Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[BJ7644]

Will unsubscribing turn off the notifications for quotes? I've wasted enough time and energy trying to figure out what the big deal is about a little kid using the bathroom.

You aren't trying to figure it out. Your simply making every effort to discredit any opinion that differs from yours.

No one has doubted that you are trying to do the best for your children. That's respected. What is doubted is your ability to understand and respect that what's best for your child may not be best for another's child.

None of the suggestions offered here infringe upon you or your sons rights. No one said his comfort didn't matter. But that's about all you've said about any other child.

Having a daughter has opened my eyes to many double standards in our world. I see it from friends, family, and what you called random strangers on a message board. Not just this subject but so many others too. Once your daughter comes along, you may find a time your compelled to advocate for her rights too. I'll be the first to welcome you to the club.

And congratulations on the new addition

 

[Tara1988]

Now you are just making things up. No one has said as soon as a child is potty trained they should go alone. Everyone has said fine bring him into your stall with you (I've managed to have two four yea olds in a stall with me. Tight but doable). When he is too old for that use one of the other options (companion restroom, restaurant first aid). You want others to respect your feeling and views yet dismiss theirs as inconsequential even when their views are based on actual experience i.e. The pp whose cousin was actually molested by a 6 year old in a bathroom; because they don't line up with your perceived views (even though with all the millions of people who visit wdw each year there have been a handful of situations in all of which the perpetrator has been caught). My guess is when your daughter hits puberty your idea of an appropriate age for a boy to be in the bathroom will change
And the fact that most of the men at wdw are dads is important. Dads can read kids. I know if my husband thought something was wrong he would ask the kid if he was okay and even if the kid said yes he would stick around until the kid left to make sure. This idea of Chester the molester stalking men's bathrooms at Disney world waiting for little boys is about as far fetched as tge urban legends you read about people kidnapping girls and shaving their heads to make them look like boys.

I haven't made anything up dear. I didn't say anyone said a child SHOULD go alone as soon as they are potty trained. You quoted me, so I assume you read where I said that's how parents said their children felt about going into the wrong bathroom at that age. No one seems to respect my feelings or views when they are also based on actual experiences ie myself being raped in a public bathroom at a so called safe place full of families, and the fact that, though it may be different in other places, where I am in small town Georgia, an 8 year old is still very much a little kid. Our children aren't exposed to things that make them grow up faster than they should. And no I don't just shelter my children, we have a small tight-knit community that shares the same values, so I don't have to worry about them being exposed to things I wouldn't expose them to at home whether they are at school, church or the park. And no my idea of the appropriate age of a child in the bathroom WITH their parents will never change, regardless of the age of my own children. I would think that on the off chance that the little boy is some sort of pervert, my daughter is much safer with him in there with his mother, than my son would be with the boy unsupervised in the men's room. The fact that most men at Disney world are dads is not important, or have you not heard the countless stories of fathers molesting their own and other children? But as I have said countless times, I don't keep my children out the men's room for fear of them being molested by strange men, though I am not naive enough to think it isn't at all possible, since I was raped in a public bathroom, during which another man walked in, heard the struggle and left without doing anything to stop it.

 

[Gracie09]

Several people have actually expressed that it is inappropriate for my 5 year old to use the ladies room, because apparently their children stopped as soon as they were potty trained and wouldn't be caught dead in the "wrong" bathroom by 5. I would be completely comfortable bringing any of my children into the stall with me at 8-10, assuming we're talking about a larger handicap stall where we would actually fit. I will have a daughter in a few months, and wouldn't have any issues with them using the same restroom. But considering the fact that my issue is not against the men's room, but against sending him into a crowded bathroom without an adult before he is comfortable with that, that scenario would never occur. He wouldn't continue using the women's room after he's comfortable going in alone.

I haven't made anything up dear. I didn't say anyone said a child SHOULD go alone as soon as they are potty trained. You quoted me, so I assume you read where I said that's how parents said their children felt about going into the wrong bathroom at that age. No one seems to respect my feelings or views when they are also based on actual experiences ie myself being raped in a public bathroom at a so called safe place full of families, and the fact that, though it may be different in other places, where I am in small town Georgia, an 8 year old is still very much a little kid. Our children aren't exposed to things that make them grow up faster than they should. And no I don't just shelter my children, we have a small tight-knit community that shares the same values, so I don't have to worry about them being exposed to things I wouldn't expose them to at home whether they are at school, church or the park. And no my idea of the appropriate age of a child in the bathroom WITH their parents will never change, regardless of the age of my own children. I would think that on the off chance that the little boy is some sort of pervert, my daughter is much safer with him in there with his mother, than my son would be with the boy unsupervised in the men's room. The fact that most men at Disney world are dads is not important, or have you not heard the countless stories of fathers molesting their own and other children? But as I have said countless times, I don't keep my children out the men's room for fear of them being molested by strange men, though I am not naive enough to think it isn't at all possible, since I was raped in a public bathroom, during which another man walked in, heard the struggle and left without doing anything to stop it.

See the bold. Right there. If you knew so much about child sex offenders, you would know that 90+% offend against child in their family or that they know. They groom them. They don't go to random boys in a busy bathroom to find a victim. They become scout masters, or volunteer at church, or to do the car pool to little league. Those people in your tight little community, they are the ones you have to worry about. Not the dad at disney. You want to bring your kid in the bathroom with you, great do it. We have all said that. But bring him in your stall or find an appropriate bathroom for him to use, or my little girl may be the one to call you and him out. She has no problems walking up to boys in the bathroom and asking what they are doing in the girls room. I taught her to use her voice and not to be meek and "ladylike", polite yes a push over, no. Now bless your heart, I'm returning to my day.

 

[Tara1988]

The post below shows that's just not true:

Just because you read it with an attitude doesn't mean I said it with an attitude. I actually just spoke to my 4 female cousins between the ages of 8 and 15 yesterday about this topic, and all of them felt it would be silly to be uncomfortable with doing what they have to do in a stall regardless of who was outside as long as they weren't peeking in the stall, in which case they just said they would poke them in the eye. I don't have any feelings towards these hypothetical girls at all because all of my real life experiences suggest, most girls aren't affected by the presence of a child with their mother as long as the child is behaving.

 

[robinb]

But as I have said countless times, I don't keep my children out the men's room for fear of them being molested by strange men, though I am not naive enough to think it isn't at all possible, since I was raped in a public bathroom, during which another man walked in, heard the struggle and left without doing anything to stop it.

That is really horrible {{hugs}}. Between your own experience and that of your brother who was traumatized when he walked in on two men having sex in a public bathroom, I can understand why you may have a certain amount of anxiety when it comes to public bathrooms. If your stance on older boys in the ladies' room does come from anxiety, you may want to consider the messages you are giving to your son as he grows up. The last thing you want is for him to develop the same disabling issues as your brother.

FWIW, my actual and non-hypothetical DD questioned why there were boys her age in the ladies' bathroom when she was 8 years old.

 

[Hikergirl]

I don't have a nasty attitude at all. I certainly don't have an attitude towards those young girls, I'll soon have one myself. I just find it ridiculous that so many women find a little boy under the direct supervision of his mother such a huge threat to their daughters safety. And thank you, I do try my best to be the type of mother who cares for and protects her children. (A good mother)

LOL, how ironic you ended this post with that sentence.
I hope that your daughter meets every expectation you have expressed in this thread of how girls are supposed to act and feel when using the woman's restroom. I wonder what your stance on this subject would be if she didn't, you might find yourself eating a nice slice of humble pie in a few years.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just because you read it with an attitude doesn't mean I said it with an attitude. I actually just spoke to my 4 female cousins between the ages of 8 and 15 yesterday about this topic, and all of them felt it would be silly to be uncomfortable with doing what they have to do in a stall regardless of who was outside as long as they weren't peeking in the stall, in which case they just said they would poke them in the eye. I don't have any feelings towards these hypothetical girls at all because all of my real life experiences suggest, most girls aren't affected by the presence of a child with their mother as long as the child is behaving.

And my real life experience is that no 8 year old boy wants to go in the ladies room, as they find it humiliating. Most start to drag their feet around 4/5, depending upon if they have older brothers or not. And I can't imagine an 8/9/10 year old boy being willing to go into the same stall as mom!

 

[Tara1988]

That is really horrible {{hugs}}. Between your own experience and that of your brother who was traumatized when he walked in on two men having sex in a public bathroom, I can understand why you may have a certain amount of anxiety when it comes to public bathrooms. If your stance on older boys in the ladies' room does come from anxiety, you may want to consider the messages you are giving to your son as he grows up. The last thing you want is for him to develop the same disabling issues as your brother.

FWIW, my actual and non-hypothetical DD questioned why there were boys her age in the ladies' bathroom when she was 8 years old.

I have never said anything to my son about my experiences. I know it is a rare occurrence, so there's no need to give him an unnecessary fear. I do stress privacy with him, and that no one should approach him, or even speak or look at him in a way that makes him uncomfortable. But when he expresses that he's ready to go alone, I won't stop him. I just won't push the issue before he's ready. I've had several bad experiences that I try not to let have a negative impact on how I raise my kids.

 

[snowman]

OP here. Wanted to say - I took my son to his first ever movie yesterday (Zootopia). When the movie got out we both had to use the restrooms. The lobby was pretty quiet and I know this theater only has one exit for the bathroom. So, we tried a couple of,the suggestions made here....specifically a panic word and a very exact meeting place. It worked very well.

Oh, and for the record, I told him about the 8 or 9 year old who came in th bathroom with his mother. My 7 year old said "well that's stupid. He should be in the gentlemen's room." (And yes, he really does call it the gentlemen's room....even at home.

 

[mom2rtk]

OP here. Wanted to say - I took my son to his first ever movie yesterday (Zootopia). When the movie got out we both had to use the restrooms. The lobby was pretty quiet and I know this theater only has one exit for the bathroom. So, we tried a couple of,the suggestions made here....specifically a panic word and a very exact meeting place. It worked very well.

Oh, and for the record, I told him about the 8 or 9 year old who came in th bathroom with his mother. My 7 year old said "well that's stupid. He should be in the gentlemen's room." (And yes, he really does call it the gentlemen's room....even at home.

Great job, mom!

When you're willing to make these small steps, the big ones will be easier to handle one day.

 

[maxiesmom]

Just because you read it with an attitude doesn't mean I said it with an attitude. I actually just spoke to my 4 female cousins between the ages of 8 and 15 yesterday about this topic, and all of them felt it would be silly to be uncomfortable with doing what they have to do in a stall regardless of who was outside as long as they weren't peeking in the stall, in which case they just said they would poke them in the eye. I don't have any feelings towards these hypothetical girls at all because all of my real life experiences suggest, most girls aren't affected by the presence of a child with their mother as long as the child is behaving.

That is fine that your family feels that way. Not every girl does, and my real life experiences suggest that many would have a problem.

 

[Angel Ariel]

OP here. Wanted to say - I took my son to his first ever movie yesterday (Zootopia). When the movie got out we both had to use the restrooms. The lobby was pretty quiet and I know this theater only has one exit for the bathroom. So, we tried a couple of,the suggestions made here....specifically a panic word and a very exact meeting place. It worked very well.

Oh, and for the record, I told him about the 8 or 9 year old who came in th bathroom with his mother. My 7 year old said "well that's stupid. He should be in the gentlemen's room." (And yes, he really does call it the gentlemen's room....even at home.

Glad you got some tips here that worked well for you!

 

[Tara1988]

That is fine that your family feels that way. Not every girl does, and my real life experiences suggest that many would have a problem.

And my real life experiences suggest that most don't have a problem with it. I have yet to come across anyone in real life who does have a problem. Taking into consideration that I have been to wdw and universal 13 times (multiple days each visit) with my brother using the women's bathroom (his first trip he was 5 and most recent trip that he used the women's room was 14) and not a single time did anyone say anything, most people didn't even notice him. I'm guessing I've been in the situation enough times to have run into someone who has a problem with it if it was really the majority, yet I haven't.

 

[robinb]

I have never said anything to my son about my experiences. I know it is a rare occurrence, so there's no need to give him an unnecessary fear. I do stress privacy with him, and that no one should approach him, or even speak or look at him in a way that makes him uncomfortable. But when he expresses that he's ready to go alone, I won't stop him. I just won't push the issue before he's ready. I've had several bad experiences that I try not to let have a negative impact on how I raise my kids.

It takes a strong person to do that {{hugs}}. In that case, I suspect this will be a total non-issue for you in three years when he's 8. As long as you are not the one insisting that he accompany you he'll be age-appropriately ready to use the men's room on his own before you know it.

 

[Hikergirl]

And my real life experiences suggest that most don't have a problem with it. I have yet to come across anyone in real life who does have a problem. Taking into consideration that I have been to wdw and universal 13 times (multiple days each visit) with my brother using the women's bathroom (his first trip he was 5 and most recent trip that he used the women's room was 14) and not a single time did anyone say anything, most people didn't even notice him. I'm guessing I've been in the situation enough times to have run into someone who has a problem with it if it was really the majority, yet I haven't.

Because your ds is 5, and was younger on previous trips. You may find that the older your ds gets there may be people with a problem with him in the woman's room. I know you don't care and ignore that anyway but thought I'd just repeat for the 100th time before this thread is gone.

FTR, If I saw a 14 year old boy in the woman's room I'd have a problem with it. I know people IRL that would too. Your experiences don't count for everyone's, I do hope one day you will learn to consider that.

 

[mjkacmom]

And my real life experiences suggest that most don't have a problem with it. I have yet to come across anyone in real life who does have a problem. Taking into consideration that I have been to wdw and universal 13 times (multiple days each visit) with my brother using the women's bathroom (his first trip he was 5 and most recent trip that he used the women's room was 14) and not a single time did anyone say anything, most people didn't even notice him. I'm guessing I've been in the situation enough times to have run into someone who has a problem with it if it was really the majority, yet I haven't.

14?! At that age, everyone must have thought he had special needs (which is how I reassure my girls when boys are in the ladies room).

 

[maxiesmom]

And my real life experiences suggest that most don't have a problem with it. I have yet to come across anyone in real life who does have a problem. Taking into consideration that I have been to wdw and universal 13 times (multiple days each visit) with my brother using the women's bathroom (his first trip he was 5 and most recent trip that he used the women's room was 14) and not a single time did anyone say anything, most people didn't even notice him. I'm guessing I've been in the situation enough times to have run into someone who has a problem with it if it was really the majority, yet I haven't.

And my real life experiences suggest most do. Once again, if someone has a different opinion than yours you belittle them. And can't understand why people are not being more supportive of you.

Btw, I've been going to WDW for over 20 years and have more than 13 trips under my belt. As it seems to matter for some reason. Almost all of them with my nephew starting at age 4.

 

[ravenclawtrekkie]

I stay out of the young-boys-in-the-ladies-room discussions because I have no kids, but I guarantee that people do, in fact, have a problem with a fourteen year old boy in there, even if they're too polite to say anything.

 

[Tara1988]

Because your ds is 5, and was younger on previous trips. You may find that the older your ds gets there may be people with a problem with him in the woman's room. I know you don't care and ignore that anyway but thought I'd just repeat for the 100th time before this thread is gone.

FTR, If I saw a 14 year old boy in the woman's room I'd have a problem with it. I know people IRL that would too. Your experiences don't count for everyone's, I do hope one day you will learn to consider that.

Notice that I was talking about my brother in that post, not my son. So each of those trips after the first one, he was older than 5. If we didn't come across anyone with a problem with it during the 100 or so trips to the bathroom, I'll take my chances that trend will continue until my son is ready to go alone. His daddy will be with us the majority of the time anyway.

 

[Tara1988]

And my real life experiences suggest most do. Once again, if someone has a different opinion than yours you belittle them. And can't understand why people are not being more supportive of you.

Btw, I've been going to WDW for over 20 years and have more than 13 trips under my belt. As it seems to matter for some reason. Almost all of them with my nephew starting at age 4.

I haven't belittled anyone, and I'm not looking for support. I was simply sharing my experiences that actually pertain to the situation being discussed. The comment wasn't about how many times I've been to Disney world, but how many times I've been in the specific older boy in the ladies room situation.