Hikergirl
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2016
I think everyone would need to hear the whole story before answering any of the questions including the Dad's side.
Just from what you have said, it sounds like only your oldest son makes a reciprocal effort to connect with their father. You said your DIL got together with his wife and planned Thanksgiving.
Do your other children pick up the phone and call Dad occasionally. Did they call him and ask "Hey Dad, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Do they ever issue their own invites when he comes to town, like "Hey Dad, why don't you and Susie stop by for dinner tomorrow when you are in town, it would be great to catch up." They are adults now and need to form an adult reciprocal bond with their father. Just your statement that he says "If they want to see me, they know where I live" makes it sound like the other children may not keep as close bonds with their father as your oldest does.
Now, if they are indeed inviting him, calling him, and trying to connect year round and still were not invited to Thanksgiving, then yes, I would be supremely hurt.
But it goes both ways. If they never invite him for a barbecue, dinner, coffee, or lunch, or even a call just to chat, or they are dismissive of his new wife (unlike your oldest son) then they shouldn't expect automatic invites to holiday dinners. Sounds like they have an open invite to go visit him in Reno, but don't take him up on the offer. Both sides need to reach out equally.
You are wise to stay out of it.
This is how it is with dh's dad and his siblings. Dad feels they should be the ones making the effort to invite and include him, and the siblings feel he should be the one. Dh figured out long ago that if he wants to have any relationship with his dad he needs to pick up the phone and call him, not wait for dad to call. I will say that we do all get together as one big family for things like Christmas and holidays, but there are many non specific occasions where we contact FIL to do something- go to dinner or whatever, where as dh's siblings don't really make that effort, but get mad that FIL doesn't make the effort either.