This Is Us- Season two

[mi*vida*loca]

I don't feel that Rebecca shamed Kate in her weight issues.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't feel that Rebecca shamed Kate in her weight issues.

I don't either. Did she make some mistakes along the way, maybe phrase or approach some things in a less than optimal way? No doubt. But I still think she was doing the best she could at the time. I still think there has to be more to the story of Kate's weight than we have seen so far. I wouldn't be surprised if things escalated after Jack died and maybe she turned to food to cope.

 

[Christine]

I don't either. Did she make some mistakes along the way, maybe phrase or approach some things in a less than optimal way? No doubt. But I still think she was doing the best she could at the time. I still think there has to be more to the story of Kate's weight than we have seen so far. I wouldn't be surprised if things escalated after Jack died and maybe she turned to food to cope.

The show is already highlighting Kate's love of food. Couple that with sharing "special" one-on-one time with Jack and using food (ice cream shop visits) as part of that time and you've set up a real behavioral issue. Kate learned to associate food with love and her father.

 

[mom2rtk]

The show is already highlighting Kate's love of food. Couple that with sharing "special" one-on-one time with Jack and using food (ice cream shop visits) as part of that time and you've set up a real behavioral issue. Kate learned to associate food with love and her father.

I can kind of see that. But a lot of people have a love of food or associate it with love and don't have the issues she has. As I said, maybe the part I'm missing is what her father's death does to that equation.

 

[Christine]

I can kind of see that. But a lot of people have a love of food or associate it with love and don't have the issues she has. As I said, maybe the part I'm missing is what her father's death does to that equation.

Yes, it could go that way; however, I see her as already having an issue before her father's death. I would be concerned if I had 3 children and one was that size.

 

[mom2rtk]

Yes, it could go that way; however, I see her as already having an issue before her father's death. I would be concerned if I had 3 children and one was that size.

I can see that. But what would you do with that concern? I think Rebecca was concerned.

 

[Christine]

I can see that. But what would you do with that concern? I think Rebecca was concerned.

I have no idea what I would do. I think that back when they will children, there was even less thought to what could be done so Rebecca did what she could to try to reign in the eating, which I guess a lot of people think was cruel.

 

[Dentam]

I think Rebecca is getting too much blame for her kids' problems. At what point to they accept the fact that they're adults now and responsible for their own actions?

People are affected by their childhoods. There's simply no way around that. I don't see them all just blaming her, but in order for Kevin to understand why he is an addict, he has to look back at his childhood. And I think he blames Jack plenty for that also. We saw it quite a bit in the flashbacks of his high school days shortly before Jack died. There was a lot of anger toward his dad in those scenes. And he points it out in therapy that an addiction gene seems to run in their family. Yes, he needs to take responsibility for his actions, but he also needs to explore the reasons that he has gotten to this point, which is what therapy is helping him to do. The entire family could definitely use that help in opening up and talking about everything. The "others" pointed out that they are very tight lipped about anything involving Jack, and that needs to change in order for any of them to move forward and grow as individuals.

 

[jdb in AZ]

In a scene from last year Kate was ostracized by her friends, including Sophie, for being heavy -- the other girls said they were embarrassed to have her around. If you want to blame someone, why not blame them?

As for Kevin being odd-man out, he was so popular in high school -- and at that age teens are more concerned with what their friends think than what their parents think -- I would imagine being big man on campus more than made up for any perceived lack of affection at home. Kevin was an absolute jerk toward the college recruiter. Why is that not his own fault? When he was no longer the big football hero, the loss of fame may have contributed to his using drugs to block the pain.

 

[Dentam]

In a scene from last year Kate was ostracized by her friends, including Sophie, for being heavy -- the other girls said they were embarrassed to have her around. If you want to blame someone, why not blame them?

As for Kevin being odd-man out, he was so popular in high school -- and at that age teens are more concerned with what their friends think than what their parents think -- I would imagine being big man on campus more than made up for any perceived lack of affection at home. Kevin was an absolute jerk toward the college recruiter. Why is that not his own fault? When he was no longer the big football hero, the loss of fame may have contributed to his using drugs to block the pain.

I'm not sure if this is directed at me? Kids can be cruel, no doubt about that. I'm not sure that it's really been shown that Kate isn't blaming them also? She seems to be very confused still about the reasons behind her addiction to food. Even when Rebecca asked her in one episode - "did I do this to you"? - Kate told her she didn't know. And by the way, for Rebecca to even ask that question means she is acknowledging that she feels she could have had some part in Kate's issues with food.

Kevin is responsible for his behavior, of course. You seem to think that he's just a horrible person at heart though. I think it's more complicated than that.

 

[gillep]

People are affected by their childhoods. There's simply no way around that. I don't see them all just blaming her, but in order for Kevin to understand why he is an addict, he has to look back at his childhood. And I think he blames Jack plenty for that also. We saw it quite a bit in the flashbacks of his high school days shortly before Jack died. There was a lot of anger toward his dad in those scenes. And he points it out in therapy that an addiction gene seems to run in their family. Yes, he needs to take responsibility for his actions, but he also needs to explore the reasons that he has gotten to this point, which is what therapy is helping him to do. The entire family could definitely use that help in opening up and talking about everything. The "others" pointed out that they are very tight lipped about anything involving Jack, and that needs to change in order for any of them to move forward and grow as individuals.

This is so true, I am someone who has found therapy very beneficial for working through some issues, and trying to grow as an adult, and a lot of the things that I internalized in childhood have informed those things in myself that I have wanted to change. Those are really formative years, and do a lot to shape who you become as a person, and how you see the world around you. That said, although I can recognize things my parents did that have led me to have certain feelings, I would never blame them, they were great parents, who did so much for us growing up, and I am thankful for them every single day. As a child though, I saw those things through the viewpoint of a child and they did have an effect on me and the person I developed into.

I absolutely loved this episode and it really hit home for me. My mom and I have always had very opposite personalities, I have never been able to connect with her in the way she dreamed her daughter would, and it has definitely led to friction in our relationship. My dad on the other hand was just like me, and he was such and important and prominent fixture in my life, and when he passed away when I was in college I was pretty lost without him. I can absolutely see Rebecca's side, but I can also understand that to Kevin and Kate, as children, they saw Rebecca's actions as more negative than she meant them to be.

I don't have children yet, but throughout this entire series I have certainly felt for Rebecca dealing with Kate's weight issue, I have no idea how one deals with something like that, especially if you have no personal experience with being overweight or having issues with food. It is such a sensitive topic, and it seems to be a minefield no matter how you address it, or not. It is just not an easy situation to be in, and I hope that one day Kate can see that perspective as well as her own.

 

[mom2rtk]

Even when Rebecca asked her in one episode - "did I do this to you"? - Kate told her she didn't know. And by the way, for Rebecca to even ask that question means she is acknowledging that she feels she could have had some part in Kate's issues with food.

I just read that at typical mom guilt. Everyone (including the mom) jumps to the conclusion that it's mom's fault.

 

[Dentam]

This is so true, I am someone who has found therapy very beneficial for working through some issues, and trying to grow as an adult, and a lot of the things that I internalized in childhood have informed those things in myself that I have wanted to change. Those are really formative years, and do a lot to shape who you become as a person, and how you see the world around you. That said, although I can recognize things my parents did that have led me to have certain feelings, I would never blame them, they were great parents, who did so much for us growing up, and I am thankful for them every single day. As a child though, I saw those things through the viewpoint of a child and they did have an effect on me and the person I developed into.

I agree completely. I guess I don't really see the kids blaming the parents as much here as others do. I see it as them trying to figure themselves out and figuring out how their childhoods played into the issues they're facing now. And yes, there are still emotions around a lot of the issues like Rebecca being seen as favoring Randall. I don't know, I just think it's interesting and the anger and everything is part of the process to working through it all as a family. The love wins out in the end. That scene with the big three on the bench at the end showed that so well.

 

[Dentam]

I just read that at typical mom guilt. Everyone (including the mom) jumps to the conclusion that it's mom's fault.

I don't think so but who knows. Could be. I personally think she realizes the part she played. She wasn't entirely responsible and I don't think Kate has ever said that she was, but she definitely had a part in it, otherwise they wouldn't show the comments she made to Kate and the comments her own mom made to her.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't think so but who knows. Could be. I personally think she realizes the part she played.

Rebecca just strikes me as the sort who blames herself for everything.

I'd still like to hear from others how they would have handled Kate's weight differently.

I suppose even having cookies in the house was a mistake. So have a better selection of food would be a good start. But what else?

 

[Dentam]

I'd still like to hear from others how they would have handled Kate's weight differently.

Another viewpoint: Why did it need to be handled? By the time she is in high school she looks to be a normal size to me. Why put emphasis on her weight at all? Why not emphasize what a kind and caring girl she was, or any number of other wonderful qualities about her? I know our society is honed in on physical appearance, but that doesn't mean it's right.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Another viewpoint: Why did it need to be handled? By the time she is in high school she looks to be a normal size to me. Why put emphasis on her weight at all? Why not emphasize what a kind and caring girl she was, or any number of other wonderful qualities about her? I know our society is honed in on physical appearance, but that doesn't mean it's right.

I would rather “get a hold” onto it and create good habits while young so when they get older it’s not completely out of control. Which IMO Kate’s weight is out of control and very unhealthy. Forget appearances, for me, it’s aboit health.

Like i said previously, my daughter is 11 and she has a bad habit of snacking out of boredom. I do try to handle it by offering healthier options. Another thing i do is i don’t offer food or meals out as a way to “fix” a bad day or a way to make her feel better. Instead i offer to go for a walk, or play a board game. I think it’s a very bad thing Jack is doing by taking her for ice cream when she’s sad or upset.

This is coming from someone who isn’t thin and who can put on weight extremely fast if i don’t watch myself.

 

[Dentam]

I would rather “get a hold” onto it and create good habits while young so when they get older it’s not completely out of control. Which IMO Kate’s weight is out of control and very unhealthy. Forget appearances, for me, it’s aboit health.

Yes, her weight is absolutely an issue for her now. No argument there. I just personally don't think that anyone should make comments to kids about their weight. Focus on health, sure. Definitely a good idea. Make comments about their weight - no. To a sensitive kid, that comes across as "you're not good enough how you are".

I think that having healthier options on hand is a great idea. However, if you don't tackle the root of the issue, then once a kid is out on their own they will have free choices about what they eat. Kate has an addiction to food and uses it for comfort now. I don't know that her parents could really do much about this, but telling her that who she is as a person is what is most important would be the message I would want to hear, not that I needed to exercise more to be thinner and therefore fit in.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Yes, her weight is absolutely an issue for her now. No argument there. I just personally don't think that anyone should make comments to kids about their weight. Focus on health, sure. Definitely a good idea. Make comments about their weight - no. To a sensitive kid, that comes across as "you're not good enough how you are".

I don’t think anyone has made comments about her weight directly to Kate. They’ve told her she’s eaten too many sweets lately and should maybe eat an apple instead. I’ve told my very thin son the same thing. “You’ve had enough junk for one day. No more cookies. If you’re hungry here’s a banana instead.”

 

[Dentam]

I don’t think anyone has made comments about her weight directly to Kate. They’ve told her she’s eaten too many sweets lately and should maybe eat an apple instead. I’ve told my very thin son the same thing. “You’ve had enough junk for one day. No more cookies. If you’re hungry here’s a banana instead.”

Yes they have. Her mom has made comments and Sophie and her "friends" have. And that is just what we've been shown so far.