Really don't like the holidays

[FayeW]

I went as far as suggesting no more gifts for anyone. I suggested we just get together and just have fun. Nope. They were not going to go for that.

I'm the only one with young children and I really don't like them getting so many gifts. I've suggested making a donation in their name to a charity, but they just think I'm crazy. When my sisters ask my kids what they want, their answer is, nothing. My kids are just not into "stuff".

Seriously, put your foot down. Tell them flat out that you aren't participating anymore. Tell them to either keep the receipt for the gifts they buy your children or they will be donated to charity or children's hospital unit. Mean it and stick to it. Tell them your children are fortunate already to have everything need and the only thing they want or need is the pleasure of the company and the happy family memories.

 

[gray52]

Put us in the Scrooge category... Between my wife and I, we have 8 siblings, ranging in ages 25-54. We have 20 nieces/ nephews (including grand nieces/nephews). We sent out emails this year that basically said.... We will not be exchanging gifts this year. Getting together for a family party is gift enough for us, so we ask you to not buy for our children. Please use that money on your own kids/grand kids.
It initially caused some disappointment (my mom)... But in the end we decided to do a secret Santa for those who wished to participate... So it worked out for everyone. It will literally save us a couple hundred bucks!

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

 

[sk!mom]

Not a scrooge in my book. I read some of the threads here where people feel that they "have" to get gifts for sisters kids or cousins, step kids, etc etc.
What always gets me is right after that they will say how the person doesn't keep in contact, doesn't make an effort to say thank you. nothing.

My siblings and I came to an understanding long ago. Each family takes care of the presents in their own family. end of gifts.

Ironically we have better holidays. Now when we get together, we plan family time. this year we are ice skating with the kids at riverrink in Philly. We make sure the cousins get together through the year.

I'm a scrooged also. Holidays are now about getting that jumbo tv on thanksgiving day.

My son just ask me if next year we can go on holiday instead, I'm looking into going to Portugal.

Our extended family is similar. We plan something together that involves fun and hanging out and usually lasts several days. This year it's happening this weekend. My DD17 is dancing in her last Nutcracker and my precious 10 year old niece is Clara so all my siblings are in town and we're attending opening night together tonight. In the morning, I'm hosting a breakfast for everyone where the cousins under 18 will do their gift exchange- they each drew one name. Everyone who wants to- young and old- can participate in our Dirty Santa game if they want. We do a theme- last year was "As Seen on TV" this year we're stealing from Oprah and the theme is "My Favorite Things." No one has to participate!

I love Christmas and have long refused to buy anything or attend anything that doesn't enhance my holiday.

 

[Disneylover99]

Seriously, put your foot down. Tell them flat out that you aren't participating anymore. Tell them to either keep the receipt for the gifts they buy your children or they will be donated to charity or children's hospital unit. Mean it and stick to it. Tell them your children are fortunate already to have everything need and the only thing they want or need is the pleasure of the company and the happy family memories.

I can't. I'm too much of a wimp and I don't like family *******. So I will smile sweetly and hand out my gift cards.

 

[worm761]

Right now I'm in a bit of a bad place with dh's cousins. There are six little kids and dh and I buy for them. As the years pass, I have fewer ideas that don't cost a gob of money. I'm not sure how to address it because I think we're the only cousins who do it (based on MiL's inability to give).

Families are complicated.

This is why I went to a family gift this year. Just got word from SIL that the kids will love it thankfully. But with no one giving me ideas I was stuck. So I went rogue. And it worked!

 

[DisneyDreamer2504]

I really love the holidays, and I don't mind buying gifts for everyone. My DH and I actually spend a lot of time thinking about each person and not just getting them any old gift, but something we think they'll really like and appreciate. What I can't stand is my BIL and how he insists we tell him exactly what we want. This is some irksome bc I hate the idea of placing an order for my gifts. Plus, it's so hard bc I don't know what his budget is and I don't want to say I need something that's too expensive or anything. Believe me, I know it's the though that accounts, and I do appreciate, I just don't feel like there's even any thought put into his gifts. And for some silly reason, his wife can't help him in picking our gifts. She buys for 'her' family and he buys for 'his' family.

My other issue was my mother today. She lives less than 10 miles from my sister and and the grand kids, and spends a lot of time there. I usually send her gift with the kids bc why would I spend extra on shipping if she's going to be there anyway? Well, but I told her I was sending her gift to my sisters, she got all offended and reminded me that she doesn't live there. I just thought she'd enjoy opening her gifts with the kids on Christmas morning....but apparently I was wrong. It's really soured my day......

 

[lisaviolet]

My other issue was my mother today. She lives less than 10 miles from my sister and and the grand kids, and spends a lot of time there. I usually send her gift with the kids bc why would I spend extra on shipping if she's going to be there anyway? Well, but I told her I was sending her gift to my sisters, she got all offended and reminded me that she doesn't live there. I just thought she'd enjoy opening her gifts with the kids on Christmas morning....but apparently I was wrong. It's really soured my day......

No, she just had a different way of looking at it, that's all. Don't let it sour anything.

Really, don't.

 

[luvmy3]

When our extended family grew beyond the individual families budgets we decided to pick names for the kids. After a few years we then decided to stop exchanging gifts altogether because it just seemed like all we were doing was passing giftcards around.
Now we just focus on spending time together during the holiday break.

 

[ZachnElli]

I cut two nieces off my list this year and I'm sure I'll hear about it, but they both have kids now. Even though the younger one is only 18, well she's a mom too now. The other niece, the 18 year old's sister, is due any day with her 2nd baby. So those two kids have turned into 5, so I'm out. I'm sure my mil will say something, but I didn't buy her anything either, lol!

 

[Kitty 34]

We finally stopped buying for all the nieces and nephews about 10 years ago!!! It was way too much. We just enjoy the time with them now as they are all (except 2) between the ages of 19 and 33! And many have spouses, SOs and kids.

I would love to buy for my sister's 5 grandchildren (ages 1 to 6) but they get SO much already so instead I have a huge Easter Egg hunt with "prizes" in the spring. So much nicer for me and the little ones as they can run around outside and have a good time!

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

We draw names since there are so many kids on my side of the family - we each get 2 names and the limit for the gift is no more than 30.00.

Once you turn 18, you are off the list. Everyone knows it including the kids and it works really well.

Maybe that is something you want to suggest with your family.

 

[mom23boys]

I have 10 nieces and nephews on my side, none on DH side. We do a polyanna. Each kid draws a name in my case we get three of the cousins and the limit is $50 each. We have been doing this for years. Works great.

My DM, siblings and spouses do an adult secret santa, the limit is $20 and the gift is unisex. We get to steal the gifts it is a lot of fun. We all still get my DM something of course.

 

[lisaviolet]

My DM, siblings and spouses do an adult secret santa, the limit is $20 and the gift is unisex. We get to steal the gifts it is a lot of fun. We all still get my DM something of course.

It IS.

We do that for about 25 of us at Thanksgiving. My aunt buys and wraps all the small dollar store gifts. And we are BEYOND competitive about the stealing and how many times we can do it each round. Well, let me rephrase - the females are beyond nuts with it all - we are usually hunting for the best chocolate and working strategy. The men could care less. FUN!!!!

 

[lauradis]

Just a gripefest.

I'm just sick of the ridiculous commercialism of the whole thing. I've got 10 nephews and nieces. I have 3 kids of my own. I want to buy my kids presents for Christmas. I think it's ridiculous that we should have to buy for all the other kids, especially when my family judges everything by how much money you spend. Do a grab or something. And why should we be buying for 16 and 17 year olds? By that age, I had a job and was buying my own things.

Yes, I'm just a Scrooge.

No your not a Scrooge. I'm totally sick of the buy buy of all holidays. Christmas is the worst.

What ever happen to one nice, thoughtful present?

Why do people believe I love or care for you more if I spent more or gave you x number of presents.

 

[lauradis]

Tried doing that last night, and got guilt trips from my siblings about how they buy gifts for my kids (which I tell them not to, and they just buy cheap little books). But if I don't spend at least $10 on each one of their kids, I get the guilt trip.

My family sucks.

Op no nice way to say this but no one can make you feel guilty without your permission. So knock it off!

Just tell them the truth of how you feel. Make up your mind and stand your ground.

 

[dicar123]

My brothers and I never bought each other presents as adults. They had no children and mostly didn't buy for my kids- I think the issue is that they just never got around to shopping. But it worked for us.

Then one got married..dum, dum dum dum. Suddenly, the first Christmas they were married, we received a gift from them! I had to hurry to reciprocate and then buy something for my other brother and his girl-friend so there would be no hurt feelings. After year two, and brother number 2 lost his job, I asked that we not exchange presents anymore.

My mother appreciated it because all three of us were calling her to grill her over what everyone wanted! That worked well for last year.

I just spoke to mom and she let me know that brother number 1 has mailed a couple of presents for us to her house (we'll be there for Christmas). I complained and she said, "I'm conflicted. The package ripped so I know what it is and you're going to love it! It's not anything expensive though!".

I thought about ordering something to be shipped really quick, but gave up. I'll thank him nicely and then maybe later in the year I can surprise him with something fun.

 

[DanniDeer]

My boyfriend's family has five siblings total, with everyone married except for us. We did the Secret Santa thing and kept it under 10 bucks.


It really was a whole lot less stressful/expensive to buy for one extra person than 8...but by Christmas Eve when we exchanged gifts, pretty much everyone knew who everyone else had because no one can keep their dang mouths shut.

We only have two nephews, and normally we get them at least a little something, but this year we just haven't seen anything that sticks out to us, so we're simply not getting anything. I'm not going to buy crap just to give them crap. Especially when one family lives out of state and drives. I wouldn't want them to do it with my kids in the future, so I'm not gonna start it!

Oh, I lied. I had some of those miniature little golden books I forgot to give the younger one on his birthday that we'll probably put in a little gift bag.

 

[mom2rose&john]

I agree with the absurd idea that every child gets a gift from every family. Luckily so did the rest of the family. We decided each family would contribute money (what they can afford because we are not all on the same income level) and get a family from Helping Hands. Every child (ages 8-18) gladly participates and will go to the store as a family and help purchase gifts for the people on the list. We then go back to Grandma and Grandpa's house wrap the gifts and have a cookie and hot cocoa party. It really does bring out the special quality time we are lacking before. Of course there are always disclaimers to this. This year my niece had a baby so of course we will be giving a gift, probably until she is 6 or 7. But that is just me and not done during family get togethers.

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

I love the holidays and Christmastime but we don't buy for our nieces and nephews so there isn't that huge stress to deal with! A long time ago my sister in laws said they didn't want to exchange amongst the families any more because it's too much money. I agreed! My own sister has 3 adult kids and now a grand baby. I will buy something small for the baby but that's it!! Her adult kids always complained (I heard them talking about their other fam members) that they got cheap gifts. That is so rotten. When I was a kid we were always very appreciative of the gift; no matter how small or big.

So glad we just have to buy for our 3 kids, my mom and in law parents. Easy peasy.

 

[avgeek81]

My parents had children later in life so most of my cousins are 10 to 20 years older than me. My parents bought for them for many years and were still buying gifts after my brother and I were born.

When my brother and I were around 8 or 10 both sides of the family decided to stop buying for nephews or nieces. It was fine because we always got enough at Christmas but I know my parents felt a little disappointed since they had been buying presents for all those years.

My friend has 2 kids that i buy for and last year she told me I dont need to get for her and her husband since there are 4 of them and 1 of me. I dont get much for the kids anyway since they get so much and are still young so they forget half of what they get and which present is from who . Plus both their birthdays are in January so they get stuff then too.

I get my friend something small. This year I got a bag of cadbury Christmas mini eggs and I am regifting a $10 starbux card