WWYD -- why are families so stressful?? (long, sorry)

[PleasejointheFarque]

I actually think it was the manager who saw $75 disappearing so thought he'd rather have the $75 regardless of who used it.
If its a small family owned business it was purely not doing right by the family, or even your brother, but making sure he kept the money.
I am suspicious about everyone especially when money is involved, but YMMV.

 

[dish rag]

I actually think it was the manager who saw $75 disappearing so thought he'd rather have the $75 regardless of who used it.
If its a small family owned business it was purely not doing right by the family, or even your brother, but making sure he kept the money.
I am suspicious about everyone especially when money is involved, but YMMV.

If I'm thinking correctly the business owner would have already received the $75 and it would have been better for he or she to have it expire. Unless the user ended up really liking the place and made return trips. I think this is more about sibling rivalry and the one not wanting to see the other get something they didn't. I still cannot understand why it wouldn't be just left with the in town sibling to use and would even be a seconds thiught other wise.

 

[ronandannette]

I'm looking at this from the perspective of the person who gave the gift as a gesture of sympathy, because I have lots of friends whose extended families don't live local and have travelled home for funerals. Personally, I usually send flowers, and the gesture is mostly intended to bless my actual friend, as it seems was the pizza dinner in this case. If it were me, I'd be a little disappointed my friend wasn't able to benefit from the gift but I'd also just assume some other family member would use it and I'd never dream of taking it back, even if my friend suggested that I should. That's just awkward.

 

[leebee]

I'm looking at this from the perspective of the person who gave the gift as a gesture of sympathy, because I have lots of friends whose extended families don't live local and have travelled home for funerals. Personally, I usually send flowers, and the gesture is mostly intended to bless my actual friend, as it seems was the pizza dinner in this case. If it were me, I'd be a little disappointed my friend wasn't able to benefit from the gift but I'd also just assume some other family member would use it and I'd never dream of taking it back, even if my friend suggested that I should. That's just awkward.

Absolutely awkward! The gift card was given in a time of sadness/need, hoping it would be used to make things easier for the family, in an expression of sympathy and kindness. Did the giver really mean that it was only for OP? Returning the card is kind of a slap in the face, IMO... "Here, take this back, we didn't use/need/want it." OP probably didn't mean it that way, but jeez... that's how I'd take it if I was the gift-giver. Also, most gift certificates can't be turned in for cash- it's in the fine print. Now, this might be a small, local pizza shop who'd do the favor for a regular customer, but really? It seems like OP must reeeeeeeallly dislike her brother to be taking this to such an extreme.

 

[marcyleecorgan]

It doesn't sound like this is a standard gift certificate situation - many restaurants do not offer the option.

Maybe the friend isn't in the position to leave $75 unspent dollars on the table, which is what NOT cancelling the GC would be! And it does sound like the GC was mostly a gift personally bestowed upon OP to help offset the costs of feeding people that weekend... not so much of a traditional "family funeral food" gift. It would be like if the friend pulled cash out of her wallet - if one didn't order the food with the cash as intended, it would be pretty rude to tell said friend, "Oh sorry, I straight up gave that money to my brother."

I think the most awkward part of this is that "the pizzeria manager called OP's brother" - WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? SO massively inappropriate! I would tear a new strip out of ANY restaurant manager who presumed how I should frequent their business! That was a private, financial transaction between the pizzeria and the OP's friend - NOT town gossip!!!

If the manager felt that he was about to "lose" $75 from an unclaimed GC in the wake of a funeral (sorry! bad pun!), the ONLY correct answer is, "We are saddened to hear of your family's loss. Please know that our thoughts are with you here at Bob's Hot Slices, and that if you ever have a family reunion or need venue space, our offer of a catered pizza dinner is still ON THE HOUSE!"

Dead people are NOT a reason to profit!!!! It's just soooooooooo tacky!!!! augh! pet peeve!

 

[ronandannette]

Absolutely awkward! The gift card was given in a time of sadness/need, hoping it would be used to make things easier for the family, in an expression of sympathy and kindness. Did the giver really mean that it was only for OP? Returning the card is kind of a slap in the face, IMO... "Here, take this back, we didn't use/need/want it." OP probably didn't mean it that way, but jeez... that's how I'd take it if I was the gift-giver. Also, most gift certificates can't be turned in for cash- it's in the fine print. Now, this might be a small, local pizza shop who'd do the favor for a regular customer, but really? It seems like OP must reeeeeeeallly dislike her brother to be taking this to such an extreme.

I'd not see it like that at all, just my friend making a (misguided) attempt to look out for me. I'd decline to take it back though. I simply wouldn't do it even if that meant the $75 went unused. And FWIW, I imagine this little local pizza place doesn't even have formal gift cards. The OP's friend probably phoned up and had them run $75 on a credit card to "pre-pay" for a meal for the family. I've done things like that myself.

It doesn't sound like this is a standard gift certificate situation - many restaurants do not offer the option.

Maybe the friend isn't in the position to leave $75 unspent dollars on the table, which is what NOT cancelling the GC would be! And it does sound like the GC was mostly a gift personally bestowed upon OP to help offset the costs of feeding people that weekend... not so much of a traditional "family funeral food" gift. It would be like if the friend pulled cash out of her wallet - if one didn't order the food with the cash as intended, it would be pretty rude to tell said friend, "Oh sorry, I straight up gave that money to my brother."

I think the most awkward part of this is that "the pizzeria manager called OP's brother" - WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? SO massively inappropriate! I would tear a new strip out of ANY restaurant manager who presumed how I should frequent their business! That was a private, financial transaction between the pizzeria and the OP's friend - NOT town gossip!!!

If the manager felt that he was about to "lose" $75 from an unclaimed GC in the wake of a funeral (sorry! bad pun!), the ONLY correct answer is, "We are saddened to hear of your family's loss. Please know that our thoughts are with you here at Bob's Hot Slices, and that if you ever have a family reunion or need venue space, our offer of a catered pizza dinner is still ON THE HOUSE!"

Dead people are NOT a reason to profit!!!! It's just soooooooooo tacky!!!! augh! pet peeve!

If you've never lived in a really, really small community where everybody knows everybody (and their business), this would seem unthinkable. But for those of us who have; things like that happen all the time and nobody bats an eye. Probably the pizza guy knew all about the death in the family and was waiting for them to come in for their dinner.

 

[gotomu212]

It doesn't sound like this is a standard gift certificate situation - many restaurants do not offer the option.

Maybe the friend isn't in the position to leave $75 unspent dollars on the table, which is what NOT cancelling the GC would be! And it does sound like the GC was mostly a gift personally bestowed upon OP to help offset the costs of feeding people that weekend... not so much of a traditional "family funeral food" gift. It would be like if the friend pulled cash out of her wallet - if one didn't order the food with the cash as intended, it would be pretty rude to tell said friend, "Oh sorry, I straight up gave that money to my brother."

I think the most awkward part of this is that "the pizzeria manager called OP's brother" - WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? SO massively inappropriate! I would tear a new strip out of ANY restaurant manager who presumed how I should frequent their business! That was a private, financial transaction between the pizzeria and the OP's friend - NOT town gossip!!!

If the manager felt that he was about to "lose" $75 from an unclaimed GC in the wake of a funeral (sorry! bad pun!), the ONLY correct answer is, "We are saddened to hear of your family's loss. Please know that our thoughts are with you here at Bob's Hot Slices, and that if you ever have a family reunion or need venue space, our offer of a catered pizza dinner is still ON THE HOUSE!"

Dead people are NOT a reason to profit!!!! It's just soooooooooo tacky!!!! augh! pet peeve!

That’s not what it sounds like happened. The owner already had the $75 from the gift card sale. He’s already made his money. It sounds like Bob of Bob’s Slices knew he sold the gc, realized the family never collected it, thought man in the chaos of a funeral I hope they didn’t forget or misplace the card, and so called the family to remind them of the credit. He’s out more if the family does redeem it since he’s already been paid for nothing.

Ripping the manager for reaching out to remind brother of the unused card would create WAY more drama in a small town. Did you all know that Shelly and her brother are feuding? She called me up screaming for reminding her brother about their credit? Was she always unstable or is it her mamas death that made her scream at old Bob? That’s how that story gets talked about around town.

 

[ronandannette]

That’s not what it sounds like happened. The owner already had the $75 from the gift card sale. He’s already made his money. It sounds like Bob of Bob’s Slices knew he sold the gc, realized the family never collected it, thought man in the chaos of a funeral I hope they didn’t forget or misplace the card, and so called the family to remind them of the credit. He’s out more if the family does redeem it since he’s already been paid for nothing.

Ripping the manager for reaching out to remind brother of the unused card would create WAY more drama in a small town. Did you all know that Shelly and her brother are feuding? She called me up screaming for reminding her brother about their credit? Was she always unstable or is it her mamas death that made her scream at old Bob? That’s how that story gets talked about around town.

Sounds like you totally get it - were we once neighbours?

 

[marcyleecorgan]

I'd not see it like that at all, just my friend making a (misguided) attempt to look out for me. I'd decline to take it back though. I simply wouldn't do it even if that meant the $75 went unused. And FWIW, I imagine this little local pizza place doesn't even have formal gift cards. The OP's friend probably phoned up and had them run $75 on a credit card to "pre-pay" for a meal for the family. I've done things like that myself.

If you've never lived in a really, really small community where everybody knows everybody (and their business), this would seem unthinkable. But for those of us who have; things like that happen all the time and nobody bats an eye. Probably the pizza guy knew all about the death in the family and was waiting for them to come in for their dinner.

I have... but I'm still a private person. And I hate small towns for this reason... and that's why I don't live in one anymore! People gossip... and then they get upset that I speak my mind. Huh, weirdos, keep your mouths shut...

If the pizzeria manager wasn't INVITED to the funeral, he has NO say in how the funeral expenses are spent. NONE of his business... in fact, he didn't get any business and that's the point of this thread! LOL

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have to agree with Marcy....
Living in a small town is NO excuse or jusfication for this kind of unprofessional and inappropriate way of handling business.

In this case... however, it does NOBODY any good to rip anybody a new-one.

I agree that this was a gesture for the OP, as a goodwill gesture in a time of need.
If the friend had handed the OP a $100.00 dollar bill, and said, Please accept my sympathy, and since I cannot bring food long distance, please use this to help out... does that mean if the OP didn't have the opportunity to use it as intended, she should just buy free pizza for another group of friends?

Look, the OP let the friend know what happened...
She then let it go... (unless I am missing something)

IMHO, I have no huge problem with the way it was handled.

I do, however, have a problem with anyone who sees a gift certificate out there, and feels entitled to it, or to even ASK for it.

 

[Snowflakey]

I know this may not be popular but here is my simple take on this matter.

Gift certificate to pizza joint was purchased for the family to use during this difficult time (and I am so very sorry for your loss).

Family decided to go to other places to eat. Family members from out of town left to go home.

Family member who lives in that town wanted to use it.

Why not let him use it?? It was intended to help out the family and he is part of it.

All of this other info about this guy is irrelevant (money he makes, friends he has). The fact is there was a gift certificate purchased for the needs of this family. Let him use it. Calling up the person who bought it and asking them to take it back is crazy!

I all of a sudden feel like Judge Judy

 

[morgan98]

I know this may not be popular but here is my simple take on this matter.

Gift certificate to pizza joint was purchased for the family to use during this difficult time (and I am so very sorry for your loss).

Family decided to go to other places to eat. Family members from out of town left to go home.

Family member who lives in that town wanted to use it.

Why not let him use it?? It was intended to help out the family and he is part of it.

All of this other info about this guy is irrelevant (money he makes, friends he has). The fact is there was a gift certificate purchased for the needs of this family. Let him use it. Calling up the person who bought it and asking them to take it back is crazy!

I all of a sudden feel like Judge Judy

LOL! To be honest, I have not responded because this is my take on it as well. If the giver gave the gift to her friend to use around the time of her mom's funeral I would accept the gift and move along. If it was not used that weekend, I would give it to whatever family member could use it. I find it odd that the OP would call her friend to say it was not used immediately that weekend, but I find it even stranger that the giver wanted it back.

Once I give a gift I consider it given. Following up to return a restaurant gift card would never cross my mind. In my experience gifts given around the time of funerals tend to be group gift given to the entire grieving family. I mean plants and flowers are generally not given to only one specific individual. Or let's say something like and Edible Arrangement had been sent instead, the OP could eat it but she would have said no to her brothers?

 

[Pumbaa_]

Not all brothers are gift worthy.

 

[blana]

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard of a time it can be right after a death in the family with emotions running high.

I'm still a bit confused as to the full time line. Did the manager talk to your brother before or after the friend called trying to cancel it. If it's after, he may have had to tell friend that she can't cancel it, and thought he'd let your brother know that since he knew it was purchased for the family (of which older brother is a part). If that's the case, send it to him. If the manager spoke to your brother before your friend called to try to cancel it, I'd just tell both brothers that the card was cancelled by friend before you heard from oldest brother. Nothing you can do to change that now. And no amount of peacekeeping by middle brother will change it. If you hear from friend that she tried to cancel it & can't, we revert back to send it to older brother. Otherwise it's just sitting there unused.

If I had been in your shoes, I probably would have assumed friend was out the money & left the gift card with brother and never told friend that we didn't use it as a family. Just because I wouldn't want to seem ungrateful. However, you've already told friend, so that's obviously not an option.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Hopefully the friend and her family can use it.