HELP me get my 6 month old to sleep! PLEASE! (update post 74)

[princessmom29]

From post #227: DD has classmates who are ill equipped to deal with ANYTHING unpleasant, and I didn't really get why the particular chidren actedthat way until I saw them with thier parents and realized that the parents were doing it for them. I know some will argue that this is a totally different issue, but for many of them it started with running everytime they cried as a baby, and just never stopped.

From post #230: I think what is more true is that some moms just need to be needed more than others.

From post #230: By jumping in immediately every time they cry because they are angry, fustrated, don't want to sleep in their own bed, ect. I think a parent is delaying the development of those essential skills and prolonging the amount of time the baby "needs them" for everything. That is the type of validation some moms need, but not me.

You have constantly implied that those of us who use non-CIO methods are needy, selfish moms who require our babies to need us, so we selfishly put our needs above theirs.

To me, it doesn't make one bit of difference what you think- I know you are wrong about me as a needy mom. I'm secure and confident in my parenting choices. BUT, you have consistently "yelled" at me and others for saying things about non-CIO methods while at the same time hypocritically lumping everyone who does AP in the same box. By your argument, you don't do extreme CIO, so we shouldn't talk about it here. So why do you take the worst example of parenting and say that that's what happens when parents don't do CIO?? No one who has replied here has had any problems with AP styles, yet you continually say, "I know this one person..." BUT, when we cite examples of CIO gone wrong, you cry foul.

You can't have it both ways.

NONE OF THOSE POSTS WERE ABOUT YOU!!!!! Really, I never ever called you a needy mom. Get real. I am using the bad examples I have seen because you are using the worst possible results of CIO to support your argument. In fact, in one post you refered to CIO as leaving a chidl to cry for hours. I don't think i know of anyone who has ever done that. I am NOT lumping anyone inot a group, just offering examples from what i have observed. I NEVER said any of those apply to you, and I never siad that CIO cannot go wrong, only that it is not necessairly wrong for everyone, as you seem tothing it is. AP is not necessairly wrong for everyone either. I never said that, only that the examples I have seen have not been nearly as successful as CIO. For me, personal experience speaks volumes.

 

[tiffjoy]

And yes, there is researchthat shows thatattachment parenting leads to attachment issues and that CIO fosters independence.

Please, give me one! Seriously, I have done my research, and I found nothing. I would love to see research supporting CIO and sleep-training, specifically in relation to breastfed infants. I believe that the key is that the breastfeeding relationship must be considered, as most people in this country (this is not a slam, but a fact) do not breastfeed. I found nothing that supported CIO and took into consideration nursing, and since I still nurse my 10month old, and plan to continue, that is very important to me. Especially as we had trouble in the beginning, and I have had supply issues.

 

[tiffjoy]

NONE OF THOSE POSTS WERE ABOUT YOU!!!!! Really, I never ever called you a needy mom. Get real. I am using the bad examples I have seen because you are using the worst possible results of CIO to support your argument. In fact, in one post you refered to CIO as leaving a chidl to cry for hours. I don't think i know of anyone who has ever done that. I am NOT lumping anyone inot a group, just offering examples from what i have observed. I NEVER said any of those apply to you, and I never siad that CIO cannot go wrong, only that it is not necessairly wrong for everyone, as you seem tothing it is. AP is not necessairly wrong for everyone either. I never said that, only that the examples I have seen have not been nearly as successful as CIO. For me, personal experience speaks volumes.

Thank you for clarifying that they aren't about me. I do appreciate that. Although I'm not off sobbing in a corner (lol) no one likes to have it insinuated that they do things to their child because they are a needy mom.


In fact, in one post you refered to CIO as leaving a chidl to cry for hours. I don't think i know of anyone who has ever done that.

I'm just going to reply by quoting what I said, because I feel this is truly at the heart of this whole thread:

"By your argument, you don't do extreme CIO, so we shouldn't talk about it here. So why do you take the worst example of parenting and say that that's what happens when parents don't do CIO?? No one who has replied here has had any problems with AP styles, yet you continually say, "I know this one person..." BUT, when we cite examples of CIO gone wrong, you cry foul."

 

[princessmom29]

Please, give me one! Seriously, I have done my research, and I found nothing. I would love to see research supporting CIO and sleep-training, specifically in relation to breastfed infants. I believe that the key is that the breastfeeding relationship must be considered, as most people in this country (this is not a slam, but a fact) do not breastfeed. I found nothing that supported CIO and took into consideration nursing, and since I still nurse my 10month old, and plan to continue, that is very important to me. Especially as we had trouble in the beginning, and I have had supply issues.

for starters, here is one on the physical danger of bedsharing from the Canadian AP:
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles/Canada safe Sleep.pdf

this news article cites and Isralei study on how parent expectations shape sleep habits:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...h-its-all-mums-fault-for-fussing-1782527.html

here is a time magizine article that cites several studies that are reputable. It also takes into accout nursing and specifically mentions NOT nursing to sleep at one point:
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1904288,00.html

these are just some of the things i have read that say that putting a baby to bed awake is beneficial.

 

[dawnmommy]

there are NO studies saying that CIO is GOOD for a child. none. there ARE studies that talk about the importance of sleep for babies, children and their parents. and I agree with those. But babies can sleep through the night just fine without CIO

why on earth do some CIO parents have to justify it by saying that THEIR children are getting good sleep, as though non-CIOers are not?

My kids sleep through the night in their own beds, my 3 year old sleeps 12 hours straight and my 6 year old 11 hours without a peep.

justify CIO however you want, I don't really care, but don't say it is the only way to get kids to sleep all night in their own beds. the other methods just take more work and dedication. they might be slower, but they WORK as well.

find me a study that says CIO is a GOOD thing. and how the heck does CIO/non-CIO lead to overly dependent kids? what a crock. I assume you did some study with what you perceive as "needy" vs not-needy kids and what sleep training method was used 10 years ago on them?

 

[princessmom29]

there are NO studies saying that CIO is GOOD for a child. none. there ARE studies that talk about the importance of sleep for babies, children and their parents. and I agree with those. But babies can sleep through the night just fine without CIO

why on earth do some CIO parents have to justify it by saying that THEIR children are getting good sleep, as though non-CIOers are not?

My kids sleep through the night in their own beds, my 3 year old sleeps 12 hours straight and my 6 year old 11 hours without a peep.

justify CIO however you want, I don't really care, but don't say it is the only way to get kids to sleep all night in their own beds. the other methods just take more work and dedication. they might be slower, but they WORK as well.

find me a study that says CIO is a GOOD thing. and how the heck does CIO/non-CIO lead to overly dependent kids? what a crock. I assume you did some study with what you perceive as "needy" vs not-needy kids and what sleep training method was used 10 years ago on them?

see above. The studies say infants need to sleep independently. How can you achieve that if the baby never cries? I ahve NEVER seen a 6 month old happily go to sleep on their own for the first time without crying at all, have you? I just don't see how that is possible. The first time a baby is put down awake they are going to cry. You can get KIDS to sleep in their own beds without crying, but not a 6 month old, and the sutdies cited above suggest that hey need to be sleeping on their own at this age.

 

[dawnmommy]

see above. The studies say infants need to sleep independently. How can you achieve that if the baby never cries? I ahve NEVER seen a 6 month old happily go to sleep on their own for the first time without crying at all, have you? I just don't see how that is possible. The first time a baby is put down awake they are going to cry. You can get KIDS to sleep in their own beds without crying, but not a 6 month old, and the sutdies cited above suggest that hey need to be sleeping on their own at this age.

um, lots of kids sleep through the night not using CIO. you seriously don't believe that? I'm not lying. we didn't CIO and my kids are rock-star sleepers. CIO is pretty much an American invention. the rest of the world manages to survive just fine too.

My kids have never coslept and slept in their own rooms from birth. CIO is NOT required, it is just the fastest method for the parents. That is fine. Our son was our first child and my husband is a very involved father. we had the time to sleep train him over a 2 month time period (tho it only took 6 days with our second - a different child).

nothing wrong with parents choosing the easiest method, but it is NOT the only way by far. I don't judge those who use it, I know a lot of women whose husbands travel all week and they are home alone with multiple kids. everyone chooses what is right and easiest for them.

doesn't mean only CIO kids get enough rest. after all, how did we all manage before Ferber wrote his darn book?

and google what Ferber has written about those who CIO in his name, but let their kids cry for long periods of time (think that horrid Weissbluth or Babywise) - Ferber is pretty darn disgusted by that)

 

[rparmfamily]

I don't CIO, and #1 and #2 sleep fine. Baby #3 (12 mo) does wake up a few times. Pesky baby! DD#1 slept thru the night at 12 weeks (she was, gasp, a nursing baby too!), no crying needed.

I'm a big fan of trusting my instincts...and I'll ALWAYS "error" on the side of loving my child, comforting my child, and responding to my child.

 

[princessmom29]

um, lots of kids sleep through the night not using CIO. you seriously don't believe that? I'm not lying. we didn't CIO and my kids are rock-star sleepers. CIO is pretty much an American invention. the rest of the world manages to survive just fine too.

My kids have never coslept and slept in their own rooms from birth. CIO is NOT required, it is just the fastest method for the parents. That is fine. Our son was our first child and my husband is a very involved father. we had the time to sleep train him over a 2 month time period (tho it only took 6 days with our second - a different child).

nothing wrong with parents choosing the easiest method, but it is NOT the only way by far. I don't judge those who use it, I know a lot of women whose husbands travel all week and they are home alone with multiple kids. everyone chooses what is right and easiest for them.

doesn't mean only CIO kids get enough rest. after all, how did we all manage before Ferber wrote his darn book?

and google what Ferber has written about those who CIO in his name, but let their kids cry for long periods of time (think that horrid Weissbluth or Babywise) - Ferber is pretty darn disgusted by that)

I thought you said your kids were closer to 2 when they slept on thier own. You seriously managed to get them to sleep in thier own be and be put down awake before 6 months with no cryingat all, not even 5 min at a time? HOW????? The studies I cited suggest that kids who fall asleep on thier own in their own bed get better quality sleep than those that do not, even from infancy. Enough rest and optimal rest are different, they may be getting enough to function by these studies suggest that they would sleep even better on their own. I personally don't hold Ferber as any kind of authority on child rearing.

 

[justhat]

see above. The studies say infants need to sleep independently. How can you achieve that if the baby never cries? I ahve NEVER seen a 6 month old happily go to sleep on their own for the first time without crying at all, have you? I just don't see how that is possible. The first time a baby is put down awake they are going to cry. You can get KIDS to sleep in their own beds without crying, but not a 6 month old, and the sutdies cited above suggest that hey need to be sleeping on their own at this age.

You really believe that? No babies can fall asleep on their own without crying the first time?

I have 3 of them. Every single one of my kids, including the one who coslept, has gone to bed awake, on their own, from birth. Not one cried. Even the cosleeper who woke up many times a night was always put in her bed, fully awake, and no crying. She would wake up crying overnight, but at bedtime did not cry and put herself to sleep and slept in her own bed from birth to 4 months, so she was put down awake and alone in her own bed.

Perhaps it was because I did it from birth with all of them, didn't abruptly start at 6 months old, but I never had those issues. So just like the OP, my first was putting herself to sleep at bedtime, but still waking overnight for me.

And I nurse them all before bed, they usually fell/fall asleep nursing, but then wake up when I change their position to burp them, sing to them, and put them in their beds. My 5 month old usually moves around a bit to get comfy, talks to herself a bit, then falls asleep. My son used to immediately flip to his belly, put his butt in the air, and tuck his arms under his chest-not a peep otherwise (this was from about 4 months when he learned to flip, prior to that he just laid on his back and turned his head to the side). My first used a pacifier and usually turned to her side, sucking vigorously on the Nuk.

But again, not one of my 3 has ever cried at being put down awake for bed.

 

[princessmom29]

You really believe that? No babies can fall asleep on their own without crying the first time?

I have 3 of them. Every single one of my kids, including the one who coslept, has gone to bed awake, on their own, from birth. Not one cried. Even the cosleeper who woke up many times a night was always put in her bed, fully awake, and no crying. She would wake up crying overnight, but at bedtime did not cry and put herself to sleep and slept in her own bed from birth to 4 months, so she was put down awake and alone in her own bed.

Perhaps it was because I did it from birth with all of them, didn't abruptly start at 6 months old, but I never had those issues. So just like the OP, my first was putting herself to sleep at bedtime, but still waking overnight for me.

And I nurse them all before bed, they usually fell/fall asleep nursing, but then wake up when I change their position to burp them, sing to them, and put them in their beds. My 5 month old usually moves around a bit to get comfy, talks to herself a bit, then falls asleep. My son used to immediately flip to his belly, put his butt in the air, and tuck his arms under his chest-not a peep otherwise (this was from about 4 months when he learned to flip, prior to that he just laid on his back and turned his head to the side). My first used a pacifier and usually turned to her side, sucking vigorously on the Nuk.

But again, not one of my 3 has ever cried at being put down awake for bed.

Putting them down awake from birth is a different story. I have seen that work beautifully for lots of people. I was refering to instituting it at 6 months or so. Most posters here who do not advocate CIO advocate rocking or nursing to sleep as an infant. I just don't see how you could go from that to putting them in bed awake at 6 months without any crying. I sincerely wish I had been able to do what you have done from the beginning. It was my plan to lay her down awake every night. We had multiple feeding issues and colic going on at the same time and it just didn't happen for us. DD never slept more than an hour and a half at a time the first 3 months becuase she was in pain. At that point I did what I had to in order to ease her pain.

 

[justhat]

Putting them down awake from birth is a different story. I have seen that work beautifully for lots of people. I was refering to instituting it at 6 months or so. Most posters here who do not advocate CIO advocate rocking or nursing to sleep as an infant. I just don't see how you could go from that to putting them in bed awake at 6 months without any crying. I sincerely wish I had been able to do what you have done from the beginning. It was my plan to lay her down awake every night. We had multiple feeding issues and colic going on at the same time and it just didn't happen for us. DD never slept more than an hour and a half at a time the first 3 months becuase she was in pain. At that point I did what I had to in order to ease her pain.

I should have clarified. My 3rd has severe reflux (as well as a milk allergy). She spent 2 months of her life crying nonstop. And projectile vomiting. All hours of the day. She *never* slept in her own bed more than 30 minutes at a time. She slept upright on my chest, if she managed to sleep at all. Just around 8 weeks old we finally got her medication controlled and I had eliminated all milk from my diet and the crying stopped and the projectile vomiting greatly diminished. It was at that point that she got a regular bedtime where she actually went down, awake, in her bed and slept there for a few hours straight. It was initially 7pm-1am at that age.

Prior to that, however, she was always in my arms. Literally always. She lived in the Moby Wrap (which was a true Godsend that I did not know about with my other 2!). If she slept anywhere during the day it was in the Moby Wrap.

So while we did put her down awake in her bed from birth, she wasn't there very long in the beginning, but I am guessing she got accustomed to the idea.



My other 2, however, were put down awake from birth. My son, however, had surgery at 7 months old. During that time I nursed him, rocked him, and held him. I don't think I put him down for over a week. He then got 2 back-to-back illnesses, so again, he was held and nursed all the time. At about 8.5 months when he was healed and healthy again, I went back to putting him in his crib awake and he was fine, no tears. Not sure if it was because he remembered or not, but he was fine either way.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's pointless to do research?

I disagree with that entirely. I think being well-informed is very important. If you read studies and did research that informed some of your decisions, then that makes sense to me. I'm sure your kids are fine. I was a formula baby, parents didn't wear me, and did CIO. I graduated with high honors from both HS and college, and I'm doing more than just ok for myself. What's interesting is that our information is constantly evolving and changing and growing.

For example, I wasn't brought home from the hospital in a carseat. My brother wasn't using a carseat after about 2 years old. Both of us are alive and well. But, that doesn't mean that I should do the same with my daughter. Studies have shown that you should keep children rear-facing in carseats as long as possible, then in booster seats for several more years. I would be remiss not to be constantly researching and evolving my parenting methods based on the current, well-founded and researched methods. Just because my parents did it a certain way isn't reason enough, or even if I have another child and say, "Oh, well, I did it this way before." It's important, I feel, to constantly grow and learn.

Of course I researched, and came to my own conclusions. Back in the day, I didn't have the internet, so I had a bunch of baby books I read. Sears never appealed to me. A lot of parenting methods contradicted each other. I learned to follow my instincts. After reading Feber (my gf gave his book to me at my shower - never needed it with #1, but really appreciated it with #2), and having already gone through the baby stage with #1, felt he made sense (I'm guessing you have never read his book). My youngest children are 7, and even my 9 year old is in a booster. My 2 oldest are 5'3", and 5'5", and graduated from the booster when they reacher 4'9".

 

[mjkacmom]

Please, give me one! Seriously, I have done my research, and I found nothing. I would love to see research supporting CIO and sleep-training, specifically in relation to breastfed infants. I believe that the key is that the breastfeeding relationship must be considered, as most people in this country (this is not a slam, but a fact) do not breastfeed. I found nothing that supported CIO and took into consideration nursing, and since I still nurse my 10month old, and plan to continue, that is very important to me. Especially as we had trouble in the beginning, and I have had supply issues.

The OP is not breastfeeding! That is why your helpful information is not helpful! OMG - please tell me that I didn't think I was such an informed parent when #1 was only 10 months old. Although I probably did... BTW, as a first time mom of a teen, let me apologize right now to dd13, because I have no idea what I'm doing! Actually, ds12 is right in her shadow, and a different gender, so I apologize to him, as well. Although I am truly doing my best.

 

[dawnmommy]

I thought you said your kids were closer to 2 when they slept on thier own. You seriously managed to get them to sleep in thier own be and be put down awake before 6 months with no cryingat all, not even 5 min at a time? HOW????? The studies I cited suggest that kids who fall asleep on thier own in their own bed get better quality sleep than those that do not, even from infancy. Enough rest and optimal rest are different, they may be getting enough to function by these studies suggest that they would sleep even better on their own. I personally don't hold Ferber as any kind of authority on child rearing.

um, I said it took two MONTHS to sleep train my son, and it did. is that what you are referring to? It took 6 days with my dd. Yes they fussed a bit but NOT all-out crying and we were in the room with them (I think I said earlier we moved closer to the door every few days with ds. with dd, we went straight from setting her in the crib to leaving the room, as that is what she seemed to want)

I agree that babies need sleep, and that they tend to get more sleep if they fall asleep on their own, but there are ways to train them that are NOT CIO. THAT is my point. Just takes more patience on the part of the parent. I understand some parents don't have the time to do that. it was important to dh and I so we made the time.

I never understand why some people feel they have to "justify" CIO, like they somehow feel bad and maybe have to believe it was the only way. It is the fastest way but certainly not the only way.

If you did CIO then just embrace that and don't worry what others choose to do. each person can decide what is right for their family but don't assume CIO was the only way to get a baby to sleep independently, in their own room, all night long.

 

[princessmom29]

um, I said it took two MONTHS to sleep train my son, and it did. is that what you are referring to? It took 6 days with my dd. Yes they fussed a bit but NOT all-out crying and we were in the room with them (I think I said earlier we moved closer to the door every few days with ds. with dd, we went straight from setting her in the crib to leaving the room, as that is what she seemed to want)

I agree that babies need sleep, and that they tend to get more sleep if they fall asleep on their own, but there are ways to train them that are NOT CIO. THAT is my point. Just takes more patience on the part of the parent. I understand some parents don't have the time to do that. it was important to dh and I so we made the time.

I never understand why some people feel they have to "justify" CIO, like they somehow feel bad and maybe have to believe it was the only way. It is the fastest way but certainly not the only way.

If you did CIO then just embrace that and don't worry what others choose to do. each person can decide what is right for their family but don't assume CIO was the only way to get a baby to sleep independently, in their own room, all night long.

What you did is pretty much what I did, and what I would consider properly administered CIO. By letting them fuss a little you are letting the figure out how to deal with getting to sleep on their own, and that is the entire point of CIO, them learning how to sleep on thier own. I think a little fussing is always going to happen, any way you do it. Many of the AP books and articles I have read say that this is a bad thing and you should never let a baby fuss without picking the up. I never left DD for more than 5 min without going in and patting and reassuring. The key for me was not to pick her up unless she just became inconsolable. It took me about a week give or take for the whole process. When I started I had to stand right by the crib, and eventually moved farther away, but I let her fuss as long as she didn't become hysterical.

 

[tiffjoy]

The OP is not breastfeeding! That is why your helpful information is not helpful! OMG - please tell me that I didn't think I was such an informed parent when #1 was only 10 months old. Although I probably did... BTW, as a first time mom of a teen, let me apologize right now to dd13, because I have no idea what I'm doing! Actually, ds12 is right in her shadow, and a different gender, so I apologize to him, as well. Although I am truly doing my best.

Oh, so formula fed infants can cry it out? It wouldn't make any difference to me whether I breastfed or not. And just because my info isn't helpful in your opinion doesn't mean anything.

Again, I said this before when someone made that same comments, that's nice of you to slam mothers of only children everywhere. I guess because I am a new mom, I should just give my baby to someone who knows better and keep my mouth shut? You do realize that's what you are implying?

 

[tiffjoy]

Of course I researched, and came to my own conclusions. Back in the day, I didn't have the internet, so I had a bunch of baby books I read. Sears never appealed to me. A lot of parenting methods contradicted each other. I learned to follow my instincts. After reading Feber (my gf gave his book to me at my shower - never needed it with #1, but really appreciated it with #2), and having already gone through the baby stage with #1, felt he made sense (I'm guessing you have never read his book). My youngest children are 7, and even my 9 year old is in a booster. My 2 oldest are 5'3", and 5'5", and graduated from the booster when they reacher 4'9".

No need to be defensive when I asked for clarification of why you were saying "it is pointless" to read studies.

I believe my intuition is most important, which is why I don't do CIO. Why do you think I don't follow my instincts? Because mine tell me something different than yours?

Why would you assume I haven't read Ferber?

Actually, I have, and he's full of it, IMO.

 

[tiffjoy]

for starters, here is one on the physical danger of bedsharing from the Canadian AP:
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles/Canada safe Sleep.pdf

First off, this post is about CIO, not co-sleeping. Second, co-sleeping is not necessary to use a method other than CIO to get a baby to sleep.

This study recommend using a crib. Would they be referring to one of these?

http://www.justicenewsflash.com/201...potentially-hazardous-cribs_201006254806.html

Or this one, where drop-side cribs led to 32 deaths in 9 years, and hundred of injuries?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37025387

On the other end, yes, co-sleeping has indeed resulted in infant deaths.

In both cases, the deaths are a horrible, terrible tragedy. Unfortunately, accidents can happen in a so-called safe crib, and also with co-sleeping. Sadly, there is no guaranteed completely safe way unless you sit and stare at your child as they sleep.

I use precautions when co-sleeping to ensure my daughter is safe, and I would never recommend someone co-sleep if they were nervous about it or not able to take proper precautions.

On the other hand, co-sleeping has been shown to lower the risk of SIDS.

this news article cites and Isralei study on how parent expectations shape sleep habits:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...h-its-all-mums-fault-for-fussing-1782527.html

Most importantly, the study's authors, first of all, point out that: "But, in a note of caution, the authors highlight the current debate regarding the consequences of leaving children to cry, pointing to a series of articles by the co-sleeping advocate James J McKenna that argue that expecting infants to self-soothe runs counter to their basic biological and emotional needs." (Bolding my own)

They also seemed to base their study more on parental expectations and feelings. For instance, they said, "Studies have suggested new parents can miss out on the equivalent of two months' sleep in the first year of their child's life, putting pressure on their relationships with their new baby and each other."

My DH and I feel no pressure from our DD as we made a decision together not to do CIO. We have time for each other at other times other than bedtime. I also do not think missing some sleep was unexpected as a new mom. Jeeze, I missed more sleep in college studying, going to school, having a job, and maintaining relationships than I do as a new mom.

Additionally, they say, "expectant mothers who felt it important to "limit parental night-time involvement [and use] less active soothing" techniques would go on to have infants who slept better." Well, that's no shock. Part of the Ferber method is that a baby learns that his cries will be ignored and no one will attend to him when he cries. I know that my baby wakes more often at night- I could have told you that. I will say that at 10 months, my daughter is developing self-soothing techniques and putting herself back to sleep. She needed time to develop them. Again, I point to their own caveat about the new study that shows allowing babies to cry can be detrimental.

here is a time magizine article that cites several studies that are reputable. It also takes into accout nursing and specifically mentions NOT nursing to sleep at one point:
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1904288,00.html

these are just some of the things i have read that say that putting a baby to bed awake is beneficial.

This study says, "Children who don't sleep enough may be at increased risk of being overweight and having emotional and behavioral difficulties in adolescence and adulthood, for example." Why do they assume my daughter doesn't sleep enough, even if she does wake more often?

They again, as the first study you mentioned did, recommend a crib in another room. Studies have shown that SIDS risk is decreased when infants are in the same room as their parents. (http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/sids.html#)


"Mindell is careful to emphasize that while her research, which was funded by Johnson & Johnson, does not support co-sleeping, it doesn't absolutely condemn it either."

"To counter that dependence, Mindell suggests that parents indulge in a regular goodnight routine, but slip away before the baby drifts off to sleep. "We want bedtime to be this wonderful time for families, we want the cuddling, we want the story reading, we want that to be a really special part of the day," Mindell says. "We just want the literal falling asleep to be independent."

Again, I don't see anywhere that says that CIO should be used or that it is healthy. She says "baby drifts off to sleep." If I had put my baby down, when we first came home from the hospital, she would not have "drifted off to sleep." She cried and screamed if I put her down.... so, I see not suggestion whatsoever of what to do if you do not have one of those amazing babies who "drifts off to sleep."

I agree babies need to learn how to sleep. I disagree strongly, and am supported, even in your article references, that letting a baby cry herself to sleep is healthy. My baby, from the night she was born, cried if I put her down.

I notice you never responded to my post where I described my child's health problems. I think most people agree that using CIO on a sick child is cruel, but I was told by doctors to use CIO on my daughter- they assumed she cried because she was fussy, and they assumed that was all. They were wrong. How many other babies are sick, but the peds are recommending moms to just let them CIO? My doctor told me acid reflux is incredibly common in infants, as is an allergy to milk.

Bottom line is, that is a chance I'm glad I wasn't willing to take, and I see nothing in the articles you gave me that tell me any differently or directly support CIO. They only support learning healthy sleep habits from an early age, but they talk about babies "drifting off to sleep," not crying until they vomit, as Ferber suggests.

I can't find his book excerpt online, but I did read it, and I know he says something like, "matter-of-factly clean your child up and then leave the room" in the rare case that they vomit on themselves. To me, that's sick. The problem is, my daughter vomited from acid reflux already; I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if I used CIO... it really leaves me shaking to think of what could have been if my DH and I were different parents.

It's nice that many of you have healthy babies who you could get to sleep with very little crying. But the issue is, most people can't get their baby to sleep with no crying. Those babies are rare. And many infants have health issues- my daughter's health issues would have gone undiagnosed if we followed everyone's advice and did CIO.


But then, I'm a first-time parent, so what so I know, right? I'm pretty sure that my healthy daughter thanks her lucky stars that she was born to this first time parent- she's now healthy and off the zantac.

 

[tiffjoy]

see above. The studies say infants need to sleep independently. How can you achieve that if the baby never cries? I ahve NEVER seen a 6 month old happily go to sleep on their own for the first time without crying at all, have you? I just don't see how that is possible. The first time a baby is put down awake they are going to cry. You can get KIDS to sleep in their own beds without crying, but not a 6 month old, and the sutdies cited above suggest that hey need to be sleeping on their own at this age.

I do not have an easy baby. I'll be the first one to say that CIO would make my life easier. But, I don't believe it is healthy, so I don't do it. My DD is not one of those babies who you can lay down and they drift happily off to sleep. The night she was born, she cried like crazy if I put her down. My mother heart is maybe softer than some people's, I don't know. But I held her that whole night long. She was brand new to the world, and she needed me, and I was her mama. That, to me, means I do what I think is best for her even when it's not the easiest method for me.

Once her health problems were handled, she nursed to sleep, then slept 3-4 hours in a bouncy chair, then eventually her pack-n-play. Then, with her first waking, she came to bed with me to nurse and sleep the rest of the night.

This lasted until teething, when she needed to nurse a lot to comfort herself. I went to bed at night with her, and nursed her whenever she needed to. Again, I felt that was my job as her mommy. I have never felt any sense of pressure. Once I decided, when she was 6 weeks old, to just roll with it, my entire frame of mind has been much, much healthier.

She finally got the four teeth that were all coming in at once, so last night, it was back to her bed. I nursed her to sleep, then put her in her pack-n-play. When I got back from the bathroom, she was awake. I turned on her seahorse who glows and plays music, gave it to her, then stood where she could see me. She lay quietly, watching and listening, then drifted off in about 15 minutes without making a peep.

Woke up 4 hours later at her usual time, I fed her, then put her back again. This time, she woke up and cried, so I picked her up and held her until she fell asleep again. Then I put her back. She stirred quite a bit, but soothed herself and stayed asleep until her usual "up" time this morning.

It is possible to help a child learn how to sleep without crying, but it's more work and takes longer. Most people, if they are honest with themselves, don't want to spend that time. My DH and I do.