How Can Parents Be So Clueless?

[KevGuy]

Here's another reason why you don't do something like leaving a 5 year old in a running car alone and unattended for a half hour. I'll start the what if's now since unproven theories have started to take over this thread, what if your child whom some think is smart enough at 5 years old to be alone like that, opened the door and left the car. Keeping in mind that at five years old they can't read really or write sentences for that matter but is somehow able to manage themselves alone for a half hour. What if they perhaps walked out into the street and got hit by a car, how would the parent feel about that? Should they blame the person who hit the kid that stepped out from behind a parked car and was so small they never saw them? Let's be real people doing something like leaving your child in that situation is just plain stupid and reckless and I don't want to hear about, but it was for only a minute. You don't leave your child like that at 5 years old EVER!! You should be brought up on charges of child abandonment.

 

[dhardawa]

I was at Old Navy yesterday and when I left there were three kids sitting in a running car. The oldest was probably five and the youngest was maybe 18 months. I shook my head and left and wondered if the mother knew there were at least four CPS employees in the Old Navy with her. (My son is adopted from foster care so I know the ladies.)

 

[rockydek]

I am so surprised how many parents on this discussion seem to feel this is not so bad, this 5 year old child in a running vehicle by herself.
Some comparing it to sleeping in their own bed.
I am curious as to who lives in the city and who lives in the country.

do something like this in the city ...and you could be watching an Amber Alert on TV...If you do not know what an Amber Alert is...you must be in the country.

 

[rockydek]

Here's another reason why you don't do something like leaving a 5 year old in a running car alone and unattended for a half hour. I'll start the what if's now since unproven theories have started to take over this thread, what if your child whom some think is smart enough at 5 years old to be alone like that, opened the door and left the car. Keeping in mind that at five years old they can't read really or write sentences for that matter but is somehow able to manage themselves alone for a half hour. What if they perhaps walked out into the street and got hit by a car, how would the parent feel about that? Should they blame the person who hit the kid that stepped out from behind a parked car and was so small they never saw them? Let's be real people doing something like leaving your child in that situation is just plain stupid and reckless and I don't want to hear about, but it was for only a minute. You don't leave your child like that at 5 years old EVER!! You should be brought up on charges of child abandonment.

I give this

 

[rockydek]

I am so surprised how many parents on this discussion seem to feel this is not so bad, this 5 year old child in a running vehicle by herself.
Some comparing it to sleeping in their own bed.
I am curious as to who lives in the city and who lives in the country.

do something like this in the city ...and you could be watching an Amber Alert on TV...If you do not know what an Amber Alert is...you must be in the country.

 

[Colleen27]

I am so surprised how many parents on this discussion seem to feel this is not so bad, this 5 year old child in a running vehicle by herself.
Some comparing it to sleeping in their own bed.
I am curious as to who lives in the city and who lives in the country.

do something like this in the city ...and you could be watching an Amber Alert on TV...If you do not know what an Amber Alert is...you must be in the country.

Did the OP specify where this happened? Because the people who think this is so terrible are talking in a lot of absolutes that don't seem to leave any room for distinctions like city vs country.

FWIW, I do live in the country... A tiny town of just a few thousand in the middle of cornfields. And I make my parenting decisions based on where I live, not on what might happen if I did the exact same things in Detroit.

 

[rockydek]

 

[lan3]

I am so surprised how many parents on this discussion seem to feel this is not so bad, this 5 year old child in a running vehicle by herself.
Some comparing it to sleeping in their own bed.
I am curious as to who lives in the city and who lives in the country.

do something like this in the city ...and you could be watching an Amber Alert on TV...If you do not know what an Amber Alert is...you must be in the country.

Leaving a five year old in a running vehicle is not safe no matter where you live. Even if you live an a very low crime area, there are tons of things that can happen besides kidnapping. They can wander out of the car to look for you and get hit by a car. They can play with the gears and get the car moving. Kidnaping is just one of the things I would be concerned about. People in big trucks can barely see 5 year olds in a parking lot. If an 8 year old were left in a car I could see people saying it is different parenting styles but not at 5. That is simply too young and not comparable to the other situations people are bringing up. Certainly 14 year olds in the park alone and 8 year olds bike riding alone can be viewed differently by different people but are still within reason but 5 year olds are way too young to be out in a parking lot unsupervised.

 

[Forensicmom]

There was no reason to call the cops on someone just because YOU disagree with their parenting choices. A baby strapped into an infant seat in a hot car on a 90 degree day, yes they are in immanent danger, and you should try to help. A 5 year old in a car with a dog is not. Child kidnapping by stranger are incredibly rare. That child could have sat in that car for hours and not had any harm come to her. You may perceive that children that age are not capable of being left alone but the majority of the world does not agree with you. Children that age in many other cultures are on their own and caring for younger siblings. It's only in America that we seem to have such a low expectation for our children that we think they are unable to sit by themselves for 30 minutes! You may not agree with her parenting, but she probably doesn't agree with yours either!

Sorry, but in MOST states, that's called "against the law". No matter what. There's an age limit for being left alone and it's definately NOT 5.

OP - I'm glad you contacted the police. I agree with others that once the police were there, it was probably best to leave things to them. But I also understand how it could have made you so mad that you felt the need to speak your mind.

Yes, I also agree that some people have no clue how to parent a child. Unfortunately, even stupid people can become parents.

 

[bearloch]

I give this

I agree there is way too much that could happen and I would ave called the police and waited for their arrival. I would have talked to them about the amount of time I had witnessed and I would have been checking on child.. is child ok? scared, I would have tried to reassure the child and when the parent arrived back I would probally have sat in my car and listend to what police said to her.. If she arived back to car before cops came I would have nicely said.. You have such a pretty daughter we were both soooooo worried that you must have been hurt or sick to leave her in the car alone.. Do you need any help? and given her lic plate number to cops!! if at a mall with security I would have also called them.. AND i would do the same for a animal too.. I have seen kids who are older alone and I go up to car and ask them if they are ok or did they need to use my phone to call someone and yes actually one did!!! he called his mom in store becaue she was gone longer than said and he was scared! ( kid was 12) with younger sib in car..
and as far as everyone crabbing about right or wrong here WHO CARES I WOULD HOPE THAT A STRANGER CARED ENOUGH ABOUT MY CHILD TO CALL THE COPS TO PROTECT THEM...

 

[KevGuy]

Did the OP specify where this happened? Because the people who think this is so terrible are talking in a lot of absolutes that don't seem to leave any room for distinctions like city vs country.

FWIW, I do live in the country... A tiny town of just a few thousand in the middle of cornfields. And I make my parenting decisions based on where I live, not on what might happen if I did the exact same things in Detroit.

Puhleez!! I don't care where you live, from Detroit to Kalamazoo, you don't leave a 5 year old alone in a running car, what the heck is the matter with some people, they just don't get it. There is that common sense bell again, can you hear it, ding ding!! So instead of your child getting out of the car and getting hit by another car, it was a tractor or they fell into a gulch or gulley and drown after smashing their head on a rock or something, or they hit the gear shifter and the car went into a river or lake. Too many possibilities to account for in my opinion. WOW, I can't believe people can actually think like that!

 

[kt_mom]

Puhleez!! I don't care where you live, from Detroit to Kalamazoo, you don't leave a 5 year old alone in a running car, what the heck is the matter with some people, they just don't get it. There is that common sense bell again, can you hear it, ding ding!! So instead of your child getting out of the car and getting hit by another car, it was a tractor or they fell into a gulch or gulley and drown after smashing their head on a rock or something, or they hit the gear shifter and the car went into a river or lake. Too many possibilities to account for in my opinion. WOW, I can't believe people can actually think like that!

I'm so tired of hearing the old argument of the child accidentally knocking the car into gear. In most new vehicles there are a series of maneuvers that are required to get the car into gear. The chances of a 5 year old completing these by accident is extremely unlikely and just an excuse used by parents to justify an irrational fear. My DD at 5 would not have been able to depress the brake and still reach the gear shift, press in the side lever and then shift it over and down into gear at all, much less by accident.

As far as the child getting out of the car and coming inside on their own I think that's at the parents discretion. Now, I've never left my kids in the car except at the convenience store. But if I told DD to wait in the car, she would, even at the age of 5. She behaves. If she didn't, then I wouldn't leave her in the car. But at a convenience store she could easily get out the car and take the 15 steps to the door by herself. I can also see the car so she would have no need to get out. She's 8 years old now and perfectly capable of crossing a parking lot alone if need be. But I don't leave her in the car at the grocery store for different reasons that I stated previously in this thread.

Its not common sense so stop with the bells. Its a different situation for every parent. That's our whole point. There is no one size fits all for this argument. There are situations when I would call the cops too. But I would never say a blanket statement that its either right or wrong and call other parents stupid without having a full understanding of their situation. Its perfectly acceptable in my situation and actually extremely common in my area. So common in fact, that I have gotten out of my car with a police officer parked a few spots down locked the doors, said hello to the officer, he smiled back and went on his way. They stop routinely at this particular gas station. So where you are does matter. The maturity and behavior of your child makes a difference too. My son, he may never have the freedoms that DD has because I have the feeling he is going to be one to always push the limits. But I don't know yet, he's only 17 months old right now.

I'm sure many of you make choices for your children that in my mind might be careless or seem lazy, but I realize its your choice to raise your kids the way you see fit. There are lots of things out there much more dangerous than a couple minutes alone in a car. Many people just have a very irrational fear of it so they want to push that off onto other parents who don't feel that way and then call them lazy or stupid. And I have yet to hear one truly reasonable reason about the danger in this. I am not talking about 2 years old on a hot day for an hour with the a/c off.

 

[bearloch]

yes everyone parents is a dif style.. and many may leave there kids alone and never have a promblem hopefully but what it u did have a promblem? what if while a adult left a child alone at home or in car they had a promblem themselves and never returned to the car???? yes you could have a promblem and the child was with u butt then ems or who ever would know the child was there. what if something as stupid as you tripping and hitting yur head.. and knocked out WHO would help your kid? if I ever see a kid alone in a car, or at home or anyhwhere Im goona make sure they r ok then call for help... if the parents come great!! oh and beflore everyone says something YES IT HAPPENED I WATCHED A WOMEN SLIP ON ICE ON WAY OUT OF STORE KNOCKED OUT COLD NEVER WOKE UP UNTILL AT HOSPITAL AND KID WAS ASLEEP IN CAR.....KID WAS TAKEN TO SOCIAL SERVICES!!
no one at store knew her kid was with her!!!!!

 

[kt_mom]

yes everyone parents is a dif style.. and many may leave there kids alone and never have a promblem hopefully but what it u did have a promblem? what if while a adult left a child alone at home or in car they had a promblem themselves and never returned to the car???? yes you could have a promblem and the child was with u butt then ems or who ever would know the child was there. what if something as stupid as you tripping and hitting yur head.. and knocked out WHO would help your kid? if I ever see a kid alone in a car, or at home or anyhwhere Im goona make sure they r ok then call for help... if the parents come great!! oh and beflore everyone says something YES IT HAPPENED I WATCHED A WOMEN SLIP ON ICE ON WAY OUT OF STORE KNOCKED OUT COLD NEVER WOKE UP UNTILL AT HOSPITAL AND KID WAS ASLEEP IN CAR.....KID WAS TAKEN TO SOCIAL SERVICES!!
no one at store knew her kid was with her!!!!!

Again, that could happen in all sorts of situations. I could fall in my house and knock myself out and leave my children unattended until someone realized it. But I still stay in my house alone with my children all the time. There are all kinds of things that "could" happen in every day life but we can't live our lives in fear of them. We have to ***** our own situations and make the best decisions for OUR families. The store I routinely stop at knows I have kids, and if this situation happened they would probably alert someone that I have kids and see if they were in the car that day because they know I sometimes leave them in the car. So again, in my situation this isn't a rational fear for me.

 

[Colleen27]

I'm so tired of hearing the old argument of the child accidentally knocking the car into gear. In most new vehicles there are a series of maneuvers that are required to get the car into gear. The chances of a 5 year old completing these by accident is extremely unlikely and just an excuse used by parents to justify an irrational fear. My DD at 5 would not have been able to depress the brake and still reach the gear shift, press in the side lever and then shift it over and down into gear at all, much less by accident.

As far as the child getting out of the car and coming inside on their own I think that's at the parents discretion. Now, I've never left my kids in the car except at the convenience store. But if I told DD to wait in the car, she would, even at the age of 5. She behaves. If she didn't, then I wouldn't leave her in the car. But at a convenience store she could easily get out the car and take the 15 steps to the door by herself. I can also see the car so she would have no need to get out. She's 8 years old now and perfectly capable of crossing a parking lot alone if need be. But I don't leave her in the car at the grocery store for different reasons that I stated previously in this thread.

Its not common sense so stop with the bells. Its a different situation for every parent. That's our whole point. There is no one size fits all for this argument. There are situations when I would call the cops too. But I would never say a blanket statement that its either right or wrong and call other parents stupid without having a full understanding of their situation. Its perfectly acceptable in my situation and actually extremely common in my area. So common in fact, that I have gotten out of my car with a police officer parked a few spots down locked the doors, said hello to the officer, he smiled back and went on his way. They stop routinely at this particular gas station. So where you are does matter. The maturity and behavior of your child makes a difference too. My son, he may never have the freedoms that DD has because I have the feeling he is going to be one to always push the limits. But I don't know yet, he's only 17 months old right now.

I'm sure many of you make choices for your children that in my mind might be careless or seem lazy, but I realize its your choice to raise your kids the way you see fit. There are lots of things out there much more dangerous than a couple minutes alone in a car. Many people just have a very irrational fear of it so they want to push that off onto other parents who don't feel that way and then call them lazy or stupid. And I have yet to hear one truly reasonable reason about the danger in this. I am not talking about 2 years old on a hot day for an hour with the a/c off.

I actually said in my first post on the thread that personally the fact that the car was running does push it out of my comfort zone, even with the safety features (brake has to be down to shift into gear, but it could still get bumped into neutral), but all the rest? If I can trust my kids at 5 to play in the backyard without running out into traffic, why would that be any different in a parking lot?

Older kids and other situations have been brought up by the "OMG how terrible" side as well, and the argument in whole does seem to be that children should never be away from watchful adult eyes (6 & 7 and even a 10yo in the car have been brought up, as well as kidnappings from a child's own porch and bed). There really seems to be a mindset, on this thread and in American society in general, that has declared there is no such thing as TOO protective and that families who make different, less cautious choices should be "dealt with" by the authorities.

There's a woman in our neighborhood who has repeatedly called protective services on the family across the street because the 9yo lets himself into an empty house for approx 15min after school and the 13yo babysits his 1yo and 3yo sisters for short periods of time, and on another family for letting their girls (11 & 9) play in the yard after dark and for leaving the baby home alone (baby was at Grandma's for the weekend, but nosy neighbor didn't know that - all she knew was that she saw the family leave without the youngest). And she parrots back some of the exact same things people are saying on this thread, "Well, what if there is a fire in those 15min", "What if the mother is in a car accident while she's out", "Just looking out for the kids' well being", etc. None of those things are against the law here, by the way, but PS has to investigate every complaint which is a hassle and can be very stressful for the families (Not to mention wastes valuable resources - how often do we read about the death of an abused child and hear that CPS "just doesn't have the manpower" to investigate every report fully. Well, this is a big part of why.)

 

[Colleen27]

yes everyone parents is a dif style.. and many may leave there kids alone and never have a promblem hopefully but what it u did have a promblem? what if while a adult left a child alone at home or in car they had a promblem themselves and never returned to the car???? yes you could have a promblem and the child was with u butt then ems or who ever would know the child was there. what if something as stupid as you tripping and hitting yur head.. and knocked out WHO would help your kid? if I ever see a kid alone in a car, or at home or anyhwhere Im goona make sure they r ok then call for help... if the parents come great!! oh and beflore everyone says something YES IT HAPPENED I WATCHED A WOMEN SLIP ON ICE ON WAY OUT OF STORE KNOCKED OUT COLD NEVER WOKE UP UNTILL AT HOSPITAL AND KID WAS ASLEEP IN CAR.....KID WAS TAKEN TO SOCIAL SERVICES!!
no one at store knew her kid was with her!!!!!

By that logic, I shouldn't shower when I'm home alone with my kids either, just in case some freak accident happens.

 

[MaleficentRN]

I am so surprised how many parents on this discussion seem to feel this is not so bad, this 5 year old child in a running vehicle by herself.
Some comparing it to sleeping in their own bed.
I am curious as to who lives in the city and who lives in the country.

do something like this in the city ...and you could be watching an Amber Alert on TV...If you do not know what an Amber Alert is...you must be in the country.

I take offense to this. I live in a large city and the only Amber Alerts in my area I've heard are from non custodial parents taking their children.
And the first thing that came to mind when reading about an unattended child in a car was not "car jacking and child abduction", because those things rarely happen near me, but was of an Oprah episode I saw years ago.
A mother left three of her children, I think they were 8, 3 and 18 months, in a non running car while she ran in the house for a minute and an electrical malfunction cause the car to catch fire. One child escaped, one severly burned and one killed.
And that's why I've never left my small children alone in a car. Not because I live in fear of the Big Bad City.

 

[kt_mom]

I take offense to this. I live in a large city and the only Amber Alerts in my area I've heard are from non custodial parents taking their children.
And the first thing that came to mind when reading about an unattended child in a car was not "car jacking and child abduction", because those things rarely happen near me, but was of an Oprah episode I saw years ago.
A mother left three of her children, I think they were 8, 3 and 18 months, in a non running car while she ran in the house for a minute and an electrical malfunction cause the car to catch fire. One child escaped, one severly burned and one killed.
And that's why I've never left my small children alone in a car. Not because I live in fear of the Big Bad City.

That's a fear you have and if you chose because of that not to leave your kids in the car that's your choice as a parent. No one is telling you that you should leave your kids in the car if you don't want to.

But that's not a fear of mine. I just can't live my life afraid of every little thing that COULD happen. Especially the things that are very unlikely to happen. I mean that could happen between the time you buckle your little one in and walk around to get into the drivers seat. And what if it happened while you were in the car? You could die first leaving your small child with no one to save them. I just refuse to let fears like that rule my life. But I'm not telling you that you can't. Just that I won't. But just because you, not you specific but you in general, are afraid of such things doesn't mean that you get to call me a bad parent.

Each situation is different and has to be addressed by the parent however they see fit. Of course there are always extremes and cases where it does fall into bad parenting. But its the blanket statements of calling any all parents who ever even considered leaving their child in the car whether 5 or 10 years old, whether its to run into the gas station or shop in the grocery store for an hour, bad lazy parents. That's what I have a problem with.

 

[LaurenLC]

That's a fear you have and if you chose because of that not to leave your kids in the car that's your choice as a parent. No one is telling you that you should leave your kids in the car if you don't want to.

But that's not a fear of mine. I just can't live my life afraid of every little thing that COULD happen. Especially the things that are very unlikely to happen. I mean that could happen between the time you buckle your little one in and walk around to get into the drivers seat. And what if it happened while you were in the car? You could die first leaving your small child with no one to save them. I just refuse to let fears like that rule my life. But I'm not telling you that you can't. Just that I won't. But just because you, not you specific but you in general, are afraid of such things doesn't mean that you get to call me a bad parent.

Each situation is different and has to be addressed by the parent however they see fit. Of course there are always extremes and cases where it does fall into bad parenting. But its the blanket statements of calling any all parents who ever even considered leaving their child in the car whether 5 or 10 years old, whether its to run into the gas station or shop in the grocery store for an hour, bad lazy parents. That's what I have a problem with.

WHOA! You'd leave a kid in the car while you went into a store to shop for an hour?!?!?!

I only called parents that do this lazy because honestly I think they are, but leaving a child in a car for an hour does fall into bad parenting!

 

[kt_mom]

WHOA! You'd leave a kid in the car while you went into a store to shop for an hour?!?!?!

I only called parents that do this lazy because honestly I think they are, but leaving a child in a car for an hour does fall into bad parenting!

No, I've said several time that I don't leave my kids in the car at the grocery store for various reasons. I've only ever left them in the car at the convenience store. What I was saying was that my problem is with the blanket statements that lump it all together and just call everyone a bad lazy parent.

I've said multiple times that each and every situation is different and its up to the parents in that situation to decide what is acceptable for them and their children.

But you are doing the same blanket statement type thing. Is leaving a 13 year old in the car for an hour a bad thing? Like I said, each situation is different.