Childless By Choice

[BadPinkTink]

if you have not experienced the situation, you have no understanding. and its interesting how moms and parents are flooding in with advice, but really have no clue. This thread is for childless by choice people to talk and share experiences!

 

[Floridaman999]

I'm gonna have to re-read the rules now. I didn't know about this rule.

 

[Hikergirl]

exactly, I just think of all those women of my parents and grandparents generation who could have had amazing lives and careers and could have changed the world but they were just seen as baby makers and that they HAD to have children.

why should I be force to bring a child into the world, just because its the done thing and thats what women do

OP, you seem really bitter.
I have an amazing life because I am a mother, I don't need a career for that to be the case. That is my choice, and perhaps for women of that generation is was also a choice. Both of my Grandmother's worked, even my Irish Catholic who was a mom of 11.
Now, I don't begrudge anyone for not having children, however you seem to be insulting people's choices to be mothers all the while complaining about people insulting your choice not to be one.

 

[LilyWDW]

If you don't like the topic of the thread, feel free to not look at it.

And these negative comments from people against the OP is the REASON for this thread. Because saying your are childfree seems to upset people and make them think you need their advice and "wisdom".

 

[Hikergirl]

If you don't like the topic of the thread, feel free to not look at it.

And these negative comments from people against the OP is the REASON for this thread. Because saying your are childfree seems to upset people and make them think you need their advice and "wisdom". Attacking the OP is rude and uncalled for.

Nobody is upset because the OP is childless
In fact nobody is upset, except the OP.

 

[Floridaman999]

If you don't like the topic of the thread, feel free to not look at it.

And these negative comments from people against the OP is the REASON for this thread. Because saying your are childfree seems to upset people and make them think you need their advice and "wisdom".

Gonna have to go with more of "it's the delivery" on this one, sorry.

 

[mjkacmom]

I couldn’t care less who decides to have kids, but I’m curious who takes care of those that don’t later on. My mom had an uncle who never married or had kids, that she took care of at the end, I took care of my parents. My dad has Alzheimer’s, so even with a caregiver, managing his home, bills, doctors appointments, prescriptions, etc. was a lot of work.

 

[BadPinkTink]

ok, lets get th

If you don't like the topic of the thread, feel free to not look at it.

And these negative comments from people against the OP is the REASON for this thread. Because saying your are childfree seems to upset people and make them think you need their advice and "wisdom".

thank you , exactly, saying you dont want kids really ruffles feathers. Now if I said I had health issues and couldnt have kids, then I would get tea and symphty all around.

now lets get this back on track. On the other hand, I love being an aunt. I can do the fun stuff and then hand the child back.

 

[DLgal]

I have a few single, childless friends in their 40s. I've been a mom for 15 years. We have great friendships despite this. We were friends when we were kids ourselves so me being a parent didn't change anything. I don't think I have ever straight up asked them why they don't have kids. Obviously, if they wanted them, they would have them (one friend actually did do this several years ago...went to a sperm bank and did it all on her own and now has 2 kids). It's none of my business why the others don't have them. One has been my friend since we were 9. I know why she doesn't have kids (she doesn't want them, simple as that), but I never asked.

Why not just return every inquiry about kids with "why do you care?" Tends to shut people right up. If you are truly at peace with your decision, why feel bothered by what anyone else thinks? Sounds like you aren't really at peace with the decision if you allow people's comments or "society's expectations" to bother you.

 

[Squirlz]

Just wondering are there any other childless by choice people out there? Please dont feel you have to share your reasons, cos we all know that in real life we are fed up to the back teeth explaining why we dont have kids.

Im more interested in talking about the pressure we feel from society in general and from our friends and family.

The look of pity when you tell people and they say dont worry your time will come. Ummm no it wont because I dont want to have kids.

The exclusion by friends and peers from conversations or social occasions, cos its a "moms" thing.

The feeling you have somehow shirked your duty to society by not procreating.

That you are somehow wasting your life by not having kids.

That you are selfish for choosing not to have kids

Neither I nor my wife have ever experienced any of these things.

 

[BadPinkTink]

Neither I nor my wife have ever experienced any of these things.

wow, thats great.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

oh and for all those clutching their pearls, its NOT Mothers Day here in Ireland, our Mothers Day is in March

You knew it was mother's day..

exactly, I just think of all those women of my parents and grandparents generation who could have had amazing lives and careers and could have changed the world but they were just seen as baby makers and that they HAD to have children.

why should I be force to bring a child into the world, just because its the done thing and thats what women do

Perhaps whilst asking people not to judge you you should not judge others...

 

[kimblebee]

if you have not experienced the situation, you have no understanding. and its interesting how moms and parents are flooding in with advice, but really have no clue. This thread is for childless by choice people to talk and share experiences!

ok, lets get th


thank you , exactly, saying you dont want kids really ruffles feathers. Now if I said I had health issues and couldnt have kids, then I would get tea and symphty all around.

now lets get this back on track. On the other hand, I love being an aunt. I can do the fun stuff and then hand the child back.

I get where you’re coming from. Try saying you don’t like or want pets...same reaction.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

Actually, I am gleeful when people say they don't want to have kids and I know a whole lot of people I wish had decided to not have kids. Our world is over populated as it is. However, your post sounds more like an angry pity party.

 

[Farro]

We are child-free by choice. I've known since I was a teen that I did not, ever, want children. I don't particularly enjoy children. I find them cute, but from a distance.

I think some people don't know how to react to someone who doesn't want children, so they seem to go on the defensive. I just ignore them.
I think some people find it weird or off-putting when someone doesn't act in a way that is in line with most of society. I just ignore them.
I think some people feel the need to have us all fit one mold and tell me that I will want them eventually. Well, I'm 45, so no. I just ignore them.
Finally some people feel the need to pity us. I just ignore them too.

I do think people know no boundaries in the questions they ask. Even Uber drivers will ask just in conversation, oh do you have a family? And when I say we have no children, they go straight to "why" - not realizing it's really none of their business. I just say we didn't want any and leave it at that.

I find when people do have strong reactions to it, it's mostly men, don't know why.

People ask all the time if we have kids, I'm used to it. I say "yes, we have two cats" and ask if they want to see pictures. (we've also been together 23 years and aren't married - we really get the questions then!)

 

[Allison]

I have never behaved that way to friends without kids and I have not observed it from other friends. Nor from my family.

It's a shame people experience it.

 

[LSUmiss]

exactly, I just think of all those women of my parents and grandparents generation who could have had amazing lives and careers and could have changed the world but they were just seen as baby makers and that they HAD to have children.

why should I be force to bring a child into the world, just because its the done thing and thats what women do

I was in the camp of not wanting kids until I had one & I now understand why ppl seemed to pity me before. I didn’t have DS til I was 39 b/c it was pretty much then or never. I was career oriented, ambitious, & enjoyed doing all sorts of things. BUT, now that I have a child, it’s the most wonderful experience I have ever had & none of those other things seem nearly as important. Now my career is just a job & a big PIA most of the time when I feel it interferes with my ability to spend time with DS. He’s still very young so this won’t alway be the case. I don’t think anyone should be forced to have a child & I still know plenty of childless ppl. I never felt the pressure some have described so maybe that’s why I was not as resentful. But personally, I’m so grateful that I never passed up this opportunity.

 

[dish rag]

ooof my sides hurt from laughing, are you offended by my life choice, deary me, have I ruffled the feathers of the mommy brigade??

maybe some of us couldnt care less about mothers day and are tired of feeling like society looks down on us because we dare to say we dont want to be part of your club!

I’m not at all offended by your or your life’s choices. Not sure why you would think that. I know nothing of them. Nor do I care. What is easy to see you were waiting for a responder to pounce on. So go ahead all you want. It’s funny in a way. You must be needing attention today for some reason. Is it to take the attention away from the mothers that post here?

 

[Farro]

I was in the camp of not wanting kids until I had one & I now understand why ppl seemed to pity me before. I didn’t have DS til I was 39 b/c it was pretty much then or never. I was career oriented, ambitious, & enjoyed doing all sorts of things. BUT, now that I have a child, it’s the most wonderful experience I have ever had & none of those other things seem nearly as important. Now my career is just a job & a big PIA most of the time when I feel it interferes with my ability to spend time with DS. He’s still very young so this won’t alway be the case. I don’t think anyone should be forced to have a child & I still know plenty of childless ppl. I never felt the pressure some have described so maybe that’s why I was not as resentful. But personally, I’m so grateful that I never passed up this opportunity.

I know why you posted this, in response to a question that was asked, not complaining about your post.

But these types of statements are what I hear (not as much now that I'm older ) a lot.
My point is that even if you did pity me for whatever reason, keep it to yourself. When I'm asked (I don't just going around telling people I don't want children) all I had to say was "I don't want children" and I would get these unwanted talks about how so and so felt the same way, but then had children and how her life is so much better, etc. While I'm sure that's true for so and so, what the heck does that have to do with me?
I think it's when people feel the need to explain to me why their lives are better with children, when I didn't ask them...why are you telling me this?

And I understand other people don't experience this, but I have. Maybe it's because I'm always have interactions with people that require some amount of small talk, and the conversation naturally turns to families, etc.

 

[Disneylover99]

Actually, if you're childless (and especially married for a while and childless), you can get some pretty harsh questioning if you allow it. I'm just as positive at a large extended family get together today I'll get some comments, and that's ok, most of them just want more little kids around. It could/can get to you if you let it.

We didn’t have children until 11 years into our marriage. Not one friend or family member ever questioned it. It’s been a non-issue for me. I have plenty of childless friends now. I’m fairly certain it’s a nonissue for them as well.
I can’t imagine asking people about this. It seems so ignorant. It’s just nobody’s business.