The Day the Mickey Died II - Saving Mr. Panic Attack *update 10/2*

[Peter Panic Attack]

Do you ever hear voices in your head?

I’m not talking about the kind of voice that tells you that your neighbor is an alien from outer space who is trying to use his telekinetic powers to steal your ATM pin number. That kind of voice in your head is often times associated with some form of mental illness.

Althoooooough….. to be honest, I have noticed him spending an awful lot of time staring at my house and rubbing his abnormally large temples with his long, tapered fingertips in a creepy kind of way…….plus he’s got this ridiculously large antenna mounted to his roof which he claims is for his “ham radio” but I have my doubts about…….and sometimes, late at night, when I’m lying in the bushes and watching his house with my night-vision binoculars, I could swear that there is a strange, green light pulsing from somewhere behind his basement blinds.

Anyway, that’s enough about my freaky neighbor from outer space who’s’ trying to steal my ATM pin number with his telekinetic powers.

Actually, the voice that I’m talking about is more like the one that gently prods you to do something. It’s the one that urges you to fess up when the store clerk makes a mistake and gives you back too much change. Or, maybe it’s the one that tells you to clean up after your dog when it makes a boom boom in someone else’s yard…….even though you’ve done a visual scan of the perimeter and no one seems to be looking……not to mention the fact that your dog seems so proud of himself……like he’s just giving some special stranger a tremendous gift.

That’s the kind of voice I’m talking about.

I get that kind of voice occasionally. Recently, it’s been bugging me about writing a trip report.

Most people are free to choose whether or not they are going to heed their little voice. If they decide to keep the undeserved extra change, so be it. If they want to bend down and pretend to pick up after their dog and then walk away, whistling a merry tune and swinging an imaginary plastic bag of poo……all the time leaving behind the real culprit with which I will later enjoy the unexpected, aromatic surprise of hitting with my lawn mower, that’s fine. It’s totally up to them.

Well, I envy those people.

In my case, my little voice has a name. It’s my DW Tinkershell……and she’s relentless.

I could fight it. But really, what’s the point. It’s like the old saying goes, “happy wife, happy life”……..or the slightly less popular version “unhappy wife, please…...somebody kill me……anybody.......please…..I’m begging you.”

Anyway, I believe it was Edward Teller who said "No endeavor that is worthwhile is simple in prospect; if it is right, it will be simple in retrospect".......or was that Edward Cullen, the undead protagonist of Twilight who sparkles in the sunlight while encouraging teenage daughters to perform unforgiveable acts......like lying to their fathers. I always get those two mixed up.

Whomever it was, let's hope they're right.

Next up: Meeting the Panic Attacks

Complimentary Table of Contents:

Meeting the Panic Attacks

Meeting the Panic Attacks.....kids

Hows about we talk about Disney World?

I've got....a.....plan.

Keeping a close eye on Pal Mickey

Day one

Arriving in Orlando

Fireworks and a parade

Fireworks and a parade.....for real this time.

Fireworks and a parade.....this time for certain.

The End of Day One.

Day 2 - Magic Kingdom

Magic Kingdom Rope Drop

 

[jrj]

Luv the intro {would that be considered the intro?!?}
Anyhoo, luv it and can't wait to hear about your trip

 

[LexisAuntieLala]

Count me in! I read your one of your trip reports (your last one?) a couple years ago and thought it was hysterical! I also love your Disboards screen name! Looking forward to another fun ride!

 

[Viva Las Disney]

I was hoping you'd do a trip report! Can't wait to read about your plans.

 

[jane2073]

Yay!!! You are writing another trip report!!
I am more lurker than poster but I have been reading the boards a long time and your reports-all one and a half of them(!)- were among my favorites!

Looking forward to reading more.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Meeting the Panic Attacks

Ok, so we are the Panic Attacks…….and, collectively as a family, we’ve got the Disney bug pretty bad.

I understand that……in the gamut of deadly diseases…….the term “Disney bug” doesn’t sound too bad. To be honest, it gives me the mental picture of a ladybug in Mickey ears.

However, if left untreated, the Disney bug can lead to blindness, paralysis, a complete shut-down of all vital organs, and in extreme cases……..a moderate headache and slight loss of appetite.

That’s why we don’t take any chances. We’ve been taking family vacations to WDW with our kids since they were little ankle-nippers……and then deducting the whole trip on our taxes as a medical expense.

Important note: As Peter Panic Attack’s attorney, I feel it is necessary for me to take a moment to interrupt and stress the fact that WDW vacations are not a valid IRS approved medical deduction. Please consult your personal tax professional before claiming any tax deductions that might result in extended jail time and having all of your possessions seized and sold at auction……because you gotta know that no-good neighbor of yours would just loooooove to get his greedy mitts on your riding mower……not to mention your new set of golf clubs he's been eye-balling. Incidentally, I don’t trust that guy. I suspect he’s from another planet……..and would like to steal my ATM pin number.

Sincerely,
Lionel Hutz, Esq.

Here's a picture from our first family trip to DL. By the way, it's a long time ago and everybody was wearing jorts.......so don't judge me.


Anyway, my name is Peter Panic Attack. Even as a small child, my parents noticed that I had a hard time taking life seriously. They became especially concerned on one occasion when they noticed me watching “Old Yeller” with a silly grin on my face. Obviously, that wasn’t the emotion they were hoping for. Without giving away too much of the story, let’s just say that the dog dies in the end……in a horrible, gut-wrenching fashion……when he’s shot with a rifle by the young boy who loves him.

In my defense, I wasn’t even grinning about the movie. At the time, I was still thinking about last tv commercial we had just watched. It was the one where Madge tells the lady across the counter that she’s been soaking her hands in Palmolive dishwashing detergent.

“You’re soaking in it!”

Man, if you could have seen the look on that other lady’s face. Priceless!

Anyway, even though I wasn’t even thinking about Old Yeller at the moment, that didn’t stop my folks from taking me to the doctor to have him pop the hood and take a look at the old spark plugs.

The doctors concluded that the part of my brain that controls serious thought was underdeveloped.

Tinkershell would argue that the whole thing is underdeveloped…..but let’s not open up that whole can of worms.

Speaking of Tinkershell, anybody that’s been married to me for nearly 25 years shouldn’t be cracking wise about another person’s mental well-being. Talk about your glass houses. I think I could have her deemed mentally incompetent in any court in the land just based upon that one fact alone.

Tinkershell and I met about 30 years ago in college. She was majoring in Elementary Education and I was pursuing a serious degree in hacky sack.

Nowadays, she is a kindergarten teacher…….which is why she understands me so well.

Speaking of kids, we’ve got a couple. Originally, we planned on having 2.4 children because that’s the national average and I have a compulsion for conformity. Somewhere along the line, Tinkershell talked me out of the fractional third child……but I don’t remember how. I think she rolled out my nap mat and put on a Veggie tales. If I sit nicely with pretzel-legs, later I’ll get a cookie.

Next up: Meeting the Panic Attack.......kids

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Luv the intro {would that be considered the intro?!?}
Anyhoo, luv it and can't wait to hear about your trip

Welcome jrj, I'm not sure if it was an introduction.......but it was introduction-ish. I really don't know what I'm doing.

Count me in! I read your one of your trip reports (your last one?) a couple years ago and thought it was hysterical! I also love your Disboards screen name! Looking forward to another fun ride!

Hey LexisAuntieLala. my old report is so long ago that it is now considered vintage. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can still do it.

I was hoping you'd do a trip report! Can't wait to read about your plans.

Everybody, this is my baby brother. He has recently started taking his Disney obsession to unhealthy levels so it must be hereditary. Plus, he runs and is in shape and I hate that.

Yay!!! You are writing another trip report!!
I am more lurker than poster but I have been reading the boards a long time and your reports-all one and a half of them(!)- were among my favorites!

Looking forward to reading more.

Thanks jane2073. My family is making me write another report. My kids have grown up and they can strong-arm me now.

 

[jane2073]

I would never judge the jorts!

Although, now that I think about it, neither my husband and I wear jorts anymore.

So maybe a little judging.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Meeting the Panic Attack……kids

I believe it was Ralph Waldo Emerson that said “We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body”……..or am I thinking of Where’s Waldo, that skinny, little bean-pole in the red stripped shirt that I find so annoyingly illusive. I always get those two mixed up.

In either case, they were right……because I can’t even remember what life was like before our kids. Granted, at my age, I can’t necessarily remember what I had for breakfast most mornings…..but somehow this is different.

Funny thing about kids though. One night, you’ll go to bed with your kids looking like this:





And the next morning you wake up with your kids looking like this:





Or this





Or maybe this




It’s not fair really. But then again, “life isn’t fair” as my 7th grade Social Studies teacher used to tell us……in his daily effort to stamp out our youthful exuberance and zest for life……which can be a terrible thing if allowed to flourish in a young mind. If I remember correctly, by the end of each day, we all exited his classroom like the slump-shouldered villagers in “Fiddler on the Roof” when they were forced to leave their beloved Anatevka……..pushing rickety, wooden carts over-loaded with all our worldly possessions down a muddy road……and communally singing a dirge with heavy-hearts.

Yup, that’s exactly how we left his classroom. Because, don’t forget, this was back in the late 70’s when:
A) Rickety, wooden carts where a required project in shop class
B) All students were encouraged to bring their worldly possessions with them to class because of the ever-present threat of nuclear annihilation during the Cold War era and
3) Communal singing by students was an everyday occurrence. If you don’t believe me, I suggest you go out and rent the movie “Grease”…….and later you can come back and apologize to me for your skepticism.

Anyway, back to our kids.

Our DS Buddy, or Aly or the Lost Boy or whatever else strikes our fancy is the lone ginger in the family. He inherited his ginger-ness from his Great-grandma Vid who traveled with the world renowned St. Olaf’s Choir in college and once performed before the King of Norway. I’m not sure if the King of Norway was a ginger or not. In fact, I’m not sure if Norway still even has a king. I guess I ought to pay more attention to the short tourism video shown at the end of Maelstrom………or better yet, actually watch it instead of sheepishly sidling through the rows of benches to the exit so that we can get to the gift shop and take candid photos wearing Viking helmets next to the giant wooden troll.



DS is a college student now. He still lives at home, so we really haven’t too noticed much of a difference…….except that he has taken to wearing bell-bottoms jeans and flowered ponchos……and he seems to rage against the machine more than he used to.

DD Woobie, or Wendywoob, or Pookie is still in high school which, incidentally, is where I plan to keep her indefinitely. It seems like, the older she gets, the more time I spend sitting in my rocking chair on the front porch with my trusty shotgun across my knee and running off male suitors. That’s why I can’t allow her to go to college. I would imagine that sitting in a rocker in the lobby of a college dormitory holding a shotgun is probably some type of federal crime……and I can’t go back to jail.

Woob is the real writer in the family and I can’t understand why she isn’t being brow-beaten into writing a trip report like yours truly. It doesn’t really seem fair. Speaking of fair, did I ever tell you what my 7th grade Social Studies teacher used to say?

Ok, never mind then.

So, that just leaves Pal Mickey to introduce. Some of you might remember a time when the parks where packed with Pal Mickeys. Every time you turned around, somebody’s Pal Mickey was buzzing or singing or simply letting loose with one of his trade-mark Mickey laughs because he asked you a quiz question and you squeezed the wrong palm.

Sadly, it seems that people have moved on.......and now Pal Mickeys have all been replaced with smartphones and tablets.

Well, the jokes on them because I bet you can’t play games on your precious phone…..or listen to beautiful singing. And, how about current park information. Can your fancy phone let you know when the line at an attraction is short?

Really? On a phone?

What manner of witchcraft is this!

Well, thankfully, I don’t understand technology…..and it frightens me. That’s why Pal Mickey and our family are in it for the long haul. Actually, Pal Mickey was the star of my first trip report…….and I don’t remember reading any trip reports starring a cell phone.

Next Up: Hey, here's and idea, how bout we talk about Disney World?

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

I would never judge the jorts!

Although, now that I think about it, neither my husband and I wear jorts anymore.

So maybe a little judging.

I'm pretty sure the "day of the jort" has passed.....so judge away. As long as I'm still able to wear sandals and black socks, I'll be ok.

 

[Cando86]

You're a great and hilarious writer! I'm hooked!

 

[SoccerDogWithEars]

If it makes you feel better, I'm convinced my neighbor has bodies fertilizing his gardens. Though, thinking on it, I'm not sure how that would make anyone feel better.....but hey, weird neighbors in common!

Loving what I've read so far, and can't wait for the next update!

 

[jrj]

Not the sandals and black socks

Oh yes, I'm all over this TR

 

[jane2073]

As long as it's not white socks with sandles.

 

[jrj]

As long as it's not white socks with sandles.

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

You're a great and hilarious writer! I'm hooked!

Thanks Cando86. Welcome aboard.

If it makes you feel better, I'm convinced my neighbor has bodies fertilizing his gardens. Though, thinking on it, I'm not sure how that would make anyone feel better.....but hey, weird neighbors in common!

Loving what I've read so far, and can't wait for the next update!

Thanks SoccerDogWithEars. Weird neighbors. Who knew, right? I guess they're like opinions.......annoying

Not the sandals and black socks

Oh yes, I'm all over this TR

As long as it's not white socks with sandles.

I'm starting to get the sense that socks and sandals together are bad......whatever the color. I probably need to start having DD dress me......although I'm never giving up my trusty fanny pack. Do you hear me? Never!

 

[jrj]

I'm starting to get the sense that socks and sandals together are bad......whatever the color. I probably need to start having DD dress me......although I'm never giving up my trusty fanny pack. Do you hear me? Never!

I hear ya am not giving up my fanny pack either/neither

 

[sommergirl25]

Great start! I'm looking forward to more!

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Hey, here's an idea, how bout we talk about Disney World?

I believe it was the Greek philosopher Aristotle who said “We are what we repeatedly do”……or am I thinking about Aeropostale, the shopping-mall based retailer of narcissistic casual clothing where Tinkershell spent a small fortune on hoodies and sweatpants back in the days when DD Woobie was entering her teenage years…….until, thankfully, a change in the winds of fashion finally put an end to the madness. I always get those two mixed up.

Well, I know one thing that the Panic Attacks repeatedly do……and that is to take Disney vacations. In fact, people have started to take notice. It has gotten to the point where we no longer feel comfortable attending family gatherings without having a carefully-designed escape plan…….complete with full disguises and fake i.d.’s in case we need to “disappear” for a while..……..because we’re pretty sure that, at some point, a family intervention is inevitable.

It’s kind of funny really. Because, it’s not like we don’t go to other places besides WDW. I think it’s basically a marketing problem. We just need to get the word out. That’s why we send out our annual Christmas cards showcasing some of our other non-Disney destinations……..hoping it will placate our friends and families’ growing concerns about whether or not we are fostering an out-of-control Disney obsession.


For example, Mount Rushmore





And New York City





And let’s not forget the Grand Canyon



The problem is that we can’t resist the temptation to send out Disney Christmas cards as well…….and then all of our momentum is lost………..and once again we find ourselves scrambling out the bathroom window while our relatives are all lined up on the couch…….looking teary-eyed and holding handwritten letters.


Well, we had to send this one. Woobie made me promise to cover her eyes.



As I may have mentioned earlier, our family vacations to Disney started in 2001. Since then, we’ve basically planned on returning every other year. Sometimes, a small hiccup will come along……like the Global Financial Crisis of 2008……..and we’ve had to be flexible. For some reason, the threatened collapse of all banking institutions along with unprecedented downturns in the financial market puts a damper on my enthusiasm for vacations.

But, that’s just me.

Anyway, the requisite two years had passed since our last WDW trip…….so we were booked for a 9 day vacation at POFQ for the week following Thanksgiving……..barring any unforeseen apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic problems.

I don’t mind going during Pop Warner week………but if it turns into a zombie Pop Warner week…….well, I’d still probably go because that sounds pretty cool.

At this point in time, we’ve pretty much settled into the period after Thanksgiving for all of our trips. Although there may still be a small sliver of hope that we aren’t hopelessly obsessed with WDW, there is no question at all that DW Tinkershell is totally addicted to Christmas. As of last year, when Tinkershell somehow managed to cram a mechanical Santa and his flying reindeer into the dark space behind our furnace……..she has officially run out of places to put up Christmas stuff in our home. Currently, she is in active negotiations with the neighbors on either side of us to get a deal in place which allows her to decorate their houses.

So far, the neighbor from outer space says no………apparently, they don’t celebrate Christmas on his planet.

Anyway, once the vacation is booked…….which is typically about a year in advance……that's when the real fun begins.

Next Up: I've got.....a......plan. Yikes!

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Great start! I'm looking forward to more!

Thanks sommergirl25. Welcome