Should I pay for my college student?

[sksjasams]

Yes and no...we have always told the kids that they are responsible for paying for vacations once they graduate high school. That is why we take them on a senior trip. It's their last hurrah before they leave the house.

Then make this the last one for both of them.

 

[Kristie Smith]

Just a quick thought, are you paying for younger daughter's friend fully? if so there may be hurt feelings there.
I know if it was something that I was penny pinching for between friend and daughter, the friend wouldn't be coming. I just view graduation celebrations as a family event first.

All but the ticket to get into the park and spending money but we did the same for her when she graduated 2 years ago.

 

[danielocha30]

you can't afford it, and deep inside you will love to bring the older one, and leaving all the grades a college loan on the side, you can't pay for it and is ok! Your older should be mature enough to understand that she is an adult now and her days of automatically be included in your budget are over. Have a great trip!

 

[Kristie Smith]

Then make this the last one for both of them.

Then I feel like that isn't fair to my youngest. Unless I pay for her to go on one when she is 20.

 

[ELSA711]

All but the ticket to get into the park and spending money but we did the same for her when she graduated 2 years ago.

oh okay, your older daughter brought a friend on her trip as well?

 

[Kristie Smith]

you can't afford it, and deep inside you will love to bring the older one, and leaving all the grades a college loan on the side, you can't pay for it and is ok! Your older should be mature enough to understand that she is an adult now and her days of automatically be included in your budget are over. Have a great trip!

Thanks

 

[Kristie Smith]

oh okay, your older daughter brought a friend on her trip as well?

Yes

 

[sksjasams]

Then I feel like that isn't fair to my youngest. Unless I pay for her to go on one when she is 20.

Remember , though, this is a graduation trip. She got to go on her sister's graduation trip, so her sister should get to go on hers. That is fair.

 

[VandVsmama]

Because she is moved out of the house mainly. Also because she hasn't taken college very seriously and has done a lot of partying instead.

Everybody has choices to make in life. Your daughter has chosen to party and goof off instead of taking college seriously. And lost a scholarship as a result of it. It would be foolish to reward that with an all expenses paid trip for her to Disneyland. Plus, if you are paying any $$ of your own toward her college education, that is all the more reason not to pay for her Disneyland vacation given the current circumstances. I think that the "but it's a family trip and she might feel bad if she can't go" is not a good enough reason.

If you really feel strongly about the "it's a family trip" side of it, then figure out a way to pay yourself for her to go with you...or nobody goes on the trip. Because if you take the "But it's a family trip!" logic one step further, then if the entire family doesn't go, then nobody should go, correct?

 

[Dismomplus3]

Need some opinions here. I have 20 year old college student who lives away in a college town. We are planning a trip to Disneyland for her younger sisters high school graduation next summer. At this point we don't plan on paying for my college daughter to go. She is welcome to go but would need to pay her own way.

Here is some insight on what our situation is...my youngest who will be graduating high school is bringing a friend as it will be her senior trip. (We did the same for my oldest but her younger sister also went because she was still school age and living in the house.) We will have a hard time paying for my oldest to go because it will be hard enough to for 4 of us. My college student also hasn't done well at college and has lost her financial aid because she isn't meeting the requirements. That has lead to larger personal loans. She does work part time but mainly lives off her loans.

My feelings...I have some guilt because we have always paid until now. I still have some anger because she hasn't done well in college and still continues to rack up debt. She hasn't taken ownership for her poor performance in school and gets mad if I try to talk to her about it.

She did just go on a 7 day trip to Mexico with her dad. My husband is her stepdad.

You, as a parent, don't "owe" a vacation to your kid at any age. Do what you feel is best for you and your family. I paid for our two kids to go at 27 and 21. I wanted to. Going forward who knows.

 

[Kristie Smith]

Remember , though, this is a graduation trip. She got to go on her sister's graduation trip, so her sister should get to go on hers. That is fair.

True!

 

[VandVsmama]

Yes and no...we have always told the kids that they are responsible for paying for vacations once they graduate high school. That is why we take them on a senior trip. It's their last hurrah before they leave the house.

This basically answers your question. Don't pay for your college student daughter to go on the trip.

 

[Kristie Smith]

You, as a parent, don't "owe" a vacation to your kid at any age. Do what you feel is best for you and your family. I paid for our kids to go at 27 and 21. I wanted to. Going forward who knows.

I know, I'm just struggling with it

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I think you really have to separate how she has performed in school from this trip unless you have had discussions linking the two previously.

If this is a family trip then you have to decide what the cutoff age is for your family. I also think this is something you should mention well before a trip your daughter might want to go on. I know I would be extremely hurt if my family had a trip planned and I had no reason to think I'd be excluded then I was told, you're old enough you have to pay for yourself with no time to even have a chance to go.

How she performs in college is a different issue. There's many ways this discussion could go.

 

[Dismomplus3]

I know, I'm just struggling with it

Mom's guilt....it's great, lol.

 

[Kristie Smith]

Everybody has choices to make in life. Your daughter has chosen to party and goof off instead of taking college seriously. And lost a scholarship as a result of it. It would be foolish to reward that with an all expenses paid trip for her to Disneyland. Plus, if you are paying any $$ of your own toward her college education, that is all the more reason not to pay for her Disneyland vacation given the current circumstances. I think that the "but it's a family trip and she might feel bad if she can't go" is not a good enough reason.

If you really feel strongly about the "it's a family trip" side of it, then figure out a way to pay yourself for her to go with you...or nobody goes on the trip. Because if you take the "But it's a family trip!" logic one step further, then if the entire family doesn't go, then nobody should go, correct?

I agree with your first paragraph completely. That is my logic side. But my compassionate side is telling me we should take her. My first instinctual reply is no. Also because I don't know how we would come up with the additional money.

 

[Kristie Smith]

I think you really have to separate how she has performed in school from this trip unless you have had discussions linking the two previously.

If this is a family trip then you have to decide what the cutoff age is for your family. I also think this is something you should mention well before a trip your daughter might want to go on. I know I would be extremely hurt if my family had a trip planned and I had no reason to think I'd be excluded then I was told, you're old enough you have to pay for yourself with no time to even have a chance to go.

How she performs in college is a different issue. There's many ways this discussion could go.

We have always told the girls that when they graduate hs they are responsible for vacations. Always welcome to go but need to start paying if they want to go. It isn't a surprise to her but I still feel bad as a mom

 

[Kristie Smith]

Mom's guilt....it's great, lol.

 

[Kristie Smith]

This basically answers your question. Don't pay for your college student daughter to go on the trip.

I know but I just feel guilty about it. And truthfully, it will be weird not having her there.

 

[Kristie Smith]

Thank you everyone, it's been a good discussion. I feel a little better having all of your input. Just have a tough decision to make. It's still a year away so I can see how this next semester of college goes before I decide