, right here!