AnnaFloridaLover
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2015
In order for infidelity to occur both party's must be nakie and alone
Do you mean naked and together? lol
In order for infidelity to occur both party's must be nakie and alone
That is a bible reference obviously not all people hold to. But wisdom and common sense would argue that thinking about being romantic/sexual with random people does make it easier for discontent with your own marriage partner to foment.I think it was a blanket statement, not to be taken too literal. But, I admit (as a middle-aged single man) that I had momentary thoughts about things that were...."less than pure" in the context of marriage. Of course, I am now divorced so plug that into the equation.
I have read/heard that if you "lust after another heart", you are committing adultery.
If you even think about it you have done it.
Now that is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read on the Dis!
Really? By that definition my husband should divorce me for having an affair with Josh Holloway, Norman Reedus, David Beckham and Adam Levine. And I'm pretty sure he has done it with Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie and probably various women he comes across in a month.
Sorry I don’t agree. Fantasizing, imagining things in your own mind is completely normal and acceptable behaviour as long as you don’t act on it. To think you can somehow control another persons thoughts and fantasies is ridiculous and just setting yourself up for heartache. I could care less what or who my husband thinks about, I truly do not care one bit. As long as it stays a fantasy or thought all is good in my world. I can think about whoever or whatever I want to, as long as I’m not acting out on my thoughts in my own head I’m not breaking any trust or marriage vows.
My mom liked to tell my step dad, "I don't care where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home."
Agree..if you wouldn’t communicate or act the way you are in front of your spouse, you need to check your boundaries.
And as far as what is worse.. a physical or emotional affair? The one your dealing with.
Anything that you cannot tell your spouse you did, constitutes cheating. That level is based more on your marriage, than any one "level" in particular.
I guess I just don’t care to know or ask my dh about these things. His private thoughts are his private thoughts, I trust him to be faithful to me.Both of these statements are good examples of hyperbole.
I've read far more ridiculous things on the DIS. However, for one's thoughts to constitute infidelity, in my opinion, those thoughts have to pass beyond a single, passing thought into a more lingering, recurring, substantial fixation.
Of course, we all have our "Fantasy 5" list. And there will be people other than our significant others whom we'll find attractive which may lead to passing "Ooh, he's hot" or "she's got great legs" type thoughts. We go to the beach a lot. I don't expect my DH to not ever look at any other woman, just like he knows when the Matthew McConaughey surfer dude strolls by w/ his surf board, I'm going to take notice. But those kind of thoughts are just passing glancing thoughts that flutter out of your mind as quickly as they found their way in your mind.
I don't become fixated on another man in my thoughts, & I would be hurt if DH were fixated on another woman in his thoughts.
No, I can't control DH's thoughts, but neither can I control his actions. And, just I like I expect him not to physically cheat on me, I also expect that he won't cheat on me in his thoughts.
Again, celebrity crushes & some random gorgeous woman DH may encounter at the DMV is different from DH having thoughts about a female coworker or his friend's wife or any woman w/ whom he has regular contact. I think that kind of fixated, recurring thinking is on a different level & can lead down a dangerous path.
If DH is continually imagining getting w/ a coworker in the supply closet, we have a problem.
Like another poster said, that's actually a pretty disrespectful way to behave in one's marriage. Yes, there may be other things that get either DH or I "turned on" or "in the mood," but I'm really not wanting DH to use me while he's thinking of another woman.
I would agree w/ both of these statements. And I would add that, if I can't tell DH what I'm thinking, then that's probably a problem as well.
Anything that you cannot tell your spouse you did, constitutes cheating. That level is based more on your marriage, than any one "level" in particular.
Any relationship that you are keeping secret from your spouse or significant other is infidelity.