HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[princessmom29]

I agree babies need to learn how to sleep. I disagree strongly, and am supported, even in your article references, that letting a baby cry herself to sleep is healthy. My baby, from the night she was born, cried if I put her down.

I notice you never responded to my post where I described my child's health problems. I think most people agree that using CIO on a sick child is cruel, but I was told by doctors to use CIO on my daughter- they assumed she cried because she was fussy, and they assumed that was all. They were wrong. How many other babies are sick, but the peds are recommending moms to just let them CIO? My doctor told me acid reflux is incredibly common in infants, as is an allergy to milk.

Bottom line is, that is a chance I'm glad I wasn't willing to take, and I see nothing in the articles you gave me that tell me any differently or directly support CIO. They only support learning healthy sleep habits from an early age, but they talk about babies "drifting off to sleep," not crying until they vomit, as Ferber suggests.

I can't find his book excerpt online, but I did read it, and I know he says something like, "matter-of-factly clean your child up and then leave the room" in the rare case that they vomit on themselves. To me, that's sick. The problem is, my daughter vomited from acid reflux already; I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if I used CIO... it really leaves me shaking to think of what could have been if my DH and I were different parents.

It's nice that many of you have healthy babies who you could get to sleep with very little crying. But the issue is, most people can't get their baby to sleep with no crying. Those babies are rare. And many infants have health issues- my daughter's health issues would have gone undiagnosed if we followed everyone's advice and did CIO.


But then, I'm a first-time parent, so what so I know, right? I'm pretty sure that my healthy daughter thanks her lucky stars that she was born to this first time parent- she's now healthy and off the zantac.

Did you read anything I posted about the first 3 months of DD's life? She NEVER slept more than an hour and a half at a time. You name it, she had it at one point during those 3 months, reflux, colic, intolerance to 3 different formulas after she lost over a pound in 2 weeks on my milk, projectile vomit. She would scream herself horse, bow out her back stiff, and squeeze her fist to white nuckles for hours. It went on for 12 hours one day where she didn't sleep at all. Believe me, I know difficult baby who won't lay down without screaming, and in those first 3 months I did everything I could to get her comfortable. We often slept upright in a recliner because that was the only position she would not scream in. After all the health problems were sorted out however, there was no longer a need for me to do all of that. She needed to learn to sleep on her own. That is what I am advocating, NOT leaving a newborn to scream for hours at a time, disreagarding their medical issues. I think anyone would know that it is out of line to do that, at least I hope so.

FWIW, I have said several times here that I don't like Ferber or his methods. Most of what he suggests is way too extreme for me. I do however think that a certian amount of fussing and upset is bound to come with teaching a child to sleep on their own, at whatever age it is done, with all but the most laid back and compliant children. You are absolutely correct that most babies will cry when initally put down awake at whatever age. I don't condone letting achild get hysterical at all, that is cruel. A certian amount of fussing, however is a natural part of learing to put themselves to sleep wethe rat 2months or 2 years old, and I DON'T think it is cruel or bad parenting to let a child work that out for themselves, as long as it doesn't go on for hours and the child is not getting overly upset. i also feel that the earlier it is sorted out the better for the child.

 

[princessmom29]

I do not have an easy baby. I'll be the first one to say that CIO would make my life easier. But, I don't believe it is healthy, so I don't do it. My DD is not one of those babies who you can lay down and they drift happily off to sleep. The night she was born, she cried like crazy if I put her down. My mother heart is maybe softer than some people's, I don't know. But I held her that whole night long. She was brand new to the world, and she needed me, and I was her mama. That, to me, means I do what I think is best for her even when it's not the easiest method for me.

Once her health problems were handled, she nursed to sleep, then slept 3-4 hours in a bouncy chair, then eventually her pack-n-play. Then, with her first waking, she came to bed with me to nurse and sleep the rest of the night.

This lasted until teething, when she needed to nurse a lot to comfort herself. I went to bed at night with her, and nursed her whenever she needed to. Again, I felt that was my job as her mommy. I have never felt any sense of pressure. Once I decided, when she was 6 weeks old, to just roll with it, my entire frame of mind has been much, much healthier.

She finally got the four teeth that were all coming in at once, so last night, it was back to her bed. I nursed her to sleep, then put her in her pack-n-play. When I got back from the bathroom, she was awake. I turned on her seahorse who glows and plays music, gave it to her, then stood where she could see me. She lay quietly, watching and listening, then drifted off in about 15 minutes without making a peep.

Woke up 4 hours later at her usual time, I fed her, then put her back again. This time, she woke up and cried, so I picked her up and held her until she fell asleep again. Then I put her back. She stirred quite a bit, but soothed herself and stayed asleep until her usual "up" time this morning.

It is possible to help a child learn how to sleep without crying, but it's more work and takes longer. Most people, if they are honest with themselves, don't want to spend that time. My DH and I do.

This is the attitude I have a problem with. I could say that I think, if they are really honest with themselves, those who co-sleep , rock, or nurse to sleep do so because they don't want to spend the time to teach their children to sleep in thier own bed. It is easier to just give in and put them in bed with Mommy or rock them to sleep. It would be equally as judgmental. I don't get why we cannot just agree that there is no one right way to do things. The only reason I jumped inot this with both feet is because several here could not concede that CIO can be done without harming the child. Fact reamins that both methods CAN work when done properly, with no adverse effect to the child. Everyone has their own feelings on which is best, but either, done correctly and not taken to the extreme will yield the same effect. It is up to us as parents to decide what is best for our children. Any method of parenting, when taken to the extreme can be harmful.

 

[justhat]

What you did is pretty much what I did, and what I would consider properly administered CIO. By letting them fuss a little you are letting the figure out how to deal with getting to sleep on their own, and that is the entire point of CIO, them learning how to sleep on thier own. I think a little fussing is always going to happen, any way you do it. Many of the AP books and articles I have read say that this is a bad thing and you should never let a baby fuss without picking the up. I never left DD for more than 5 min without going in and patting and reassuring. The key for me was not to pick her up unless she just became inconsolable. It took me about a week give or take for the whole process. When I started I had to stand right by the crib, and eventually moved farther away, but I let her fuss as long as she didn't become hysterical.

Okay, after all this CIO talk, your method, from what you described in this post, isn't what I would consider CIO at all! CIO doesn't usually include standing by the crib and moving further away. That is exactly what I did with my son after a 3 week trip where his sleep schedule/routine was all disrupted and he wanted no part of bedtime in his crib when we returned.

However, I began with actual CIO, where I put him down, he cried, I went back in intervals. Previously the longest he had cried was 7 minutes for 1 night, then he'd be fine. When he went on way longer than the 7 minutes, I scrapped the CIO that had previously worked and did what you just stated, stood at the crib, gradually moved away. I did that at bedtime and when he woke overnight. Took just about 3 weeks till he was back to normal, the same amount of time that we had been away and his routine was out of order.

I also have NO objection to fussing whatsoever. I have always left my kids if they were fussing, but once it turned to a cry I went to them. My 5 month old talks herself to sleep nightly. Sometimes she sounds annoyed, but since she doesn't cry I leave her alone. I've read several AP books and never noticed anything about fussing, just crying.

But anyway, if you had told me your sleep method and didn't name it "CIO", I never would have guessed!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This is the attitude I have a problem with. I could say that I think, if they are really honest with themselves, those who co-sleep , rock, or nurse to sleep do so because they don't want to spend the time to teach their children to sleep in thier own bed. It is easier to just give in and put them in bed with Mommy or rock them to sleep. It would be equally as judgmental. I don't get why we cannot just agree that there is no one right way to do things. The only reason I jumped inot this with both feet is because several here could not concede that CIO can be done without harming the child. Fact reamins that both methods CAN work when done properly, with no adverse effect to the child. Everyone has their own feelings on which is best, but either, done correctly and not taken to the extreme will yield the same effect. It is up to us as parents to decide what is best for our children. Any method of parenting, when taken to the extreme can be harmful.

Well, if you did say that I would just laugh. Mainly because to be honest, I enjoy rocking my children, cuddling them, nursing them, holding them etc. It has nothing to do with being easier etc. I simply enjoy them that much that I do not mind all of those things. I am not saying that you don't enjoy your children, I just don't see any harm in those things. You can't spoil a baby. This time is so fleeting in the grand scheme of life. I just want to enjoy it. Our kids sleep great. No issues at bedtime etc. Maybe because I am not someone who requires a ton of sleep is what makes a difference? I am often up at night long after everyone has gone to bed. I also wake multiple times during the night. Oh- and my Mom was a CIO parent from what I remember so it's not like she didn't "sleep train" me. I simply do not sleep well.

 

[princessmom29]

Okay, after all this CIO talk, your method, from what you described in this post, isn't what I would consider CIO at all! CIO doesn't usually include standing by the crib and moving further away. That is exactly what I did with my son after a 3 week trip where his sleep schedule/routine was all disrupted and he wanted no part of bedtime in his crib when we returned.

However, I began with actual CIO, where I put him down, he cried, I went back in intervals. Previously the longest he had cried was 7 minutes for 1 night, then he'd be fine. When he went on way longer than the 7 minutes, I scrapped the CIO that had previously worked and did what you just stated, stood at the crib, gradually moved away. I did that at bedtime and when he woke overnight. Took just about 3 weeks till he was back to normal, the same amount of time that we had been away and his routine was out of order.

I also have NO objection to fussing whatsoever. I have always left my kids if they were fussing, but once it turned to a cry I went to them. My 5 month old talks herself to sleep nightly. Sometimes she sounds annoyed, but since she doesn't cry I leave her alone. I've read several AP books and never noticed anything about fussing, just crying.

But anyway, if you had told me your sleep method and didn't name it "CIO", I never would have guessed!

I guess it is a difference in termonology. I was given this method by my mom, and a ped. who both called it CIO, but emphasized not allowing the child to become hysterical, and letting them know that, while you are still there for them you will not be "rescuing them" by picking them up. Only to get them out of the crib if they dissolve into a full on screaming fit. I guess that is why I don't like Ferber and his methods. To me, just leaving a child to cry into hysterics is cruel.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I guess it is a difference in termonology. I was given this method by my mom, and a ped. who both called it CIO, but emphasized not allowing the child to become hysterical, and letting them know that, while you are still there for them you will not be "rescuing them" by picking them up. Only to get them out of the crib if they dissolve into a full on screaming fit. I guess that is why I don't like Ferber and his methods. To me, just leaving a child to cry into hysterics is cruel.

I think we are more on the same page than you think. See to me CIO is the Ferber method which I think is horribly cruel. What you describe doesn't sound like that at all.

 

[princessmom29]

I think we are more on the same page than you think. See to me CIO is the Ferber method which I think is horribly cruel. What you describe doesn't sound like that at all.

Well, I guess we are.I was the first of my friends to have a baby, and most of them have gotten similar advice from thier peds. and had it called CIO. Mabye it is regional? I have never heard of a ped. who actually advocates the Ferber method, although I am sure they are out there. MY MIL's best friend has been a ped for 30 years and the method I describe is what she recommends and she uses the term CIO. I guess that is why I could not see how CIO is so damaging and such a bad thing. It just makes sense to me that it is the way to teach a baby to get some sleep on their own. I can totally see how the Ferber method could potentally damage a parent child relationship.