Mammogram Results-I'm losing it at work, please help me.(Update!!, Pg.6, #83)

[Sdave]

Although that's extremely unlikely - to either happen to you, or your parents upon hearing news - at some point we all have to accept that death, unfortunately, is a part of life, and if it happens or we're faced with it, we, again, have to pull up our bootstraps and deal with it. I am actually dealing with it right now myself with a family member and it is not easy whatsoever. But we take one day at a time, and make one decision at a time, as best we can. Life will go on as it has every other time someone gets sick or dies. That is just how life is. When I was sick and in treatment for almost a year (surgery, chemo, radiation, lots of follow up, to this day) it was very hard as I had very young children (as do millions of others who go through this!). One of the most difficult aspects for me in dealing with my cancer situation was the worry that my children would lose me. It took me to some very dark places. (And is actually how I wound up here, in trying to find some happier moments in trip planning on many of those sleepless nights.) But I worked it through with the help of good people around me and a great support center that I was fortunate to find. I can never repay those people who helped me, but I can and have payed it forward, which is how I came to have the idea of the breast cancer support thread here and IRL I help whoever I can both in my personal and professional life (as a nurse). We all have to help eachother. If the worst happens (and it's still a big "if"), you will get through it because people will help you get through it and you'll have little choice but to move forward step by step, day by day, week by week, etc. And at some point it will more than likely be behind you (even though right now the thought of dying is crippling you, the odds are very unlikely that it will go that way if you ar diagnosed, thanks to early detection and excellent treatment options). I work with people who are faced with this type of medical devastation every day. They get through it. It's not easy. But it is pretty rare to see someone who is unable to cope at all. Which is why those of us here are trying to tell you that your reaction is extreme, and you need to find some help to get you through this process. A good place to start would be your primary care doc's office. I'm sure your local cancer center also has some support resources that would be happy to help you get through even the biopsy process. Check them out. Some companies have employee resource centers if you are employed, etc. You probably haven't noticed them if you haven't needed them before, but the beauty of them is that they are there when you need them.

I m in Canada where doc gave no time for their patients what ever I ask they just have one and I can’t tell u anything until reports come..I don’t even know if they have special cancer centre and where it sir if they will help me without my docs referral... I m working in a mid size lab where no resource I hope if they find out abt my situation they won’t fire me... no emloymwnt is not at all a option

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I m in Canada where doc gave no time for their patients what ever I ask they just have one and I can’t tell u anything until reports come..I don’t even know if they have special cancer centre and where it sir if they will help me without my docs referral... I m working in a mid size lab where no resource I hope if they find out abt my situation they won’t fire me... no emloymwnt is not at all a option

I did find during my cancer experience that I had to take care of my own emotional needs pretty much, there isn't a lot of time during regular informational appointments to spend on "how are you coping with all of this" - and my care was from top providers here in the States. I read a lot of medical literature and I know that Canada has some good cancer centers, just as we do here (and maybe some not so great ones, just like we have here). You may just have to seek out your resources rather than continue with the fatalistic attitude you seem to be having right now.

Look, a crisis can only last so long. There's little choice but to get through it. And as you do, you generally come to acceptance after two or three weeks. So the way you're feeling right now won't be the way you feel two or three weeks from now, in other words. But you need to recognize it as a grieving process, with all the stages that one goes through when they grieve - shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and eventual acceptance. Until last week life was going along all fine and good for you until you had a medical scare. All of a sudden, your own mortality is in front of your eyes, perhaps for the first time. If that's the case, consider yourself lucky you've had it so good up until now! Many people around us suffer with these issues every day and we don't always pay attention to them if they don't affect us personally. So now you're one of us who've joined the ranks of having a medical scare. It's as good a time as any to figure out some coping mechanisms that will help you now and also model for your daughter. Consider it a gift to her to see her mother fight whatever she's facing with strength and dignity.

Even though we don't know if you even have a diagnosis yet, look around at some of the fighters we've seen in the breast cancer community and all the good work they've done to get us to where we are now. Of course, it always helps us keep it in perspective, too, that we're dealing with one of the more treatable cancers thanks to all the hard work these warriors have put into the cause generally because they or their loved ones have been affected by it one way or another. June is usually the time when Relay for Life runs. Not sure if you have those in Canada but if you have a chance to participate in one, it can be a very moving and motivating experience that makes you realize you are not alone in this. Many, many people have had cancer but they don't really talk about it much, generally, unless it comes up. Once you start talking about it, though, you'll realize how many people have fought the fight before you. One of the most moving experiences I had at the Relay for Life was walking the walk arm in arm with two women close to me - one who was also in treatment at the same time I was, but also one strong warrior I knew locally but I hadn't realized she'd even had cancer before that night. I can't tell you how empowering that was for me! As it was seeing the counselor who'd helped me so much emotionally at the end of the walk. (Ok now I'm sitting her with tears in my eyes remembering this - thank you for that because it's good to remember even though it's slightly painful.)

Hang in there. Take some deep breaths and start to think positively about how you are going to get through this. Actually picture yourself remaining strong, walking hand in hand with your husband and daughter in the sun light, having good times at Disney again, etc. These are called affirmations. You can find sayings to say, too, there are lots available all over the net. Sometimes going through something like this helps make you appreciate things in a different way afterward; to not sweat the small stuff, etc. I know before I had BC myself it was a subject I didn't even want to think about. I had no reason to, really, it wasn't something that affected me or any of my friends and family. Until it did. (Of course, once it did I realized it actually had affected more people that I knew once I opened my eyes to it.) I was in a gift shop the other day at a cancer center and I picked up some head gear that they sell for people with hair loss. I was remembering we were discussing it recently on the Breast Cancer thread and I wanted to see what they sell these days. Anyway, handling those headpieces, and seeing some women wearing them around the hospital, brought back some difficult memories for me. And I said a silent prayer of thanks that I was still here for my family and have gotten to see my kids grow up and helped them become good people (as I promised I would during the bargaining process), etc. It is a part of my life that I accept happened, and I am grateful that I got through the experience and can hopefully help others get through it, too. It does give me a perspective I really don't think I would have otherwise had, despite working with sick people myself, so in some ways I am grateful for the experience and I don't wish it away.

 

[Sdave]

I did find during my cancer experience that I had to take care of my own emotional needs pretty much, there isn't a lot of time during regular informational appointments to spend on "how are you coping with all of this" - and my care was from top providers here in the States. I read a lot of medical literature and I know that Canada has some good cancer centers, just as we do here (and maybe some not so great ones, just like we have here). You may just have to seek out your resources rather than continue with the fatalistic attitude you seem to be having right now.

Look, a crisis can only last so long. There's little choice but to get through it. And as you do, you generally come to acceptance after two or three weeks. So the way you're feeling right now won't be the way you feel two or three weeks from now, in other words. But you need to recognize it as a grieving process, with all the stages that one goes through when they grieve - shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and eventual acceptance. Until last week life was going along all fine and good for you until you had a medical scare. All of a sudden, your own mortality is in front of your eyes, perhaps for the first time. If that's the case, consider yourself lucky you've had it so good up until now! Many people around us suffer with these issues every day and we don't always pay attention to them if they don't affect us personally. So now you're one of us who've joined the ranks of having a medical scare. It's as good a time as any to figure out some coping mechanisms that will help you now and also model for your daughter. Consider it a gift to her to see her mother fight whatever she's facing with strength and dignity.

Even though we don't know if you even have a diagnosis yet, look around at some of the fighters we've seen in the breast cancer community and all the good work they've done to get us to where we are now. Of course, it always helps us keep it in perspective, too, that we're dealing with one of the more treatable cancers thanks to all the hard work these warriors have put into the cause generally because they or their loved ones have been affected by it one way or another. June is usually the time when Relay for Life runs. Not sure if you have those in Canada but if you have a chance to participate in one, it can be a very moving and motivating experience that makes you realize you are not alone in this. Many, many people have had cancer but they don't really talk about it much, generally, unless it comes up. Once you start talking about it, though, you'll realize how many people have fought the fight before you. One of the most moving experiences I had at the Relay for Life was walking the walk arm in arm with two women close to me - one who was also in treatment at the same time I was, but also one strong warrior I knew locally but I hadn't realized she'd even had cancer before that night. I can't tell you how empowering that was for me! As it was seeing the counselor who'd helped me so much emotionally at the end of the walk. (Ok now I'm sitting her with tears in my eyes remembering this - thank you for that because it's good to remember even though it's slightly painful.)

Hang in there. Take some deep breaths and start to think positively about how you are going to get through this. Actually picture yourself remaining strong, walking hand in hand with your husband and daughter in the sun light, having good times at Disney again, etc. These are called affirmations. You can find sayings to say, too, there are lots available all over the net. Sometimes going through something like this helps make you appreciate things in a different way afterward; to not sweat the small stuff, etc. I know before I had BC myself it was a subject I didn't even want to think about. I had no reason to, really, it wasn't something that affected me or any of my friends and family. Until it did. (Of course, once it did I realized it actually had affected more people that I knew once I opened my eyes to it.) I was in a gift shop the other day at a cancer center and I picked up some head gear that they sell for people with hair loss. I was remembering we were discussing it recently on the Breast Cancer thread and I wanted to see what they sell these days. Anyway, handling those headpieces, and seeing some women wearing them around the hospital, brought back some difficult memories for me. And I said a silent prayer of thanks that I was still here for my family and have gotten to see my kids grow up and helped them become good people (as I promised I would during the bargaining process), etc. It is a part of my life that I accept happened, and I am grateful that I got through the experience and can hopefully help others get through it, too. It does give me a perspective I really don't think I would have otherwise had, despite working with sick people myself, so in some ways I am grateful for the experience and I don't wish it away.

Thank yo...

 

[Aladora]

I m in Canada where doc gave no time for their patients what ever I ask they just have one and I can’t tell u anything until reports come..I don’t even know if they have special cancer centre and where it sir if they will help me without my docs referral... I m working in a mid size lab where no resource I hope if they find out abt my situation they won’t fire me... no emloymwnt is not at all a option

You are in Mississauga, there are a number of cancer centers near you including the Princess Margaret in Toronto.

Your employer cannot fire you if you have cancer, that is illegal.

Like many others have said, you need to calm down and speak with your family doctor as soon as possible...not about the possibility you may have cancer but because of your inability to function right now. I understand how hard it is to focus on anything else but that terrible word "malignancy" but the report specifically states "low probability of malignancy." While this is not as good as reading "benign" it is sure as heck a lot better than reading "confirmed malignancy."

I was 34 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my son was less than 18 months old. I had a 3.4cm diameter lump and in total I went through 4 surgeries and 5 months of chemo, I'm still here 12+ years later. I carry one of the BRCA2 mutations. I get the negative thoughts, I get the panic and I get the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness.

But you can only allow yourself to remain like this for so long before you have to tell yourself to put on your big girl panties and deal with whatever it is that life is throwing at you.

Right now you have a few facts and a lot of unknowns. The facts are that you had an unusual mammogram and there was something suspicious on the ultrasound. That's it, there are no other facts just speculations. You have an appointment on the 23rd and that is the next time you will possibly get more facts. Right now, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the outcome of that appointment so getting yourself into a panic between now and then is not productive and will only lead to the next week being tougher than it needs to be.

I know that might sound harsh but it is coming from a place of knowledge and caring. I've been where you are, I get it.

Here is one thought that might help you:

I found the lump myself at the end of October, 2006. I went into my doctor's office the next day. She sent a request for a mammogram and it took almost 6 weeks before the hospital got me in for one. But, once I had the mammogram I was immediately (no exaggeration, it was less than 5 minutes!) for an ultrasound. After that, they immediately (this time it was less than 10 minutes) got someone in to do a core biopsy on me. The results of the biopsy did take 8 days but as soon as I was diagnosed, I was in for surgery 15 days later. (and that included Christmas and Boxing Day!) I was diagnosed Dec 12 and had my surgery Dec 27. This is to show how fast our medical system moves when there is something to take action on. The fact that you are not being seen for a consultation until next week is something that I would find positive. They are concerned but not panicked and that is a good thing.

 

[jo-jo]

I am sitting here amazed hearing the stories of others. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Sdave]

I cannot stop thinking ... and panicking I just came to know that my appointment this week is for consultation only don’t know when they will do biopsy?? What if cancer has been spread throug my lymph node? Can they see anything through ? Ultrasound or mammogram? Or after the biopsy or operations only they will know? Do anyone know? I m just freaking out.. do anyone know ? Please help me ....

 

[Sdave]

I have started feeling pain in my left Arm the side they found lesion don’t know it’s just my fear pain or I m really in pain

 

[llcoolj]

Sdave-you are in a tough situation. However, you seem to be ignoring the incredible advice of those you have gone through this and have offered you concrete actions that will help you until you get more information from your medical team. What else needs to be said to you? You keep asking for help and don't seem to want what has already been given. I'm not trying to be mean, but you need to try and calm down. Contact your primary care or even go to an Urgent Care clinic as you are beyond what a discussion board can do for your overwhelming anxiety.

 

[Sdave]

Sdave-you are in a tough situation. However, you seem to be ignoring the incredible advice of those you have gone through this and have offered you concrete actions that will help you until you get more information from your medical team. What else needs to be said to you? You keep asking for help and don't seem to want what has already been given. I'm not trying to be mean, but you need to try and calm down. Contact your primary care or even go to an Urgent Care clinic as you are beyond what a discussion board can do for your overwhelming anxiety.

I guess you r right I gave up the nettle before it has started and I m feeling I m at the edge where it seems I don’t have strength to fight if it turn out cancer I won’t have enough strength to face this ... I will prob die by heart attack at same time of diagnosis and I m really really sorry from bottom of my great to waste the time and affront of this much supportive group I will try sinsearly not to waste you guys efforts . I m really sorry

 

[Hisgirl]

Every time, practically, I end up having to have an ultrasound. I've even had a biopsy on a nodule. It is very common.

Read that again dearheart.

IT IS VERY COMMON.

Deep breath, one day at a time. You are on a path many of us have taken and we did NOT have breast cancer.

 

[Snowflakey]

I guess you r right I gave up the nettle before it has started and I m feeling I m at the edge where it seems I don’t have strength to fight if it turn out cancer I won’t have enough strength to face this ... I will prob die by heart attack at same time of diagnosis and I m really really sorry from bottom of my great to waste the time and affront of this much supportive group I will try sinsearly not to waste you guys efforts . I m really sorry

NEVER GIVE UP - it's selfish of you to even suggest doing so

 

[Hisgirl]

Also, my mama had breast cancer back when she was 36. The only symptom was an indented place on her breast.

That was 52 years ago.

She received cobalt and her doctor told her she would never live to be an old woman because of this.

He's been dead for YEARS and she'll be 89 this summer, still exercising three times a week.

You are going to be fine.

FINE.

 

[jerseygal]

Thinking and praying for you.

We just went through this. My dear MIL (who I love like my own mom) was diagnosed with Stage III Breast Cancer last March. She, like you, was terrified.

However, I'm thrilled to say that she is now cancer free! So even if your test results are "the worst," it's definitely treatable.

And, at this point, you don't know anything for sure. I know that waiting is agonizing, just try to stay calm and take this one day/test/procedure at a time.

Much easier said than done, I know. But please know that I'll be praying for you and sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs.

That is wonderful news for your MIL! Hope all remains well! Hope everyone here waiting on further news or going through treatment an gets great results and prognosis also, positive thoughts!

 

[quandrea]

I m in Canada where doc gave no time for their patients what ever I ask they just have one and I can’t tell u anything until reports come..I don’t even know if they have special cancer centre and where it sir if they will help me without my docs referral... I m working in a mid size lab where no resource I hope if they find out abt my situation they won’t fire me... no emloymwnt is not at all a option

You keep slamming the Canadian health care system and there is really no need. If your doctor has no time for you, it’s not because you are in Canada, but rather because you have a lousy doctor. I can assure you that there are many Canadian doctors willing to provide excellent, patient centred care. You mentioned that you are in Mississauga. Credit Valley hospital has an outstanding cancer centre locally. If you want to go into Toronto—only thirty minutes or less away, there is Princess Margaret Hospital. All they do is cancer and they have the finest doctors in the world! There is nothing your doctor can do at this point, apart from reassure you or give anxiety meds. It’s true that the reports and results have to come in. One week’s wait for your biopsy is timely treatment and will in no way affect your prognosis. I suggest you do all you can to stay busy while you wait. It’s not easy but there is nothing you can do at this point.

Last summer, I spent a difficult few months awaiting potential results on a brain tumour in my eight year old son. We waited six weeks for an appointment with the doctor. Then we were looking at a three month wait for an MRI. Thankfully we hit a cancellation and waited only four days for the MRI. Lots of worry but he is fine. I got through it by living life, staying busy and doing what I could to move his care along. It’s all you can do.

You may want to get yourself on a cancellation list for that biopsy.

So please stop slamming the Canadian Health Care System. It really is superb and we are so fortunate that every citizen gets the best care possible, and that should a catastrophic illness hit any of us, we will not be ruined financially.

 

[North of Mouse]

@Sdave, first I want to say I'm sorry you are facing this. I'm sure it is every woman's dread and I have faced it too.

But you really need to get a grip! I have read the pp's replies to you, and they have been understanding, empathetic, concerning, with some 'tough love' thrown in. In all your replies, you basically have ignored advice and help given you.

Do you think after reading the replies that you are having it worse than what some people have gone through and survived even stronger?
My mother always gave this advice - 'When you are having a rough time, look around you and someone else is having it much worse'. That is so true, and then you realize that yours is just a drop in the bucket.

Your family seems to be taking their cue from you and falling to pieces over something that only seems to be perceived at this point. You need to be strong for them. It will help all of you together to get through the days ahead. Just take it one day at a time.

We all have, or will, face some tough times (our family sure has, and is) but we don't give in and fall apart.
Stay strong, and think of others. You will get through this, just keep the right attitude. You can't receive help unless you are willing to take it.