My wonderful DH has advanced Panreatic Cancer

[karen l]

Amanda, we're glad you continue to come to the boards when you need to talk. Please know we're all here for you & Hayley. I also found it difficult after my DH's funeral - family seems to drift off & move on just when it's the most difficult time. You never forget & there always some sadness - especially during the first year when you have to experience special days without your loved one. Take comfort in all your wonderful memories & know you can come here for help. God Bless & please take care.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I just made the mistake to read this while at work and started crying into your first post. By the time I got to this one, I had to step away in the bathroom to finish wiping my tears.

You are one incredible women and I will be praying for your family tonight. Please continue to come on here and vent and build some friendships with the rest of us Disney fanatics. You are definitely someone I would love to get to know better and would be a priviledge to meet you in person on a Disney venture.

I know we are separated by the general openess of the forums but if there is anything I can do, PLEASE let me know.

All my love and prayers to you and your family from Canada

....just know if you ever come on here to vent and cry, you can bet that as I read your threads I am doing the exact same thing on my end

So much love is sent your way. Keep up the your adventures, always enjoy reading them!

 

[zalansky]

I haven't lost my DH, but I did lose mom to pancreatic cancer back in 1998 and then my dad to colon cancer in 2007. Those firsts are really hard to get through. When you're going through it, its hard to imagine a time when life will ever seem "normal" again. And truthfully, I don't ever know if it feels the same. But it does get better, much better. There will be a time when you can look back on your memories and they will make you smile instead of making you cry. Don't get me wrong, its been over 11 years and I think of my mom every day, I cry sometimes too...especially holidays, those are tough. All you can do is take it one day at a time like others have mentioned. Trust that you and your DD will get through this, and that you will be able to move on. Miles would have wanted that for you both. Hugs

 

[DutchsMommy]

Hi Amanda (this is the dumbest icon and it always give me a bit of a chuckle so I thought I would open with it )

Sorry to hear so much crappy stuff has been going on around you lately. I found afterwards I was very attuned to bad stuff in general and cancer stuff even more. I was terrified they would announce they found a cure for pancreatic cancer (I know, selfish of me) right after my mum passed. Does make you wonder about fairness in life sometimes.....

I was thinking, maybe do you want to start a book club or something online - maybe something to chat about. I imagine Thanksgiving (yours is coming up I think, our turkey sandwiches have long been eaten!) is going to be tough and Christmas for sure....just thinking it might be fun to have something to chat about. Maybe Hayley too?? Anyway - no pressure, just a thought of something you could do with us here to give you a little fun.

Anyway - best wishes for the coming days and hope to hear back from you soon.

 

[DutchsMommy]

Hi Amanda (this is the dumbest icon and it always give me a bit of a chuckle so I thought I would open with it )

Sorry to hear so much crappy stuff has been going on around you lately. I found afterwards I was very attuned to bad stuff in general and cancer stuff even more. I was terrified they would announce they found a cure for pancreatic cancer (I know, selfish of me) right after my mum passed. Does make you wonder about fairness in life sometimes.....

I was thinking, maybe do you want to start a book club or something online - maybe something to chat about. I imagine Thanksgiving (yours is coming up I think, our turkey sandwiches have long been eaten!) is going to be tough and Christmas for sure....just thinking it might be fun to have something to chat about. Maybe Hayley too?? Anyway - no pressure, just a thought of something you could do with us here to give you a little fun.

Anyway - best wishes for the coming days and hope to hear back from you soon.

OK - my bad - strangely I assumed you were from the USA - but NO you are from the UK - 'The Shires' - like in the Hobbit?? Just kidding....disregard my Thanksgiving post. OK - stupid provincial question here - is there a UK equivalent to Thanksgiving??

 

[amandamc8]

Hi Everyone, thanks for all your messgaes of support.

It's one month today since we lost Miles, and I have to say that it's getting worse for us everyday... I know that sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you can start to climb the hill again, but it feels as though we take at least 3 steps back everyday and somedays not even one forwards.

I have started to go into work for a few hours a day, I'm not rushing myself, it's just that the alternative is lying in bed all day crying. And I know I have to go back to a routine and it's not going to get easier because I put it off...

Hayley is sixteen next week, and thats going to be really tough for us. Miles chose a present for her, and had me bring home a card - but he never could bring himself to write it... think that might be a good thing in hindsight. She doesn't need a piece of cardboard to know how much he loved her - he showed her that every day. In the letter he left to be read out at his funeral he said this about her:

"Lovely Hayley, I am so sorry that I had to leave you, and so sad for all the things in your life I will miss. Thank you for being so strong for me while I was ill and for giving me your time so freely. You have always been such a joy and an inspiration to be around, and from the first moment I held you in my arms you captivated me. Your hapiness was always my number one priority, and always will be. Please know that even though you cannot see me, I will always be watching over you. You make me so proud every single day… "

There will be so many hard times over the next few weeks... We'll keep trying our best though - minute by minute, day by day...

Disneyfairytale, thank you so much for your lovely message

Please continue to come on here and vent and build some friendships with the rest of us Disney fanatics. You are definitely someone I would love to get to know better and would be a priviledge to meet you in person on a Disney venture.

Who knows, maybe some day we will meet! In the meantime, I hope that we can build a great online friendship!

OK - my bad - strangely I assumed you were from the USA - but NO you are from the UK - 'The Shires' - like in the Hobbit?? Just kidding....disregard my Thanksgiving post. OK - stupid provincial question here - is there a UK equivalent to Thanksgiving??

Actually, yes, like in the Hobbit - Tolkein lived here for quite a while and it's where his 'lands' are based on! And no, we don't really have an equivalent to thanksgiving... Thanks for your suggestion about the online book club - it sounds like a great idea, but I have no idea how to organised something like that. Maybe you could give me some ideas?

Anyway, once again, thanks to you all for your continued support - I really do appreciate it all so very much...

Amanda xx

 

[DisOrBust]

Hi Everyone, thanks for all your messgaes of support.

It's one month today since we lost Miles, and I have to say that it's getting worse for us everyday... I know that sometimes you have to hit the bottom before you can start to climb the hill again, but it feels as though we take at least 3 steps back everyday and somedays not even one forwards.

I try to think of it as a roller coaster with many ups and downs. You really never get off of it but you get use to the ride.

How is Hayley doing with school? I assume she's back. Are her friends being good to her? At 16 kids can say some very stupid things without realizing it. One of my DD friends became very angry at her because her parents were so heart broken for her that she felt neglected. I think she felt more of a survivor's guilt and didn't know how to express her feelings. It was dumb stuff like that that blind sided me.

Good for you for returning to work. That's a major milestone you have behind you!

 

[RabbitFood]

I am so very sorry to read of the passing of your husband Miles. What a treasure he was! The description of his last few days/moments with you are really touching and heartbreaking.

May you find peace in your memories. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts.

 

[help for everyone]

 

[Torontogal]

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad to Pancreatic Cancer last year. It will be 2 years this Jan. and I still feel awful about it. Somedays I want to hit a wall. I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[amandamc8]

Well, it's now six weeks since Miles passed away, and to be honest it is still getting harder every day. I think that for the first few weeks there is so much that has to be done, and still in a state of shock, that the reality of the situation doesn't have chance to hit home properly. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I ever felt it was a bad dream or hadn't really happened, but it's not until your life has to return to some sort of 'normal' that the full weight of having to carry on without the love of your life hits you.

We are all over the place emotionally, always either in tears or trying not to cry, so angry with everything and everyone... I know it is all part of the grief process but it doesn't make it any easier to get through. It was Hayley's 16th birthday on Friday, and it hit us like a brick wall when Miles wasn't there for her 'birthday routine'. It was also the awards night at her school last week and she came home with four awards, Miles would be so proud and it was so hard not being able to share it with him. Hayley is so brave and strong and was such a support to both of us while Miles was ill - and no 15 year should have to sit and hold her dads hand while she watches him die. It all feels so very unfair.

We are off out today to attend a local festival that is being held to raise funds for pancreatic cancer research in the UK, hopefully we we will feel like we have done something positive then. We have also booked a short trip to Disneyland Paris for a few days just before Xmas. We had planned to go before we knew Miles was ill and he told us we should still go, and that he would be right there enjoying it with us. I hope that he is and that we can feel him somehow, perhaps it will make Xmas bearable for us.

Amanda xx

 

[dogodisney]

Happy Birthday and Congratulations to Haley. She sounds like a great kid (young lady).

That's good that you area planning things to do. It does the soul good to have something to look forward to. I hope you both have a wonderful trip and you can enjoy yourselves.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Hi Amanda. Just wanted to check in and see how you are Hayley are doing.

 

[tchrrx]

My grandpa died from pancreatic cancer this afternoon. It is hard to deal with, but I am so glad that he is no longer in pain. My main concern at this time is for my grandma. She has spent the past 6 1/2 months doing nothing but caring for him. I know it will be a huge adjustment for her.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My grandpa died from pancreatic cancer this afternoon. It is hard to deal with, but I am so glad that he is no longer in pain. My main concern at this time is for my grandma. She has spent the past 6 1/2 months doing nothing but caring for him. I know it will be a huge adjustment for her.

So sorry for your loss. Prayers for your family and particularly your grandma.

 

[312.Duck]

It is stories like this which make me feel much better about the loss of my mother (in terms of age). The more stories I read on various sites from surviving spouses and caregivers, the more frightening this becomes for this 41 year old - I feel lucky to have made it this far.

One would think that if one makes it beyond childhood they should be "in the clear" short of accidents, murder, et al, yet the time bombs in us all tick at different rates. It is not fair, and not right, and really causes one to question their faith.

Amanda, while I do not believe it's going to get any easier for you immediately, certain things are obvious - your thoughts are lucid, Miles is with you in spirit, and you have the most important reason to carry on with Hayley. Peace.

 

[DutchsMommy]

Hopefully you are in Disneyland Paris right now and enjoying yourselves! I am sure it is a very difficult time and my thoughts are with you guys. Wishing you some peace in 2010.

 

[amandamc8]

Hello Again everyone, thanks for thinking about us...

It's now coming up for 11 weeks since we lost Miles, and I have no idea how we have made it through the days, but somehow we have managed to keep going. We still have our ups and downs, but I'm sure we will for a long time yet...

Hopefully you are in Disneyland Paris right now and enjoying yourselves! I am sure it is a very difficult time and my thoughts are with you guys. Wishing you some peace in 2010.

I'm sad to say that our trip to Disneyland Paris had to be cancelled at the very last minute due to the extreme weather conditions in Paris We were actually on the plane waiting to take off when we were told that the French Aviation authority had announced they could not allow any more planes to land in Paris as the conditions were dangerous I tried to get us Eurostar tickets but there was nothing available from anywhere until two days later, and we only had a three day trip planned.

I got a refund for our plane tickets, and thought we would have to claim of our insurance for the hotel costs. But, when I phoned and explained our situation, the good folk at Disney allowed us to change our dates free of charge! So after much ado, we are now booked to go on January 3rd We will still get to see the Xmas decorations, but it does mean Hayley will miss 2 days of school - I'm sure they will understand though... I really think we need to get away from everything, and I'm sure we will be even more ready for a break after Xmas, Miles birthday and the New year.

Anyway, I hope that you all have a wonderful time this Xmas. I can't say we are lookiong forward to it, but we're not dreading it as much as I expected - I think that Miles is helping us to get through it somehow...

Amanda xx

 

[DutchsMommy]

Thanks for the update. That sucks about your trip!! What a bummer, but at least right now you are looking forward to your January replacement trip! Hope you have a nice time and weather cooperates for you. We are heading down to Florida in January and I cant wait, as it is minus 20 degrees here today with wind chill.......bbbbbrrrrrrrrr

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Amanda, I'm sorry to hear that things went awry with your planned trip. Hopefully you and Hayley will be able to find a small bit of happiness in your trip once you've been through the hardest parts of your "firsts" without Miles. Sending you thoughts of easier days and peace in your hearts.