How much $$ would you give as wedding gift?

[AustinTink]

I say all that to say I figure out how much I want to give. If I give an expensive gift off the registry, I subtract that from the amount of the check. Is that cheap? Probably but again they are having a wedding of an expense they chose and I chose the amount I wanted to give.

I don't think it's cheap. That's why I was asking. I don't usually do the shower gift AND wedding gift combo, so I was wondering what people do.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think it's cheap. That's why I was asking. I don't usually do the shower gift AND wedding gift combo, so I was wondering what people do.

Here it’s at least $50 for a shower gift, $100 pp for a wedding gift.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I don't think it's cheap. That's why I was asking. I don't usually do the shower gift AND wedding gift combo, so I was wondering what people do.

I do a gift once, at whatever the first event I attend is. If it's the shower, I give a gift there. If it's the wedding, that's where they receive their gift. I don't give more than once, even if I go to multiple wedding events for a couple. I just personally don't understand giving gifts multiple times for what is essentially still the same overall celebration. I know it seems to be custom in most parts to give a gift at each event you attend, but that seems like overkill to me.

 

[NYCgrrl]

????? I said I thought your point in mentioning the brand was to note they were special. In your own self quote you specifically state "and they still come in those lovely iconic blue boxes" -- which seems to confirm that you believe the provenance connotes meaning. I didn't critique the quality or question it in any way.

Once again, what I said was "But they were from Tiffany though." I thought that was your whole point of naming the source to begin with?
I didn't know there was required readings to participate in the conversation. Is there a primer or Cliff Notes available?

Thus leaving us both on the same page minus the Cliff Notes comment.

I do a gift once, at whatever the first event I attend is. If it's the shower, I give a gift there. If it's the wedding, that's where they receive their gift. I don't give more than once, even if I go to multiple wedding events for a couple. I just personally don't understand giving gifts multiple times for what is essentially still the same overall celebration. I know it seems to be custom in most parts to give a gift at each event you attend, but that seems like overkill to me.

I'm not much of a shower attendee or gift giver anymore. On this end they (showers) are generally for work colleagues since most aren't marrying directly after high school or college anymore. I still give shower gifts to nieces and nephews though.

 

[aprilgail]

I do a gift once, at whatever the first event I attend is. If it's the shower, I give a gift there. If it's the wedding, that's where they receive their gift. I don't give more than once, even if I go to multiple wedding events for a couple. I just personally don't understand giving gifts multiple times for what is essentially still the same overall celebration. I know it seems to be custom in most parts to give a gift at each event you attend, but that seems like overkill to me.

everything a separate gift here- engagement party gift, bridal shower gift, wedding cash/check

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

everything a separate gift here- engagement party gift, bridal shower gift, wedding cash/check

That's probably what's usually done here too- I really have no idea. I just know that where we are at right now financially (20s, just past college, raising young kids with a single income) that we can't realistically spend more than $100 total on a wedding gift, and frankly, that's only if I'm close to you. A distant friend or relative will be more like a $40-$50 gift. It just seems to make more sense to me to give a larger gift all at once rather than a much smaller gift 2-3 separate times. Whatever others choose to do is totally up to them.

 

[AustinTink]

Here it’s at least $50 for a shower gift, $100 pp for a wedding gift.

I've already gone way over that on the shower gift. Guess I'll just suck it up and do my usual for the wedding check.

 

[ronandannette]

I would never have guessed people would base their gift on the venue/how much was spent on the party. Especially with a kids party.

It does vibe as pretty reprehensible, but I at least respect the honesty.

So, if you attended the bridal shower and gifted something expensive off the registry what would you gift them money wise at the wedding? I bought a pricey item a few weeks ago for the shower and am contemplating the check amount for a wedding we are attending. I usually do $100 per person.

For one recent bridal couple, I waited waaaay too long to purchase a shower gift and in a pinch ended up getting them one of the only things left on their registry, which happened to cost several hundred dollars. My choice, although under normal circumstances I never would have spent that much on the shower and honestly, we hadn't intended to attend the ceremony.

Well, the bride was quite overwhelmed by the shower gift and called to make sure we were coming, as well as said point blank "don't give us anything else". The groom said something similar to my DH. Of course we then felt like we had to go and certainly not without another gift but it was cash and more modest that we normally would have given.

 

[jrmasm]

It does vibe as pretty reprehensible, but I at least respect the honesty.


For one recent bridal couple, I waited waaaay too long to purchase a shower gift and in a pinch ended up getting them one of the only things left on their registry, which happened to cost several hundred dollars. My choice, although under normal circumstances I never would have spent that much on the shower and honestly, we hadn't intended to attend the ceremony. Well, the bride was quite overwhelmed by the shower gift and called to make sure we were coming, as well as said point blank "don't give us anything else". The groom said something similar to my DH. Of course we then felt like we had to go and certainly not without another gift but it was cash and more modest that we normally would have given.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[goofyintoronto]

For a family of 5, at the very least i'd give at least $600.... up to $1000.

 

[skyblue17]

Rather than start a new thread, decided to bump this as it seems an okay place to ask this.

What is the etiquette re: cashing checks that were given as wedding gifts? I checked today to see if a wedding a recently went to had cashed the check yet (just for my own knowledge, I am not anxious about it) only to find that none of the three weddings I've recently gone to have cashed their gifts yet. So now I'm just worried that either something is up with the checks, or they didn't get the gift? Is it common for couple's to hold onto the checks for awhile before depositing/cashing?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Rather than start a new thread, decided to bump this as it seems an okay place to ask this.

What is the etiquette re: cashing checks that were given as wedding gifts? I checked today to see if a wedding a recently went to had cashed the check yet (just for my own knowledge, I am not anxious about it) only to find that none of the three weddings I've recently gone to have cashed their gifts yet. So now I'm just worried that either something is up with the checks, or they didn't get the gift? Is it common for couple's to hold onto the checks for awhile before depositing/cashing?

Pretty sure I mentioned it in this thread or another one or both but sometimes it could be due to how the checks were made out. I don't know the timing spread of your last several weddings but if it's been quite a long time it could be the check was misplaced rather than an issue with how the check was made out.

All that being said there have been times when a check was not cashed for a long while that my husband and his sister forgot to cash---they just don't have the best memory and completely forgot about them til their mom or their grandmother or both (if they received checks from both of them) reminded them. BUT that's a lot easier for a relative to do that than a non-related wedding guest.

 

[skyblue17]

Pretty sure I mentioned it in this thread or another one or both but sometimes it could be due to how the checks were made out. I don't know the timing spread of your last several weddings but if it's been quite a long time it could be the check was misplaced rather than an issue with how the check was made out.

All that being said there have been times when a check was not cashed for a long while that my husband and his sister forgot to cash---they just don't have the best memory and completely forgot about them til their mom or their grandmother or both (if they received checks from both of them) reminded them. BUT that's a lot easier for a relative to do that than a non-related wedding guest.

That did occur to me. Which then leaves me wondering how long I should wait to follow up and make sure it IS cashable. I would be happy to write out a new one! I also can't remember how I made out the oldest of the three checks... I think it was just to one of the grooms, though.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

Rather than start a new thread, decided to bump this as it seems an okay place to ask this.

What is the etiquette re: cashing checks that were given as wedding gifts? I checked today to see if a wedding a recently went to had cashed the check yet (just for my own knowledge, I am not anxious about it) only to find that none of the three weddings I've recently gone to have cashed their gifts yet. So now I'm just worried that either something is up with the checks, or they didn't get the gift? Is it common for couple's to hold onto the checks for awhile before depositing/cashing?

Depending on how recent these weddings were, maybe they are on their honeymoon or recently returned? It's also possible that they are just busy and that combined with a possible slow bank (on either end) could mean a delay in the funds being withdrawn from your account. I know when I write checks, they take a week minimum after anyone deposits them before they actually come out of my account.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I'd probably wait about a month before following up. Longer if I knew they went on a long honeymoon.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

That did occur to me. Which then leaves me wondering how long I should wait to follow up and make sure it IS cashable. I would be happy to write out a new one! I also can't remember how I made out the oldest of the three checks... I think it was just to one of the grooms, though.

Ohh I don't know that's a hard one.

We left for our honeymoon the day after our wedding and we had a 10 day honeymoon I believe. I took off work (ironically on my b-day) to go to the DMV and the Social Security office to legally change my name so that I could cash the checks I was unable to cash due to my name. All in all it was just over 3 weeks I believe from the wedding date to when I changed my name.

But I'd at least give a month to a month and a half. Two months I would start to get concerned (either that it was lost in the mail, couldn't be cashed or was forgotten about) and by the 3 month mark I think I would be following up if I hadn't heard anything from the couple. That's just me. 3 months may be too long for other people though to want to wait.

 

[nkereina]

Rather than start a new thread, decided to bump this as it seems an okay place to ask this.

What is the etiquette re: cashing checks that were given as wedding gifts? I checked today to see if a wedding a recently went to had cashed the check yet (just for my own knowledge, I am not anxious about it) only to find that none of the three weddings I've recently gone to have cashed their gifts yet. So now I'm just worried that either something is up with the checks, or they didn't get the gift? Is it common for couple's to hold onto the checks for awhile before depositing/cashing?

We got married in 2016 on a Saturday, and I had mobile deposited the checks on Monday. We left for our honeymoon on Wednesday so I wanted all "business" taken care of before we left. Our checks were made out in all different ways - some in my maiden name, some in my new married name. I signed my maiden name and mobile deposited all of them and didn't have any issues. I did let my bank know my name would be changing, but didn't provide any documentation until about six weeks after the wedding.

All of that said, I know first hand that couples are decompressing after the wedding. They're disorganized with wedding gifts and wedding decor everywhere, out of town guests still loitering, honeymoons to prepare for, going back to work, thank you cards, etc etc. Lots going on, in addition to normal everyday responsibilities. I know a lot of people who don't even open the cards for a while, say nothing about making the effort to cash the checks.

I agree with PP that about 1.5-2 months after the wedding, I'd maybe inquire with the couple if they need a new check. If you're comfortable with that.

 

[skyblue17]

Thanks! I realized a little after posting this that I actually used an online registry for the oldest of the gifts. The other two were a month or so ago so I will give it more time.