hsmamato2
<font color=magenta>Tink in Training-Good Girl,Bad
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2005
sounds like a decent balance so far....I'm personally of the opinion that growing up is a good thing to do,and we were similiar with our kids as they got older. College (or similiar) which meant less income= more assistance from parents, but NOT too much. I felt that standing on your own feet,and making choices was REALLY important,as I had to do when I was 18 or so. Thus we didn't give our kids a car,insurance,phone or anything else by that stage. What they wanted,they work for and got. DS1 initally didn't want college after HS,or a license. However I wasn't having a grown man of 19 sitting in my ouse unemployed. So he paid us (small) rent for the basement, and rode his bike to work till he got enough $ together for a license and insurance.(Once winter set in it didn't take too long) We let him use our 2nd car while he saved up for his own(took a while since he had to settle on a decent job) but he paid for gas insurance etc.She does save a lot but definitely not the whole $500. She knows next semester's tuition is looming and she needs to have 1k for that plus she is using our extra car, which we are not giving her. She will be sharing that with her sister so she is saving for a car as well.
We offered to sell him the 2nd car cheap,he declined. Eventually bought his own. He moved out at around 21,once he got settled into a job/car that he could afford. He used to get digruntled b/c "all" of his friends got all this stuff handed to them, but that's not how his parents roll. Now that he's older, he's a fully functioning adult with a good job (IT guy, go figure) we are doing much the same with 2nd child.... We did our best to help get him set up for success on his chosen path,and stepped back.
General rule for us is 'if you want it, you have to pay for it'. Eating out,restaurants etc, rule of thumb,if we invite you,we foot the bill. If it's a joint activity, we pay for ourselves. I firmly believe that paying your own way as a young adult builds respect for oneself,and allows them to tkake ownership of their own lives appropriately.(even if that means some financial mistakes along the way for them,it's how we all learn)