Childless By Choice

[georgina]

https://www.cnn.com/2019/01/10/health/us-fertility-rate-replacement-cdc-study/index.html
Looks like more and more are either choosing not to have kids or choosing to have fewer kids.

Where there be a time in the future where birth control is outlawed so as to ensure a necessary fertility rate? Or will the government enact additional incentives to have children?

There is no shortage of people in the world, we just have to let a few more in!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Certainly no more selfish than having kids because you want them.

So, the only unselfish people are the ones that have kids they don't want. Not wanting to share attention or gain weight is the epitome of selfishness. Acting like the people who choose to share their life with children are equally selfish is ridiculous. I didn't want to have children & will admit it was for purely selfish reasons. If I hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant, I never would have had my DS. There's nothing wrong with admitting you're selfish, but (a general) you should at least own it. People who can't have kids are a totally different conversation.

FWIW, I came to realize I was wrong. That doesn't mean everyone would feel that way.

 

[anneboleyn]

I think we also have to stop with the whole “pregnancy/babies ruin your figure” thing. It doesn’t “ruin” our bodies. I find it kind of irritating how lately “dad bods” are considered hot but women’s bodies (the ones whose bodies actually did something lol) are considered ruined or expected to bounce right back in to shape.

 

[ashley0139]

So, the only unselfish people are the ones that have kids they don't want.

Why does anyone have to be unselfish when it comes to having kids? Everyone is doing what they want. People aren't having kids for unselfish reasons, nor are people not having kids for unselfish reasons. I don't think that's inherently bad.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think we also have to stop with the whole “pregnancy/babies ruin your figure” thing. It doesn’t “ruin” our bodies. I find it kind of irritating how lately “dad bods” are considered hot but women’s bodies (the ones whose bodies actually did something lol) are considered ruined or expected to bounce right back in to shape.

Who thinks Dad boobs are hot?

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Why does anyone have to be unselfish when it comes to having kids? Everyone is doing what they want. People aren't having kids for unselfish reasons, nor are people not having kids for unselfish reasons. I don't think that's inherently bad.

Just as an FYI, I added to my post, after you read it.

 

[anneboleyn]

Who thinks Dad boobs are hot?

I don’t know if anyone thinks dad boobs are hot, but people definitely praise dad bods (which is what I said in my comment) as being attractive.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I don’t know if anyone thinks dad boobs are hot, but people definitely praise dad bods as being attractive.

That's totally bizarre. I've never known anyone that admits to finding that attractive. If my DH suddenly gained 100 lbs., I'm sure I'd still find him attractive. That's looking through "love" glasses. I can't imagine finding anyone that I didn't love attractive under those circumstances.

ETA: Maybe, they're thinking about a man looking his age vs. a man that obsessed over his body & appearance in an attempt to appear younger. I don't find men with excessive muscles attractive, but that's a personal preference. That doesn't mean all women feel that way.

 

[ashley0139]

Just as an FYI, I added to my post, after you read it.

If I choose to have kids down the line (I haven't decided yet), it will be because I want to have them. How is that not selfish? "Choosing to share your life with kids" is not some wonderful selfless act. I even plan to foster/adopt if I have kids. Not because I want to do some great thing by giving back to society, but because that's what would feel right in my heart and it's what I want to do.

 

[anneboleyn]

Not wanting to share attention or gain weight is the epitome of selfishness. Acting like the people who choose to share their life with children are equally selfish is ridiculous.

I have a child but also don’t want to gain weight. I don’t know if that makes me selfish or unselfish lol

You also have people who have children via surrogacy because they don’t want to put their bodies through pregnancy. And people who have kids who are basically raised by nannies. Just because someone wants to “share their life with children” doesn’t mean they aren’t selfish idiots (like the Kardashians, for example). Just like someone who doesn’t want to gain weight/share attention isn’t selfish...it is their own choice. If they are happy and aren’t hurting anyone, who cares?

 

[tarheelmjfan]

If I choose to have kids down the line (I haven't decided yet), it will be because I want to have them. How is that not selfish? "Choosing to share your life with kids" is not some wonderful selfless act. I even plan to foster/adopt if I have kids. Not because I want to do some great thing by giving back to society, but because that's what would feel right in my heart and it's what I want to do.

I can only speak for myself. I didn't want kids for selfish reasons. After DH & I accidentally got pregnant, having DS was an unselfish act for me. Without a doubt, it was the right decision, but it wasn't a selfish one. IMO, choosing to share the attention of your spouse or significant other with a child would never be a selfish act. It takes major sacrifices.

I really don't understand how having kids to give back to society became part of the conversation. I don't know anyone who had kids, because they felt pressure to give back to society. That's a totally foreign concept to me.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I have a child but also don’t want to gain weight. I don’t know if that makes me selfish or unselfish lol

You also have people who have children via surrogacy because they don’t want to put their bodies through pregnancy. And people who have kids who are basically raised by nannies. Just because someone wants to “share their life with children” doesn’t mean they aren’t selfish idiots (like the Kardashians, for example). Just like someone who doesn’t want to gain weight/share attention isn’t selfish...it is their own choice. If they are happy and aren’t hurting anyone, who cares?

I also have a child & don't want to gain weight. That wasn't a consideration, when I found out I was pregnant with DS. We can always lose the weight.

The fact that you used the Kardashians say it's all. I don't think anyone would consider them unselfish. We all know they're not the average parent.

 

[anneboleyn]

I think the fact that you used the Kardashians say it's all. I don't think anyone would consider them unselfish. We all know they're not the average parent.

Eh, like I said earlier in the thread, I deal with the parents who only see their kids as a bigger welfare check. I don’t see them as being unselfish either.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Eh, like I said earlier in the thread, I deal with the parents who only see their kids as a bigger welfare check. I don’t see them as being unselfish either.

I can totally understand that, because I knew people like that in a previous career. They're not the average parent. All parents shouldn't be judged by the lowest common denominator.

 

[anneboleyn]

I can totally understand that, because I knew people like that in a previous career. They're not the average parent. All parents shouldn't be judged by the lowest common denominator.

I completely agree, but that also means it isn’t right to judge those who don’t want children for whatever reason.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I completely agree, but that also means it isn’t right to judge those who don’t want children for whatever reason.

I've never judged anyone who doesn't want to have kids. That's their choice & I respect it. As I mentioned earlier, I used to be one of them. I just have a problem with anyone saying people who choose to have kids are selfish. For the vast majority of people, having kids means they will no longer be the center of attention. They also won't have the amount of disposable income they once had to spend on themselves. How could anyone think that's a selfish decision? It's not an act of selfishness. It's an act of love.

 

[Patience]

I could care less if someone doesn't want to have kids and I have no desire to know why someone doesn't want kids. You do you and I'll do me.

For me personally, I've always had a strong desire for children and always knew I would have them, one way or another. I ended up with one biological child and one adopted child. My only regret is that I didn't adopt more children. I have a professional degree and a career but being a mom is and always will be the most important thing to me.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I think it is kind of a touchy issue with many. I do not have biological children myself. I have two step-children, and we have a good relationship.

It may be all in my head, but I do feel as if I am perceived differently by others when I was "child-free" as opposed to now. I don't even know how to describe the difference.

 

[ronandannette]

I've never judged anyone who doesn't want to have kids. That's their choice & I respect it. As I mentioned earlier, I used to be one of them. I just have a problem with anyone saying people who choose to have kids are selfish. For the vast majority of people, having kids means they will no longer be the center of attention. They also won't have the amount of disposable income they once had to spend on themselves. How could anyone think that's a selfish decision? It's not an act of selfishness. It's an act of love.

The way the term is being used here is in the context that people choose to have kids because they want them. Of course raising and nurturing kids, when done properly, is all about putting their needs before your own - nobody says otherwise. But the initial decision to have them (if it is made purposefully) is all about the desires of the parents. Creating a family (regardless of how the children come into it) is as much a lifestyle choice as anything else.

As many have said, they always knew they wanted children; had a strong desire to have them. I doubt very many people are doing it with a clear objective of bettering society or for the good of the species, or even for the sake of the yet-to-exist new human being. It’s about you/me/they wanting children. For ourselves and to have the kind of life we desire.

 

[DisneyHardin]

We are not childless by choice, but because of biology. But - that being said - I am VERY tired of the questions. I am now 40, so the way I usually answer is just some vague comment about my age.

My mom has been the worst with the questions. My mom is very selfish and always has been, but she truly feels like it is a punishment to her that I haven't made her a Grandma. My sister got married last year and she is already on her about having kids. Sis is 35 and has pretty severe PCOS, so she isn't really sure she is going to be able to have kids either.