mi*vida*loca
Collect memories, not things
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2008
Some people are very uncomfortable just telling the truth and being bluntly honest. I'm not sure why. Well, actually, I know why. I am one of those somewhat bluntly truthful people. If I were your brother, I would just say: You know what Sis, I'm just worn out from the holidays and I need some downtime and I don't feel like a party. I'll send a card/gift, etc.
When I have been totally honest like that, I've actually seen people flinch or I've caught the hesitation/slip in their voice if I'm on the phone. Harder to detect via text, for sure. People really have a tough time with honesty like that. I don't. I just want to be truthful. But some people are very concerned with hurting feelings or making someone mad. While you say you won't be mad, and maybe you wouldn't, he probably doesn't think that. So he tells you a white lie.
As to the wife, I agree with another poster. If you all have had a great relationship for 20 years and she's now stepping back and opting out, it's pretty black and white. She's either having emotional issues/anxiety/depression herself or your family (maybe you and your sister) have ticked her off somehow and she's had enough. There's really no other logic for it. Maybe it's not bad enough that she needs to have a come-to-Jesus over it with you, but figured she'd just take a step back and take you all in smaller doses. Your brother now just may find it easier to come up with some other excuse so he doesn't have to address it.
As to the December birthdays: they suck. My son's is the 21st and mine is the 30th. By the time the 30th rolls around *I* don't even want to go to another celebration for myself. I think my parents struggled with this always. Figuring out how to make my birthday special when everyone had family/party fatigue. If you find your daughter getting the short-shrift with her close-to-Xmas birthday, I suggest having a small half birthday summer party for her.
This is exactly what I do. Lying is my #1 pet peeve.
Everyone in SO's family knows that during football season he doesn't leave the house on Sunday. I prefer to stay home too but if my team isn't playing and it's something I would like to go to I will make an exception. His family still plans things on a Sunday and we will tell them "Sorry but that's football Sunday." At first we got the flinching and hesitation and the "you're joking right" but now they just know. And since the other men in the family refuse to come they don't do things on Sunday now. lol They are having a bday party for one of the kids this Sunday but the Eagles play Saturday so I can make it.
And I have been known to tell someone "I'm just tired and want to sit on my couch and do nothing today."
I have a December birthday. I've never as an adult planned ANYTHING for my birthday. No one likes to go out in the cold, no one wants to spend extra money in December, everyone's calendars are full. So I just do something with my SO and kids. Sometimes, as a group, we decide something last minute and just hit a bar but that's about it. I have thought about celebrating in June!
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