My wonderful DH has advanced Panreatic Cancer

[dogodisney]

When your MIL starts just tell her that "you dont have time to deal with all that and it's not going to change anything", then either walk away or if you are on the phone say you need to hang up and do it.

Don't let your in-laws get to you and don;t blame yourself for your DH's illness. It NOT your fault! Be happy that you DID take those vacations and made special memories together.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

OP I'm so sorry. I guess I should have kept my thoughts to myself. I genuinely didn't mean to cause you any further pain or discomfort. I hope you will continue to come to the DIS for solace and guidance.

 

[amandamc8]

OP I'm so sorry. I guess I should have kept my thoughts to myself. I genuinely didn't mean to cause you any further pain or discomfort. I hope you will continue to come to the DIS for solace and guidance.

Please don't feel bad - you didn't cause me any pain... I suppose it just got me thinking about why I find it hard sometimes... And I certainly intend on continuing to come here, you guys have been great!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Amanda

 

[teskak]

Then I would be blunt - your husband is your #1 priority, your daughter is #2 and staying sane yourself is #3.

Everything else does not count. You are not here to be nice, caring, polite or compassionate if it does not advance priorities 1 - 3. If they are trying these sorts of back handed slaps about how they could notihave "caused" the cancer then, I agree to put the phone down.

You are the supporter, gate keeper & champion for your husband, if they have annoyed you, then they do not get to see thier son. I think it would take one night for the mother to realise what she has done and because of her need to see her son, she will play nice.

Similar for your daughter, if they want to have a relationship with her - behave. Things said now will be remembered later.

Rather contraversial but you do not have the time or energy to deal with somebody else's problems. If they are too slow getting to an understanding then send them to some of the websites or refer them to a counsellor. They are not your priority and are just draining your family's energy.

 

[DebbieinWA]

Just want to say I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Hugs to you, your DH and your daughter.

 

[tchrrx]

for you and your family. My grandfather also has advanced pancreatic cancer that has spread. He was diagnosed in May. He has always been healthy and never had any problems. Then, he suddenly had severe stomach pains. After a week in the hospital of testing for all sorts of things, they finally diagnosed him.

He has spent the past two weeks in the hospital in pain. Today, they brought him home and hospice will now be working with him. It's so hard to see how much he has changed just in these last few weeks. We, too, are looking at only a matter of weeks left with him.

My little sister is getting married in two weeks and grandpa's goal is to be at her wedding. It's not looking very hopeful, but we are all praying for the best. I hate to see him 'live' his life like this.

 

[Charleyann]

Thinking of you and wishing you the best. God give you strength....

God Bless

Charley

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I just wanted to add that you have my sympathy right now, as well. My own father had pancreatic cancer, and my mother had another illness 10 years before and passed away. I can relate to how you are feeling with the unkind comments from the inlaws.

You are doing the best you can right now. You and your own immediate family, and only you really understand what you are going through. I will pray for peace for you.

 

[sarasotamom]

:I am so sorry you are going through this. All we can do is take one day at a time. My family has battled cancer more than I care to think about this past year. May God be with you..Miracles do happen

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Amanda just wanted to check in. Hope you are spending good, quality time with your family and enjoying each others' company and making memories. Praying for you all and hoping for peace in your heart.

 

[amandamc8]

Hi Everyone

Well, it's now over 6 weeks and Miles is still here fighting... He is very weak now and needs his oxygen supply 24/7, but he is still able to drink his 'meal' shakes and has a few lucid hours every day.

We finally had a 'phone call from Christies on Monday afternoon offering us an appointment the following morning, but Miles is too ill to travel other than by ambulance and we tried everywhere, but it was too short notice to arrange a transfer, so now we have to wait for another appointment. We talked it through with our GP and Macmillan nurse and they both felt that Miles was too ill to try the journey anyway, especially as it is likely they could only confirm bad news and tell us there is nothing they can try either.

Miles has now lost a third of his bodyweight and is so very emaciated, I think it would be delusional of me to think chemo would even be a possibilty, and Miles has said that he isn't sure he would want to try it anyway. He values what little quality of life he has too much to risk it for something that at best might offer him a very little amount of extra time. Although his cancer is pancreatic, and has spread to other places, it is the secondary tumours in his lungs that are the biggest issue, and we are told they are so hard to do anything about. It is his decision, and I will support him 100% whatever he wants to do - regardless of how certain other people in his family may feel...

We've had a few difficult days this week - Miles had awoke mid panic attack in the middle of the night on Tuesday and really thought that his time had come, he couldn't get his breath at all and his pulse was so fast... I have to admit I thought I might have been losing him. I felt so helpless, all I could do was hold him and tell him how much we loved him and listen to what he thought were going to be his last words. My heart is still breaking now... He says that it hadn't really hit him until then how little time he had - he never asked how long he had and doesn't know what I was told. Our Macmillan nurse didn't think he would make it through August yet here we are, he is such a fighter!

We shall keep trying to make the most of every minute that we have, even if the best we can manage is watching a little TV together as a family... It's funny how the most mundane of things can suddenly be a source of pleasure.

Thanks for 'listening' again and for all your thoughts and prayers - it really does help!

Amanda x

 

[dogodisney]

All my best to all of you.

 

[karen l]

Amanda, continued prayers for you & your family. It's hard to stay strong when dealing with such a devastating illness. You're so right about enjoying the little things - they're great memories. God Bless.

 

[michelleiada]

Amanda, my heart breaks for you as I read through this thread. I can only imagine the pain and anguish you are feeling. Life can be so unfair. I am not a religious person either, but find myself praying for you, your husband Miles, and your children. I hope that God gives you the strength and courage to get through difficult time in your life.

 

[DutchsMommy]

Sendin' big hugs your way kiddo!

 

[AnnaS]

Hugs and prayers to all of you. Hang in there. I am glad you can come here and talk/let it out. It does help. It's therapy. It helped me also when my husband got sick two years ago. I did not even know what I was saying half the time.

I find it so hard to come over this forum since I start crying before finishing a paragraph. I read a lot.

It is so hard. I am trying to comfort my mom now too who was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She is having surgery tomorrow. She of course is not the first. It is so sad how much cancer is all around us.

My neighbor and very good friend of 23 years just finished chemo for colon cancer and my husband's brother is dealing with chemo now and is really not doing well. It started with melanoma a few years ago and came back. It is now in the pancreas, lungs, brain, and liver. He is in his early 40s with three kids.

As many others, I have a hard time trying to understand sometimes. I pray and pray.

We are all here for you.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

AnnaS -- and prayers for you and your family, as well as continued prayers, hugs and pixie dust for Amanda and her family.

 

[amandamc8]

hi everyone,

just a quick update, Miles decided it was time to ask for a stay in our local hospice and went onto the wait list on Monday.

I will be taking him to the Macmillan this morning. It's very unfortunate that it has to be the today as it is his Mum's birthday, but we are lucky that a bed became available so quickly - and the sooner he is in there, the sooner he can benefit from their wonderful care. The hospice is only a few miles away, and it is a lovely place... Hayley and I can stay 24hrs a day if we want to, and all they ask from visitors is that they are considerate with their visiting times and don't tire the patients out, so there will still be plenty of opportunity for people to spend time wth him.


We are hoping that it will be a stay to control his symptoms and that he will feel like coming back home in a week or so - I'm not delusional, I know this might not be the case at all, but I am clutching at whatever straws I can.

We had a lovely talk about all our wonderful Disney memories last night, and Miles told us that we must keep returning to the magic for him and not feel bad about doing so, because re-living his favourite times will keep him alive forever, and that he will be right there with us... It's so hard to imagine ever doing anything without him, but I kow he is right - it is exactly how I would feel if it was me...

I'll probably be offline for a few days, I'm not sure if they have internet access t the hospice, but i'll let you know how he is doing when I can. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, you have all been such wonderful support. Thank you for giving me someplace safe to talk,

Amanda xx

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Amanda.. I am just reaching out here to you after just losing my beloved Tom to this disease October 1....his was in his lungs and neck when it came back. I know how hard this must be for you all and I just wanted to say know that you are doing the best you can and know that whatever choices you make are the right ones for Miles....something I have to reassure myself of everyday. We did do hospice, but we did it at home, he passed with me holding him.....probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I do believe if I had had a positive experience with the hospice house in our area, I might have tried that, but I did not......and so I am at peace knowing that he died in his own bed, in his own house, with his daughters and me......we were able to privately hire special nurses that just guided us through..... they stayed out of the way, but were there for us if we got frightened...

Stay strong, sleep in shifts if you can and just be there with him on his journey..

Marsha