Better to find that out about someone right away about someone. Makes me think maybe letting them pay for the first date is even MORE important - find out what they're made of.
In terms of money, one can find out a lot about a guy by being the one paying, too. (Well, maybe not the first time,
but soon afterward.) I used to counsel abused women. And there is a general saying that turns out to be true:
S/He who controls the wallet, controls the relationship.
I can't tell you how many stories I've heard where domineering/controlling/abusive men show up at the beginning of a relationship, all sweet and acting chivalrous. They pay for everything. They seem so thoughtful by making all the plans. They pre-order the meals for the woman. Even if she doesn't like boiled chicken and has told him, she still thinks it's romantic & thoughtful that he ordered for her. He seems so protective, when he asks where she is going? How is she getting there? How late will she be? As they get into a longterm relationship, he then doesn't want her to work, or work anymore. He'll take care of her. She thinks all this is so romantic. . .
Until the real him starts to come out, as these men usually can't keep up the charade for long. Him paying for her, his making her get rid of her job, her friends, is a controlling maneuver to make sure she is financially & emotionally dependent on him and isolated. What seemed like him being so protective and thoughtful before is actually him being controlling of what she does, where she goes, who she does it with, when does she come home, down to what she eats, when he orders for her.
Many women who end up at battered women's shelters often arrive with only the clothes on their back. They didn't have the money to get out to be on their own. Many women stay in battered relationships because they have no money to take their kids & leave. So many women go BACK to the guy, because they want the man who showed up in the beginning, the false personae who was so thoughtful & romantic. That guy is the man they love. Not the one who showed up later. The one who was so thoughtful, who took care of them. Oh, he was definitely thoughtful. He thought about how he'd be in control later. And he didn't take care, he took over.
These types of men show up at first dates also sizing women up. They want someone who ultimately is submissive. Who will acquiesce over and over and over again and again. They don't want someone who says, "You bought the last round, I'm buying this one. I got this one, this time." They don't want a strong woman who is asserting equality or boundaries. And doesn't give in when he pushes. "I know you said the boiled chicken is a delicacy here. But, I have food allergies and I really prefer to order for myself, thank you." They are off to look for the submissive one.
GOOD RIDDANCE TO THEM!
