Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[snowman]

An 8 year old is in 3rd grade. Here they walk to school by themselves. They do homework by themselves. At school and on field trips they use the bathroom by themselves. They can "cook" simple meals by themselves (sandwiches, Ez Mac etc). They are considered tweens. Some have started puberty.

Not all 8 year olds are third graders. As I have said, my son has a January birthday, meaning he will just be in the second trimester of second grade, as will all of his peers with a birthday AFTER October 19, 2008. That's the state cut off for school. Much of the skill-set required for the above tasks are more dependent on maturity than age. My nephew is 22 yo and still doesn't cook without setting something on fire.

Again, not speaking for all 7 year olds (which my son is right now), but my son is very socially immature though highly empathetic. He is the kid that if an older child said "I dare you to..." (Fill in the blank) he would. He did at camp, prompting many discussions over those situations.

I have shared the fabulous suggestions that I have received here with my wife. She is as grateful as I am.

 

[Tara1988]

5, no. 8? Kinda. Since your oldest is only 5, what makes you assume that he won't be normal? Are there any other developmental milestones he's not reaching?

My 5 year old is completely normal, above average even. But I'm not the one talking about putting a child in therapy for ridiculous reasons. I never once said anything at all about him not being normal.

 

[DisneyOma]

I'm really kinda curious now - I've not been to Disney World yet, planning our first trip for this fall. Is the older boy in the bathroom a more common thing there?

I mean we go to a lot of busy family oriented places - nothing on the scale of WDW of course - but I personally can't think of a time seeing a boy older than 5/6. Maybe I never thought anything of it until our recent experience but if she wouldn't go then I doubt she'll be ok with older boys. It just wouldn't be feasible for us to wait if it's busy and more common there.

It's very rare to see an older boy in the ladies' room at WDW, at least for me and I've been a dozen times, so been in the bathrooms there probably a hundred times Last trip there were no boys at all, except those in diapers.

 

[Minniesgal]

I don't think it appropriate for an 8 year old to be in the ladies toilets.

However I also wouldn't allow an 8 year old into WDW toilets alone. Not because I think anything would happen in there more because of the crowds and I'd be scared somehow I'd lose him.

With my son we always made sure we stayed together or only slit up for an hour then met again so dad could be there for toilet duty.

 

[Disneylover99]

I have a boy and a girl. When my kids were 7 or 8, they went into the washrooms by themselves while I waited outside everywhere, including Disney. If I needed to go to the washroom, they waited outside the ladies room for me either together or alone depending on if both kids were with me. It was fine.

I am not bothered by or offended by boys in the ladies room though. However, I have noticed boys who are taller then their mothers dragged into the ladies room because their mom's are worried about leaving them outside alone. That makes me chuckle.

 

[mjkacmom]

My 5 year old is completely normal, above average even. But I'm not the one talking about putting a child in therapy for ridiculous reasons. I never once said anything at all about him not being normal.

An 8 year old boy who is afraid to go into the men's room most likely has some anxiety issues that should be addressed. Since you seem to be prepared for the fact that you son might have anxiety in a few years, I wondered if he was exhibiting some issues now. When my children were 5, it never crossed my mind that they would be uncomfortable using the restroom without me by the age of 8.

 

[Minniesgal]

I think the point that a few posters are missing is that an 8 year old is not a little boy. An 8 year old is getting close to starting puberty.

An 8 year old in a ladies room is a way different prospect to a 5 year old.

 

[Tara1988]

An 8 year old boy who is afraid to go into the men's room most likely has some anxiety issues that should be addressed. Since you seem to be prepared for the fact that you son might have anxiety in a few years, I wondered if he was exhibiting some issues now. When my children were 5, it never crossed my mind that they would be uncomfortable using the restroom without me by the age of 8.

A general men's room and a men's room at a very crowded unfamiliar place like Disney world are completely different. I never said there was a fear of the "men's room" or ever would be. My 5 year old uses men's rooms now in smaller places, but if we are somewhere big, crowded or somewhere he's never been, he doesn't like to go alone, so he goes in whichever one the adult with him can take him to. Disney world is huge and there are thousands of people there. So it is completely reasonable for an 8 year old to not want to be separated from his parents, whether that's to go to a bathroom or stand in a line alone. Am I saying all of them feel that way? No. Am I saying mine will feel that way? No. I am saying that some do, and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[Gracie09]

A general men's room and a men's room at a very crowded unfamiliar place like Disney world are completely different. I never said there was a fear of the "men's room" or ever would be. My 5 year old uses men's rooms now in smaller places, but if we are somewhere big, crowded or somewhere he's never been, he doesn't like to go alone, so he goes in whichever one the adult with him can take him to. Disney world is huge and there are thousands of people there. So it is completely reasonable for an 8 year old to not want to be separated from his parents, whether that's to go to a bathroom or stand in a line alone. Am I saying all of them feel that way? No. Am I saying mine will feel that way? No. I am saying that some do, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Fine than as a parent it's your responsibility to find the appropriate bathroom where he can comfortably use the men's room - first aid, restaurant, companion - or bring him in the stall with you. There are options that you just don't want to acknowledge, probably because they would be inconvenient for you.

 

[mjkacmom]

A general men's room and a men's room at a very crowded unfamiliar place like Disney world are completely different. I never said there was a fear of the "men's room" or ever would be. My 5 year old uses men's rooms now in smaller places, but if we are somewhere big, crowded or somewhere he's never been, he doesn't like to go alone, so he goes in whichever one the adult with him can take him to. Disney world is huge and there are thousands of people there. So it is completely reasonable for an 8 year old to not want to be separated from his parents, whether that's to go to a bathroom or stand in a line alone. Am I saying all of them feel that way? No. Am I saying mine will feel that way? No. I am saying that some do, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Many 8 year olds go on rides without parents, wait for their parents on benches, hang in the gift shop while others ride, and I'd say 99.9% of them have no problem using the restrooms without a parent. WDW is not a scary place! Tons of families, CM's everywhere... I think you are overestimating the fears of the majority of 8 year olds.

 

[mom2rtk]

Many 8 year olds go on rides without parents, wait for their parents on benches, hang in the gift shop while others ride, and I'd say 99.9% of them have no problem using the restrooms without a parent. WDW is not a scary place! Tons of families, CM's everywhere... I think you are overestimating the fears of the majority of 8 year olds.

Agreed. The only thing I would worry about with younger kids is to be sure the restroom only has one entrance/exit. I think there are a couple at WDW with entrances on both ends. Otherwise, if you're waiting in the area just outside the door, how could he ever get lost? The parks are indeed very busy. But not everyone is using and exiting the restroom at the same time. Even on a busy day you won't lose someone coming out of the restroom.

 

[Angel Ariel]

My 5 year old uses men's rooms now in smaller places, but if we are somewhere big, crowded or somewhere he's never been, he doesn't like to go alone, so he goes in whichever one the adult with him can take him to.

Which is precisely why many people were suggesting smaller, less crowded restrooms that could be used at wdw. This board is a bastion of information like that that is very helpful. It's completely understandable for a 5 year old to feel as you describe, and to bring a 5 year old into the ladies room with you.

By 8, however, if a child still has those feelings, it's time for the parent to seek out other means of accommodating that need. There are lesser used restrooms that aren't as overwhelming (they arent huge, aren't crowded), and this board can probably tell someone where all of those less crowded/smaller restrooms are.

 

[Tara1988]

Fine than as a parent it's your responsibility to find the appropriate bathroom where he can comfortably use the men's room - first aid, restaurant, companion - or bring him in the stall with you. There are options that you just don't want to acknowledge, probably because they would be inconvenient for you.

He does come in the stall with me. I don't have a problem with that at all. But apparently him walking straight into the stall and back out, pausing for less than a minute to wash his hands is so traumatizing for little girls on their periods.

 

[mjkacmom]

He does come in the stall with me. I don't have a problem with that at all. But apparently him walking straight into the stall and back out, pausing for less than a minute to wash his hands is so traumatizing for little girls on their periods.

Your son is FIVE - you have no idea what it's like to be the parent of an EIGHT year old! As a parent of a five year old, you really have nothing to add to the conversation. Not one person has said that your FIVE year old shouldn't be in there with you.

 

[LilyWDW]

He does come in the stall with me. I don't have a problem with that at all. But apparently him walking straight into the stall and back out, pausing for less than a minute to wash his hands is so traumatizing for little girls on their periods.

No one has been talking about your 5 year old. So no idea why you keep pushing it like you are...

 

[BJ7644]

Maybe when he's 10 we will revisit the issue.

An 8 year old boy and an 8 year old girl are equally clueless about what that girl is going through. So that is not a sufficient reason to say an 8 year old boy can't go into a bathroom with his mother. Maybe I let my children be children for too long, but I don't see the next 3 years making my 5 year old mature enough to walk around Disney world alone.

My 5 year old and 1 year old boys come in the stall with me when they can fit, otherwise the oldest stands in front of my stall with either both hands on the door or his back to the door, whichever makes it least likely for someone to think he is looking in the stall next to us

5, 8, 10. In the stall with you, outside the stall. Your all over the place. Don't think it's not noticed you change it up to suit yourself.

I'm sure you'll find a lot changes in 3-5 years with your sons comfort level and abilities. If you still drag him in with you at that point, then so be it. Many don't seem to have a problem with it and you have consistently disregarded those that have expressed valid concerns.

In the end people are going to do what they do. That includes those that don't like it possibly calling you out and embarrassing you and/or your son. That's your problem.

My problem is in teaching my daughter to expect that a ladies room is for ladies. Any roaming boy/man is a potential danger and I won't teach her to make exceptions.

 

[Angel Ariel]

He does come in the stall with me. I don't have a problem with that at all. But apparently him walking straight into the stall and back out, pausing for less than a minute to wash his hands is so traumatizing for little girls on their periods.

No one has said that with regards to a 5 year old. No one.

 

[Tara1988]

Many 8 year olds go on rides without parents, wait for their parents on benches, hang in the gift shop while others ride, and I'd say 99.9% of them have no problem using the restrooms without a parent. WDW is not a scary place! Tons of families, CM's everywhere... I think you are overestimating the fears of the majority of 8 year olds.

I think if you read what I said, you would have realized I didn't say that it was the majority of 8 year olds. I said SOME. And while I know there are plenty that are okay with being alone in crowds of strangers, I also know that there are SOME who aren't. And that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with those who aren't.

 

[Tara1988]

5, 8, 10. In the stall with you, outside the stall. Your all over the place. Don't think it's not noticed you change it up to suit yourself.

I'm sure you'll find a lot changes in 3-5 years with your sons comfort level and abilities. If you still drag him in with you at that point, then so be it. Many don't seem to have a problem with it and you have consistently disregarded those that have expressed valid concerns.

In the end people are going to do what they do. That includes those that don't like it possibly calling you out and embarrassing you and/or your son. That's your problem.

My problem is in teaching my daughter to expect that a ladies room is for ladies. Any roaming boy/man is a potential danger and I won't teach her to make exceptions.

1- I haven't changed anything. If you read what I said, you would clearly see that my oldest child is 5. So any other age is a hypothetical situation that hasn't happened.
2- I don't drag my child anywhere. As I have said several times, when he is comfortable going into a crowded unfamiliar bathroom alone, he will.
3- People are welcome to say whatever they feel, won't make me not do what's best for my child. Because in the end, when I walk away from whoever that person is, I'll most likely never see them again and they will have no effect on my life, but my child is my responsibility. I would be a fool to decide not to do what is best for my child because someone on a message board disagrees and says it will offend someone. Yet no one gives him a second glance in real life. The many years my brother used a women's bathroom in theme parks, no one said a word or even looked at us in any way.
4- I don't know what you do in a public bathroom, but we don't "roam". And if you teach your child to fear someone minding their own business, doing what is supposed to be done in a bathroom, that's your business. I will continue to teach my child that a bathroom is a private place and you should respect the privacy of others in there. Because my child minds his own business in the bathroom, he doesn't have time to notice the gender of other children in there.

 

[Tara1988]

No one has been talking about your 5 year old. So no idea why you keep pushing it like you are...

Maybe because people continue to quote me