Childless By Choice

[Floridaman999]

I think my boys are still doing "rock, paper, scissors" to see who gets good ole Mom if Dad goes first or seriously vice versa!!!

Good luck! At least you've got a shot that one of them will do their duty. I've got all my proverbial eggs in one rather precarious basket and I pray daily DS marries a merciful woman!

I get reminded often from my boys that I should proceed with caution because they will be choosing how I'm cared for later in life. I'm not exactly sure they're kidding.

 

[Disneylover99]

I have to say that I am surprised to see all of the comments from people who say their childless friends have never been asked why they don't have kids or the comments that someone was childless for many years into their marriage and no one ever said anything!!! I have two kids, but didn't have my first until I had been married for over 6 years (our choice) and I was asked TONS of times if we were going to have kids etc.!!!

And I’m suprised in today’s day and age that people get asked as much as they do.

It also depends on how you were raised, I guess. My mom had 3 kids by the time she was 19. She was an awesome mom, but as we grew up she always told her four daughters, don’t have any children, have a happy life instead. She didn’t want us to be tied down like she was.

 

[ronandannette]

I get reminded often from my boys that I should proceed with caution because they will be choosing how I'm cared for later in life. I'm not exactly sure they're kidding.

Assume they're not and govern yourself accordingly.

 

[North of Mouse]

lol wow. I don’t think those who choose not to have children are “selfish” at all. To be completely honest, in my line of work, I encounter more parents who are selfish and just see additional children as a bigger welfare check.

If you reread my post - I said, 'some' from selfishness, and yes, I know a few - (one doesn't want to share attention with her husband, ano. afraid it might 'ruin' her figure) didn't say all. No one should have children just because it's expected, etc. and definitely not for a larger welfare check. That probably would not end up a good environment for either.

 

[anneboleyn]

If you reread my post - I said, 'some' from selfishness, and yes, I know a few - (one doesn't want to share attention with her husband, ano. afraid it might 'ruin' her figure) didn't say all. No one should have children just because it's expected, etc. and definitely not for a larger welfare check. That probably would not end up a good environment for either.

I still don’t consider those examples of being selfish.

 

[North of Mouse]

I still don’t consider those examples of being selfish.

Ok! We'll agree to disagree!! Have a great day!

 

[barkley]

Was there a grandmother involved at any point and if so, did she get a vote?

their mother was around when they were young-she died during the tb outbreaks of the 30's when they were young tween/teens so they were influenced by her opinions as well.

 

[anneboleyn]

Ok! We'll agree to disagree!! Have a great day!

 

[wgeo]

My husband has a rather "public" job and people used to look at me side eyed all the time when we were first married trying to figure out if we were pregnant, and many would all out ask. It was rather intrusive and that was even with me really really wanting kids. I can't even imagine how frustrating it would be if I didnt want kids.

I know that sometimes people just ask because they don't know what else to talk about, it's like talking about the weather or where you lived before. Why can't we all just let people make their own decisions instead of judging them based on what we want for our own lives?

 

[cluvsdisney]

I never really wanted to have kids but I only had a couple of rude encounters. I don’t remember how it came up with a co-worker about not having kids but in that conversation she said that I would change my mind when I met the right man. I replied “maybe he’ll tell me what my favorite color is too.” And another person asked why I bothered to get married if we weren’t going to have children. I could have said something equally rude back but took the high road.

Oh and my mother had some sinking suspicion that I might have regretted my choice when my nephew was born because I have so much love for him. SMH

But for the most part, I didn’t get a lot of backlash for this choice and lucked out meeting a wonderful man who also didn’t want children.

People have different reasons for having children and not having children. It’s really no one else’s business.

 

[quandrea]

I guess we just have different experiences.

Another favorite is whenever there was a baby-shower at work, the other women would say to me "you're next!".

I hate baby showers! We went through years of infertility—sixteen miscarriages. I just stopped going to showers. Could not handle all of the your nexts, or when will you get around to its. People really should consider that things may not be as simple as no baby has come along yet.

 

[ashley0139]

I still don’t consider those examples of being selfish.

Certainly no more selfish than having kids because you want them.

 

[anneboleyn]

Certainly no more selfish than having kids because you want them.

LOL exactly!

And the judgement doesn’t just end at whether or not someone decides to have children...there will also be the natural/epidural/c-section delivery debates, intrusive questions over whether someone will be breastfeeding or choosing formula, and the always fun working mom/stay at home mom debates. Who can honestly blame women for not wanting to deal with any of that?

 

[amberpi]

I hate baby showers! We went through years of infertility—sixteen miscarriages. I just stopped going to showers. Could not handle all of the your nexts, or when will you get around to its. People really should consider that things may not be as simple as no baby has come along yet.

I said that upthread, who knows what others are dealing with.
I’m really sorry you had to make it through that.

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

You have a second child. Congratulations!!! You have fulfilled your duty. You have won at life (bonus points if you have a boy AND a girl!). The intrusive questions stop!! Yay!

Don't forget that if you have a third child, people ask if you are done, yet. If you have a fourth, they ask if you have figured out how how babies are made and heaven forbid if you have a fifth or "gasp" a 6th, they wonder if you need to be committed. Sometimes you just can't win.

 

[disneychrista]

My daughter always says that too and I am hoping she will change her mind- she is my only shot at being a grandma.

My daughters (now 26 & 28) don't plan to have children. When I tell friends/co-workers this some will ask "don't you want to be a grandma." To which I reply, "Yes. But it isn't my choice to make."

 

[quandrea]

I said that upthread, who knows what others are dealing with.
I’m really sorry you had to make it through that.

Thanks. I have three kids now. My twins were a complete shock after dh and I had given up. So important to remember that everyone has their own journey and to tread carefully and with good manners.

 

[LSUmiss]

And it doesn't stop when you finally decide to have a kid at age 36. My kid was 6 days old when someone asked when I was having another one.

It's an entirely new set of questions when you say "one and done."

Yep! That’s me & I posted similar earlier. I think it’s actually more ppl who ask that now than who asked when I had no kids.

 

[LSUmiss]

Certainly no more selfish than having kids because you want them.

I will say if you wouldn’t want kids b/c they would ruin your figure then you are most likely not going to be happy with the millions of other sacrifices that will be required. So, in that case, I think that’s just having good insight. But, perhaps, that’s what the pp meant that the person would be unhappy with making other sacrifices.

 

[ashley0139]

If you reread my post - I said, 'some' from selfishness, and yes, I know a few - (one doesn't want to share attention with her husband, ano. afraid it might 'ruin' her figure) didn't say all. No one should have children just because it's expected, etc. and definitely not for a larger welfare check. That probably would not end up a good environment for either.

Having kids is not the default. It's an option, but it should not be assumed. Therefore, it is not selfish to not have kids, no matter the reason. It's just a decision people make.