My wonderful DH has advanced Panreatic Cancer

[Mackey Mouse]

Amanda.. not sure if I already responded here, but please know this I am truly sorry to read about Miles' passing... I hate PC... I hate it more than words can even say. All I can say is this you have to know you did everything in your power to fight this dread disease and so did Miles and now you have to go through this horrific grieving process which, to me, it seems there is no end. My heart is broken for you and for myself having just lost my husband to this dread disease..

Take care of you and Hayley..
Marsha

 

[CarolynU]

I don't know what to say other than I am so so sorry for your sad and sudden loss. You must just want to rewind the clock to last April when you were all together and happy and had no idea that this awful tragedy was around the corner.
I just don't understand this life sometimes. There seems no ryhme nor reason for the tragedies that befall the best people.
I do know what you are going through though having been there. Take Care my friend.

 

[Dan Murphy]

So very sorry, Amanda. My condolences for you and your family, you all are in my prayers. God speed for your Miles.

 

[amandamc8]

Hello Everyone

It's two weeks today since Miles passed, and we are not coping well at all. I know it's very early days, but I feel like it just keeps getting harder. Miles funeral is taking place on Tuesday, and I have no idea how on earth we will get through it.

People always ask how we are doing today, like it should be different than yesterday. I know everyone means well, but I just feel like screaming! The thing is, if you tell people how you are really feeling they get uncomfortable, or say well it's still early, or start trying to offer you words of wisdom... So we just say 'up & down'... The reality is I'm not eating properly, barely sleeping and I can't see the point in anything. Even looking after Hayley doesn't inspire me to want to keep going.

One year ago today we were just starting a two week land and sea vacation at the Beach Club, we would just be checking in right now. We were so happy and had so much to look forward to in life and now it's all just gone. I don't know how to keep going.

Manda xx

 

[safetymom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't be too hard on yourself. Many days it was too painful to take two steps forward in dealing with our loss. Many days I might take one step forward and 3 steps back. There were days if I thought more than 10 minutes ahead I couldn't handle it. It does get softer but it takes time. Sending hugs and prayers.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Just take it one day at a time. There's nothing else you can do. Continued prayers for you and Hayley.

 

[minniebeth]

I'm thinking of you and Haley

 

[michelleiada]

Amanda and Haley, I think of you daily and wonder how you are coping. Nothing is normal anymore for either of you. Your reality frightens me terribly and makes me thankful for each day that I have with my precious family. People think that things like this will never happen to them but the fact is...it happens. People get sick. Love ones are lost everyday. It is such a difficult thing for us to accept. Once again, I wish for peace for you and the strength to get through the next several days, weeks, months, and years! May you know happiness again one day.

 

[dogodisney]

Please take care of yourself. Although we did not know Miles, by the way you have talked about him, I know he would not want you to give up. Haley needs you now more than ever.

Please keep coming here to talk. You really need to be expressing how you feel. It will help make you feel better and come to terms with your loss.



God Bless You and give you the strength that you need.

 

[karen l]

Amanda, I know how difficult it is just coping. Let your family & friends help you with the funeral - I know I barely remember my DH's. I just wanted it over with. Hayley will be a great solace for you - just try to cope with each day & don't try to think too much about the future. As my kids & I tried to accept life without my DH & their Dad, we found we had to focus on all the wonderful things we shared together. Memories of holidays, birthdays & vacations are so important to us all. I hope you & Hayley can get away together to recover physically & mentally. You never got over such a tragedy but you learn to cope. My kids are my reason for living & a beautiful reminder of my DH. Please let us know how you're coping. You & your family are in my prayers. Take care.

 

[DutchsMommy]

Hi Amanda,

Just checking in. I dont have anything brilliant or insightful to say (big surprise LOL) just sending my thoughts your way. Hope you're still keeping up the talking with Hayley - if she's anything like me she's not used to seeing you not 'in control' and is worried about you and doesnt know what to say or how to act around you....I think from my perspective just opening up the lines of communication - even if it is sleeping in the same bed, watching movies, TV etc and accepting that this is new territory for both of you is the best thing right now. Big hugs and always an open ear are here for you.

 

[DisOrBust]

Hello Everyone

It's two weeks today since Miles passed, and we are not coping well at all. I know it's very early days, but I feel like it just keeps getting harder. Miles funeral is taking place on Tuesday, and I have no idea how on earth we will get through it.

People always ask how we are doing today, like it should be different than yesterday. I know everyone means well, but I just feel like screaming! The thing is, if you tell people how you are really feeling they get uncomfortable, or say well it's still early, or start trying to offer you words of wisdom... So we just say 'up & down'...

Manda xx

I have been there and I wish I had some earth shattering advise but I don't. Go thru this time minute by minute with your daughter. I hated when people would say "If there is anything I can do..." I always thought that it'a code for "oh god I hope she doesn't ask me for help." Your emotions are raw right now and it warps your point of view. Your job isn't to help anyone else besides your daughter with their grief. Try to concentrate on your DD she the most important part of Miles you get to keep.

A big mistake I made was thinking it would get better dealing with all the aftermath later. It only holds you back later from moving forward. I'm 18 months out and I still can't get myself to buy a tombstone because then it's final.

Everyone is here for you to vent to. Sometimes strangers who don't have their own emotional investment in your loss can be the most helpful.

Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you and your DD.


Sue

 

[dogodisney]

Just wanted to send . You'll be in my thoughts today.

 

[teskak]

Thinking of you today.

It is only one day at a time, and yes, the "is there anything I can do" goes hand in hand with people wanting to know all of the details of the last few months. Eventually you get the standard phrases to use to respond that do not hurt you and gets them out of your way.

As for dealing with the pain, it is everyday. Something I found useful was to pick times when I was alone and really feel the pain, just as much as I could handle. I found the radio to be useful with certain songs that had special meaning, at the end of the 3 minutes I felt slightly better and a bit lighter so I could go on for the next few hours. Just my experience,but trying to protect against the pain just seems to make it worse.

 

[irenep]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
I can't really add much to what has already been said already. There are lots of wise words here.
My thoughts are with you, especially today.

 

[amandamc8]

Hello Everyone

One year ago today we were checking in to the Disney Wonder for our Halloween cruise. It's going to be a tough few days thinking about our lovely time...

Hi Amanda,

Hope you're still keeping up the talking with Hayley - if she's anything like me she's not used to seeing you not 'in control' and is worried about you and doesnt know what to say or how to act around you....I think from my perspective just opening up the lines of communication - even if it is sleeping in the same bed, watching movies, TV etc and accepting that this is new territory for both of you is the best thing right now.

We are trying to talk, but it's the other ways of communicating that seem to be helping us more at the moment... Hayley moved into our bedroom straight after Miles died, it's the place we both feel closest to him. We watch video of our holidays, get out the photo albums, talk about the things we did... We do also try and make sure we do something unrelated to Miles everyday too. Sometimes though, we drift off into our own space and thoughts, but I think that's OK too...

We had another blow last Saturday when a lovely long time aquaintance of mine dropped dead completely unexpectedly from a brain anuerism. She was only 36 years old and left behind 5 children aged from 4-18, she seperated from her husband 18 months ago and the kids don't really have a relationship with their Dad. Life is so unfair to so many people...

Miles' funeral was on Tuesday, and it was lovely in a very heart breaking way. Miles had left a letter that he wanted reading out at the service, and we had talked about music and how he would like to be remembered, so I knew what was right for him. Over 120 people came to pay their respects at what I feel was a very individual service - it was an unique as Miles, even his coffin was customised. I think he would have loved it! Hayley & I went to Alton Towers theme park for an overnight stay on Wednesday night, we just needed to be away from everything. It was so very hard being anywhere without Miles, but i think it was the best thing for us to do. We were just able to be anonymous for a while...

We had more bad news yesterday though. Our close friends had a baby boy just a few days before Miles died, and they asked if we would mind their paying tribute to him by naming the baby after him. Of course, we were so touched that they even considered it, and my Miles would be pleased as punch... I had a message from his mum this time yesterday telling me that he has been taken into our local special care baby unit with suspected meningitis. She promised to let me know how he progressed, but none of our friends has heard anything since...

We are trying not to panic, but we're so scared for him, it's just too much for us all to take... You always think that tragedies happen to other people, people you don't know, but they are not so rare after all. But poor little baby Myles is not even four weeks old yet, it is just too cruel. Please keep him in your thoughts for us...

xx

 

[safetymom]

Sending hugs.

 

[teskak]

We are still here, and we are still checking in. You did the best thing by getting away for a period, nobody knows you and nobody wants to know all of those details.

Treasure those times away where you are just a mum & a daughter.

Check in here when you can

 

[amandamc8]

Just had news that baby Myles is on the mend, in fact they have allowed his mum to bring him home from the hospital! We are so glad... I just don't think we could have coped with anything else...

It was Hayley's first day back at school since Miles' funeral today, and my first day in the house completely on my own. It's been a tough one for us both, especially as neither of us had alot of sleep last night - anxiety getting the better of us I think.

The house seems so very empty and sad, and we both feel so broken. We ventured out to the cinema on Halloween and it was so very hard, but we know that it won't get any easier if we don't push ourselves to do things. We spent Halloween last year on the Disney Wonder, and the year before at Mickey's not so scary party... wonderful memories but we were heartbroken all day. Lot's of 'firsts' to get through in the next few weeks... I'm lucky I found my long distance virtual support network here to help me through them - family and friends have already started to disappear a bit...

Amanda xx

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Amanda, I'm so glad to hear that baby Miles is doing well and heading home. Sounds like you and your Hayley are slowly finding your way. I'm glad you've been able to be there for her when she needs it, and she for you. It also seems like this thread has become somewhat therapeutic for you in dealing with your loss. Glad you have a place to go where you don't need to explain anything and can just be.