Hello Everyone
One year ago today we were checking in to the Disney Wonder for our Halloween cruise. It's going to be a tough few days thinking about our lovely time...
Hi Amanda,
Hope you're still keeping up the talking with Hayley - if she's anything like me she's not used to seeing you not 'in control' and is worried about you and doesnt know what to say or how to act around you....I think from my perspective just opening up the lines of communication - even if it is sleeping in the same bed, watching movies, TV etc and accepting that this is new territory for both of you is the best thing right now.
We are trying to talk, but it's the other ways of communicating that seem to be helping us more at the moment... Hayley moved into our bedroom straight after Miles died, it's the place we both feel closest to him. We watch video of our holidays, get out the photo albums, talk about the things we did... We do also try and make sure we do something unrelated to Miles everyday too. Sometimes though, we drift off into our own space and thoughts, but I think that's OK too...
We had another blow last Saturday when a lovely long time aquaintance of mine dropped dead completely unexpectedly from a brain anuerism. She was only 36 years old and left behind 5 children aged from 4-18, she seperated from her husband 18 months ago and the kids don't really have a relationship with their Dad. Life is so unfair to so many people...
Miles' funeral was on Tuesday, and it was lovely in a very heart breaking way. Miles had left a letter that he wanted reading out at the service, and we had talked about music and how he would like to be remembered, so I knew what was right for him. Over 120 people came to pay their respects at what I feel was a very individual service - it was an unique as Miles, even his coffin was customised. I think he would have loved it! Hayley & I went to Alton Towers theme park for an overnight stay on Wednesday night, we just needed to be away from everything. It was so very hard being anywhere without Miles, but i think it was the best thing for us to do. We were just able to be anonymous for a while...
We had more bad news yesterday though. Our close friends had a baby boy just a few days before Miles died, and they asked if we would mind their paying tribute to him by naming the baby after him. Of course, we were so touched that they even considered it, and my Miles would be pleased as punch... I had a message from his mum this time yesterday telling me that he has been taken into our local special care baby unit with suspected meningitis. She promised to let me know how he progressed, but none of our friends has heard anything since...
We are trying not to panic, but we're so scared for him, it's just too much for us all to take... You always think that tragedies happen to other people, people you don't know, but they are not so rare after all. But poor little baby Myles is not even four weeks old yet, it is just too cruel. Please keep him in your thoughts for us...
xx