what would you do...teen doesn't want to enter parks

[NJMomto2]

We are staying 4 night with 5 park days but all are 1/2 day only as I had my hip replaced and stamina isn't great.

Day 1 - early days at MK. Evening at hotel pool at CBR
Day 2 - 1900 park fare family breakfast. 1/2 day at DHS. evening at hotel pool at CBR
Day 3 - early day at MK. Evening family dinner at DTD Raglan Road at 6:30pm.
Day 4 - family pool day at hotel. late day at MK for EP/wishes etc via FP
Day 5 - early day at AK. Family dinner at trails end at 7:30pm. Figured we would start the drive and stop in South Carolina overnight.

Day 5 is a problem due to check out time at 11am and son's "plans"

 

[lwc]

Hmm.

Honestly I would cancel the reservation at CBR, go to the Pacific Royal at US, stay club level, do 3 days at US with all three of you as a family, one day at a waterpark or Sea World - whichever your son would prefer, and one day at MK with your daughter. Let son sleep in and skip that day. There is plenty for your 3 year old to do at US and have a great time.

Save the big Disney trip for next time. Go with just DD, during the slow season, while son is away at school.

This is likely one of the last family vacations you will take before your son grows up and moves away.

You will have many, many more chances to do Disney with your daughter.

 

[Judique]

okay, I need help. We are booked for free dining and 5 day park hoppers with 4 night stay at Caribbean Beach with me, my 18 yr old son, and 3 year old daughter.

The 18 yr old son does not want to go in the parks. He does want to go to Universal and he does drive. We are taking my SUV down.

Can I:

1. Drop him off reservation entirely - save $?
2. Leave him on and eat the cost of his ticket. Book more meals at DTD or resort.
3. Leave him on and drop all tickets to 2 day park hoppers. Then upgrade me and baby to 5 day hoppers?

What is possible to help me save money and budget him extra for Universal?

Aww....I feel for you!

I'm well past this stage now. But I remember when my son wouldn't leave the room at age 17. The room service bill was larger than normal to say the least. And then there was the trip where I bought an adjoining room because it was just easier for us to keep from killing one another.....

Then he came again at age 18 and age 21. I didn't make him come, but he didn't want to do Disney, and he didn't want to stay home.

At 18 he went to Universal. I dropped him off and I can't remember how he came back but I think it was taxi and he came back early because it wasn't fun without friends. Driving to Universal can be done on the side roads, but that's a personal decision. I mainly wanted use of my own vehicle.

At age 21 there was a girl, and we rearranged our trip for this. Yada yada yada.

So, let him come. Let him do Uni. Expect him to buy his own ticket to Uni. Don't expect him to be able to sort it all.

He'll probably do his best to get to all the family meals.

You'll be happier when he stays home. At least I was!

 

[TianaPrincess]

What is the reason he is refusing to go into the parks? Does he see it as too childish for him? I know what my parents would do if I was 18 years old(I am only 17) and saying this. They would immediately cut me out of the vacation and go enjoy it themselves. I would never do this of course, but I think that is your best option.

 

[NJMomto2]

Hmm.

Honestly I would cancel the reservation at CBR, go to the Pacific Royal at US, stay club level, do 3 days at US with all three of you as a family, one day at a waterpark or Sea World - whichever your son would prefer, and one day at MK with your daughter. Let son sleep in and skip that day. There is plenty for your 3 year old to do at US and have a great time.

Save the big Disney trip for next time. Go with just DD, during the slow season, while son is away at school.

This is likely one of the last family vacations you will take before your son grows up and moves away.

You will have many, many more chances to do Disney with your daughter.

This is a consideration but my son has lackluster school performance. I tried everything: tutors, psychiatrists, incentives, etc. He won't attend college anytime soon. He barely graduated.

Aww....I feel for you!

I'm well past this stage now. But I remember when my son wouldn't leave the room at age 17. The room service bill was larger than normal to say the least. And then there was the trip where I bought an adjoining room because it was just easier for us to keep from killing one another.....

Then he came again at age 18 and age 21. I didn't make him come, but he didn't want to do Disney, and he didn't want to stay home.

At 18 he went to Universal. I dropped him off and I can't remember how he came back but I think it was taxi and he came back early because it wasn't fun without friends. Driving to Universal can be done on the side roads, but that's a personal decision. I mainly wanted use of my own vehicle.

At age 21 there was a girl, and we rearranged our trip for this. Yada yada yada.

So, let him come. Let him do Uni. Expect him to buy his own ticket to Uni. Don't expect him to be able to sort it all.

He'll probably do his best to get to all the family meals.

You'll be happier when he stays home. At least I was!

Lol. Thanks for this post! It helps me realize that these are normal family affairs and others have been through it. I hold out hope for a mommy daughter trip at some point but I can't afford two trips this year. Honestly I would like to go to Universal too but can't afford both physically and financially to do so. Our Disney trip will only cost me about $1000 out of pocket after free dining, visa rewards points, etc.

I am honestly laughing so hard as your 17 yr old trip and ours was the same. I have considered buying that extra room. I have stayed offsite and booked a 2 bedroom suite for me, son, and toddler daughter. Ridiculousness...

 

[NJMomto2]

What is the reason he is refusing to go into the parks? Does he see it as too childish for him? I know what my parents would do if I was 18 years old(I am only 17) and saying this. They would immediately cut me out of the vacation and go enjoy it themselves. I would never do this of course, but I think that is your best option.

I also love your reply. It is nice to have a teenager point of view. My opinion is that he is lazy but I also think he is bored of Disney.

I honestly thought he was gonna stay home but he doesn't want to. It is bizarre.

We have flown to WDW, rented car, hotel, etc and he just sits in the room and expects me to run back with breakfast, lunch, and dinner for him every day. It breaks up our plans and is sooo exhausting.

 

[Judique]

This is a consideration but my son has lackluster school performance. I tried everything: tutors, psychiatrists, incentives, etc. He won't attend college anytime soon. He barely graduated.



Lol. Thanks for this post! It helps me realize that these are normal family affairs and others have been through it. I hold out hope for a mommy daughter trip at some point but I can't afford two trips this year. Honestly I would like to go to Universal too but can't afford both physically and financially to do so. Our Disney trip will only cost me about $1000 out of pocket after free dining, visa rewards points, etc.

I am honestly laughing so hard as your 17 yr old trip and ours was the same. I have considered buying that extra room. I have stayed offsite and booked a 2 bedroom suite for me, son, and toddler daughter. Ridiculousness...

Lol, I have to put this in perspective by telling you that at age 15 he carried my then 4 year old all over the parks when she tired, and to this day he loves his little sister! But it's not all roses all the time!

 

[MrsNesbet]

Hmm.

Honestly I would cancel the reservation at CBR, go to the Pacific Royal at US, stay club level, do 3 days at US with all three of you as a family, one day at a waterpark or Sea World - whichever your son would prefer, and one day at MK with your daughter. Let son sleep in and skip that day. There is plenty for your 3 year old to do at US and have a great time.

Save the big Disney trip for next time. Go with just DD, during the slow season, while son is away at school.

This is likely one of the last family vacations you will take before your son grows up and moves away.

You will have many, many more chances to do Disney with your daughter.

Yep, I would do this! He is still your "baby" and this is a family trip. I have large age gaps in my children and I always make sure the focus is on all their interests, not just mine (not that that is what you are doing, but if he is set on US and you are set on taking a vacation while he is still in your home)

Skip disney this year and go next year when your DD is 4. Enjoy US/IOA with both your children. Family vacations are memories that should be treasured.

 

[TianaPrincess]

I also love your reply. It is nice to have a teenager point of view. My opinion is that he is lazy but I also think he is bored of Disney.

I honestly thought he was gonna stay home but he doesn't want to. It is bizarre.

We have flown to WDW, rented car, hotel, etc and he just sits in the room and expects me to run back with breakfast, lunch, and dinner for him every day. It breaks up our plans and is sooo exhausting.

Oh heck no Momma. I have only been 1 time to Walt Disney World and so have my parents. There is no way in you know what that my Mom would be taking time out of her parks time to run back to the Resort to feed me. She may give me money for food but that's about it. After that I am on my own.

 

[4under4]

[QUOTE="NJMomto2, post: 53979969, member: 555846"
We have flown to WDW, rented car, hotel, etc and he just sits in the room and expects me to run back with breakfast, lunch, and dinner for him every day. It breaks up our plans and is sooo exhausting.[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but shame on you! What is that teaching him??? What is that teaching DD???? You are not helping him grow up by catering to this behavior.

Choice 4...

DS, this family is taking a trip to Disney. You may go with good grace and participate with the family, or you can stay home. If you want a universal vacation, I suggest you start working/saving for it. I'll need your answer by tomorrow at 8:00. If I don't get an answer, I'll be cancelling you from the reservation.

And before the flaming starts, if OP posts were raving about what a great brother and responsible kid he was, my answer would be entirely different.

 

[NJMomto2]

Hopefully no flaming happens here. I appreciate all opinions even the tough love. I wouldn't have asked for opinions if I didn't welcome all of them.

I love my kids equally. I have planned meals like Raglan Road for him. I always balance fast passes in a split between thrill rides for him and parades for her. We are driving down the coast at my son's request for a road trip. But he is indecisive and non committal and she begs to go to Disney every day as we used to live in SoCal and went every Sunday.

I have no problem bringing my son and letting him go to Universal. I just wanted to get a perspective on the most cost effective method of doing so.

A trip to Universal will be twice the cost with food, parking, front of line or deuxe hotels, etc and he might still sit in the hotel room.

We already took our "last family trip" together to Puerto Rico, which he requested over Christmas on the Fantasy when I assumed he would be in college in the Fall.

I have taken him to Hawaii for a football trip, Sacramento, CA for a football trip etc. My daughter and I attend every football game etc for him.

I am a single mom that works full time in Corporate America. Money and time off is very limited.

New perspective: I just pulled out of the garage to get groceries and saw a new 12 inch long dent in my BMW side panel. He says it happened on its own and he has no idea how. He is the only person that has driven it.

We may just cancel and the issue will be done. Everyone can be home and miserable.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[loves to dive]

I feel your pain, I'm a single mom with a now grown son but those teenage years can be hard. I would pull what my parents did, my house, my rules as long as you live here you follow them. We are going to Disney, obviously I can't trust you to leave you at home alone, look at my car. If you want to go to Universal, fine, you pay for it, I'll help you find some transportation but you are not using my van. You will not ruin this vacation for your sister or me, you will go, you will pretend to enjoy yourself.

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[NJMomto2]

Thanks for all the advice. It really does help to hear different perspectives of other parents/family members.

I believe I will leave the package and ADRs as is, plan one day where he can go to US if he improves his behavior, and try to enjoy the days in the magic of Disney. It is my vacation too.


The things us parents go through, I swear!

 

[4under4]

Hopefully no flaming happens here. I appreciate all opinions even the tough love. I wouldn't have asked for opinions if I didn't welcome all of them.

I love my kids equally. I have planned meals like Raglan Road for him. I always balance fast passes in a split between thrill rides for him and parades for her. We are driving down the coast at my son's request for a road trip. But he is indecisive and non committal and she begs to go to Disney every day as we used to live in SoCal and went every Sunday.

I have no problem bringing my son and letting him go to Universal. I just wanted to get a perspective on the most cost effective method of doing so.

A trip to Universal will be twice the cost with food, parking, front of line or deuxe hotels, etc and he might still sit in the hotel room.

We already took our "last family trip" together to Puerto Rico, which he requested over Christmas on the Fantasy when I assumed he would be in college in the Fall.

I have taken him to Hawaii for a football trip, Sacramento, CA for a football trip etc. My daughter and I attend every football game etc for him.

I am a single mom that works full time in Corporate America. Money and time off is very limited.

New perspective: I just pulled out of the garage to get groceries and saw a new 12 inch long dent in my BMW side panel. He says it happened on its own and he has no idea how. He is the only person that has driven it.

We may just cancel and the issue will be done. Everyone can be home and miserable.

I'm glad you understood my point, and I'm sorry about the dent. Changing long standing behavior isn't easy, but it's only going to get harder the longer it continues. best of luck, and I hope everyone had a great vacation!

 

[robinb]

I guess I'm going to disagree a bit with the prevailing wisdom. OP, have you talked to him about why he would rather stay in the room? It seems to me that an adult teen young man would not be into the same things as a 3-year old toddler girl and it would be hard for you to merge their two worlds. Even the "family meal" is a Princess meal. Yippie. You say that there are some FP+s for him, but how much fun is it to ride alone while your mom and baby sister waits for you? I'm sure he loves her, but what kind of a vacation is going to WDW at her pace and preferences for him? For me, the mere thought if being on a toddler schedule again (unless it were my own child or grandchild) makes me just shudder. Ugh. In addition, your own disability means that you only have a few good hours per day leaving him at loose ends for most of the time. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I don't really blame him for not wanting a girly toddler-based vacation with the family. I would either see if you can bring a friend for him to keep him company and sane or cut back to the minimum number of days on the park passes and pony up for him to go to Universal while you have a couple of mommy-daughter days. If think "my high or the highway" may backfire in your face.

 

[englanddg]

I guess I'm going to disagree a bit with the prevailing wisdom. OP, have you talked to him about why he would rather stay in the room? It seems to me that an adult teen young man would not be into the same things as a 3-year old toddler girl and it would be hard for you to merge their two worlds. Even the "family meal" is a Princess meal. Yippie. You say that there are some FP+s for him, but how much fun is it to ride alone while your mom and baby sister waits for you? I'm sure he loves her, but what kind of a vacation is going to WDW at her pace and preferences for him? For me, the mere thought if being on a toddler schedule again (unless it were my own child or grandchild) makes me just shudder. Ugh. In addition, your own disability means that you only have a few good hours per day leaving him at loose ends for most of the time. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I don't really blame him for not wanting a girly toddler-based vacation with the family. I would either see if you can bring a friend for him to keep him company and sane or cut back to the minimum number of days on the park passes and pony up for him to go to Universal while you have a couple of mommy-daughter days. If think "my high or the highway" may backfire in your face.

I agree. I don't think cutting him out or "tough love" will work.

He's 18, he's an "adult", and frankly, the sooner you start treating him like one (within reason) the better.

I agree with those who say he should pony up for some of the difference in cost, as a matter of principle. An easy way to do this is make his shopping kitty his responsibility. Only give him a few bucks ($20 should work fine per day) for snacks and food. The rest, is all him. He wants that cool T-Shirt, that's his duty.

Having been a snappy male teenager (I frumped in the room while my family went to see Mt. Rushmore, something I later regretted once the testosterone wasn't bulging through my veins with the frequency that happens when one is learning to manage shaving still)...I can say, there's probably a bit more going on with his mindset than just him being "difficult". So, take that into account.

I'm still all for option 3, but with limitations. Do NOT sacrifice the greater trip for his happiness (nor your peace of mind, hence why I still think the kiddo shouldn't be allowed to drive...let him take Uber/Taxi/Public Transit).

In fact, based on the other stuff I've read here (about his grades, etc.) I'm even more inclined to say, have him take public transit.

I didn't get the best grades, and I didn't get to go to college. I've rectified that through VERY hard work and I make a well above average living now, but it was hard work. Hard work that started at age 18, when my parents said, basically, "If you aren't going to college, you have two other choices. Join the military, or move out." I moved out, and crafted a very good career in restaurant management as a result (but, after years of working). Later I jumped into IT work. It's a very long story, so I really don't want to get into all of it, but my point is, being forced, at age 18, to face the fact that I was now, in my parents eyes (at least officially) an "adult", and as a result should be able to fend for myself, was an eye opening experience, and not a bad one.

 

[jpeppers]

As a side note, and this will sound odd...maybe even a bit over protective...cause, I mean, he is 18...but, this is my opinion.

I'd look into him NOT driving to get to Uni. Rather, shell out for a taxi each day OR have him take the Lynx (Orlando bus system). I assume he has a cellular phone, so he can keep in touch. To get there by Lynx, he would have to take a Disney Bus to DTD, walk across the street to the bus station, take the #111 to Florida Mall, then the #37 to Universal. The whole thing takes an hour to an hour and a half, but with a cel phone with games on it, I doubt he'd notice (plus it's an "adventure").

Anyhow, I know it's an odd thing, but here's why I think he shouldn't drive:

1) He's 18. Yeah, I know that's silly. We've all been 18. But, Florida drivers (no offence to Floridians) are competitive speeders (and insane with lane shifts). He may decide he wants to speed too. Yeah, don't want to have to deal with the "Mom, I got pulled over" call while at Disney with your 3 year old!

2) Florida drivers...are insane. You don't want to deal with the "Mom, I got into an accident." call while at Disney with your 3 year old! His fault or not!

3) He's not familiar with the roads, which can make it easier to get into an accident.

4) It makes sure his range is limited. Granted you could track him through his cel phone, but with the Lynx or a Taxi being his only options, it keeps him somewhat leashed.

Dunno, it was something that popped in my mind.

I don't get this. You are over protective but would rather have the kid spend 2 hours on public transportation than 20 minutes driving? I am also shocked when people talk about traffic in Orlando, I live in the Olympia, Wa. area (50 miles south of Seattle) and find driving in Orlando to be a walk in the park and I have now done around 20 vacations in Orlando all with a rental car. The Interstate between Disney and Universal is nothing compared to I-5 and if he wants to completely avoid traffic (which I would suggest) he can take Turkey Lake Blvd which runs adjacent to to the freeway all the way form Disney to Universal. As far as a taxi, I would imagine that would be about $60 RT a day. I'm not trying to be a jerk but I'm thinking the poster is comfortable with her son's driving ability and his responsibility level. If he wanted to speed he could do the same thing at home.

 

[englanddg]

I don't get this. You are over protective but would rather have the kid spend 2 hours on public transportation than 20 minutes driving? I am also shocked when people talk about traffic in Orlando, I live in the Olympia, Wa. area (50 miles south of Seattle) and find driving in Orlando to be a walk in the park and I have now done around 20 vacations in Orlando all with a rental car. The Interstate between Disney and Universal is nothing compared to I-5 and if he wants to completely avoid traffic (which I would suggest) he can take Turkey Lake Blvd which runs adjacent to to the freeway all the way form Disney to Universal. As far as a taxi, I would imagine that would be about $60 RT a day. I'm not trying to be a jerk but I'm thinking the poster is comfortable with her son's driving ability and his responsibility level. If he wanted to speed he could do the same thing at home.

The issue isn't speeding, per se. It's dealing with his driving related issues which could come up while also trying to have a relaxing vacation with a 3 year old.

As I noted, it was just my opinion. I wouldn't give him the keys to my car, were he my son. Let him figure that out. And, training someone to learn how to use public transit at age 18 isn't a bad idea at all. Most major (and minor) cities offer it, and knowing how to learn to navigate it isn't a bad idea at all.