"Red Shirt" Vent

[mom2aredhead]

Some of you may remember me from previous threads about "should I start Kindergarten or hold them back", and it is no secret that I am a proponent of sending kids to school rather than holding them back unless there is a developmental reason. Just my opinion, yours may differ.

So this week I am sitting in my son's basketball practice (the 2nd grade clinic) with a mother who is going on and on about how worried she is because her son is so tall and thin compared to the other kids. She even said something about how he was in a play at school and when they all lined up on stage at the end he looked like "an Amazon kid" (her words not mine) compared to the other kids.

I happen to remember this kid, because when he was in our public school he was a grade ahead of my son, but now they are in the same grade. Conversation continues, and I find out that she pulled him out of public school at the end of 2nd grade, and put him in 2nd grade again in the Catholic school because he's her "baby" (an only child) she thought he was "too young". He is an October birthday, my son is November, a year later.

I know I'm a little hyper-sensitive to this because I have a November-birthday son that I sent to school, but she seriously annoyed me. Of course your kid is "so tall" compared to the other kids in the 2nd grade basketball clinic...HE'S A YEAR OLDER THAN THEY ARE!

While I realize that she has the right to do whatever she wants with her child, I reserve the right to be annoyed. I'm annoyed at the fact that now this kid (currently a head taller than everyone else in the group) will be playing sports against kids a year younger than he is, and at the fact that the mother just wouldn't stop about how her son is "so tall".

Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.

 

[Mkrop]

I think kids should go too when they are suppose to.

DS7 is extremely tall but is where he is suppose to be.

For a 2nd grade basketball clinic it probably does not matter, but around here they take age cutoffs very seriously so you cant play with your classmates.

One friend of DS13's was held back due to speech issues, he has not been able to play on many teams with his classmates. Only when it has been to age groups together like 9-10 basketaball.

Then my friend's DD has an Aug bday so ok to be in 2nd grade per district guidelines but could not move up for softball like the other girls she had to play another year of tball.

 

[nushiekitty]

CT is in the process of changing their cutoffs due to the fact that you could have had a 4.5 year old in K and in the same class you could have had a 7 year old if the parent took the option of redshirting them for two years. The big age differences are becoming harder for the teachers to teach to.

 

[Allison]

Many people choose to do that here. In fact our school district recommends optional kindergarten if it is felt a child isn't quite ready for school.

Honestly, I don't understand why it would bother anyone else.

 

[Nancyg56]

I live in CT and hope that the cutoff age is changed. DGD went to Kindergarden with a few kids who were close to two years older than she was. It was nto so bad then but in 1st. 2nd and 3rd............it sure made a difference. Some of those kids have older siblings and their "education" is older in many respects.

 

[indimom]

Let it roll off your back. This is so not something to get yourself worked up about. I get that you feel the sports situation is unfair, but really, is it going to matter if a child was MVP in third grade basketball 20 years later?

My daughter is a year older than most of the kids in her grade (she has an early July birthday that fell just after the cutoff and we didn't push her in early). In her case, the extra year matters not at all. She's 13 1/2 and only 4'10". Three of her four best friends are a head taller than her.

 

[dis-happy]

I know a mom whose dd did K in the public school here, then moved to private school. After testing the school required her to repeat K (the private school curriculum was more challenging).

It could be the child was asked to repeat (or already had problems in public) and the mom just didn't want to admit that.

Many states have a cut-off of Aug. 31 or Sept. 30th--if you lived here your child would be forced back. At least you have a choice where you are, and in the same manner I wouldn't necessarily pan the choices others make for their children. And for kids with a Jan. birthday he is only a month or two older---sounds like he might just be a tall kid (spoken from the mom who is sensitive to the fact her child was always the smallest).

 

[brymolmom]

You know I'm right with you on this Mom2aRedhead!

So many people do it BECAUSE of sports too. UGH!

And to pp who wonders why we would be annoyed, because the kids who are not held back and sent when they are 'supposed' to be can (not a given, but a possiblity) get the short end of the stick. There are 'would be/supposed to be' third graders in the class with second graders. Which isn't so bad unless the parent then insists on that child being 'challenged' (like with 3rd grade work...ummmm....you OPTED to have them held back to a younger curriculum).

Very strange that this parent wouldn't have realized it however, being that much older at that age definitely would see a difference in height.

My dd's best friend in her 2nd grade class is 13 months older than she is. But at least the mom acknowledges that the differences are due to her opting not to send her on time.

Not parents' fault however, the districts need to enforce cutoffs and institute an age that a child needs to be entered in Kindergarten to keep it as equal as possible or it will forever exist.

 

[crisi]

That was one of the reasons we didn't send our son. He made the cut off by two days (so it isn't like he's a year older than everyone). I was "young for my age" and like my own kids also "small for my age." That made for a horrible combination in any sport. My daughter is old for her grade (missed the cutoff by two weeks) and still among the shortest, but at least she isn't trying to keep up with kids six inches taller.

We tend to have the opposite issue - parents trying to get their four year olds into kindergarten. In some cases the kids are bright - but in some cases the faster you get them in, the less time you have to pay the daycare bill.

Kids are ready for school at different times - parents are ready to send them at different times. I'd be happier myself if there weren't hard and fast "cutoffs" at all, but more a "guideline" - so a school with a September 1 hard cutoff would say "we will accept four year olds turning five before December 1 and six year olds who turned six after June1 - in both cases you need an evaluation to move up or hold back. But if your kid turns five between December 1 and June 1, he goes to kindergarten next year.

 

[nchulka]

I find this very interesting. I had no idea there where places where people could choose. In Missouri they have always (as far back as I know) had an exact date, and it is for public and private schools. When I was a kid the date was in Oct., I had an August birthday and went when I turned 5, I was always one of the youngest. The date is now July 31st, I would not have been allowed to go now days. My DD has a March birthday so she went at 5 1/2. DS has a Sept. birthday and had to wait until he was almost 6. In a way I suppose it is good since he takes after me and is very small. I can't believe some places let parents choose, and have 7 and 4 year olds in kindergarten together. Here it is a mix of 5 and 6 year olds only (unless a child has failed and is held back).

 

[eroilersgal]

When my youngest went for Kindergarten screening, the tester decided (in 45 min or less) that he was too immature for K and needed to serve time in a Transitional Kindergarten program. This was based purely on attitude - of my almost 5 year old and his refusal to answer most of their questions as well as an inability to note the missing BOWTIE on a half drawn stick figure. They also decided that the fact he could write his full name both regularly and as a mirror image (left handed he did it the correct way, right handed he would do the mirror image - still have never figured this out ) was a sign of immaturity because he hadn't yet decided what hand was dominant. While they claimed the choice was ours, we were bombarded with phrases like 'setting him up for failure' . We were pretty much told if he didn't do TK, we were risking his entire future simply so we would not have the stigma of him being 'left behind'. TK left him bored in the early grades and now in 4th grade and hates school. BTW, he doesn't excel in sports nor is he a leader - both on the pro list of the principal for doing TK- and yes, the attitude is still there.

 

[mom2aredhead]

Very strange that this parent wouldn't have realized it however, being that much older at that age definitely would see a difference in height.

I'm sure she realized it. How could you not realize it? I don't know why she just felt the need to point it out. And to be clear, she said she decided to send him to 2nd grade again because he was "young"...it was her choice, not something that was chosen for her based on an academic or developmental issue. She said she pulled him out of the public school and sent him to the Catholic school specifically so he could repeat the grade because the public school wouldn't let her do that and he was "too young". Unless she's lying? Who knows...

This is a 2nd grade basketball clinic, so clearly not a big deal. At all. Like I said before - she has the right to do as she wishes, I have the right to disagree with it and be annoyed by it. And I will be especially annoyed by it if the kid is allowed to continue playing a year down in sports because of his grade - it could effect the participation of other kids that are "true" grade level - mine or someone else's. Thankfully they're in different schools, so academically it doesn't directly effect my son at all.

 

[ENSOCK]

Well, I am one who held my son back. The oldest DS started early and now that he in in High School I am sorry I did not hold him back. He is the youngest in his class and was the smallest. He gets along better with the class below him and i regret that we did not hold him back.

DS11 was held back. It was a decision made with alot of tears and praying. He was immature and I find it has helped him in his studies. He does not like school but that is more his attitude then anything else. In K he told the teacher that he did not want to do the testing that day but maybe they could do it the next. Sadly he has not outgrown that thought and will still tell his teachers that! He is happy to be a C student but likes sports so if he does not make better than a C he can't play.

I personally think that it is each parents decision on what is best for their child.

 

[bear_mom]

As neither of my dds are big into sports, this doesn't really bother me too much. Older dd went to kindergarten when was 5 years and 2 days (August birthday) and younger dd went to school when she was 5 1/2 (March birthday). Both of them do equally well. Older dd gets constant praise for being one of the most mature kids in her class, even though she is up to 1 1/2 years younger than some of her classmates. I think personality plays a huge part in deciding when to send them to school.

Her biggest problem: she is the same size as her sister is 2 1/2 years younger than her. But I don't see holding her back year really impacting that too much, she doesn't look like a 5th grader any more than she looks like a 6th grader. I just wish I could find "cool" clothes in her size.

Emily

 

[budbeerlady]

I live in CT and hope that the cutoff age is changed. DGD went to Kindergarden with a few kids who were close to two years older than she was. It was nto so bad then but in 1st. 2nd and 3rd............it sure made a difference. Some of those kids have older siblings and their "education" is older in many respects.

Yup, this is what I ran into with Dd. It never occurred to me to NOT start her when she was going to make the cut off date. She is in class with kids who are MUCH older in all respects, its more common to hold them than to send them I find out. Dd was more than ready so she went, she turned 5 in October in Kindergarten.

IF I had waited and started when she almost 6 she would be the Amazon in her class, LOL! She is now one of the taller 5th grade girls and most are almost a full year older.

 

[mom2aredhead]

Yup, this is what I ran into with Dd. It never occurred to me to NOT start her when she was going to make the cut off date. She is in class with kids who are MUCH older in all respects, its more common to hold them than to send them I find out. Dd was more than ready so she went, she turned 5 in October in Kindergarten.

Me either. Our cutoff is 12/31 and my son is a November birthday. He's young, but he's fine.
We have a family friend that lives in another state. They had an 8/31 cutoff which her son made by MONTHS (his birthday is late April), but she chose to hold him back a year anyway. No transitional kindergarten or extra pre-school either - just kept him home so he could concentrate on swimming and piano that year. She said that because he was a boy she wanted him to be older. Fast forward a few years, and now we all get to listen to stories about how academically accelerated he is, how he's doing work 2 grade levels higher (duh!) and she's requesting that he be tested for the G&T program.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I don't see why anyone cares what others do with their kids. Now in the op, she was fussing about something that is seemingly prety obvious. I understand that is irritating.

 

[Aneille]

I don't see why anyone cares what others do with their kids.

People with kids that are the young ones in their classes care not because just 1 parent holds back a child that needs to be held back but because there are many in each class that are held back and not all of them because they needed extra time to succeed in Kindy.

In some area's it is the norm to hold back and it makes it more difficult for the younger (but age appropriate child) to succeed. The classes go faster than they would usually go, they are challenged by being smaller or developmentally less mature, and it does effect outside activities such as sports. All of these things put them at a disadvantage and *could* hurt confidence and possible opportunities.

Standardized tests are not graded by age but by grade. And knowing the class material is not the only factor in a test. The children need to sit through the test, follow the directions properly etc. When a significant portion of the class is older by more than 12 months, it can make the youngest child look not as capable.

This is the reason many parents choose to hold their child back to give that advantage and when so many are doing it, it will start to really disadvantage others.

That is why other parents care. Not due to 1, but the many. Personally I don't care if you hold your child back, but it does effect my child who is one of the youngest. But I understood what I was getting into by sending her on time and yet sometimes I do wonder "what if" I had held her back. Would things be better for her?

BTW she does very well in school and sport(and she is tiny to boot) and if I had held her back she would have looked advanced for her grade. Instead she is average which is fine by me but like I said, I do wonder if I too should have done what so many other do.

 

[zoemurr]

People with kids that are the young ones in their classes care not because just 1 parent holds back a child that needs to be held back but because there are many in each class that are held back and not all of them because they needed extra time to succeed in Kindy.

In some area's it is the norm to hold back and it makes it more difficult for the younger (but age appropriate child) to succeed. The classes go faster than they would usually go, they are challenged by being smaller or developmentally less mature, and it does effect outside activities such as sports. All of these things put them at a disadvantage and *could* hurt confidence and possible opportunities.

Standardized tests are not graded by age but by grade. And knowing the class material is not the only factor in a test. The children need to sit through the test, follow the directions properly etc. When a significant portion of the class is older by more than 12 months, it can make the youngest child look not as capable.

This is the reason many parents choose to hold their child back to give that advantage and when so many are doing it, it will start to really disadvantage others.

That is why other parents care. Not due to 1, but the many. Personally I don't care if you hold your child back, but it does effect my child who is one of the youngest. But I understood what I was getting into by sending her on time and yet sometimes I do wonder "what if" I had held her back. Would things be better for her?

BTW she does very well in school and sport(and she is tiny to boot) and if I had held her back she would have looked advanced for her grade. Instead she is average which is fine by me but like I said, I do wonder if I too should have done what so many other do.

Fortunately my DS is not suffering.. (he is G/T) but I sent him to K on time. He has a July birthday and our cutoff is Dec. 1. There was only one kid younger than him in the whole class! He is only 1/2 way through the year. To me that is just crazy.

I also don't understand why anyone can hold back but here there is a "no way, no how" option to going early in our district. DD missed the cutoff by a bit and the school voluntarily tested her (at the suggestion of the preschool teacher). She was years ahead, but couldn't start early. She had to start K on time, and then be skipped in the middle of the year. It went fine, but it seems there should be more checks and balances in place for anyone that wants to stray from the norm.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Classes are far more likely to cater to the weaker kids. And if a kid is having problems there is nothing to say that their parent can't help them. Why care how a grade schooler scores in a standardized test? And there will always be someone better at sports. I could care less what other families choose. It just isn't my problem. And, no, mine weren't.