Would you be mad? Cancelling via text message... Vacation plans

[Cindy's Mom]

It's 2.5 weeks away, planning meals and cooking/shopping for meals are two different things. DH can 1) withdraw his day off or 2) use it and spend the day with you. To me, this isn't a big deal. and with regard to the text v phone call. Maybe she's a texter and you're her only "talk on the phone" friend. I'm trying to see the skin off your back on this one, and I can't find it. Enjoy the weekend anyway - and hey, if you're good friends (like really good friends), with the beach house people....call her up and ask if the invite still stands......life's too short to let to sweat the small stuff.

 

[lecach]

leaving us with many of the costs as it was nonrefundable

If they dropped out they should pay the costs that were nonrefundable! That is so not fair.

 

[luvsJack]

If you wanted to throw shade at me it seems unnecessary to couch it with "some of you people". Using common sense and drawing on my studies in the area of psychology is actually something I do regularly as part of assessments I perform on the job. I don't make it a practice not to follow through on a file simply because I've never experienced someone doing X or behaving the way some of the clients do.

So my opinion about the dog meets with your acceptance because it comports with yours?

Uhmmmm. . . you are taking things a wee bit too personally.

No one was throwing any shade at you or anyone else. and I never said "some of you people". I said: where do some of you meet these people? As in grown adults who would try to control someone's emotional response to something.

Your assessment of the controlling aspects of the OP's friend seem a bit over the top. But you are, of course, entitled to your opinion.

As for the dog, I was agreeing with you. Of course it was because that is the choice the friend made, that would be the case no matter what the underlying reason is so that seems a bit too obvious to even use as an answer. I would ask the friend that question as a somewhat rhetorical question. Like I said, maybe she was passive-agressively asking if she could bring the dog along or something along those lines. I didn't mean it as a literal question that I needed an answer to.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I might agree with the plenty of notice idea if this hadn't been a repeated pattern. The real clue is in the subsequent text essentially demanding OP to be emotionally distraught over the situation. Really, you're canceling plans with good friends (yet again) because you've gotten a dog, something your family is presumably happy about, yet OP should be in tears of disappointment? That's some deep, caring friendship right there.

I thought you'd be in tears is not a demand. It's more along the lines of phew, I thought you'd really be upset. Turns out, the OP is more upset than the person that texted her picked up on from the response of "ok"

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

 

[cabanafrau]

View attachment 399725

Curious comment considering the source. Are you just looking to offload your overabundance?

 

[sk!mom]

I wouldn't be mad that they cancelled via text. Texting is a completely acceptable (and usually my favorite) way of communicating. These days, I think only really sensitive messages shouldn't be texted,

I would be irritated that they cancelled plans again. If I enjoyed their friendship, I wouldn't end it over it. I just wouldn't ever make long range plans with them. They would be relegated to last minute- "hey want to get dinner tonight?" friends.

 

[Jim Shuler]

So we have been planning with our friends coming for vacation... Memorial day weekend She is the one who suggested the get together, and called me on the phone to asked if they could come for Memorial Day weekend... Since then She and I have been planning and talking on the phone about this trip for over 6 months. DH took off work from work on the Friday before so he could be off and we all could spend time together... I have been planning out meals, and such... This is not the first time that they have done this, once was for a medical reasons... her adult daughter who lives with them has special needs, and was having some medical issue...and it's perfectly understandable, and she did pick up the phone and call me to tell me and apologizes... which the apology wasn't necessary as I completely understand. Then we were suppose to met then in NYC, and they cancelled for another reason, something to do with his adult daughter who is a doctor, he was mad and pouting about something that she said or did and wasn't in the mood to go anywhere... and again she called to cancel and apologize for cancelling... We went anyway, and she was kinda mad that we went anyway, and said something like " I can't believe that you went with out us" I was like we already had plane tickets, hotel and show tickets bought... why would we not go...this was several years ago...

So I get a text, that says... and I quote "I am afraid we have to cancel our trip and this is the reason why... and its a picture of a dog" ???? I guess they got a new dog...

So I responded - Okay

She responds back - WOW I thought you would be in tears...

I haven't responded back... nor will I... we are done...

This is think is just rude, and inconsiderate at least... and not even hey I'm sorry... and she hasn't picked up the phone, I thought that she would have picked up the phone after work or something... call me.... and we really don't text each other we are more calling and talking on the phone kinda friends... and I am really mad that we declined some other friends on a beach trip for memorial day. Which I called her to make sure that they were coming for sure, I did not tell her that we had another offer... before we declined the other offer...and she was like" Yes we are coming... I can't wait... and on and on...and all I got was that lame text"...this is not how you treat someone who you have been friends with 18 years...

Would you be mad? Would you handle it any different?

I believe it is time to get other friends. Those people are not your friends.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Curious comment considering the source. Are you just looking to offload your overabundance?

Here I am bringing food and gifts and all you want to do is fight with everybody. If you want the cheese corn just say so. We're not married to it or anything.

 

[Imzadi]

As for the "wow I thought you would be in tears" comment I'm going with the friend expected more of an upset reaction because that's probably how it's been or at least the friend knew the OP's expectations regarding making plans and whatnot. [..I still remember the time my friend was late and she was apologetic and whatnot and I was so chillax about it she had this shocked look on her face. Without any other details that's how I would interpret that comment. Not necessarily that it was an emotional manipulation. But that is purely IMO.

I thought you'd be in tears is not a demand. It's more along the lines of phew, I thought you'd really be upset. Turns out, the OP is more upset than the person that texted her picked up on from the response of "ok"

I agree with the above. I think the friend probably expected an upset reaction and didn't want to face a phone call with that reaction. It wasn't a demand for that kind of reaction. I don't get vilifying the friend. The OP IS upset. Upset enough to end an 18 year friendship. I think she's upset, not so much, in regard to texting, as she says, but about the cancellation. The text is just all balled up in the whole situation. Like it's the last straw. yet, I have to also wonder if the OP has reacted in tears to other, less elaborate events, and that's why the friend expected such a reaction? That expectation comes out of the blue - unless the OP has reacted that way before.

I have been planning out meals, and such...

This is the part I don't get. Were you renting a house together for the weekend and making the meals? Or were you making the dinner reservations at different restaurants for everyone? That I can understand. Otherwise, why does one person have to plan out the meals for 4 adults if you are all going out for meals? What other plans did you make for everyone else? Maybe the friend & DH were starting to feel that what started out as a relaxed, casual vacation was turning into an overly planned out trip and didn't want to go after all? The dog just happened to come along to be a great "excuse" to cancel? That it was so overly planned out that the friend expected you to be upset - 6 months of planning.

Anyway, as already pointed out by other people. she has exhibited a pattern of canceling trips. Even if their other times of cancelling have been "legit," although cancelling for DH being in a bad mood doesn't seem to qualify, from past experience, she has been able to cancel. As Dr. Phil says, "You teach people how to treat you." She's learned she can be flakey and cancel.

And you have to be accountable for your part in making plans with them a third time. There is a famous Russian proverb, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Well, this was your third time at this. Whether you decide to end the friendship or just end making plans like this with them is up to you. (And yes, I hadn't said earlier, I would be peeved/annoyed/angry at them for canceling. Yet, I'd also be peeved/annoyed/angry at myself for doing it a third time. )

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I would probably be ticked off to be honest. Not about them texting me vs calling but about them backing out again. I would now probably never make plans with them again for a trip. They burnt their bridge. I do feel like the text vs the call is passive aggressive thou. If she is a talker then her texting is so she can weasel out of this and not feel bad about it. She should feel bad - she isn't reliable.

As far as the comment about the dog...wierd.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Here I am bringing food and gifts and all you want to do is fight with everybody. If you want the cheese corn just say so. We're not married to it or anything.

But you didn't bring frosty libations.

 

[Imzadi]

But you didn't bring frosty libations.

Those don't all go with popcorn, IMO. I'm not one of those salty/sweet people, which is the trend nowadays, like salted caramel anything.

 

[cabanafrau]

Here I am bringing food and gifts and all you want to do is fight with everybody. If you want the cheese corn just say so. We're not married to it or anything.

Actually I was discussing the topic, as one does on a discussion board. Instead of disagreeing with my viewpoint and expressing their own, someone decided to frame their response by quoting me, suggesting there's something wrong with either those I surround myself with or perhaps my character. You decide to jump in for whatever reason and I'm "fighting with everybody"? You might notice that you have a different take on the actual thread topic than I do, yet that's not what I'm taking issue with.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Those don't all go with popcorn, IMO. I'm not one of those salty/sweet people, which is the trend nowadays, like salted caramel anything.

More for me.

Although I tend to be a "bourbon, neat" kinda gal. Bourbon goes with anything.

 

[Imzadi]

More for me.

Although I tend to be a "bourbon, neat" kinda gal. Bourbon goes with anything.

We could just skip the popcorn & go for the drinks.

 

[Searc]

OP, I have zero tolerance for flakes. I don't care if they are family or friends. I wouldn't bother contacting her again, about anything.

 

[ashley0139]

I'm surprised by people saying they wouldn't be bothered. If I had been planning a trip for a while and somebody canceled, I would be angry. Flakiness is one of my biggest pet peeves in friendships and I have ended friendships because of it once it becomes a pattern. And the "I thought you would be in tears" comment is just weird. She's hoping you'll be upset about it? I probably wouldn't go out of my way to see these people again.

I have no problem with the text message thing, but that's how I do a lot of my communication anyway.

 

[sharbear]

At first I thought the text was kidding. Haha we got a dog but wasn’t serious. Why would they cancel over getting a dog? Wouldn’t you leave the dog with the daughter who lives with them? Or bring the dog? Or call and try to change the date?

But if it wasn’t serious or was, why not a call? By your silence she has to know you are annoyed, I would have to follow up if I was good friends with a person and this exchange happened.

But then maybe she doesn’t have the same level of commitment that you do and thinks that cancelling 2.5 weeks ahead is no big deal. But I think that by sending a text instead of calling, she was trying to avoid any confrontation

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

But you didn't bring frosty libations.

Ahh it's Thursday. Tonight is free wings night at the pub. You get the booze. The wings are on me!!!